I was sexually abused from the ages of 8 until 12 by an ex-stepfather. I was forced into so many activities and roles I didn’t want to take place in. I told my mom what had happened when I was almost 13 and we had gone to court. After months of switching lawyers and prosecuting attorneys, he was sentenced to five years of prison time and 25-year probation. The way the prison system worked where he was at counted 1 day of “good behavior” as 2 days, which cut his prison sentence in half to 2.5 years instead of 5. I was also in an abusive relationship about 2 years ago. He was trusting at first but then he also forced me into things I didn’t want to do. I am scared to see my ex-boyfriend out of fear, I’m terrified of what he would do to me if he could. I am also terrified of what my ex-stepfather would do if he ever saw me again. I am now 18 and I am in college, but I am still filled with images and memories of the abuse. Why can’t I let it go? I want it all to stop.
I have been through 2 different therapists and I am currently meeting with a new one, although she doesn’t seem to be very helpful. My new therapist compares my trauma to hers, which makes it seem like she is trying to one-up me with abuse and it doesn’t feel like a healthy therapy session. I stay awake at night traumatized with nightmares and scenes in my head that won’t stop. My mom had a child with my ex-stepfather so now every time I look at my little brother, all I can see is his father.
I’m sorry this is really long, but I just want all these memories to stop. I don’t want to be attached to these memories anymore.