My story is
long, and it gets kind of complicated, but this is me sitting down for the
first time and telling someone

the

whole

damn

thing

.

 

When I was
15, I started dating my first boyfriend. He was cool, arguably much cooler than
me, we dated for about 5 months. I think it was about 6 years after we broke up
that I realised he had been abusing me for almost the whole time we were
together. He would emotionally manipulate me into doing what he wanted,
blowjobs, sneaking out, whatever.

“If you love
me you’ll suck my dick”,

“All the
other girls shave, what’s wrong with you?”,

“Clearly you
don’t want to hang out with me so we might as well break up”.  

He was my
first kiss, he climbed on top of me and forced his tongue in my mouth, I tried
to push him off me but I couldn’t so eventually I just lay underneath him
waiting for it to be over. After the first time I refused to do what he wanted
he broke up with me.

 

My first
memory of genuinely fearing for my safety around a guy was when I was 16, at a
train station. A guy came and sat down next to me and started talking to me, unsure
what to do I responded with one-word answers, he would have been in his early
20s.

On the train
I sat next to the window and he sat next to me. I remember my heart pounding so
hard I swear he should have been able to hear it, I angled my body away from
him and stared out the window. I prayed that he would get off before me and I
prayed that no one I knew would see me with him because I was embarrassed to be
in the situation in the first place. He asked if I wanted to go with him to get
a new phone and I said no, he asked multiple other times and I continued to
decline.

When we got
to my stop he got off with me, I tried walking fast so I could leave him behind
but he kept up, I kept telling him that I was going to meet my dad in the hopes
that it would scare him off. Eventually he turned off and I ran to my dad’s
work, I never told him what happened because I was embarrassed, and I didn’t
want a lecture about being safe on public transport.

Later that
night I told one of my friends and she said, “lucky you didn’t go with him to
buy a new phone because he probably would have raped you”. She said it so
matter-of-factly that I started to think, did I just happen to make all the
right moves, did I somehow manage to get myself out of what could have been a
terrible situation just by pure chance?

Maybe he was
just an innocent guy that wanted to chat,

or maybe
some other girl got raped by him that day.

 

When I was
18, I got my first job, it was a waitressing job at a restaurant. My mum had
just died so I was a wreck. One of the chefs (who was almost double my age) took
a liking to me, as it turns out he wasn’t just being friendly

he was
grooming me.

He would
drive me home on Friday nights, along with a few other guys and he would always
insist that I sat in the front. He would drop me home last even though it made
no geographical sense and once everyone else was out of the car he would slide
his hand up my skirt. He never did anything up there, just let his hand sit
there till I got out of the car. One night he had to stop at his place to pick
something up, so I came in, he started smoking weed and spent about half an
hour trying to convince me to join him.

He kept
things PG at work but as soon as we were alone in his car, he would try to get
his hand as far up my skirt as he could. Things only stopped when I started
dating one of the waiters, the chef quit not longer after that.

 

I worked at
this same place for about 4 years, I was sexually harassed by multiple chefs
and customers the whole time.

Rude
comments, ass slaps, peaking up my skirt, staring at my boobs, more rude comments,
asking me to bend over to pick things up off the floor, touching me without permission,
all of it.

One night
when a particularly eager chef put his hand up my skirt, I decided that I’d had
enough so I told my manager. She effectively told me that I was being too
sensitive and, after she told the chef to stop, things only got worse. It
stopped when I quit about 6 months later.

 

When I was
23, I rekindled an old friendship. We’d been friends on and off for about 10
years, we had a complicated history of hanging out while we were both single
but nothing serious ever happened between us. Then one of us would get into a serious
relationship and we’d lose touch. This time I made it clear that I just wanted
to be friends, nothing more. He said he understood, and we ended up hanging out
all summer. I got the vibe that he wanted more than friendship but I continued
to reiterate that I just wanted to be friends and he continued to tell me he
understood. One day he asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie, so I
went over and we sat on his bed watching a movie.

At some
point he started to kiss me and maybe this is where I went wrong but I started
to kiss him back.

After that
things happened much too quickly,

he undid the
buttons on my shirt

and put his
hand in my bra.

Then before
I could stop him,

he had my
undies off.

Too quickly
for me to realise what was happening

he had a condom
on

and had
pushed himself inside of me.

