Unsettling news

In the middle of a mental breakdown the other day, telling my mom and my sister about the rape & molestation…my mom & sister told me they were also sexually assaulted…my mom by my dad when they were first married.

And my sister, who would wake up to her ex fiance (the one who molested me) “doing things” to her…

It seems all three of us not only have issues with men, but sexual abuse…Will all of us ever find love in men at all?


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18 comments

  1. Lizzi

    Hey Jamie Marie,
    I’m so sorry for the trauma that you went through, and I’m sorry that things have been so difficult for you. I’m proud of you for opening up to your mom and sister about what happened to you. I’m so sorry that all of you had to go through such horrible, similar things. Do you think that this could help you be support systems for each other, as you can relate the that abuse that you all have gone through? I do believe that you can find love despite what has happened to you. What those men did was very wrong, but not every man in the wold is going to be abusive. I believe that each of you will find someone that respects you and treats you well. We support you and we’re here for you if there’s anything we can do.

  2. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    I’m sorry to hear that all of you have had horrible experiences with men in the past. It’s important to remember that none of what happened is any of your faults. Sometimes when you think of the past bad experiences it’s hard to imagine finding someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I like to believe that everyone finds who they are meant to be with when they are ready. All three of you deserve so much love and you will find that someday.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  3. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Jamie,
    I’m so sorry about what you, your mother, and your sister have been through. None of you deserved for these things to happen, and you are not at fault. It makes sense that you’re wondering if you’ll find love. When it comes to that, you’re not alone. I’ve questioned it as well; I’ve wondered if I’ll be able to let anyone in. Focusing on myself has been helpful for me. I’m figuring out my goals in life and learning how to be content by myself (and working on trusting the people around me). Echoing dzreid, I think it would be helpful to work on yourself first. The right person will be able to give you the love you deserve; I definitely believe that.
    You’re not alone in this, and we’re here for you. You’re so strong. I hope you’re feeling better today.

  4. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I am so sorry that your family has experienced all they have. Thanks for sharing. Healing is different for everyone & happens in weird ways. The mind has strange ways of protecting us. I believe having a mental breakdown is a normal part in recovery. How are you doing since the breakdown? I’m glad you are sharing. In my opinion, I think you need to take care of yourself first then focus on a relationship later. Take time for you at the moment. You deserve to be happy! Have you thought about sharing what your feeling with a therapist?
    Dawn

  5. Kayla Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,

    I’m so sorry for all the pain you and your family have had to endure. Sexual abuse unfortunately affects many of us, and while it’s heart breaking to hear your mother and sister experienced this, I’m also glad to hear you were able to open up with one another. There is a lot of potential for more understanding and support among you all now. I most certainly believe that love is possible no matter what. What these men did to you has nothing to do with your value or worth, or your possibility of finding love. I know it may not seem like it, but there are people out there who will love you and treat you with dignity and respect. I hope you find and experience this because you deserve it. Sending you and your family love.

  6. musicislove

    Hi Jamie,

    I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to hear that your mom and sister both dealt with situations of sexual assault in the past, that’s terrible. Being traumatized from someone you should be able to trust is so hard to deal with and I’m sorry all three of you have had to go through that. Even though that must have been so hard to hear, I hope that the conversation brought you guys closer and that you guys can find strength and support in one another. We are always here for you and thank you for trusting us.

    Delaney

  7. sam Volunteer

    Jamie Marie
    That must have been really discouraging to find out about this pattern of abuse, but it is none of y’alls fault. It was wrong of these men to violate you, and their actions bear weight on their character, not on your worthiness of love. It’s really great that you reached out to your family, and I hope that along with that sadness of finding out they were also abused, you find some strength, support, and love. We are always here for you, too.

  8. Amysue43 Volunteer

    It’s great that you reached out to your mom and sister during your breakdown. It can be hard to share sometimes especially in that scenario. I’m sorry to hear that your family has individual experiences with rape and molestation. There could be a positive involved with this as a way for all three of you to become stronger and rely more on each other for strength and advice. This might encourage you all to attend support meetings if such crosses your mind.
    In regard to you question about finding love, it takes time. I know that’s cliché but it’s so true. There are hardships and frustrations that arise with navigating through other relationships but these interactions can show you what you do and don’t want as well as what you deserve. You know what a genuine relationship should look like, so you must be patient. Love will find it’s way to you. I promise.

