Ok all. I need help with therapy. Please.
I’ve shared more here than I have in two months of sessions, maybe because it’s anonymous, I’m not sure. My therapist doesn’t assume anything. So in what I’ve told her, she doesn’t know a lot. She asked if I was molested. My answer was “I guess”.
I try to plan what I will say to her, but when I get there I am silent. In my head I tell myself ‘just say it! Say anything! Don’t just sit there!’ And yet, there I sit, feeling stupid, like a waste of time, my mind goes blank. I told my lady that I NEED to talk about things but nothing comes out. She asked when it happened. I said I was less than 5 years old when it started. She said it’s understandable that I can’t speak of it. That I’ve been holding it in for over 30 years. It’s ok that it doesn’t spill out.
So I’ve been thinking and reading everything I can find on therapy for this situation. I can’t find anything that will help me understand what I’m suppose to do. I really struggle with this. No one seems to get it. My lady says there’s no right or wrong way to do therapy. I can’t accept that. It’s like I need an outline or steps to follow or I’ll just be stuck here where I am. I also don’t understand how it works. How does talking about horrible stuff make it better? I’m sorry if this is stupid and I should know this but I don’t get it.
If anyone has suggestions or can tell me how they started their process I would be eternally grateful.