Maybe I
missed my chance to say no. Maybe by not saying anything he could never have known
that I didn’t want to have sex with him. But from the moment my top buttons
came undone I could only watch the movie over his shoulder, it’s like I was
frozen.

I didn’t
move, I didn’t react to what he was doing,

I just
watched the movie over his shoulder.

And I had
said no, so many times before, every time I said I didn’t want that kind of
relationship and every time he told me he understood. And silence is not
consent, consent is more than just a yes or the absence of a no, it’s actions
too.

I was frozen and watching a movie over your
shoulder while you undressed me. I didn’t move while you had sex with me. I went
and cried in your bathroom afterwards. Does that sound like consent to you? Does
that sound like a “hell yes!” to you? Tell me, how did you feel after that day?
Did you feel empty and broken inside? Did you feel like dirty? Did you feel
like you had done something wrong? Did you ever wonder where I disappeared to?
Tell me, how did you feel?

It took me 8
months of crying and self-medicating and sleeping with anyone who moved to
understand that I had been raped.

 

About three
months after I was raped (at this stage I didn’t know that’s what it was), I
went overseas with some friends. While we were there we went to a lagoon, there
was a guy there who was helping people on the rope swing, people who included
me. He would stand behind me and guide my hands on the rope then give me a push
and off I went. I was a little uncomfortable but not enough to say anything and
I assumed he worked there so I didn’t want to cause trouble for him. The last
time I went on the rope swing I felt his erection, after that I stopped. Later,
he got in the water and came to find me,

I tried
swimming away,

but he caught up to me,

grabbed me around
my waist

and pushed his
hand down my bikini bottoms.

I don’t wear
bikini’s anymore.

 

Post rape
but before I realised I had been raped, while I was sleeping around, I met this
guy. He was nice enough and he wanted to have sex with me so that was good
enough for me. We had sex a couple of times and I always left afterwards but
one night he convinced me to stay, I’d had a bit to drink so I didn’t have much
of a choice anyway. We had sex and I was so tired that I basically just passed
out afterwards, I woke up a little while later to find him above me, spreading
my legs, ready to have sex with my sleeping body. I asked him what he was doing
and he laughed and said he thought I wanted another round, I told him I was
asleep and he tried to convince me I wasn’t. We didn’t have sex again that
night but I still stayed over, too drunk to leave but too scared to stay I just
lay awake all night then left before he woke up and never talked to him again.

 

I was almost
25 the second time I was raped. I had been out with friends, three girls and
two guys, one of the guys was staying at the same house I was, we both slept on
different couches. Before we fell asleep he asked if I wanted to cuddle and I
said no so he lay back down and I assumed that was the end of it. I woke up a
while later to find him on top of me with one hand down my bra and the other in
my vagina. I was still drunk and confused as to what was happening, he took my
hand in one of his and forced it onto his erect dick. I started to cry and beg
him to get off me, his entire body weight was on me so it was near impossible
for me to get out from under him. I was terrified and sobbing but he didn’t
seem to hear me. I still don’t know how I got away from him, all I remember is
one minute he was on top of me and the next I was falling over the back of the
couch and running upstairs. The first time I’ve ever had a panic attack was
when I had to see him again about a month later.

 

On the night
of my 25th birthday I had been out with friends and was sleeping on
yet another couch. One of the guys that lived at this house bought a mate home
who I was aware had feelings for me but I did not reciprocate. He was drunk and
spent a while trying to convince me that we should share a couch, I said no
repeatedly till he went to sleep. I woke up to find him on top of me trying to
get me to kiss him, this was only 2 months after I had been raped in a similar fashion,
so I began to cry. It took him a while to realise I was crying but when he did,
he told me that he was a good guy and he’d never hurt me. He got off me and went
back to his couch and I cried myself to sleep.

 

The last
time something of significance happened to me was when one of my friends from
overseas came over. We went out drinking with a couple of other friends, toward
the end of the night I was dancing with a stranger in a club, he got jealous
and pulled me away. He asked me if I wanted to dance with him or the stranger,
too awkward to tell him that I wanted to dance with the other guy I just left.

He followed
me outside,

pushed me up
against a wall

and kissed me.

Maybe it
would have been sexy if I had consented

or if I had
kissed him back but I hadn’t

so, for me
it was scary,

he was twice
my size and had a death grip on my arms.

