What a terrible year

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I lost my canine friend of 17 years, she had a tumor on her spleen, and the vet, and me thought it was best to put her to sleep.

My other dog became blind about a year before.

Since then i am beginning to pass out everywhere.  At home, grocery shopping, and so many other places.

The only good thing is my mother is beginning to act sane, not at all like before.

I just hope the rest of the year is going to be easier than the last months, i can only hope.

Let me know am i being ridiculous, or can you understand that everything I’ve been through, and that I am just so tired of everything in my life.


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40 comments

  1. pvb Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    It is okay to be tired. Tired comes in many shapes in forms. I can really relate when you use the word tired. Thank you for sharing with us. I am extremely sorry to hear that you have lost your canine friend. It is a terrible feeling. I understand with everything that is going on in the world right now that it could cause some more strain on you but I hope you have found some positive aspects that you could share with us as the year goes on. I wish you the best healing process with everything and your health. Stay strong and healthy! <3

  2. Jay Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    I am so sorry about your dogs! I have dogs myself and I couldn’t imagine putting them down. Dogs have a really special place in peoples lives because they are so pure and sweet. Your dog will always be in your life, never forget that. You are not being ridiculous. We understand what you are feeling and we are here for you all the way. Just keep taking everything day by day, you got this!

  3. Dayana143 Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,
    I’m so sorry you lost your dog. She must have been really special in your life, but I’m sure she’s looking down on you in doggy heaven <3
    How has that been going? Are you still passing out?
    You are not being ridiculous your problems, and struggles are as important as anyone else's. Only you know what you feel, and we are here to listen! So come and express your feelings anytime you want. You are NOT ridiculous 🙂 we care about your feelings. It makes me so happy that your mom is acting sane with you!

  4. zelda Volunteer

    I appreciate your post, focus. ????

    I’m sorry to hear about your dog’s passing. Losing an animal, whether you’ve nurtured them for 3 years or 30, is heartbreaking. Whether we are losing a person or a pet, we all still feel grief. Healing will take time, so please be gentle and kind to yourself.

    You are not being “ridiculous” for feeling tired or overwhelmed. You have a right to feel however you want, regardless of the situation. You lost your friend; you are passing out a lot; your other dog is blind. I would be stressed out and exhausted, too.

    I’m happy to hear that your mother is doing well. For now, at least her current mental state is one less thing to worry about. That’s good news.

    Hopefully, you are feeling much better now than you did on May 11th. If you still feel sad and stressed, that’s okay, too. Sometimes, we just have a bad day, week, month, or year. Life can be crazy, unpredictable, and chaotic. We can’t control what it throws our way, but we can control how we choose to respond. There’s comfort in knowing that.

  5. smarti14 Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    Your feelings are 110% valid. You have the right to feel how you feel. I’m so sorry about your canine buddy. I just want you to know at least now your puppy is not struggling with it’s health.

    I promise things will and do get better! Sometimes I feel like life tests us in the worse ways but its how we come out of it. I hope you are eating well and drinking enough. Please take care of your body and your mind. Stay well.

    Warm Regards,
    Suzy Martirosyan

  6. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. We are all here for you! I’m sorry to hear about what happened to your dogs, that can be really difficult to process. That’s really scary that you have been passing you, do you know why that is happening? Are you eating enough? Or is it a medical condition? Keeping my fingers crossed for you that these next months go smoothly for you. There is always sun after a storm. I understand how hard it is to lose people close to you. Leaning on others, like your mum can really help while you work to build strength again.

    Tyler

  7. april-federico Volunteer

    Hey focus.1968,

    I’m so sorry your canine buddy passed away and that all of this is going on. You are NOT being ridiculous. In fact, your feelings are 100% valid. It’s completely natural to feel ostensibly “hopeless” and there’s that ever classic line that “nothing is going right.” I PROMISE you that things will get better and it certainly does not help that we are in a pandemic. But things are looking up, already I think in the world! It’s all about progress. I for one understand what you are going through and I hear you and empathize with you wholeheartedly. Just know that we are always here and there are resources like texting VOICE to 741-741 if you feel like you need to talk with someone urgently. There’s another classic phrase I like to use and it’s “the grass isn’t greener on the other side — it’s green where you water it.” With that being said, take care of yourself, make sure you are eating multiple meals, drinking water, and maybe even making a cup of tea before you go to bed every night if you like tea. If not, maybe milk and honey!

