This is me.

This is me.

190 27

Hi I have been working on a similar podcast. However, I think the more that come together in one place can actually make much needed changes. Why do they get statutes of limitations???? We don’t on the incredible damage they inflected

I was sexually abused by my bio father for 13 years & raped by & impregnated by my brother. My brother tied me down & allowed 4 of his buddies to rape me as well. I have had 16 reconstruction surgeries in & on. Because of severe pain. I was seen in a county hospital at age 8 they found semen in my vagina. They sent social workers to our apartment a few days later but nothing was done. Because my mother promptly packed us & moved us to a city park somewhere in Panama City Florida. We never stayed in one place to long as mom liked lots of drugs & writing bad checks & was an extremely violent person. Of which mom & step dad made friends with a local motorcycle chapter where I was raped 2 times & beaten unconscious by a grown man for doing exactly as my mother told me. 

 She broke 2 1X4’s on me. 1 on my left thigh & the other across my back. She made sure I knew everyday she hated me & should have broke my neck like she did my little brothers. There is so much more. It effected my kids as I could never bond with them. I loved them dearly but from afar. I’m not touchy feely person & My life today is at home. People make me nervous & I know that no one can be trusted & everybody lies. I’ve stayed with that & right now this works for me. I’m not violent, I took care of all my responsibilities but later on after watching mom die a horrible death. Always the dutiful daughter. It was after my step dad died that I became an addict. He was the only single person that came in my life & never hurt me in anyway. The one person I loved more than anyone died too and now it just feels like the longest day ever since. 


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27 comments

  1. Kelskat69

    Thank you everyone for the warm comments. This was the 1st & most public I have ever been about some of what happened. Some asked if I was in counseling or had support system. I was in counseling but she was more worried about my diet & how I should eat gluten free & in 8 months 2 days a week we never talked about any abuse or how to deal or function. I couldn’t take it anymore but I haven’t given up. I don’t have a support system but I never really did, I have always been on my own . Through out my 20’s I managed because I swore inside that they were not going to beat me & I was gonna keep going. In pure spite if nothing else. I did for a while & at 36 obtained my BS (criminal justice) but when your changing your moms diaper as you watch her die of cancer and find my best friend dead one morning in the bathroom. Covering the body of a family friend on highway hit by a semi while getting back in his truck with his wife screaming still in their truck & All while I’m trying to bury my step dad. I just couldn’t take anymore.
    Recently I have been doing research & I learned that my statue of limitations has not run out it just stopped when he left the state. Question is will California send him back to indiana to face charges. If I’m ever going to stand up for my self I guess the time has come.

  2. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Kelskat69,
    I’m so sorry that this happened. This is not your fault. I’m glad you are safe now and can share your story with us. You are so brave to share your story and even have a podcast. That takes a lot to do and I’m so proud of you. If you need anything we are here for you. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  3. dzreid Volunteer

    Hello Kelskat69,
    This breaks my heart! I am so sorry that you went through all that abuse! I am glad that you felt safe enough to come on here & trust us with sharing your story. I ‘m sorry to hear that your abuse has caused so paralyzing fears for you. I bet being a mom would be difficult in sense of connecting emotionally with your kids. I’m sure that you love your kids & do the best you can as their mom. Are you seeing a counselor? I know this can be a very scary step sharing & confiding with strangers especially a counselor. Sharing personal stories about our abuse is never easy, but does get easier over time. I think taking small steps is key to help you through. I hope you can find hope & be reassured that this wasn’t your fault & you didn’t deserve any of what happened! I believe in you & believe you! This is a safe place where no one will judge you. I hope that by coming on here & sharing will bring you some peace. Take care of you. You deserve to have self care & not live in captivity! Stay strong & continue on! You will make it!
    Dawn

  4. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Kelskat69,

    I’m sorry about everything that has happened to you. You deserve to be treated so much better than all of that. You are worthy of love and respect. Have you considered going to therapy? I know therapy can be very helpful in healing from trauma and may help to begin moving you out of the rut that you expressed you feel like you are in right now. If you would like help finding one, we have information on the ‘find help’ tab at the top of the page. You are so strong for surviving all of this and I am proud of you that you have kept going.

