I was only 18, going on 19 when this occured. Back in high school, I never dated or had anyone special. I figured dating was overrated since my generation is nothing but hookups and who can get “some” within a week, so I waited until after high school to pursue relationships.
It wasn’t until I was in community college that I decided to try out online dating, and I found this photo of a cute guy named Cody (not mentioning his real name) with jet black hair, lip piercings and brown eyes.
I figured it’s worth a shot, so I messaged him and next thing I know, we’re messaging back and forth, building a bond through social media, texts, etc that he insisted on coming to meet me at my family’s home in December 2010.
Move onto Feb 211 when it was my turn to meet his family, I thought all was well. His family approved, I became good friends with his friends, and I guess I just wasn’t expecting anything bad to happen. I mean, what could’ve gone wrong, right?
I really don’t want to go into detail, but it was an experience that landed me into therapy, dropping out of community college, being prescribed all sorts of various medication, and extremely low self esteem.
It took me nearly 3 years to even start dating again, which to be honest, dating hasn’t been exactly my top priority anymore. 3/4 of my past relationships have been sexually based, where I’d be used to make someone other girl jealous, dumped because I lack sex appeal, dumped because of serious trust issues, the list goes on and on that even suicide has heavily been on my mind.
Fats forward to the present where i’m 25, I’m bipolar, heavily depressed, battle PTSD, graduated from art school a few years back, and I’m still easily triggered by being touched or looked at a certain way where I barely leave my house.
On top of dealing with these surpressed emotions, my sister’s ex fiance got heavily intoxicated one night and crept into my bedroom when I was asleep and touched my genital region, and at the time, I never told anyone in fear of being ridiculed or judged by my family.
I had a decent relationship where I actually felt love from the other, not because of how my body looks, but unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be. I’m not giving up on love, but maybe if people could quit looking at a woman’s body like it’s an object to be messed with, then maybe my attitude will change.