    Sending you positive vibes,

    April

  8. dzreid Volunteer

    focus.1968,
    Hi there! thanks for coming back to share. My heart is breaking for you. Loosing pets is never an easy thing. Im glad to hear that your mom is acting “sane”. Maybe this could turn into something more for you. You surely didn’t deserve all you went through, but you do dserve to have all the support on your side. It concerns me on how you have been passing out. Maybe you could check into medical advice. As far as the rest of this year goes, we don’t know what tomorrow holds, so all we can do is keep on keeping on & taking it day by day. Small steps can lead to bigger moments. Wishing you the best. Remember to take care of yourself.
    Dawn

  9. Lex Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    I am so sorry to hear that you lost your canine friend. Dogs are truly like family so it can be difficult to recover when someone who been in your life for so long suddenly is no longer there. I hope your other furry friend has adjusted to their loss of sight and is providing you with some comfort. I am happy to hear that your mother is acting better, hopefully, this will continue. You are not being ridiculous, you are completely allowed to feel the way you do, you have been through so much!

    Stay strong!
    – Lex

  10. aegardiner Volunteer

    Dear focus.1968,

    I am so sorry to hear that you have been having such a difficult year. The loss or sickness of a pet is never easy and having two of your dogs go through health issues so close to one another is understandably devastating. Our pets sometimes are the only comfort we can find on challenging days. I am glad to hear you still have one of them as a companion and it sounds like you are an amazing owner. I’m glad to hear that in the midst of everything you are finding that your mother is acting better, that has to be providing some relief. You are always justified to feel the way that you feel. We all go through trying times and you can always reach out here if you are needing continued support. Take care of yourself.

  11. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear focus.1968,

    I am truly so sorry for the loss of your furry friend. It is never easy making that decision and watching them go. They are so much more than just ‘pets’, they are family. I’m sure you have given both of your dogs amazing lives. Your other dog may be blind, but it sounds like he/she has a great owner that is going to continue to take great care of them throughout this difficult time. It takes time to heal, but just know that we are here and thinking of you during this difficult time. Sending love and hugs your way <3 You are not being ridiculous, you are hurting and grieving, and that is more than okay to express that.

    – Jordan

  12. Amysue43 Volunteer

    I’m glad that you decided to post. You’re definitely dealing with a lot of stressful situations that can be very emotional and overwhelming when it comes all at once like you’ve described. Your feelings are to be expected considering the circumstances and all that you’ve been through. I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all. Your feelings are very real and understandable, but it is good to know what you can do to help you cope with these feelings. Perhaps you can find an escape that will help you decompress similar to a journal where you write your feelings and thoughts down on a piece of paper. This paper then serves as taking those feelings and thoughts off your shoulders to give you some relief. Then you have the option of doing what you want with that paper: cut it, rip it, shove it in a corner, or keep it. Just know that you are strong even when you are feeling weak because you have recognized the battles you are trying to overcome.
    Stay strong <3

  13. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,

    Thanks for the update! I’m so sorry about your dogs. It’s so hard to see animals in pain but I hope you know that you made the best decision. As for your consciousness issue, I think that might be something to see a doctor about – passing out everywhere isn’t normal and there could be an easy fix for it! I’m happy to hear that your mom is acting better than she was before. This year has been really tough, but I personally believe the best thing to do is still stay hunkered down (maybe just not as intensely as before) and stay positive. I understand being tired of everything, though. Just remember that this, too, shall pass. Hopefully soon!

    Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you. We’re here for you, no matter what!
    Marissa

  14. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Hey there,

    I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your canine, that’s a hard thing to go through but know they miss you just as much as you miss them. As for what’s going medical wise I hope your able to figure out what’s going and that you stay safe. I’m happy things with your mom are starting to get better. We are here for you when ever you need us. Stay strong and safe you’ve got this! We believe in you.

    -Brianna

  15. haesol Volunteer

    Hello, focus.1968

    I am very sorry to hear about your canine friend, 17 years is a long time. You must have taken such a good care of her so she lived that long. It does hurt, and you have every right to feel sad and mourn for her, she was by your side for over a decade. I understand how it feels.