    Stay strong <3

  9. Ashley Day Captain

    Since the mental breakdown, I hope that you have been able to set aside time to take care of yourself.
    In the past, I remember when you discussed having your boundaries disrespected by your sister’s ex-fiancé. It’s devastating to hear that your mom and sister have experienced sexual violence too. It’s been a few days since you posted this and I’m wondering, how are you feeling about this information?

    Hang in there, Jamie <3

    Ashley

  10. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Jamie Marie,

    I’m sorry that this happened to all of you. It’s sad that we live in a time where it is not uncommon to experience sexual assault. However, just because something like this happens to you does not mean that you will never find love. Even after everything, you are still wholly you and have the capacity for love. Have hope for the future and the ability of humanity to surprise you. There are good people out there. I promise. Sometimes it might feel like they are so hard to find but they are out there. Love is everywhere, just sometimes you have to look harder to find it.

    Believe in the unexpected. When it is right it will come to you. You are worthy of love,
    Megan

  11. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m so sorry this happened. None of you deserved this. I’m happy that you were able to talk to them about this and they could talk to you. You have a great support system including AVFTI. Thank you for updating us.
    -Alyssa

  12. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry this happened to you and you are brave for sharing your story. You will find true love it will take time and trust. First start helping yourself and the right person will walk in. I hope your partner loves you for who you are and treats with love and respect. Stay strong and We are here for you.

  13. colton95 Volunteer

    I am really sorry for what happened to you and thank you go sharing your story so bravely with us. Like others in the comments say, I think you will be able to find love but it will take time and trust and energy. You don’t have to look for The One right away. Maybe focus first on helping yourself before you let another man into your life who hopefully will love you unconditionally and never harm you. Stay strong and persevere!

  14. tayestlack Volunteer

    hello love, thank you for trusting us with your story. I think you will all find love, but it may just take time and a lot of trust to find the right guy, but i do believe that you will. I am also glad you told them as well. Please come back if you find yourself in need or if you’d like to update us. we’re all here for you :))

  15. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Welcome back, Jamie,

    I’m glad that you opened up to them and us. The amount of people who have experienced sexual assault from domestic partners is staggering, and I’m so sorry that all three of you have had this shared experience. It’s so understandable that you would be hesitant to pursue another partner. Dating with this kind of trauma is hard. I personally believe that love can come in so many forms, and if you open yourself up to those closest to you, you might find that they meet many of your heart’s needs. It’s scary to be vulnerable in any situation, but it can be cathartic to find a different sort of love within your support system. That got a little philosophical, so I hope it makes sense to you and you can glean some advice from it! I’m sending you lots of positive vibes. We’re always here for you.

  16. rkr18 Volunteer

    Hello Jamie Marie,

    I am saddened to hear that all of you have been abused. I know in my family my mom and her sisters were all sexually abused by their grandpa. Also, my cousin and my brother were also abused too. It’s so hard to believe that that could happen. It took me a long time to recover but It is possible I have been married for almost 32 years to a very kind and wonderful man. I do understand it is hard but keep working on yourself and your healing and it is possible. Please keep us updated and always know we are here for you!
    -Marie

  17. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry to hear that you and your family members have experienced this. As hard as it is to hear that your loved ones have experienced this, I hope you were able to connect, support, and just hear each other. That support can be so incredibly valuable in these situations. I’m honestly not sure exactly what could help you in feeling like you won’t find love within men. I think it’s very personal to each individual. Focusing on yourself and processing your traumas may be beneficial – through therapy or resources. If there is any other way we can support you all, please let us know. We are always here and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  18. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry that your family members have been through all of this too, but I hope it was helpful to tell them and that you can all support each other. I know that I often feel hopeless about finding “love” with men in particular, but personally what’s really helped has been being single for awhile, and taking the time to spend with myself and make myself happy, while also engaging in great platonic friendships with men. I’m not sure if this would be helpful for you, but I know it has helped me feel better about myself. Let us know how else we can support you all (and feel free to share this site with your family members if you think it would help them!)

    Erin