He let me go
eventually and tried to convince me that I wanted to go back to his hotel with
him, I declined multiple times but got the feeling he wouldn’t take no for an
answer. So, I ran away, literally turned and ran from him and ordered an uber
from around the corner.

 

That’s my
story, well most of it. There are other stories, so many other stories that I
have left out, stories of harassment, unsolicited dick pics and guys in clubs
and unrequited love that turns creepy. But these are all stories that I don’t
feel I need to mention because almost every girl I know has lived them.

I’m far from
over any of it, I have days where I’ll break down and cry in the grocery store
because a guy accidentally brushed against me. I’ll have days where I drink
half a bottle of wine just to sleep at night.

I have
insomnia and anxiety and I can’t sleep in the dark. But I know that all of this
has made me stronger and braver than the 14-year-old version of me ever could
have been.

I hope that all
the guys who did this to me can face their demons and be better people and, despite
everything, I hope they are happy. Maybe from the outside they aren’t living
with the consequences like I am but I do believe that at least some of them
must feel some guilt. I do believe that from time to time they think of me and
feel bad about what they did. Maybe they hope that I am happy too.

Bravery
comes in lots of different forms,

maybe it’s
being loud and screaming your story from the rooftops

or maybe
it’s quietly sharing it on a website where you pray no knows who you are.

For me,

today,

posting this
is one of the single bravest things

I’ve

ever

done

.


Join the Conversation

70 comments

  1. Amysue43 Volunteer

    I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! We are here for you and want to support you in the best way that we can. You’re definitely right in saying that posting your story is a big big step and we are so proud of you for doing so. What you’ve been through is awful. You have endured event after event and I’m so proud of you for coming here today and posting this story. I hope that the comments have been reassuring in that you are brave and you are strong. I think it’s important for you to know that you are not responsible for any of these events. It is not your fault. You did not deserve this. If you ever feel like you would like additional support, feel free to post again with us or click on our Find Help tab. You could also post to update us on how you’re doing after your first post. I’m keeping you in my thoughts.
    Stay strong <3

  2. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. It takes so much courage to share and we are all here for you. We are here to listen to the whole thing. Always. I’m sorry to hear how your first boyfriend was manipulative. It’s so frustrating to have someone you think cares about you treat you that way. The restaurant sounds like a really unhealthy work environment, and I’m sorry that you had to deal with coworkers and customers doing those things for so long. You deserve to work in a space that keeps you safe and makes you comfortable. He should have asked for consent. You didn’t tell him it was ok and so he should not have touched you. https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/ We have some amazing resources here if you want to talk in detail about any of the above. We are also always here for you.

    Stay strong,
    T

  3. bbbmjohnson Volunteer

    Courtneyjade,
    You are so inspiring, thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. So much has happened to you and I am so sorry. Healing takes many steps, and often the first step is to tell your story, the whole damn thing. The next step to take is up to you. Whatever step you take, please take it with bravery as you did with this one. Becoming healed is the goal, and I know you can reach that goal. You are amazing.

  4. adrian Volunteer

    Hey, Courtneyjade-

    You are brave. You are strong. You are resilient. It is positive that you found a place like AVFTI to help you in your journey toward healing from this trauma you’ve experienced in your life. It is brave of you to share your story because it comes to life and you begin to recognize it all… you own it has your story and your life. Your story is powerful and descriptive. Whether you move or you don’t move, you are so right that consent is consent and taking advantage of that is not okay. These are just a few chapters in your life, though, and you have the power to continue writing your life story. You did not deserve any of this and you do not deserve to be treated like this ever again. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, kindness and compassion. Keep fighting the good fight.

    Take care,
    Adrian

  5. pinksky92 Volunteer

    Hi Courtneyjade,

    After reading your story, I have to say that yes, you are brave. And you are absolutely right that bravery comes in a lot of different forms. It takes a lot of strength and courage to write out your story and share it in whatever form that may be.

    I am so sorry for all the trauma that you experienced. What happened to you is not your fault in any way. None of these men should have ever touched you. You sound like a strong and courageous person. I am glad that you took the first steps in your healing to share your story. Perhaps it may be helpful to open up to a close friend or to a therapist? Therapists are completely neutral, non-judgemental individuals who can help validate your experiences and your emotions. Of course, you should take everything at your own pace.