    We are always here if you need anything,
    Megan

  5. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I am so sorry that you went through all of this. Are you safe now? Please know that none of what happened was your fault. What happened to you was not okay. You are so strong for surviving all of this. Do you have a support system today to talk to? It can be very helpful to talk to someone in person about this. Know that we are here for you, on your side! Let us know how we can support you. We believe you, we validate you, and we support you! Stay strong!

    -Natalie

  6. Ashley Day Captain

    Thank you for coming forward with your story, Kelskat69.

    Your biological father, brother, and mom had no right to inflict harm upon you. Since your mom liked to constantly relocate, I’m thinking that made it difficult for social workers to document what was being done; the perpetrators should have been held accountable.
    You have the right to be treated with respect and to feel comfortable around other people. It sounds like your stepdad helped you find peace within the chaos – I’m sorry for your loss.

    If you would like to come back and share more, please know we’re willing to listen.

    Ashley

  7. Lizzi

    Hi Kelskat69,
    I’m so sorry for what happened to you. None of this was your fault. You’ve experienced so much abuse, physically, sexually, and emotionally, that it’s understandable for you to not be as trusting and comfortable around people. It must have been hard to be so young and not have anyone to help or support you. I’m sorry for the loss of your stepdad. Have you considered seeking help for this? You’ve been through a lot, and it might be helpful to work through this trauma with a therapist. Our Find Help tab at the top of the page has a lot of resources, or you can text VOICE to 741741 to talk to someone. Thank you for trusting us with your story, and please know that we’re here for you.

  8. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Kelskat69,

    I’m so sorry that you had to grow up in such an unsupportive and abusive environment. What happened to you was never your fault. I’m sorry that your negative experiences also affected your children. Please know that you reacted in an entirely normal way for someone who endured abuse the way that you did. I understand wanting to avoid people and stay at home. The world can be a very scary place. I’m sorry that you lost your stepdad. Losing anyone can be rough, but especially a parent that offered a sense of safety and security. Please feel free to write and share as often as you need to. We’re here for you, we believe you and would love to support you as best as we can.

    All the best,
    Becca

  9. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hey friend i am so proud of you for sharing your story. i agree the law is infuriating and sometimes it doesn;t make any sense. You are so right its not fair on limitations. . We are here for you and keep fighting.

  10. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Kelskat69

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. Sharing these experiences with us is incredibly brave and it takes a tremendous amount of courage and strength to share such a story with us.

    You are incredibly resilient by making it through all this. I am so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. You didn’t deserve any of this. After hearing your story I believe that you are incredibly courageous and brave. Your story of abuse, violence, the death of loved ones, and addiction doesn’t show weakness, it shows resilience. We believe you and we are here for you. Dealing with injuries on top of this abuse sounds really difficult and we will be rooting for you to recover further. After hearing the story of going through the things that you mentioned, it’s perfectly understandable that you might not want to trust anyone and you are not to blame for this. I hope you know that we are here to listen and support you!

    A Voice For The Innocent offers plenty of other resources if you need them. You can find all of those resources here: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/. You are always welcome here and we are always willing to listen and support you any way we can! If at any point you feel like you are in a Crisis and might harm yourself, please text VOICE to 741-741. This will get you in touch with a crisis counselor.

    You are doing a great job coming here and sharing your story with us. I hope you find the peace that you deserve.

  11. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Kelskat69,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I agree that the law is infuriating sometimes and doesn’t make sense. You’re so right that it’s not fair that a statute of limitations exists, especially since those hurt never get to be “free” of it. It makes sense that you’re weary of people and just want to keep yourself safe. AVFTI offers a great list of resources, if you’re interested in check them out they can be found at: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/. We are here for you. Please keep fighting.

