What Should I tell or not Tell?

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I have a story but honestly I don’t know if I should tell some of the things, why ? People will see me different. My mom knows , my brother doesn’t believe me and my husband says keep it quiet. What do you do but I have been to Lots of counseling and they say you need to be angry and then the don’t believe me and nor did the state appointed person.  I want to tell someone who will believe me and just listen so I can get it out.  It was my father who did and made me to ugly things. I am not a victim , I just have a story to tell.


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34 comments

  1. mkyuellig

    Hhobby23,

    You are always welcome to share your story here, we are here to listen and support you without judgement. It should 100% be your decision whether you want to tell your story, not anyone else’s. Oftentimes, many survivors find that telling their story can be empowering, and feel as though a huge weight has been lifted off of them. If someone hurt you, there is nothing that you should be embarrassed or ashamed of. The people in your life should be supporting you and encouraging you to do whatever it takes to help you heal. We are here to listen if you decide you want to share.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  2. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Hhobby23,
    I’m so sorry this has happened. I believe you and so does the rest of AVFTI. You are not a victim. You are a survivor. Everyone you told should have believed you. That is not okay. You don’t have to tell us your story. You can say whatever you want. This is an open space to say whatever you are comfortable with. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong. If you need anything else let us know.
    -Alyssa

  3. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Hhobby 23,

    Thank you for coming here to talk about your story. We believe you and we are all here for you. You can absolutely tell your story here. This is a safe space. It can be really helpful to talk about things. You have a large supportive community here that can help you work through things! I am sorry that your brother doesn’t believe you and that your husband doesn’t want you to talk about it. It should be your decision to talk about it not his. Please post your story here if you would like to. We are ready to listen. Stay strong.

    Tyler

  4. Jade Volunteer

    Hi Hhobby23,
    Thank you for having the courage to reach out, that’s the first step to telling your story. As others have said, you are always welcomed to tell your story here. We are always here for you, to listen and to support you, free of judgement. You matter, your feelings matter, and your story matters. I’m sorry that the people who should be there for you the most and be the most supportive are making you feel invalidated. You deserve to be heard and to be supported. If and when ever you are ready, please know that you are not alone and we are here for you.
    -Jade

  5. Kailey2298 Volunteer

    You are always welcome to share your story! We are hear for you and we will listen to you. It is your story and only you can decide if you feel ready to tell it. You are not alone!
    Kailey

  6. Gamato04

    We are always here for you to share all, some, or none of your story. We want you to be completely comfortable in telling us, we won’t judge you on anything. We are always here to listen to you and we want everyone to find happiness. If you want to share, we are more than happy to listen. If you aren’t ready, don’t fret. We will be here when you are.

  7. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Hhobby23,

    That’s exactly what this site is for! We are here to listen and we will believe you. Please feel free to share your story if you want to. We are here for you.

    Much love,
    Megan

  8. Amysue43 Volunteer

    This is a safe space where you will not receive consequences in being honest and sharing your true story. We are here to support you without judgment. It is very frustrating to see that those who you want to trust do not trust and/or believe you and your story. I hope that these comments reassure you that there are people out there that will believe and support you. If you chose to share your story, we will be here to help you!

    You are strong <3

  9. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Hey there,

    I’m glad you found us and when it comes to your story you can choose to tells us as much or as little as you want. No matter what we are here for you and will stand behind you the entire way.

    -Brianna

  10. Lizzi G

    Hi Hhobby23,
    I’m glad that you’ve found this group and shared with us. If you want to tell your story, please do. This is a safe place and you will be believed and supported. I’m so sorry that people haven’t believed you when you’ve told them in the past. I would hope that by telling people, they would see your father differently and not you. And if they see you differently, it’ll be because they’ve realized what an incredibly strong person you are for going through that. I believe that getting things out is so important as keeping them inside can make us sick. Please write again if you want to share.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  11. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi hhobby23,

    We are here for you. We believe you, and we’d love to help you in any way that we can. Sometimes just the act of telling the story and letting it out of your head can be a big help. In the end it’s your decision. If not now, maybe in the future. We’ll we waiting with open ears. Take care,
    Becca

  12. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Hhobby23,
    I’m really sorry that some people in your life don’t believe you or want you to keep your story quiet. I understand how isolating and restricting that can feel. However, you can tell your story to whoever you want at the pace that you want to tell it. It’s yours, and no one can tell you how to share your story. As for needing to be angry, I don’t think you NEED to be angry. You can feel how you want to about this because your feelings are valid and it’s your subjective experience. They shouldn’t be telling you how to feel.
    Whenever you feel ready to share, you can share here if you would like. We’re here to listen and to offer support. You can do this, and continue to stay strong!

