Yes, In A Church (Update #14)

I didn’t know if I’d put another update on there, but I thought it’d be encouraging to hear the most recent part of my story to the others out there that are struggling. 

Last week on Thursday was a year since my sexual assault (to those who haven’t been with me since the beginning, yes, it did happen in a church, hence the title). On that day I saw my therapist again. Not because I’m going downhill again or anything, but I figured since she was the one who helped me through everything the most, it’d be nice to see her again and update her on everything. Plus, it’s always nice and relieving to talk to her. She was really proud of how far I’ve come. All the things I was diagnosed with when I first started seeing her (depression, anxiety, and ptsd) have really decreased for me. Honestly, I’m proud of me, too. 

Yes, I still see him everyday at school, but it’s not as hard. Yes, sometimes my ptsd still hits me like a truck, but it’s not unbearable or uncontrollable anymore. Yes, I still flip out on the rare occasions that I’m in the same room as him for 10 seconds, but I’m better. I don’t break down at the sight of him like I did this time last year. It’s also been over 8 months since I last self harmed. I use to be really bad about that, but I’ve found other outlets, like journaling (which I highly suggest). Stuff like that has also really helped me to learn to love myself a lot more than I use to. This is the happiest I’ve ever been with myself. 

I’m posting on here for me, but I’m also posting on here for all of you. I hope that if you’re in a dark place right now, you can see through my story that it won’t always be dark. Last year was the worst year of my life, but I’ve grown from that horrible event. It doesn’t rule or define me anymore. Yeah I still struggle sometimes, but I’m overall happy. Last year I thought I’d never find that again, but here I am. So just know that it’s possible to feel happiness again after a traumatic event like that. Just hold on, and always keep fighting. 


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16 comments

  1. mkyuellig Volunteer

    Hey there,

    Thanks for coming back and updating us. Your therapist is right, you have come a long way and have a lot to be proud of. A lot of people don’t realize how much work and energy it takes to tend to your mental health, and to heal, but you are rocking it! The not self-harming is HUGE, you should really be so proud of yourself. I’m so glad you’ve found healthy outlets that work for you, I also am a huge fan of journaling. Thanks for sharing your story, I think it definitely will give some others hope that they can overcome and heal.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  2. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear doodling.hope,
    Thank you SO much for coming back and updating us. Your message will really be helpful to those who are struggling and it encourages those of us who respond to stories. Your strength, resilience, and positive outlook are inspirational. Thank you for trusting AVFTI with your story and for bringing us along on your healing journey. We are always here for you and look forward to your next update.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  3. Lizzi G Volunteer

    Hi doodling.hope,
    Thank you for sharing such an uplifting update with us! I wasn’t here for your first post but it sounds like things have gotten better and you’ve overcome a lot of fear from such an awful thing that happened to you. I’m glad you were able to see your therapist and that both of you are proud of you, because you should be! It must be really hard to see him at school each day but it sounds like you’re handling it better than most people ever could. These traumatic events can be the worst thing that ever happens to a person but it’s so amazing to see such strength come from those that have suffered. You’re such an inspiration.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  4. Zoe Volunteer

    Hi, doodling.hope.

    I am so, so happy to hear that you’re doing well, and that you’re in a much better place! What you’ve shared is really encouraging and inspiring. You’ve actively focused on your healing since the trauma, and it’s definitely paying off. I’m glad you’ve found healthier outlets for when you feel down or overwhelmed. And while I’m really happy to hear that you’re doing so well, just remember that it’s still okay to have bad days or go through rough patches, and that doesn’t mean you haven’t made progress. Because you definitely have. I know you’re recognizing that now, but I just hope you really hold onto that and remember it, even when you’re having those bad days. Healing isn’t always linear, but you’re doing so great.<3

    Thank you for updating us, and for encouraging others who have been affected by sexual violence. Please keep reaching out from time to time, as long as you feel comfortable doing so!

    Zoe.

  5. Megan Volunteer

    Hey doodling.hope,

    That’s awesome that you’re doing so well! Thank you for sharing your words of encouragement with us! I’m so proud of you for coming so far, being 8 months clean, and finding your happiness. This is so big!