    Sending light your way,
    SFM

  12. Kailey2298 Volunteer

    Hi Kelskat69 ,
    I’m so sorry for everything you have been through. None of what happened was your fault and your family should of protected you not hurt you. I’m sorry for the loss of your step dad. You are so strong and brave for dealing with everything you had to. Have you ever gone to therapy? Its a good way to let out how your feeling in a healthy way to work through what you went through. You are not alone and we are all here for you. Please let us know if we can help in any further way
    Kailey

  13. tayestlack Volunteer

    Hello love, I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope you’ve found someone you can trust now, we have various tabs and links if you’re looking for some trustworthy helping areas/sites. I understand it’s hard to trust people because I have a hard time trusting too. You are so strong to have been through so much but are still here to tell your story. We’re all here for you, keep your head up and stay strong

  14. Thomas Volunteer

    Kelskat69,

    I’m so sorry that this all has happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of this and it isn’t your fault. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. I’m so sorry for the loss of your stepdad. After traumatic experiences it can be hard to close to impossible to trust people and that’s understandable. These are things that can change in time. Are you receiving any help now? You can look at our Find Help tab for resources. With that said, thank you for sharing your story with us. That took a tremendous amount of courage. You are not alone. Please let us know how else we can help. Stay strong. You can do this.

    Thomas

  15. rkr18 Volunteer

    Hello Kelskat,

    Thank you for being so brave and sharing you traumatic story with us. I am so deeply sorry that you had to experience all of this you never deserved it. I m also sorry for the loss of the only person that was caring and kind. If you need someone to talk to or help you through all of this you can go to our site and click on find help. Please let us know if we can help in anyway. We are always here for you!
    -Marie

  16. Jess Volunteer

    I am so incredibly sorry for what you experienced as a child. You didn’t deserve for your mother, father, or brother to treat you that way. It can be so difficult trusting people after experiencing traumas. I’m so sorry to hear about your stepdad. It is incredibly difficult losing those that we love. Are you currently safe and seeking any type of treatment? A trauma-informed therapist/counselor could help you navigate your path toward healing. We also have a lot of resources under our “Find Help” tab that you may find helpful. In the meantime, we are always here and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting.
    -Jess

  17. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there, kelskat69,

    Thank you for reaching out to us. We want to help you become part of a community so that your days don’t feel quite so heavy. I’m so sorry to hear about all the violence in your past—physically, sexually, and emotionally. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and it’s understandable that this impacted so many of your future relationships. You are not alone. Many survivors of abuse are going through what you’re feeling. It’s hard to know who you can trust and what you can believe after enduring such pain. Know that you can trust us, and we believe you.

    It is unfair that the justice system can be so broken for so many of these cases. It’s hard to find peace when you know that perpetrators aren’t always held accountable for their actions. I highly recommend finding a trauma-informed therapist, if it’s something feasible for you. A lot of survivors, myself included, benefit greatly from a variety of therapies, medications, mindfulness, etc. We have a lot more info in our “Find Help” tab, and you can find therapists in your area as well as online. Healing is a journey. It isn’t always pretty, but you have us to lean on. We’re always here in case you want to share more of your thoughts and feelings.

  18. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, Kelskat69. I’m so very sorry that happened to you and for the loss of your stepdad. I think you’re incredibly strong for surviving your childhood and I know you still have that strength in you. Is there anything we can do to help? I think it’s great you want to make a podcast—would love to hear it someday.

    Please let us know if there’s anything we can do. We’re here for you.

