Vague memory

Vague memory

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My memories are very vague,  I think it was so traumatic for me that I have blocked them.  I remember a couple of episodes with one of my dads friends.  I know he did something to me because just the memory of him getting close it was frightening.  He grabbed me twice and I remembered screaming and been frightened.  That’s all I remember but until now men that remind me of him I feel disscusted and afraid.  I try to avoid men that remind me of him.  I have never seemed help others told anyone.  


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30 comments

  1. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Secret76,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. I’m sorry to hear about what your father’s friends did to you. It’s really hard having vague memories that don’t fully make sense or give you a full sense of closure. We are all here for you, is there anything we can do to help? Have you talked to anyone in your family about this? They might know something about your father’s friends that could help you remember and work through this.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  2. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi Secret76
    Thanks so much for coming in here & sharing. I’m sorry that this happened to you. It takes a lot of courage to feel comfortable in sharing. You now have the support from us here at AVFTI. Do take care & give yourself a hug!
    Dawn

  3. Amysue43 Volunteer

    I’m sorry you went through that. The fog on the memory must be very frustrating and confusion, but you should know that this is normal. You are strong and what you’ve been through is real. I think your precaution with men is normal and something that might take time to explore. There is no pressure to be comfortable right away. I hope that these comments are reassuring for you and that you feel comfortable sharing your endeavors when it comes time.

    Stay strong<3

  4. Erin Kaileen Volunteer

    hello secret76,

    I’m really sorry that you are dealing with that and no one should ever have to but sometimes it really helps to talk to someone close to you. It’s okay to be unsure as well, when something very traumatic happens when we are young we tend to block those memories out in order to protect ourselves from constantly having to remember them. It is okay to come to terms with what happened you just have to find a good support group to help you when you do come to terms with it and if you ever need a support group everyone here will be here for you through every step.

    I wish you the very best! You got this!
    – erin

  5. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story here with us and trusting us. We know it can be very difficult to do so, and I think you are very brave! You did not deserve to feel scared and taken advantage of. This was not your fault and what your dads friend did was not okay. It is okay to not remember, and it is okay to talk about it if you chose to. You are always welcome here to share your thoughts and story. Please come back as much as you would like. Let us know how we can help. We are on your side and we believe you!

    Stay strong,
    -Natalie

  6. Shannon Volunteer

    hey Secret76,

    Thank you so much for sharing with us. I am so sorry for what you have been through, you did not deserve it and it was not your fault. i hope you come back to let us know how you are doing. be kind to yourself

    Shannon

  7. Kayla Volunteer

    Secret76,

    Thank you for reaching out to us at AVFTI. We are here to listen and support you. Navigating traumatic memories can be difficult and painful, but it also can lead you to healing and peace. I mirror what a lot of people have commented and ask if you’ve considered talking to a therapist about this? Let us know if you need anything.

    Sending you love,
    Kayla

  8. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Secret76,
    I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Sometimes these memories are blocked out because your brain is trying to protect you. It sounds frustrating and scary, but please know you’re not alone. Your feelings are valid, and we believe you.
    I think it could help to talk to a therapist about how you’re feeling. It’s not easy to talk about these things, and you can take this at your own pace. You can tell your story to whoever you want whenever you want. As you’re processing your feelings, please be gentle with yourself. Self care can help when it feels too overwhelming. Each person cares for themselves differently, and there are so many ways to practice self care (such as writing, drawing, reading, etc.).
    Thank you for sharing this memory with us. We’re here to help in any way we can, and please feel free to let us know if you need anything. You can get through this, and you are strong.

  9. Jordan Volunteer

    Hello Secret76,

    I am so sorry that something horrible happened… I cannot even begin to imagine the thoughts and feelings that may be running through your head when you do not fully recall what happened, which can be even more frightening. It is not all that uncommon for you to be expressing that your brain may actually be blocking the memories of what really happened for you. When someone experiences such severe trauma it is a possible for your brain to be blocking the memories, making them not easily accessible to recall. Have you ever thought about counseling? A therapist would more than likely be able to help you uncover your traumatic memories and then help you work through them so you can heal properly from the awful things that you experienced. By doing so, over time you might find yourself not being so frightened by the men that remind you of him because as you heal, he will have less and less power over you. Again, I am so sorry that you had to experience a horrible act from a horrible person. If you ever need someone to talk to we at AVFTI can and will be the support that you need. Remember to take care of yourself and if you ever need help finding resources or just needing someone to vent to, we will be here for you. Sending you lots of hugs your way <3

    – Jordan

  10. Harton.13 Volunteer

    Secret76,
    Thanks so much for sharing with us. I’m sorry you’re dealing with these confusing and ambiguous memories. If you haven’t already, it may help you to share with a therapist and try to work through your pain. Sharing with us seems like a big step for you, and I hope it helped you make some mental and/or emotional progress. We are always here for you if you need to share anything again.

