Thank you for supporting me. These past couple of weeks have been the worst I’ve had in a while, and your kind words are helping me so much. I’m so happy that I am able to talk about my story and what I’m experiencing here.
After seeing my assaulter for a couple of days, I was exhausted. Seeing him was upsetting, but the worst part was that the invalidation I faced was making me feel more upset. I was trying not to doubt myself, and I was dealing with all of these conflicting emotions.
Whenever I feel okay about the situation, my parents say these comments, which end up setting me back. I know now that I’m more upset about the invalidation than what happened to me. I’m healing from what happened, which is the positive thing to take away from this. Of course, I’m still paranoid and upset, but it’s not as bad as it used to be (a couple of years ago).
I’m still hurt by what they have said in the past. They know how difficult it is for me to talk about my feelings, yet they’re saying things that discourage me from confiding in people. They can somewhat empathize with older adults, but when it comes to their own kids, they can’t. It’s like they think our struggles pale in comparison to what they’ve gone through. Our struggles are simply different. They don’t have to understand, but it would be nice if they could at least validate our feelings.
When I confided in my guy friend about what happened, they got extremely upset with me. They asked me why I was so emotionally invested in him. It’s because he has shown so much compassion and validated me. He’s empathized with me in such a special way. They thought it would lead to a relationship, and they were worried about how much I was telling him. Their concerns are valid, but what they said to express those concerns hurt me. I’m unfortunately not talking to that guy friend now. It may sound a bit convoluted, but I don’t want to talk to him behind my parents’ back and lose their trust in me. But I miss him so much and I know my decision to trust him was right.
Having a counselor or mediator sounds like an interesting idea. However, I’m wondering if my parents would deny that they’re doing this. I don’t think they know how much it hurts to hear those comments, but I don’t know if they’re willing to accept it. They get very defensive when we have contrasting opinions. When my sister brought up an invalidating comment from the past, my mom asked her why she has this list of things that they’ve [my parents] done wrong. Then my mom said she never said that. Their defensiveness is the problem I’m facing now. I fear what they’ll say, which is why I’m not being more assertive.
These are all the thoughts that have been circling in my brain for a while now. Again, thank you for encouraging me to update and share my feelings. I could not be more grateful.