  19. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Kelskat69,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. You are an incredibly brave and strong person to have lived through so much. The abuse that happened to you was not your fault and you did nothing to deserve it. It is understandable that you don’t like to be around people and don’t trust them; no one has ever given a reason to do those things. Give the sweet little-girl you a big hug and tell her that you love her.
    Please feel free to write to us as often as you would like…our community is here for you. Our Find Help tab has a variety of resources that you may find useful and the Crisis Text Line that Erin mentioned below is amazing. RAINN is another great resource specifically for those affected by sexual abuse/assault. They have a hotline (1-800-656-4673) and a web-chat (www.rainn.org) that are free and available 24/7. There are also some really good self-healing communities on social media if you like that sort of thing. Let us know if we can help you in any way.
    Sending love and strength,
    Roxie

  20. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hi Kelskat69,

    Thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry for the abuse you experienced when you were younger. Nothing that happened to you was your fault and you didn’t deserve any of that. I am so sorry that the social worker didn’t protect you. I can imagine how difficult it would be to experience, or want to experience, the touchy feely stuff. You are so strong and so brave for enduring all that you have. There are some really great resources in our Find Help tab and please come back if you’d like to share more. We are here for you!!

    Sending you love and strength,
    Bre

  21. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Kelskat69,
    I’m really sorry about the abuse and the losses you’ve suffered. You didn’t deserve any of it, and none of it was your fault. They should not have taken advantage of you, and you deserved love and respect. It makes sense that you’re not a touchy feely person and that people make you nervous. It may be helpful to talk to a professional about what you’ve been through and figure out how to cope with the aftermath.
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It can be difficult to share, which is why I commend you for writing this out. We’re here to help and support you, so please write back if you need anything. You’re so strong, and you can get through this.

  22. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Kelskat69,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. You didn’t deserve any of it, and I sincerely hope you know that. I’m sure your children know you love them. You sound like a great mom. It’s totally understandable that you’re not the most touchy person given everything you’ve been through. Have you considered seeing a professional? It might help you unpack all of the tough things you have experienced. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you. We’re here for you!!

    Marissa

  23. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for all the abuse and pain you have experienced, especially at the hands of your family. You didn’t deserve any of this, and this wasn’t your fault. Have you ever gone to counseling, or considered it? It might be really helpful and healing. You can also text our crisis text line, VOICE to 741 741 whenever you need to talk with someone more immediate. Let us know how else we can help you-we are here for you.

    Erin

  24. blashea Volunteer

    Hi, thank you so much for trusting us with your story. I am so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of this and they shouldn’t of taken advantage of your vulnerability and trust that way. Have you thought about talking to a counselor or someone about how you’re feeling? I know it can be scary and intimidating, but it could help you process how you’re feeling. We are all here for you and proud of you. Please never hesitate to reach out if you need anything.

  25. Solongago Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story. That had to be hard. I am sorry for all the people in your life that hurt you or let you down, couldn’t or wouldn’t protect you. You didn’t deserve any of that. I agree that it seems to be broken, the system, that allows a statue of limitation for childhood sexual abuse. Because it is true that we may have always known that it happened, but we progress into the understanding of what it has done to us. Often that is way beyond any statue of limitations.

    1. Kelskat69

      Hi. This is where I’m lost. My statute has not run out. In Indiana if the person leaves state he/she stops the clock. My bio father lives in California & has since leaving indy. I can file but what good would it really do?? Would California send him back? You can get lost just trying to get information. You know?? I think seeing him behind bars would help me a lot.

  26. musicislove

    Hi kelskat69,

    I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. It was so unfair to you and you didn’t deserve any of it. I’m sorry your mom didn’t support you like a mom should and that you had to see her go the way she did, that couldn’t have been easy. It also had to have been hard losing your step dad,someone you care so much about, I can’t even imagine. It’s understandable that people make you nervous and even though there are a lot of bad people in the world, there are also a lot of good. I know it’s hard to believe that when you’ve gone through so much pain, but I hope that you’ll see it one day. Come back and share whenever you want to, we’re always here and are on your side. Thank you for trusting us with your story.

    Delaney