  13. colton95 Volunteer

    You are right; you are not just a victim. You have a story to tell and I think that it is amazing that you are sharing your story on here! Sharing is one step in the process of healing and I am so glad that you are taking steps to heal and persevere! Stay strong and stay awesome!

  14. Jess Volunteer

    I just read your story you posted here after all this. I’m so incredibly glad you entrusted us with your story. It couldn’t have been easy, but you have every right to share your story with whomever and wherever you desire. Your story is yours to tell. No one else can tell you what you can and can’t do about it. I personally believe talking about what has happened really assists in the healing process, and if that’s something you want to do, then do it when you’re comfortable doing so. <3 We are always here to listen and we believe you. Stay strong. <3
    -Jess

  15. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, Hhobby23. I just read your other post. I’m so glad you felt comfortable to share it after these doubts. You have every right to share your story. I believe talking about it help us as survivors heal and no one should be forced to remain silent. We hear you and we believe you.

  16. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi Hhobby23,

    I just read you other post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and trusting us with them! You are not a victim. You are so much more than what happened to you! You are a survivor and your story is always going to be yours to tell or not to tell. We believe you and we will always be here to listen whenever you need it! We are on your side always. Your story will not change who you are! Stay strong!!

    Natalie

  17. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Hhobby23,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. We are here for you when/if you ever feel comfortable posting your story. We believe and support you. Stay strong!

    Marissa

  18. Juliana331 Volunteer

    I read your story and I believe you. It is sometimes uncomfortable for those around us to hear our stories. Sometimes they want to believe these kinds of things don’t happen. Sometimes they don’t want others to know. But your story is your story, you deserve to feel believed and supported. We are here to listen and support you. You are a survivor and I am glad you shared your story.

  19. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Hhobby23,
    Thank you for your courage, vulnerability, and trust in our community. You are brave and strong to have survived the experiences that you went through while growing up and you are still very positive about your life and your purpose. Your story is yours, no one else has lived it and they don’t get to decide if it is true or when/if you tell it. I hope that being able to share it with us in this safe space helps you heal. We are here to listen and support you, so please feel free to post as often as you would like and let us know if we can help you. Our Find Help tab has a variety of resources and the Crisis Text line that others have mentioned is another wonderful, free, and anonymous resource. Remember, this was not your fault and you are a survivor!!
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  20. Ryan4121 Volunteer

    Hey HHobby,

    I just read your below post and I am so sorry that happened to you. I am also glad you decided to tell us. We believe and are here with you. I assure you, you are not alone and your emotions are valid. Please, continue to keep us updated as you work your way through counseling. Best- Ryan

  21. blashea Volunteer

    Hi, I just read your other post about your story. I just wanted to say again, that I am so proud of you for trusting us with your story. I hope you don’t feel pressured to share your story with others. Everyone’s journey to healing is different and people are ready to tell their stories at different points. You get to decide when you’re ready for that. We believe you and support you.

  22. Solongago Volunteer

    We do believe you. And you were a victim, but now you are a survivor. I understand that folks around you might want for you to keep it quiet because it is uncomfortable, and they are afraid you may regret letting others know about it. But, it is mostly because they just do not know how to deal with it — that’s on them. You can choose to tell who you want, when you want. You do not have to tell. You do not have to keep it secret. Keeping it secret allows the shame and distortions to negatively impact your life. If your therapist does not believe you, find another one. You have a right to be believed.

    1. Hhobby23

      @solongago you are most surely one brave and strong person, I have just join this page have not read your beginning story but I have just read three of your recent stories and you are truly amazing and for what you are going through and overcoming, wow.

      1. Solongago Volunteer

        Hhobby23, thank you. I think you are incredible for what you have managed and are managing. I started here when I began therapy again, a little more than a year ago. I vacillate between thinking I am a really slow learner and giving myself some credit, because it was pretty awful. There are some really nice people here, and I am glad you found this site.

  23. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry for what you have been through, and I’m sorry that you have not received greater support from those that you care about. At the end of the day, it is your story, and you decide whether or not you want to tell the story. We believe you here, and we are here to support you and listen. Remember that you get to decide if/when/who you tell your story to.

