I have known about this organization for almost a year now but every time I sit down to write my story, something stops me. So, here’s to actually doing it. Thank you in advance for spending the time to read this.
This all happened a few years ago. I had just gotten into a new relationship which I was super excited about. I liked the guy and everything seemed good. Looking back on it, there were lots of red flags. After a couple of weeks, he started to slowly separate me from my friends by not allowing me to sit with them at lunch or always inviting himself to girls nights and group hangouts. At the time I thought that he just wanted to have some extra time to spend time with me which I thought was sweet. After 3 months of dating, he started pressuring me to sleep with him, which I didn’t want to do and had told him that. One day when he was over at my house, he tried to rape me. After, it was like he realized what he had done and apologized profusely. I ended up forgiving him, thinking that it would be a one time thing and moving on. We ended up breaking up a few months later just to get back together 2 months after that.
This next round of dating was very on again, off again and he ended up telling me that I couldn’t tell any of my friends about our relationship, especially my best friend. I didn’t know why but I agreed anyway. I quickly found out that if I didn’t do what he wanted whether it be have sex with him or talk to someone he didn’t want me to, he would tell other people my secrets. I felt completely secluded not being able to tell anyone what was going on in my life. He cut me off from my friends and my ability to say no.
The one time I did have the bravery to say no, he raped me. This relationship lasted for over a year and I ended up getting out of it by telling my best friend and going to a college 6 hours away from where I grew up. Throughout my senior year, I knew that the only way of getting out was to leave completely and go somewhere he couldn’t get to me easily. And that’s what I did. My freshman year of college, I realized how much of an impact that relationship had had on me. I was diagnosed with PTSD and went into therapy. I decided that I couldn’t let fear run my life anymore and that I couldn’t fix my problems by running away from them.
For my sophomore year of college, I transfered universities to a school I am much happier at and I am glad to say that things are going a lot better. There are still bad days where I worry about seeing him or I will have nightmares, but those are getting better, especially as I get more comfortable telling people what happened to me. At this point, the majority of my friends know what happened to me and they stand by me. I am still unable to tell my parents, however. I know that they would support me and wouldn’t blame me or anything but I just don’t know how to tell them, especially as it has been 2 years since the first assault. I just have never really had a great communicative open relationship with my parents but I feel like I am keeping this huge secret from them as it is something that affects me so much.
So yeah, I think that’s it. The very brief explanation of what happened to me. Thank you for reading my story, I hope you are having a great day. To anyone still working through their assault, it will get better. Thanks again, much love. <3