    You are not ridiculous at all for feeling the way you do. Grief and dealing with difficulties –current or past ones– is different for everyone. Feeling tired is completely understandable and valid, moreso considering everything you went through.

    It’s nice to hear your mother is acting better! That’s great news. Oftentimes there is a small blessing amongst the bad things.

    You are doing a great job according the circumstances. I hope the upcoming days are kinder to you, you deserve to take a deep breath and rest for a little while.

    Thank you for sharing your words and feelings with us, we are always here to listen.

    I send you a virtual hug,

    -sol.

  16. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello focus.1968,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your canine! It seems like you took great care of her if she made it to the age of 17. I know that must have been a hard thing to do but I hope you also realize you did such a good job raising her!

    I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been passing out. I know that must be a difficult thing to deal with! I hope you can figure out what is going on and find ways to prevent that from happening. I went through something similar before. Now I take Iron tablets and I also carry glucose tablets with me on my keychain. These tablets prevent you from passing out if you feel dizzy. I hope that info helps in some way! I know how inconvenient that must be.

    I hope that the rest of the year will be easier than the last few months as well. Even though we are in a pandemic you are strong and I know you can handle anything that comes your way.

    I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all. You’ve been through a lot over the past year. I hope that you can be kind to yourself because you deserve it after all that you’ve been through. I hope you can treat yourself the same way you treat a friend going through the same things. You are so brave for coming here today and sharing with us and I hope to see you back for another update soon!

  17. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    You’re not being ridiculous at all. Navigating this pandemic is already challenging enough, and losing a pet on top of everything is painful. This year has definitely been hard, and I’m with you in hoping the rest of the year goes better. Take care.

  18. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your canine friend. Seventeen years is a long time and to suddenly lose someone important can be very overwhelming. I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all. I do understand! Thank you for providing us an update. We’re here for you. Please feel free to write again anytime.

    All the best,
    Becca

  19. colton95 Volunteer

    You are not being ridiculous at all. Everything that you have gone through you absolutely do not deserve to go through and I am really sorry that so many difficult things are happening. 2020 is a rough year for many but it seems to be so especially for you. I hope that you and your dog will be okay. I hope that you will stay safe and that your mother will continue to be sane and more loving and caring of you. Feel free to reach out and share your thoughts whenever!

  20. musicislove

    Hi focus.1968,

    I’m so sorry you lost your canine friend, that’s always a heartbreaking experience. I’m also sorry to read your other dog has gone blind, hopefully he’s grown accustomed to that and that he’s providing you some comfort in this difficult time. I’m glad that your mom is doing better right now, that’s a plus. Do you know what’s causing you to pass out so much? That has to be stressful on top of everything else going on. You’re not being ridiculous at all, it’s understandable to be struggling but hopefully you can remind yourself how far you’ve come and how strong you are. Life gets tiring but you’re stronger than what you’re struggling with. We’re always here for you and are always here to listen, sending you hope and strength.

    Delaney

  21. Ashley Day Captain

    Thank you for taking the time to provide us with an update, focus.1968.

    It’s heartbreaking to hear that your canine friend had a tumor; I can only imagine how emotional it must have been to decide to put her to sleep. I’m sorry that your other dog is experiencing vision issues. The fact that you have been constantly passing out is concerning. Do you know what has been causing that? You deserve to have a sense of peace in your life and the fact that your mother has been behaving better is wonderful.

    I don’t believe that you are being ridiculous; you have been through so much and it’s reasonable that you feel tired of everything.

    Ashley

  22. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your reaction to the loss is completely valid. Losing a pet is devastating; I get upset even thinking about the eventual loss of my pet. You have the right to grieve, to be upset, and to take time to cope with the loss in your own way. This year has been hard for so many reasons, so it is completely understandable why you’re feeling this way. Please continue to come back and share with us what you’re going through. As others have recommended, please use the resources we have available if you feel so inclined, and consult with a doctor to address the fainting. Hang in there!

    KatherineL

  23. JWorks Volunteer

    Focus.1968,

    There is nothing ridiculous about being hurt by the passing of a pet. Your feelings are perfectly valid and I’m sorry for your loss. These last couple of months have been very tough and I think everyone’s struggling with simply surviving the pandemic, so I understand you must feel exhausted and frustrated with life right now. Have you considered therapy? It’s helpful for almost everyone especially if you’re going through a rough patch.

