Being with someone that doesn’t provide you with the support you need can be frustrating, especially when there is some form of love there. If you’re with someone that sees you struggle but doesn’t know how to help it can be hard for both of you. What’s important is what happens in that situation. If your partner has a hard time with what you go through and voices that, it can open up a conversation. It gives you the chance to explain what you need and gives them a chance to try to understand and do what they can. Some people become distant when they don’t know how to handle certain situations or feelings, and that’s definitely hard to deal with. That’s how my ex handled situations he was uncomfortable with. When you boil everything down, it led to the end of our relationship. Things were always difficult with my ex and when we were together he didn’t even try to understand what I was going through for the longest time. Because of that, even though I know he cared about me, it wasn’t enough.
Before I met my husband I had a complicated relationship with someone that I’d known for a long time. He was a big part of my life for about 9 years and during that time we dated twice. Once at nineteen and again at twenty two, but both times the relationship lasted less than three months because he couldn’t respect my boundaries. We met and became friends in high school and he was two years older. When he told me he had feelings for me I explained that I couldn’t be in a relationship because I was dealing with PTSD from trauma I went through, and although he understood and wanted to remain friends, our friendship was different after that. For two years in high school I was dealing with court because of an assault I experienced and he became a huge part of my support system during that time. My best friend at the time walked out of my life because she couldn’t handle what I was going through, so I began to trust and rely more on him than I expected.
After my case ended, he pushed for a relationship again and when I said I still wasn’t ready, he became mean to push me away. He graduated and we remained friends but things were tense for years, and he slowly became more and more toxic. By the time I was nineteen he still had feelings for me and I couldn’t deny that I cared about him too, so we tried being together. I confused the toxicity for him caring too much so I let it go. I explained my boundaries and he said he understood but he got pushy almost immediately. Every time I was uncomfortable with something he didn’t understand and would act weird. He’d avoid talking to me, and distance himself until I would feel bad and apologize for making him uncomfortable. Eventually he almost pushed too far and I ended things with him. After some time we started talking again, slowly became friends, and he tried to win me back. He had me convinced that he would do whatever was necessary to be with me. And even though he had hurt me in the past, I still cared. So we attempted a relationship again. After about a month of being supportive and him getting me to trust him again, I felt things shift. He started talking the way he did when we were together before and I became weary. Within two months he was getting more and more pushy, and when I started to not trust him again, I broke things off. He had a hard time letting go and eventually I had to cut all ties.
Even though there was love in our relationship, it was unhealthy and the best option was to stop talking completely. He never took the time to really understand what I went through or what I needed. Because of that we both ended up hurt. It never would’ve worked between us. I’m so grateful for the relationship that I’m in now. My husband respects me and is always by my side. Whenever I’m struggling he is there for me and loves me unconditionally. He’s never pushed me, and whenever he doesn’t understand something I’m struggling with, he’s still as supportive as possible until I can explain what I’m feeling.
If you feel that you’re not getting the support you need in a relationship, you’re welcome to share your story on our site. We are ready to listen to you and believe you.