Update

I know I just told my story last Friday, but I have an update.

I went to my therapist today, and I informed her of the sexual abuse by two of my ex boyfriends. Technically I was raped, and I gave her all the details and she confirmed it for me.
I didn’t want to believe it two years ago, because I wanted to believe he was good since he was my boyfriend, someone I loved and cared about.
It’s supposed to bring me relief, but to be honest here, I feel more disgusted than ever since I just talked to him not even a week ago, to try and patch things up. I guess I htought if I forgave and forgot like it would ever happen, but I can’t.
I honestly don’t know how to cope..


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8 comments

  1. Heather GG

    I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s hard to believe when someone we care about does something to hurt us. You can get through this one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time. Some days or hours will be harder than others, but you can do this.

    Thank you for sharing an update. If you need someone to talk to now, text Voice to 741741

  2. Ashley Day Captain

    Hey Jamie,

    I saw your reply to my comment on the other thread. How did your mom and sister react?

    Discussing past sexual assault in a therapy session can place us in a vulnerable position; it’s empowering to know you told your therapist about what has happened.

    You say that this information is *supposed* to bring you relief, but that’s not entirely true because it’s going to take time to come to terms with this. After all, this information can be challenging to process. It might take two days, two weeks, two months, or even two years to feel okay and there’s nothing wrong with that. Take as much time as you need and please know AVFTI will be with you every step of the way.
    When it comes to healing, there’s not a specific timeframe that needs to be followed.

    I wish you the best of luck with Wednesday’s appointment. You can always keep us updated. We’re in your corner <3

  3. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. You should be proud of yourself for being brave enough to share what happened to you and get the help you need; that’s a big step. If you feel that speaking with the therapist is making it more difficult, it’s okay to take a break from it and do what works best for you. Try and do things that make you happy; maybe listening to music or reading a good book. Let us know if we can help you any further or connect you to other resources.

  4. Jacqui

    Sometimes realizing what happened to you can be like opening the wound. I know it is so hard to understand that someone you cared about would do that to you, but most assaults are by someone the victim knows, so you are not alone in that boat. You should be so proud of yourself, you have told your story here and you told your therapist. That is amazing. You are working towards taking care of yourself and healing. it isn’t easy but you are doing it. You don’t have to ever forgive or forget what happened. You were taken advantage of. That is not something you ever have to forgive if you don’t want to. You are working through it now and you are going to be okay. When I start to get overwhelmed and don’t know how to cope, I tend to exercise, or do something that is mindless. Sometimes I put on a tv show that requires no thinking. Or I find a book. Maybe color. Or I go to a friend. That makes it more manageable. Sometimes you need to just distract yourself so you aren’t thinking about it all the time. I hope you’re okay and just know you aren’t alone

  5. Kristen Eby

    JamieMarie1992,

    Thank you for updating us. I’m glad your therapist validated your experiences, but I understand how confirmation of that fact hurts. We want to believe those we trusted, those we loved, wouldn’t violate us. It’s okay that you tried to patch things up! You want closure. You want healing. It is reasonable that you thought trying to forgive him and come to some sort of peace would help you do that. I’ve tried to do that before with a man who assaulted me, and it didn’t work for me either. I think you can cut yourself some slack there.

    Processing what he did to you and recovering from it takes time and it’s not fun. It’s not easy. But you can do it; you’ve already demonstrated courage and strength, both in sharing your story here and opening up to your therapist. I believe this is proof that you’re going to overcome how you feel right now, and be able to move on. No matter how tough it gets, remember we’re here for you, and you’re not alone.

    Kristen

  6. MinZRivers Volunteer

    You are brave for taking the big step of going to therapy. I know personally how hard that is can be. Its not easy when you see the reality of the situation. Dont focus on forgiving him. You should, in my opinion, focus on forgiving yourself. You loved and cared for him and did nothing wrong! He was the one who took advantage of you. Its always best to let go of those toxic relationships in your life. Your AVFTI family is always here for you. I wish you much luck in your recovery.

  7. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi JamieMarie1992,
    It’s good to hear from you again. I’m sorry that you are not feeling better. Talking to your rapist is always hard especially when you want to see the good in people. You will be okay. Talking to your therapist about this is a good thing because she will be able to help you come to terms with everything that happened and just help you cope in general.
    Is there anything specific that you would like us to do to help you? If you need immediate help you can text VOICE to 741-741. Everyone from AVFTI is here for you and wants you to be able to cope.
    -Alyssa

  8. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Hi JamieMarie,

    Thank you for coming back to share more. I’m glad you told your therapist-I know that that can be hard to do. It’s okay that it didn’t bring you relief. It’s okay that you feel this way. When I was 19, I was raped by someone I met at a party. I did not realize it was rape until two years later. After he raped me, I met up with him a few more times after that, and I had consensual sex with him. I still cannot forgive myself for that. I feel so conflicted and confused and angry at myself for that. In a different way, I know how you feel. It doesn’t make what happened to you okay. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t feel affected, or feel like nothing happened to you. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Is there anything else we can do for you? Please let us know-we are here for you.

    Erin