My mother learned she has cancer, since we learned of this things have remained the same, only with more drama.
One night I wasn’t able to sleep and I went and looked through my old yearbook, I read a passage from a teacher and I became physically sick when I remembered shortly after I was raped she had me strip waist down as I laid on my bed she’d hit my bare skin with the belt, at one point I felt her put one or two fingers in my anus and tell me you little bastard now you know what it feels like to have something in your ass. As I turned to run in the bathroom to vomit she left the room.
Why after 37-38 years is this haunting me?
Why did my mother do things that hurt me so bad?
Am I crazy cause I remember something’s, but not everything?
I just want to live a somewhat happy life, why do I feel like I deserve nothing but the worst form of death possible?
Please let me know something.