  11. Lizzi

    Hey Secret76,
    I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I can imagine it’s scary to know something happened, but not know exactly what. Sometimes our brains find a way to block out these memories to protect us from the pain of having to remember what happened, but that doesn’t truly take away the trauma and fear. Have you spoken to a counselor about this? Working through trauma can be difficult, but it can also help you feel less afraid. Thank you so much for trusting us and sharing part of your story with us.

  12. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Secret76,

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Trauma memories are very tricky sometimes. It is not uncommon for them to be blocked out; it is a protective mechanism that the brain may use if the experience is too much to process at the time. If you want to remember what happened, there are some therapies that may be able to help you access those memories; though they are definitely not 100% effective, there is a chance. However, you do not have to remember them at all if you don’t want to. It is entirely up to you and what you want to do and what you think you can handle. Regardless of whether you want to try to remember what happened or not, I would suggest seeing a therapist if that is something you are open to. (Check out the ‘find help’ tab at the top of the page if you need help finding one). I think seeing a therapist may help you process through what you do remember and help you cope with some of the negative reactions you experience when you see men that look like your dad’s friend.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are very brave for doing so,
    Megan

  13. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Secret76,

    I’m so sorry about what happened to you. Memories of trauma can be very difficult to process. Vague memories of any event can be frustrating. Thank you for trusting us with your memory. Please feel free to write again anytime you need to. It doesn’t have to be detailed or specific. We’re here to listen. We believe you.

    All the best,
    Becca

  14. musicislove

    Hi there,

    Im so sorry for what you’ve been through. It’s not surprising that your brain is trying to protect you from the trauma you’ve endured. I’m sorry you went through something that your brain won’t let you remember, I could see that being frustrating, especially when your mind sends you distress signals around people that remind you of your dad’s friend. Have you ever considered talking to a counselor to work through some of these repressed memories? It could be helpful. Good luck and be gentle with yourself. Thank you for sharing, we’re always here.

    Delaney

  15. tayestlack Volunteer

    Hello love, thank you for sharing your story with us. Sometimes our brains place up a wall to keep traumatic events out of our conscious and unconscious minds. Some other survivors are also able to push away memories with another drive such as art or another hobby, which could be what you have done. I am sorry you have to avoid men that remind you of your friend’s dad, perhaps a type of therapy could help you overcome that. Keep staying strong and please reach out to us again if you need anything. Have a lovely day, keep fighting

  16. tinayoung Volunteer

    Hello Secret76…

    I think our brains block out traumatic events because it is just too much sometimes. Thank you for feeling safe enough here to share your story. Stay strong and may your days be filled with Daisies and Rainbows…

  17. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hey
    I am so sorry this happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of that. Sometimes tramatic events makes our body forget things. This is a hard subject and you should talk to someone who you are comfortable with. Thank you for sharing your story it takes a lot of courage and know we are here for you. We truly care and stay strong!

  18. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Secret76,
    I’m so sorry this happened. You didn’t deserve this. Sometimes when something is too traumatic for us to handle our body and brain make us forget it. Have you told anyone about this? Maybe your dad can help you if you want to talk to him about this since he is friends with who hurt you. If you do not want to talk to him about this I understand. This is a very hard subject and you should only talk about it with people you feel comfortable with. Is there anything that you would like us to do? Are you safe now or at least away from your dads friend? If there is anything you need help with please let us know. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  19. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi Secret76,

    It’s awful that your dad’s friend would do that you. It’s totally normal that you are afraid of men that remind you of him. Dealing with emotions like this can be difficult, even more so when your memories are a bit hazy. As others have said, therapy could be beneficial, if that’s something that you would like to do. Please don’t hesitate to reach out again if you’d like. Take care.

  20. Jess Volunteer

    I’m so sorry that this man has made you feel disgusted and afraid. It’s incredibly difficult to deal with our emotions, and even more so when our memories feel so vague. Our minds often block out traumatic events in order to protect ourselves.