    Keep being amazing and spreading your light,
    Megan

  6. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi doodling.hope,

    Thank you so much for sharing an update with us. It is so great to hear about the wonderful things you have been up to recently. You definitely have a lot to be proud of. It sounds like you’ve come a long way in your healing, and it’s okay if everyday isn’t good. It’s awesome to hear that you found other outlets like journaling. Thank you again for sharing an update here. Your progress is definitely an inspiration to all of us. We are proud of you too. Take care.

  7. Graciegrace22 Volunteer

    You are amazingly strong for overcoming such a difficult and traumatic event. Congratulations on doing better with your PTSD, Anxiety and Depression and congratulations on making it this far without self-harming. You are a survivor and within time things will keep getting better.

  8. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi doodling.hope,
    I’m extremely proud of you! You’ve made so much progress in one year and found helpful outlets such as journaling. Congratulations on 8 months without self harm! That is incredible. I understand why it can still be difficult to see him, yet you’re making progress with this as well, which is great.
    Thank you for writing this update and inspiring all of us. You’re so right – we can find ways to cope with what happened as well as feel happy. I wish you the best for your future, and you can always update us if you need anything!

  9. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, doodling.hope. Thank you for the update. I’m so glad to hear about your progress. It’s really amazing. 8 months without self-harming is huge! Congratulations. I think it’s awesome that you can celebrate these things and see how far you’ve come. It takes a lot of strength to get to that point. Keep it up 🙂

  10. Jade Volunteer

    Thank you for the update. It’s brave of you to continue sharing your experiences in hopes of helping others who are struggling with similar feelings, you are so strong and inspiring. It’s so great to hear about how far you’ve come and that you’re able to talk with your therapist who has helped you overcome personal obstacles. It’s also great to hear that you have found alternative coping strategies and haven’t self harmed in 8 months! It sounds like you’ve made tremendous progress towards healing and that’s awesome. Thank you for sharing such encouraging words for others, you are as true inspiration. Stay strong and please don’t hesitate to share more with us in the future, we are always here for you.

  11. Juliana331 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your update and for taking time to encourage others. It is so good to hear that it’s been 8 months since you have self harmed. That is awesome! And it is so great to hear you are feeling in a better place. Keep fighting you are strong and deserve every moment of happiness!

  12. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there doodling.hope,

    Thank you so much for sharing this update. Your last line – just hold on, and always keep fighting – resonates so much with me. It can be hard to remember that sometimes but you are so right. I am so incredibly ecstatic to hear that overall you’re happy and doing better than a year ago. I think it was nice that you were able to see your therapist a year after and highlight on all your successes. Celebrate those. Your strength is outstanding and such an inspiration to others. Please keep holding on and fighting too as you continue to heal.

    Sending light your way,
    SFM

  13. Deanna Volunteer

    That last paragraph made me smile. I remember your first post, you deserve congrats for coming so far in a year. Thanks for the update. You deserve to be proud. I’m sorry that you have to face him every day, I know how hard that is. You’re doing great though and I hope that you continue to flourish!
    Deanna

  14. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there,

    It sounds like you are doing really well. You should be so proud of how far you have come. I am glad you are starting to love yourself again. Journaling can be so cathartic and healing, and I am glad you have found comfort in it. Thank you for your positive and encouraging words. We will always be here for you and we are so proud.

    Carmen

  15. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    You should be so incredibly proud of yourself. The difficulty of having to continue to see your attacker is not easily measured in words, and I’m so sorry you still have to do so. I’m glad you are still surviving and pushing through. I’m glad to hear you are happier. You deserve that. Thank you so much for updating us. Keep fighting.

    Erin

  16. Solongago

    I am glad that you are doing so well. I am proud of you as well, but mostly I am so glad that you are proud of yourself. I think that is the major harm of this, is that it shatters self-esteem and increases self-doubt. Being able to feel good about something that you are doing, something that you are doing well, means that you are truly healing from the event and are on the right track.

    Thank you for the update and I am wishing you the best of luck as you move forward.