    -Jay

  24. lexlh27 Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,
    Your feelings are completely valid and not ridiculous at all. Losing a pet is devastating, pets become part of our family. I am so sorry you are passing out in random places, that has to be scary. Maybe going to the doctor to try and find out the cause if you are comfortable. I hope going forward things get easier and better for you. We are always here to listen and support you.

    Alexis

  25. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    You’re not being ridiculous! You’re going through a lot right now, and your feelings are completely valid. It makes sense that you’re feeling tired. I hear that losing your pet is painful and that adjusting to your other dog’s blindness has been difficult. I encourage you to give yourself time to grieve and cherish the memories you have with your pets.
    I can’t imagine how scary it feels to pass out at these places. I think it could help to see a doctor and figure out what’s causing these spells, and I hope you can find answers soon.
    I’m glad that your mother is acting sane, and I hope the rest of this year will be better for you. Thank you for letting us know about what’s going on in your life. We’re glad to listen and support you, and please let us know if you need anything. I’m sending you love!

  26. larakopp Volunteer

    Hi, focus.1968; my name is Lara. It’s nice to meet you!

    You are NOT being ridiculous! Losing a beloved pet and friend is HARD; Not to mention the “Lockdown” that we’re all finding ourselves in which makes companionship that much more precious.
    I hope your other dog and you are adjusting to his blindness, which can’t be easy either!

    I am so sorry to hear that you’re passing out at places! That’s so scary! Do you know the culprit or is it undetermined? I hope you’re able to get that sorted out and managed asap!

    Hoping the rest of the year is good to you and you’re able to get some relief, soon! Sending positive and “healing” thoughts your way.

  27. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey again focus.1968,

    You are absolutely not being ridiculous. Your feelings are valid, and it sounds like you’ve been through a really rough time. We’re here to support you through that as much as we can.

    I empathize with you on the pain of losing an animal companion. My sweet little cat is about 13 and is starting to show his age. It’s hard to see them grow old so much faster than you do. Cherish the time you have with your other pup! It’s always good to have animal friends around.

    Have you been able to check in with a doctor about your fainting spells? It definitely could be from a myriad of different things, and it sounds like it would be worth it to find an answer, if you’re able. Fingers crossed that it’s something like a vitamin deficiency that can be quickly remedied!

    I’m sending lots of warm thoughts your way for a better rest of the year. It’s good that you can hold onto positive things like your mother’s health right now. You’re allowed to feel exhausted and worn out. We’re here any time you want to talk or vent about those feelings. Be patient with yourself!

  28. Jess Volunteer

    You are absolutely NOT being ridiculous. Your response to what has happened to you is valid. It’s been such a difficult year, adding to that your dog passing and what sounds like scary occurrences in your body are adding to that. I know a lot of people have asked, but I hope you are able to seek some medical guidance. Passing out randomly has to be so incredibly scary and you deserve to know what is happening with your body. I hope you find some relief and the year improves for you. If there is anything we can do for you, please let us know. We are always here for you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  29. Breanna Volunteer

    Hey focus.1968,

    Thanks for coming back. No, you are not being ridiculous at all. I’m sorry to hear about your dogs – pets are family and it’s hard to see them in pain. I hope you have the space to grieve at your pace. Have you seen a doctor about your passing-out incidents? It’s probably a good idea. And I’m glad your mother is starting to act more normally. It is such a weight off of your shoulders when there is no longer that added family stress. I hope things get better for you, too. We are here for you. Keep your chin up and stay strong. Come back if you’d like to share more.

    Sending you love and support,
    Bre

  30. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hi focus
    Good to hear from you. I am so sorry for the lost of your dog. 17 years is a long time but it is never long enough hunh? They become a part of us and it is hard when we lose them. I am sorry you have been passing out so much. Have you seen a doctor? I am glad you mom is acting a little bit better. I am sure that is helping things. I hope you have a better year too. I will be thinking of you.