    Carmen

  24. Hhobby23

    So this will be hard but to know there are others who know and understand mean a lot to me. I have never really told details but I want to. My father is still alive and believe it or is a nurse practitioner and it makes me so mad. When I was kindergarten I remember so we’ll the two story house and I had my own room and my two brothers shared a room. He would make me come to his room and lock the door and it just started small , you know like ( I have to say I am getting light headed telling this) he would make me kiss him and it was tongue and I remember wanting to throw up. It didn’t move beyond that until we moved to another state. So my mom comes back to him , why I don’t know as he almost killed her one night by choking her and I remember crying and just begging for her to live. She did and left for good and we had to stay as he would not let us go. So I am in 2nd grade now and so now it more than kissing it it I had to touch him and kiss his parts. I hated my life and I could not understand why this man my dad would do this and his temper , I was so scare of him and he told me if you ever tell I will kill you. Yes I am afraid telling this what if he finds out ? Then things get worse , from second grade to 5th grade here is life. Forced to watch dirty things with two women and one man, ( it was the old film projectors) and then he made me do those things like sucking his thing and he would at other times masterbate on me. Then now we add in when he tried to penetrate me I cried please Daddy it hurts and he stopped but just that everything else keeps going , like him telling me to tie him up and paint him white ( I loved that because he started to burn down there haha pay back). Then it was every day early morning before school he would come in my room and put dog chains on ankles and wrist so he do his thing and that includes him doing oral sex on me . But then there a friend I had and I remember her name to this day. He made invite her over to play Blind man’s bluff , that was him standing and masterbating and making me do oral on her and I cried and ask not to but his temper and I hated the hits and being held down under a blanket and not being able to breathe. I finally got away with his ex girlfriend who he almost killed by choking and I moved with her until things went bad there as she had forced my brother to have sex with her so I ran away. I got into bad things and was raped and end up in a girls home. Your wondering where is your mother right ? Well she had a new man and we we not a part of the program at first until I was in high school she finally let me come home from the girls home and made comments to me that I want to get into bed with my step dad and believe me that was not where I want to be. I tried to kill myself by taking alot of pills but I threw them up (God had other plans for me). There is my story and I have trust issues and I cannot seem to forgive and I don’t really have any friends and I do feel like an outcast but I am strong and have so much to live for and God is not done with me ! Thank you for your support and listening but know that I am a positive person and will help and support any of you as we are all one family here and I am her for you all as well.

  25. daisychains8891

    Everyone here is here to listen to you, and we all believe you. This is a safe place completely free of judgement. I’m very sorry your going through this. You do not have to keep this quite as you are right, and you have a story to tell. Just like everyone else, you deserve to tell your story. We all really hope you share with us.
    All my love and support,
    Leah

    1. Hhobby23

      Knowing there is a support team is a blessing ! Thank you

  26. Jay Volunteer

    Hey there, Hhobby23. I’m sorry you’re going through this. We are here for you and we will believe you. No one should have to keep quiet. We are a safe space. We have many resources to aid you in feeling safe with your story. Let us know how we can help.
    -Jay

    1. Hhobby23

      Thank you Jay

  27. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you. Know that this is your story and you have the right to choose who you tell or if you don’t want to tell anyone at all. You can also text our Crisis Text Line, VOICE to 741 741 for more help/resources. Also if your therapy isn’t working have you thought about trying another therapist maybe that will help you. Either way we are behind you the entire way and believe you and in you. Stay strong!

    -Brianna

    1. Hhobby23

      Do you think that help/resources help with so many years have passed? Sometimes I think that I just old ???? but I would like to explore this more

  28. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    We believe you. We are here for you. If you want to share your story, that is your choice. No one can tell you that you can’t. No one should make you feel bad for wanting to share. I’m so sorry for whatever happened to you. You can also text our Crisis Text Line, VOICE to 741 741 for more help/resources. If therapy isn’t helping, have you thought about switching therapists? That may be helpful. Let us know what else we can do-we are here for you.

    Erin

  29. Jordan L

    Hey there,
    I just want to start off and I’m sorry about what happened to you.
    I’m sorry that the people who should support you and comfort you don’t offer that.
    We offer a safe place for you to share your story, but it is ultimately up to you whether you share it or not. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Your feelings are valid.
    We at AVFTI are always here for you. We support you. We believe you.

    -Jordan