    If you haven’t already, reaching out to a therapist may be beneficial for you. Therapists are trained in these sorts of occurrences and can help you wade through the memories that come up while you’re on your path to healing. If that isn’t feasible for you at this time, there are a lot of resources under our “Find Help” tab, as well.

    In the meantime, if you need anything else at all, we are always here and we believe you. Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m so glad that you felt safe enough to share here. Stay strong and keep fighting .<3
    -Jess

  21. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hi there secret76,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Often, our brains block out trauma as a means of self-preservation, so you might be experiencing this. We believe you and are here for you.

    I think that reaching out to a therapist might help, if that’s a feasible solution for you. We’ve got a lot of great resources up in our “Find Help” tab, and some of them might stick out to you as helpful. Additionally, if you’re in crisis, you can text VOICE to 741-741 to be connected to the Crisis Text Line. They have some wonderful trained volunteers who can also point you to some great resources.

    You’re always welcome to come back and continue to share with us! Sending good vibes your way.

  22. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you for reaching out to us. It is normal for memories to be suppressed in cases of trauma, so that could be what happened. Have you tired speaking to a therapist about what you are feeling? Let us know how we can support you further. Stay strong <3

  23. Jevati Volunteer

    Hi Secret76,

    I’m really glad you trust us with these memories you’re having. It’s okay that you can’t remember specifics. What you remember is valid and real, and you don’t deserve what happened to you. It can be really scary to only remember bits and pieces, and I know it can be hard to talk about because sometimes we wonder if other people are taking us seriously. I want you to know that we are taking you seriously, and you don’t have to remember more for your experiences and memories to be valid.

    I’m so sorry he hurt you like that. It can be difficult to make sense of things, especially on your own. Our Find Help tab has some really great resources to help you work through this. You don’t have to decide right now if you want to take a bunch of steps; you can take it little by little and just keep reaching out like you did to share this with us. Having a safe, professional person to talk to can make a big difference, and I hope you’re able to keep reaching out — we’re here for you.
    – Jev

  24. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, Secret76. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you went through that. I know how it is to struggle with memory. I don’t have a lot of memories either. Sometimes the body remembers when the brain can’t. It is very common for abuse survivors to block out traumatic events, especially if they were children when it happened. I would trust your intuition. You are not alone. Therapy and support groups have helped me a lot. Please let us know if we can help get you in touch with someone. We’re here for you.

  25. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Secret76,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I am so sorry that you went through this and that it is even more awful due of the lack of memory. I hope that telling us will help you begin on your journey to healing and understanding yourself. Our Find Help tab has a variety of resources that you may find useful and you are welcome to post to us as often as you would like. Be kind and gentle with yourself even when frustrated about the lack of memory. Trust that your body is just trying to keep you safe and your aversions/reactions are normal.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  26. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hey Secret76,

    Thanks for coming to share and I’m sorry to hear you went through something so traumatic. It’s very difficult to have vague memories of traumas – it can be very mentally and emotionally confusing. I hope you are kind to yourself when these memories come arise. If you’re comfortable, you can check out our Find Help tab for some resources. It may be helpful to talk to a therapist to try to process these memories (of course, only if you’re comfortable). Please let us know if we can help in any way!

    Sending you love and strength,
    Bre

  27. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Secret76,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry you went through something so traumatizing. I think it’s very normal that you avoid men that remind you of him. You are just trying to protect yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I agree with what the others have said – it might be beneficial to speak with a therapist and unpack everything that has happened to you. Please only do what you’re comfortable with, though. Taking things one step at a time is very important.

    Please let us know if you need anything. Stay strong.
    Marissa

  28. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi Secret76,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. I agree with Erin as well. Talking to a therapist about these feelings could be really beneficial. It could help you work out why you are having these thoughts and could help you come to terms with whatever happened. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  29. zelda Volunteer

    I’m glad you came on here to share. I used to have a repressed memory about my father. I swear this memory was buried for years until it finally resurfaced while I was in middle school. From your writing, it sounds like you may be struggling with the same thing. I agree with Erin, I think talking to a therapist could really help you come to terms with some of your thoughts and feelings. It could only help.

  30. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming to share. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Have you thought about seeing a therapist to talk through some of these memories? That might help-you can also text our crisis text line, VOICE to 741 741.

    Erin