    Kristin

  31. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear focus.1968,
    It is good to hear from you again! You are often in my thoughts. This has been a difficult year and losing your dog has to have made it even more difficult. I hope that you are able to seek help for the episodes of passing out. That is certainly something to be concerned about! It is understandable that you are tired; have endured more than most people and you remain so kind and thoughtful of others. Please be sure to take care of yourself.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  32. loveishere2020 Volunteer

    Hello focus.1968,
    Thank you for sharing your story, one that is seemingly painful. Your canine friend of 17 years was more like family, I’m sure of it.
    I agree with you, it’s a good thing your mother is acting sane. Going forward, I can only hope that things will get easier for you.
    I don’t think you are being ridiculous at all. It’s the stormy times in life that make the sunnier ones even more enjoyable. We are here for you.
    Keep your head up, ok?
    Stay safe – Hollie

  33. Starling Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this right now. I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. I’ve had to put down a few pets throughout the past few years, so I know it can be really difficult when a pet passes away. I’m glad that your mother is treating you better though. You’re not being ridiculous, and your emotions are completely okay and valid. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  34. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming back to share with us-I know it’s been a long time. I’m so sorry to hear about your dog, I know that is so hard when a pet dies. I’m glad you’re mom is treating you better, you deserve that. Come back to share anytime.

    Erin

  35. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there focus.1968,

    Thank you for giving us an update. I am so sorry for your loss. This must be a difficult time for you with having to make that decision and adjust to a new normal. I can’t imagine what that must be like. I think you are incredibly strong though.
    I am glad to hear that your mom is giving you some more support than she has in the past. I hope that continues and that even more improvements come. I do not think you are being ridiculous at all. This year is tough, but you are surviving and you are strong! Your emotions are completely valid and normal.

    Stay strong! We are here for you!

    -Natalie

  36. Amel Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, it must have been an incredibly difficult decision to make, but it was for the best. If you ever need any additional support, be sure to utilize the resources in the “Find Help” tab to connect you to any support you may need during these times. I just wanted to reiterate that you are not being ridiculous, your emotions are 100% valid, and don’t ever hesitate to post an update, as we will always be here for you if you need it! As for your mother, that’s great to hear! I hope you continue to find more positivity in your life and stay strong, you deserve it!

    Stay safe,
    Amel

  37. Rustin Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,
    I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all. Everybody responds to hard times in their own way and this may be how your body has chosen to handle this situation. Losing an animal is difficult because they become a part of the family and are always there to comfort when needed. Hopefully, things will get easier but until then, be gentle with yourself. We are always here if you need an outlet.

  38. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi Focus. 1968. Thank you for making a very hard decision for your dog. It is truly the last gift that we can give them, to let them go peacefully, without pain, and without fear, or at least as quickly as we can possibly hope for that transition to be. I do know that it is still incredibly hard, and they leave a hole in our lives and an emptiness in our homes. Her age alone tells of the love and care that you have given her. I am sorry for your loss.

    Is the passing out something new? Do you think that getting it checked out might be a good idea?

    This has been a tough year so far. This won’t last forever though. None of it. It’s hard sometimes to see that from the middle of whatever your situation is. I think it is normal to feel tired or depressed or even a loss of interest in stuff when you lose your best friend/canine friend. And all the changes due to the virus can also have a myriad of responses, anger, fear, hopelessness, depression, and so forth. I am sorry that you are going through this and lost your dog on top of the rest of it.

  39. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    I’m so sorry things haven’t been the best for you recently. I hope things get better. I’m sorry for your loss I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a dog. My best friends dog is deaf and watching him suffer from old age is very hard.
    I’m happy to hear that your mom is treating you better. That is a huge improvement from the past. I don’t think you are being ridiculous. You are allowed to feel how you want to feel. You have been through a lot and you have survived it all. You are strong and can get through anything. Continue to stay strong. If you need anything we are always here for you. Thank you for updating us.
    -Alyssa

  40. meg Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,

    First I want to say, you are not being ridiculous at all! Thank you for confiding in us and sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about your pup.. that is a deep loss and I am so sorry you are experiencing it. I have similar experiences with passing out. I’ve found that using the 4-7-8 breathing method has helped me calm my heart down when I feel anxious, I don’t know much about it but I hope maybe it’ll bring you come comfort. This is a step toward moving forward, being open with us has opened you up to a world of possibilities. Do you have anyone close to
    you that you can confide in when you need close support? I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to go through what you are.. my heart is with you. it is wonderful news that you feel your ma’s behavior is better. I am sorry you feel tired, please know that we are all here for you. I believe in you. Please continue to update us! Be gentle with yourself.
    -Meg