Well…

Well…

824 5

Well I’ve never really written down my story. I am a part of this wonderful organization, but I think it’s my time to share. I want you all to know that you all aren’t alone.

So when I was going into my freshmen year of college, the june before school started, I went to orientaiton where there was a presentation on sexual assault.I jumped right in and was one of the few that would participate. It was one of the first times I really ever talked about sexual assault. It opened my eyes, but I went on with my days and enjoyed my summer with my friends.
The middle of August approached and I was going camping with my best friends and their boyfriends. I was newly single as my ex for almost 2 years cheated on me, so I was obviously in a rough place. As the second night approached, my friends boyfriend was coming up to the camp with some of his coworkers to hangout with us. I was pretty excited when they got there because BOTH of his friends were super cute. We were drinking and such, having a good time, when one of the guys began being an ass to me, for no reason. The more he drank, the more of an ass he became to me. It really started to bother me, but I took it as a compliment in a way. It was like he was flirting with me and paying attention to me. So as the night progressed, half of us were sleeping in a tent and the other half were in my friends trailer. So as the boys were incredibly rowdy, I decided to take them to the tent to keep them quiet so that we wouldn’t get in trouble. When we got there, I offered to share my blankets with the guys, as they didn’t have any, and I wouldn’t have mind cuddling. While I was really drunk, I tripped and fell on this one guy and he took that as the oppurtunity to kiss me. I was okay with that and we were making out. But then I got up to go to the bathroom, and thats when things got bad. He took me by my ponytail and forced me to kill him until he was pleased, before I could go to the bathroom. When I got back, he had taken my blankets and pillow and wouldn’t give me any of them. He started to call me derogtory names and tell me how he wanted me dead. Terrible things. But then he grabbed me and started kissing me again, and then he put his hands in my pants and wanted to do more with me, even when I said no. At this point, I was extremely drunk and he was taking advantage of that. He proceeded to try to get his friend to join in. It was terrifying and luckily his friend did not join. I was finally able to break away and I had to walk to my friends without shoes. Luckily my friends got him to leave and punched him in the face (woops, I don’t feel bad at all). While I know things could have been much worse…I knew what happened wasn’t right. But I don’t think it really hit me until I got to school again and I had time to reflect. I am comfortable with sharing my story and I know things could have been much worse.
So here is my story. I hope you all realize you aren’t alone.
I am so grateful for the opportunity to share.
Love you all!


Join the Conversation

5 comments

  1. thatjacqui

    Thanks guys! That means a world to me! I wish I was closer so I could see you all in person! It’s great to know that I can trust you guys and rely on you! Thanks! *hugs* <3

  2. Mark

    thatjacqui,

    I don’t want to sound like a broken record but Jamie, Pinky and Callie are right! (They’re never going to let me forget I said that either) There are so many forms of violence – and they are all just that: violent. To qualify one assault by looking at another is problematic, so I am very glad you shared your story. People need to know that things do not have to be the “worst of the worst” to be terrible and harmful and wrong. I think you speaking up here is brave, because people may not see that otherwise. And other people who may be afraid to say anything because they wonder if their pain is not “enough” will know that they deserve the freedom to tell their stories and take the actions they need to heal.

  3. Callie

    Thank you so much for sharing Jacqui. I want to second what Jamie said in saying that you shouldn’t minimize your own experience. Hard stuff is hard, and I find it unhelpful to compare my struggles and experiences with others. Your experience is nothing more or less than you feel it to be, and I think it’s important to never feel that you don’t have the right to feel whatever you feel about your experience. I know that’s sometimes easier said than done. I’m the queen of saying that to other people, then turning around and minimizing my own problems in the same breath. Either way I think it’s amazing that you’re standing up and speaking out with us. I’m so glad you’re part of the community =D

    Callie

  4. jamie

    Jacqui I think it’s so wonderful that you stumbled upon us on Instagram and have now joined our community. 🙂 I am so sorry that you had to go through what you did. Like Pinky said, avoiding rape isn’t luck. And even if you say things could have been worse, that doesn’t mean that what DID happen wasn’t bad enough. I think we, as humans, have a habit of comparing our stories and experiences to others’, not just in stories of sexual assault but with anything.

    I remember getting furious at a friend of mine one time who came from a family with money, never worked a job even into his mid-20s, and still had far more money than I did. I worked 2 and 3 jobs and struggled to pay my bills, yet so many times he would talk about how broke it was. It INFURIATED me. I worked so hard, and this friend of mine did virtually nothing and still had more money than I did. How could he say he was broke?! It took me a very long time to realize that just because I felt like my financial problems were bigger, that didn’t mean that his problems weren’t big for him. It’s all about perspective, and we aren’t ever able to really walk in each others’ shoes.

    I think the same principle works for a story like yours. Sure, your story didn’t end in a rape, and it could have. That doesn’t mean that you weren’t violated. You were violated the minute that that guy didn’t respect your desire to leave. While I am happy that you had a different ending than a lot of people, don’t feel as if your experience is somehow invalid. It is totally valid, and totally real.

    If I could say one thing though, I think that it’s really cool that you were already beginning to have discussions about sexual assault. I think that the field of advocacy needs more people like you who care about the issue just because of the injustice that it is. And then your own experience just fueled your passion after that.

    Thank you so much for sharing Jacqui! You are a valuable part of this community and we all love having you!

  5. pinky

    Jacqui, I know we have never met in person, but I think you are such an amazing, inspiring, truly wonderful person. I’m sorry that this happened. You certainly don’t deserve to be treated this way. No one does. As a younger girl, I can remember so many times that I was playing around, maybe even getting involved where I knew I shouldn’t be. Sometimes scary things happened, and I would always think to myself… “Oh my god. Why was I acting like that? I’m so lucky that’s all that happened. It could have been so much worse.” As an adult I can see the problem with that though. Girls like us were not “lucky” to have made it out as safe as we did. Luck has nothing to do with it. Lucky is winning the lottery, finding random money, or running into a famous person. Avoiding rape is not luck. It’s a birth right. You should have been able to flirt, drink, and even kiss as much as you wanted to without being forced to go any further.

    You are so incredibly strong, Jacqui, and super brave for telling your story. I appreciate everything you do for AVFTI, and the world as a whole. <3