    I wish you all the best on your healing journey. It was an honour to hear your story today.

    Take care.

  6. lilyk Volunteer

    Hey Courtneyjade,

    Thank you so much for sharing with us, it is incredibly brave to post your story. I’m so sorry all of this happened. You are not at all responsible for what’s happened, and I’m so sorry you weren’t supported when you told your manager. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through so much. None of this is your fault. If you’d like, the “Find Help” tab has links to a bunch of resources, hotlines, and more that might be able to help if you’re interested. Sending you strength.

  7. musicislove

    Hi Courtneyjade,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us today, it takes a lot of strength and courage to share in general, but especially so for your first time. I’m glad you found us and I hope getting it all out has helped in some way. I’m so sorry for all of the trauma you’ve been through in your life, you didn’t deserve any of it and none of it was in any way your fault. Your boyfriend in high school had no right to force you into situations you weren’t comfortable in, and the people you worked with, the man on the train, and the people that are supposed to be friends, were all completely in the wrong. Your body is yours and no one else has the right to decide what you do. Anxiety and insomnia are very common after trauma, I’m sorry you’re dealing with them, have you ever considered talking to a therapist? It really helps to work through so much, I know it helped me in the past. I definitely see your bravery and resilience throughout your whole post, and that’s big! We are always here if you want to share more, sending you hope.

    Delaney

  8. Neesha Volunteer

    Thank you for trusting us, it is scary to share our truth and it is so brave for you to do so. You boyfriend should not have pressured or forced you. That guy on the train, you are right you don’t know what his intentions were. I am still glad you trusted you gut and got away from him. I ache knowing you weren’t safe at work and I wish you manager did his job to protect you. Through everything you have endured I keep seeing you resilience rise up and that is truly admirable. I believe you. Do be gentle with yourself and you work through what happened anxiety is normal. Maybe check out our resources tab.
    Please always feel free to share with us again.

  9. Stark21 Volunteer

    Hello Courtneyjade,
    I would like to say thank you for sharing and trusting us with your story. You have displayed so much courage and strength by telling your entire story. These moments should have never happened to you. Your resilience is truly admirable. None of these moments were your fault and I’m happy that you were able to find safety in some of the stories shared. We are here for you. We believe you. I would definitely recommend checking out the “Find Help” tab at the top for any additional information and resources that may help you on your healing journey. Please use this safe space again if you ever want to share more stories.

  10. dzreid Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,
    I am glad you found avfti page to share. It is your story so therefore, it can be whatever length you choose it to be! You have been through so much, my hearts breaks for you & with you. I hope you know that nothing that you experienced was a result from anything you had done. Sharing takes time. You are way braver than you know, & have tons going for you. It takes a lot to survive, but to survive & have well wishes for all your perpetrators, to me shows you are way stronger than you may realize. I like how you put it “bravery comes in a lot of different forms.” No matter how ones bravery comes through, every one is unique. Yes, it takes a lot to share our stories, & in doing so, it is so freeing & healing! I applaud you for finding your inner bravery & sharing your story with us! You are a brave warrior! Keep letting your bravery shine because you deserve to have happiness & peace! Come back & share any time!
    Dawn

  11. Araceli1090 Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,

    I would like to start of by thanking you for sharing your story. Im sorry to hear all those horrible incidents that you have experienced. You have.a big heart because despite the fact that they have done you wrong, you wish them to improve as individuals. I agree with you, you are a strong individual. Im glad that you know, that you are brave.

    we are here for you. feel free to update us.

  12. Mary Ella Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    I want to start off by thanking you for having the courage to share your story of resilience and bravery throughout your experiences of harassment and assault. Bravery does come in different forms and I am glad that you know that you’re brave, even for sharing your story with us. I am sorry that you had to go through so much, but I am also proud of you for finding the courage to share this with us. I also commend you for the grace you are showing towards those who have hurt you by hoping they are at a good place and are happy. Just by reading your story, I can feel your growth and I hope this continues on so you could heal from all these experiences. You deserve it! I’m sending you all the love, and feel free to come back and share because we are here for you. Thank you again. Stay strong!

