Was this rape? Part 3

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I finally got up the courage to pm him just to let him know that I realize what he did to me was sexual assault. I didn’t expect him to apologize, but his response was surprising. He completely denies initiating or engaging in anal sex with me at all. Really? I guess I imagined the whole thing and the two days of discomfort and spotting blood that followed. He also added that he would never do something like that to someone. I immediately blocked him after I read his response. The saddest thing is that he is raising two boys, ages 8 and 5. I hate to think what kind of example he is setting for them on how to treat women. I made an appointment with a mental health counselor and my first session will be on July 10th. To be continued….


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18 comments

  1. mkyuellig

    Hi Rosebud,

    Good for you for confronting him about what happened. I hope that it gave you some sense of closure, even though his response was deeply disappointing. I’m sorry that he responded that way, but it is not uncommon for perpetrators to completely deny what happened. You know the truth, and we believe and support you. As you choose to tell people your story or not, you while find that some people will believe you, and some people will be unable to accept the truth, for any number of reasons. Their opinions don’t change what really happened – you know the truth. I think it’s really awesome that you are meeting with a mental health counselor, that’s a really important step that you are taking. We will be here for you as you continue on your journey.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  2. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi rosebud,
    I’m proud of you for reaching out to him and telling him how you feel. That takes a lot of courage. I”m also proud of you for going to see a counselor. Those are both too great things for recovery. I’m sorry he didn’t take what you said to heart and apologize, but blocking him was good. Good luck at your session. Thanks for updating us.
    -Alyssa

  3. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear rosebud,
    Reaching out to him was very courageous and I am sorry that it didn’t go the way you hoped it would. How awful of him!!! It is good to hear that you put up boundaries by blocking him and that you are able to get some assistance with healing. You are brave and strong!! We are here for you whenever you need to reach out.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  4. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi rosebud,
    It’s incredibly brave to confront an assailant, and I’m in awe of your courage. I’m terribly sorry that he responded the way he did. Maybe he doesn’t want to admit to himself (or to you) that he did anything wrong. Even still, that’s not fair to you. Consent is ongoing, and he should have asked and listened to your response. I’m glad you blocked him, and I think going no contact can help you throughout the healing process.
    I’m so glad that you’re meeting a counselor! It can help to talk to someone about what we go through and figure out the best ways for us to heal. I wish you luck for your first session, and I hope it goes well.
    Thank you for the update. We’re here for you, and we believe you. You’re doing great, and you can get through this.

  5. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    I’m sorry to hear he won’t admit it and it seems like he’s fighting knowing he’s wrong. I’m glad to hear that you’re going to see a counselor and are willing to take the steps to get help. Know that we will still be here for you. We believe in you. Stay strong!
    -Brianna

  6. Amysue43 Volunteer

    His responses must’ve been very frustrating to read as he denies his actions. You were there and you remember, and we believe you! Yet, it’s good to see that you have refrained from engaging with him by blocking his number/access to your life. It is hard to think about what “role model” this might set for two younger boys as you want to prevent those around from enduring such pain. You are taking all the right steps in a positive direction. I’m happy to see you have made an appointment with a mental health counselor as he/she can provide you with strategies and resources for your situation.

    Stay strong!

  7. Lizzi

    Hi rosebud,
    I’m so sorry that he wouldn’t admit to what he did. It seems like he knows it was wrong but maybe is afraid to admit it either out of guilt or fear of punishment, unless he’s really that oblivious and somehow didn’t notice what happened (but that’s doubtful). I’m proud of you for blocking him and putting up that boundary to protect yourself and get him out of your life. Glad to hear that you’ll be seeing a counselor soon and I hope that will help you find some peace and healing.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  8. Graciegrace22

    Hello,

    I am sorry to hear that messaging him didn’t have the best out come but that still does not make what he did to you acceptable. I am glad to hear you made an appointment with a mental health counselor and I hope this starts to give you some healing and closure.

  9. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Rosebud,

    It can be super frustrating when people don’t own up to their actions. I think your reaction (blocking him) was good though; you don’t want people like him in your life anyway. Also, it’s really great that you scheduled an appointment with a counselor! That is such a big step and I really think it will be very helpful to you!

    As always, we are here if you need anything,
    Megan

  10. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi rosebud,

    It’s awful that he reacted that way when you confronted him about what happened. Consent for one thing does not equate to consent to everything, and it’s terrible that he doesn’t understand that. It’s good to hear that you have made an appointment with a mental health counselor. Please feel free to update us if you feel comfortable doing so. Take care.

  11. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi rosebud,

    Ugh! I’m so sorry that he behaved that way after you confronted him. It sounds like a wise decision to remove him from your life. I’m glad you were able to make an appointment with a counselor. We’re here for you anytime you need us.

    All the best,
    Becca

  12. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    What happened to you was so terrible. I hope he has the courage to acknowledge what he died was wrong and feel remorseful. It isn’t easy to confront a person who caused harm to you. What happened to you was wrong and know that we are here for you.

  13. colton95 Volunteer

    What happened to you is absolutely horrible and should never happen to anyone. I hope that he will finally apologize or at least feel remorse and that his sons will not ever harm anyone like he did. I also hope that you are doing okay and that you will stay strong!

  14. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there rosebud,

    I know I haven’t responded to your other posts, but I did read them to catch up on your story. I’m glad you were able to get the courage to reach out to him. It can be devastating to have him deny what he did. We are here for you. And I am glad to hear you made an appointment with a counselor. You’re doing the best you can to get the support you deserve. If you need more immediate support in the mean time, our friends at Crisis Text Line are there 24/7. You can reach them by texting VOICE to 741-741.

    Sending light your way,
    SFM

  15. Jess Volunteer

    Thank you for the update! It couldn’t have been easy to confront him in that way, and I’m sorry to hear that he denied everything. It’s amazing that you did the best thing for you by blocking all contact with him. You have to do what is best for your mental health and it takes so much courage to do that! I’m so glad to hear that you’ve made an appointment with a counselor. That’s such a hard and important step to take in your healing process. They will be able to assist you in further healing.

    If you need anything else, please reach out. We are always here and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  16. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey rosebud,

    Thanks for the update! I’m sure messaging him was super hard, and I’m so proud of you for doing so. His response is surprising and frustrating, but it’s good that you blocked him. You have the control. I’m also really glad that you made an appointment with a counselor! That’s a giant step in the right direction, and I can’t wait to see all the progress you make. You’ve got this.

    Stay strong. Don’t forget – we’re here for you.
    Marissa

  17. brodie_james Volunteer

    Hello friend,

    Thank you for updating us again! You are incredibly brave for confronting him about what he did, and I’m so sorry he didn’t even acknowledge the pain he’s caused you. I can only imagine how invalidating it feels to have him say that he would never do that to anyone when he clearly did, and how terrifying it is to think of how he’s raising his sons. That being said, you’re incredibly resilient and strong for making and appointment to talk to a professional about what’s been going on. I hope that speaking to them helps you to process the emotions that this interaction brought up, and begins to bring you a sense of peace.

    He may not believe you, but trust that all of us believe you and are here to support you!

    Cheers,
    Brodie

  18. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    You are very brave for confronting him, though I’m sorry he denied everything. We believe you, and we are here for you. I’m glad to hear you are going to see a counselor-therapy has been so helpful for me. Let us know how that goes, if you would like to come back to share.

    Erin