    Mary

  13. Angela Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us, you are so brave! I am so sorry that you had to go through such things, you did not deserve any of it. It must have been very difficult for you to post this but it is a big step, I hope you continue to push and make many more steps like this or even bigger. There are some resources here on the “find help” tab, take a look at them there might be something that can help. We are all here for you, please come back when ever! Take care and keep pushing, you got this.

  14. 123Ahmet Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,

    First I want to start by saying thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes courageousness and resilience in order to share what has happened, this shows how strong of n individual you are. I wanna say that nothing was your fault and what happened to you was horrible. Consent is very important and the perpetrator did not get consent from you, do not blame yourself for this. I want to say that it takes strength to disclose this information and tell your story and that’s what you have expressed just now, strength. Do not worry when you have bad days, we as humans cannot always be happy but we need to learn to live as content as can be, bad days do not define you. If you need additional resources or just want to explore some go to the “Find Help” tab, there are many informative ones there.

    – Ahmet

  15. Ana Espiritu Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,

    Thank you for trusting us and sharing your story with us. I want to say that I am glad you found us and that AVFTI will always be here for you always in support. I know what you went through was a traumatic experience, but it took a lot of strength to open up and being strong. Know what happen to you wasn’t your fault and just because you were at a moment that you felt that “silence didn’t mean consent” you still had to say no, to have them respect your boundaries. No one should have to force themselves on you or even make you feel that you dong to have a voice, you are stronger than you imagine. You took the first to open up to us and share your story and I say that takes a lot of courage. Know that you are important to us and we care. Know that you will heal on your own term and hopefully in the future things will get better for you. I encourage you to look at our webpage for resources that may help you at our Find Help tab or if you feel you need to talk to someone you can also text VOICE to 741-741. Know that you are not alone and we hope you write back. Stay strong!

    Sending Support and Love,
    Ana

  16. ryannlashea Day Captain

    Hi, thank you so much for trusting us with your story. You are so brave. It takes a lot of strength to share your story. We are all here for you! Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything.

  17. jenniferb Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,
    I am glad that you found A Voice for the Innocent and that you shared your story with us. I want to thank you for sharing with us because I understand that it can be difficult to talk about these experiences, so thank you. As you mentioned, telling your story was a brave thing to do and I think that you are such a strong person. You said that you have insomnia and anxiety and we have resources that could help. If you are interested you can find these resources in the “Find Help” tab. I hope that sharing your story with us was able to help. You are always welcome to come back and write again. I am sending you lots of support, stay safe.

  18. CSUN Student1 Volunteer

    Hello,
    Thank you for trusting us and sharing your story with us and I am very sorry that these horrific events have happened to you. You did not deserve to be put into those situations and I am sorry that it did happen. I know its not right for anyone to go through this and no one should force themselves on you and you should never be put into a situation to push someone away or to keep saying no. You have the right to give consent and if you don’t, then no one should make you do something that you don’t want. I am very proud of you for staying strong because through the healing process you just have to be strong and positive. Thank you again for sharing with us and remember we are always here for support whenever you need us.

  19. lizzi

    Hi Courtneyjade,
    I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through, and I’m really proud of you for putting it into words and sharing it. It’s not fair that you’ve had to go through everything you had, and none of it was your fault. You don’t have to say no or push someone off of you. You never told them yes. Thank you for trusting us with your story, and please know that we care about you, we believe you, and we’re here to support you.

  20. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hey Courtneyjade

    Thank you for sharing your trust with us with the story. I am sorry you went through that experience and you didn’t deserve any of it. I am sorry these people didn’t respect your boundary they deserve to get punished for what they did. Stay Safe!

  21. haesol Volunteer

    Hi Courtneyjade,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry you went through those experiences, you didn’t deserve any of it. I hope you know that none of the things that happened were your fault. As you said, silence doesn’t mean consent, and you always have a chance to say Yes or No—there is no too late. I’m sorry these people didn’t respect your boundaries, they deserve to get punished for what they did.

    I’m glad that you recognize how brave you are for sharing your story. I understand it’s not an easy thing to do, and you choosing to do it shows not only bravery but also strength. I hope none of those awful things happen to you ever again, I really wish you are safe now. Healing comes in all types of forms and it’s different for anyone; it’s not always linear so having bad days is completely normal and it doesn’t make your process any less valid. We’re here for you to support you along the way.

    Stay safe.

  22. Ramon Moran Volunteer

    Hello Courtneyjade,
    I am so sorry that all these horrible events have happened to you. These men had no right to do that things that they did. It is really disgusting that they did these things. Hopefully nothing like this will ever happen to you again. It does not matter who these guys were, if you did not give consent they should not have done anything. Nothing that has happened has been your fault. I am glad that you understand that telling your story is a very brave thing. You are very brave and very strong. Everyone heals at their own pace so take your time. If you need further assistance feel free to check out the health tab and also you can text VOICE to 741-741. You can always come back and update us if you feel you need to, we are here for you. Take care and stay strong.-Ramon

  23. brookeallnutt Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    Thank you so much for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that you had to experience all of those things, and I’m sorry that they did not listen to you and give you the respect that you deserve. I am absolutely blown away at how strong that you have continued to be, and you are so compassionate and brave! I hope sharing your story has helped you in some way, and please feel free to come back anytime and share again. I wish you the best on your healing journey, and let us know if we can do anything to help!

  24. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,

    I agree, sharing this was incredibly brave. We are so thankful you found out about us and came here to share your story with us. We are inspired by your bravery and by this huge step you took today. It really does take a lot of courage to not only share your story, but to do so here with people you haven’t met. You have been through so much and I am so sorry to hear about everything that had happened to you. I hope you know that you didn’t deserve any of it. You are an amazingly strong person for making it past all of this and sharing with us.

    I hope you know that you can come back at anytime to share more. I hope sharing these thoughts was helpful and that you find the responses helpful too. Since this is your first time here I also wanted to be sure to share our resources link with you which has great resources if you ever need them: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/

    Again, you are so brave for coming here and sharing with us and we are really glad you found us!

  25. jyoung Volunteer

    Hey courtneyjade,

    Thank you for choosing to share your story with us. You’re absolutely right; it was extremely brave of you to do so. I’m so sorry that this happened to you as you didn’t deserve anything they put you through, and please know none of it was your fault. I hope that writing and sharing your story has been able to provide you with some comfort, as well as aid in your healing. If you need anything, I hope you never hesitate to reach out. We are here for you; and will continue to be! There is nothing but endless love and support within this community!

    Stay strong,
    Jasmine

  26. odishoe Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade, I’m so sorry what happened to you was terrible. just keep fighting it because I can tell you are a brave person. but if you do need more help please feel free to contact the Crisis Text line text VOICE to 741-741. thank you for sharing your story with us. always feel comfortable of coming back and updating us.

  27. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi courtneyjade,
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you, but I’m so proud of you for sharing your story. You are so brave for sharing your story. I know how scary it can be sharing a story especially if it’s your first time. What you went through is something you should have never had to go through. Like you said no means no. It doesn’t matter if you said it a few days before what happened happened or two seconds before happened happened. What matters is you said no and everyone you said no to, should have listened. If you need anything we are always here for you. You can use our find help tab if you need resources. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  28. Caitlin Volunteer

    Courtneyjade,
    Know this: You are very BRAVE! Bravery can look so many ways and apply in so many ways. You stood up and said no time and time again in your story. You turned your body language inward, you ignored advances and you physically ran away. I am so sorry you had to fight so hard to be shown respect. I am sorry more people haven’t shown you respect automatically. I am sorry this is expected behavior in so many instances.

    You didn’t miss your chance to say no, because as you said later; if it wasn’t a “YES” then there wasn’t consent. I hope you can be at peace with that, you did nothing wrong. You have been through a lot and I am really hoping you can find support. Have you checked out the “find help” tab on this page? You deserve to find some healing. I hope that writing this all out like you have, will help you start the healing process. To help you get it out.

    It is overwhelming to have insomnia and anxiety. I hope you can find some ways in which to address those things. Getting help can be great and in the mean time looking up some easy breathe work and grounding or gentle Yoga. Just ways to move your body in gentle ways that ground you to the earth. Sometimes really deep breathes into your belly can really clear out and circulate the air in a way to help calm you down.

    Good luck moving forward and thanks so much for sharing with us and trusting us with your story.

    Check back in with us if you feel so moved.

    -Caitlin

  29. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,
    Thank you for sharing with us. I can tell how brave and resilient you must be. It takes a lot of strength to overcome all of this. I am sorry you had to deal with so many different encounters. You certainly did not deserve any of them.
    I totally understand the feeling of being emotionally manipulated, and it can be really overwhelming. I didn’t realize when it was happening to me until much later too, so don’t feel about not realizing it right away! I was around the same age as you too, and I just wanted to feel cared for. I wish he hadn’t done that to you though.
    You are right, you may never know what may have happened that day on the train. But what is important is that you did what you could to get out of an uncomfortable situation! A lot of times our instincts are correct and you may have been right to trust them!
    What happened with those other individuals was not okay. Just because you kissed him back does not mean you consented to everything else. He should have made sure that you wanted to continue. It is normal to freeze in those situations and not know what to do. Again, that does not mean that you wanted anything to happen. Similarly, those times you were asleep were not your fault. You have a right to feel safe and protected, and they violated that.
    You are right about a lot of things. So many women have experienced similar things and you are not alone. However, that does not make any of your experiences less important! Please know that this is always a safe place for you to share.

  30. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Hi Courtneyjade,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Just know that what happened to you in the past is completely not your fault, and I am terribly sorry it happened to you. You’ve been very brave for opening up with us. We are here anytime you wish to share your story, so feel free to come back or use the Find Help tab on our website for additional resources. Stay safe and stay strong!

  31. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi Courtneyjade,

    Thank you for sharing your story. You’re right; it was very brave of you to do so. Sharing these types of experiences is never easy. I’m so sorry for everything that you have been through. Nothing that happened was your fault. You always deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Your perseverance and strength have gotten you this far and they will see you through. The journey of healing is never a straight line. It has twists and turns and setbacks. But being able to share your story here was an incredible step. We believe you. You are not alone. Please let us know how else we can help.

  32. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi Courtneyjade,

    I am so glad you found us and shared your story. I know it was not easy. But like you said, bravery comes in many forms and I think that surviving what you went through and sharing it here is incredibly brave. You should be proud of yourself. You’ve definitely been through a lot – violations, harm, pain – none of it was your fault. You made a really important point here that so many women share these experiences. Reading through this, I definitely felt seen, as many of your experiences felt familiar to me. You’re definitely not alone. If you feel like it may help to speak with someone professionally, we have many resources under our “find help” tab. I know that it has been helpful for me in processing the harm I’ve experienced. We’re also here for you anytime you want to share as you continue to process and heal from this.

    KatherineL

  33. Jiggy Volunteer

    Hey courtneyjade,
    Thanks for sharing. You’re right, it was brave of you to write about what you had experienced throughout your life. Just know that none of this is your fault, just because you did not flat out say no does not mean you consented. There are many ways we can decline without using words, our body language and our face can be clear indicators that we are not comfortable. Those people chose to ignore your wishes, especially that guy who said you only wanted to be friends. Don’t be discouraged to share any experiences because you feel like so many others lived through similar events, your wellbeing matters to us and if it helps you to talk about it then by all means continue writing.
    Hope for the best!

  34. colton95 Volunteer

    Thank you for your bravery and strength. I know sharing your story must’ve been really tough, and nothing that happened to you was your fault at all. I’m glad that you’re trying to move on and live a joyful life. I’m glad that you wish happiness towards the guys who hurt you, but I also hope that they are experiencing some guilt and consequences for what they did so that they will never hurt anyone else. If you’re okay with it, you could click on the FIND HELP tab on this site to find someone who could help you with your anxiety and insomnia. I hope that you will be okay. Stay safe and strong!

  35. Tokyo_Kaneki Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I know it must have take such a huge amount of strength and bravery to be able to tell your story. Everything that has happened to you was not your fault in the slightest, please do not think that it was. You always told them no, never gave them a fully consented “yes” and they still did those things to you. The fault and blame is placed entirely on them, no one else. I am so sorry that you have anxiety and insomnia, have you ever though about speaking with a therapist about some tips in order to cope with those things? We also have many resources under the ‘get help’ tab at the top of the page. Another thing is that their is a hotline where you can text ‘VOICE’ to 741 741. Please know that we are always here for you no matter what and YES! this IS a brave thing that you did, I am so happy that you feel this way. Please continue to know that you are not alone in this journey, we are all here to listen and support you.
    Sending you lots of love, light and even more bravery.
    – J

  36. oscarl2 Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,
    Thank you for sharing your story and it really is such a brave thing that you have done. Just know that what has happened to you in the past is not your fault and don’t blame yourself for it. I am sorry that this has happened to you but I do believe that you can heal from your traumas. Sharing your story is a very brave step to take and I am glad to see that you know how brave of a person you are. Feel free to come back and update us if you are comfortable and wishing you the best of luck in your path to healing.
    Best wishes,
    oscarl2

  37. sarahsays Volunteer

    Hey courtneyjade,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know how hard it is to do so and I fully agree with you, telling your truth is one of the bravest things. I’m so proud of you and I hope you know that we are all on your side. It’s completely understandable to not process these things that happen to us until later or to be able to put a label on it and come to terms with the fact it was rape. None of this is your fault and you didn’t deserve these things that happened to you. I’m sorry that you’ve experienced so much. Be kind to yourself and know that we’re all here to support you.

    Take care,
    Sarah

  38. karinakalke Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    I want to thank you for your courage and for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced these traumas. Please know that none of it was your fault. We have some resources under the “Find Help” tab if that’s something you think you would find helpful. I hope that telling your story here has been a good part of your path to healing, and you are welcome to write again anytime. We are always here for you.

    Sending love and support,
    Karina

  39. VolunteerNem Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,
    Thank you for being really brave and sharing your story here. It’s awful that you had to go through all this. These guys did a very bad things and they should be ashamed of themselves for what they did. They left you dealing with a lot of pain from those incidents and I hope you can get some help for those things, also we have a “Find Help” tab that might have some resources that might help. Please let us know if you need anything and please feel free to share again. Stay Safe.

  40. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi courtneyjade,
    None of this was your fault, and you didn’t deserve any of it. It’s awful that these people disregarded your boundaries and took advantage of you. Silence is not consent, and you were not being too sensitive. It’s understandable that these experiences have affected you, and you don’t deserve to be alone with the thoughts and feelings you’re having. With that being said, you can share your story on your own terms, and you can do what feels best for you. Healing is different for everyone, and that’s okay.
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. You had the courage to share your story here, and that’s incredible. We’ll always be here to support you, so please write back whenever you like. We’re happy to help in any way we can, and I hope you’re doing well.

  41. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear courtneyjade,
    Thank you for being brave and sharing your story with us. Your stories are important and deserve to be heard by whomever you choose to tell them to. We are here to listen anytime you want to share. Your writing perfectly captures the disregard that masculinity has for the objects of their desire. How it doesn’t matter what you do or what you say, they just cannot belive that you don’t want them. We do our work, whether loudly or quietly, to make changes; to keep it from happening to somone else. I hope that telling your story here helps you on your healing journey. Please let us know if we can help you in any way and feel free to write as often as you would like.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  42. zelda Day Captain

    Welcome, Courtney Jade! Thank you for taking the time and heart to write your story. You’re right; it is extremely brave to talk about your traumas with other people. I’m so sorry you went through such pain. It’s unfortunate that so many girls and women are harassed, abused, raped, etc. You are very strong for surviving these experiences. I love the last part of your post, where you speak of bravery. Bravery does come in many forms, and the willingness to breathe life into our pain is truly so difficult, but hopefully rewarding. Rewarding, in the sense, that we can one day be free of the hurt and anger that others have caused for us.

    Thank you again, Courtney Jade, for coming here to share your story. We are with you all the way.

  43. Starling Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to deal with these events. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. Have you considered seeing a therapist about this? Talking to a professional might be helpful to work through the thoughts and emotions you’ve been struggling with. It’s totally up to you though. There is no right or wrong way to heal. Take this at your own pace and do what feels comfortable for you. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  44. slozoya1120 Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    Thank you for sharing with us courtneyjade, you are extremely brave and courageous for coming here and sharing these traumatic experiences with us. I am sorry that you have been put through this. You did not deserve any of this to happen to you. It sounds like you are experiencing PTSD symptoms, and having trouble sleeping sometimes without alcohol. These sorts of events can have these long-term negative impacts. There are some resources available here on the site in the “find help” tab. I hope that you are comfortable enough in reaching out to some of them and receiving more help in finding ways to heal and cope with everything that you have been through. Please do take care of yourself, sending you much strength and encouragement. If you ever need to come back and post some more, or offer an update, we are always here for you, Take care.

    -Sam

  45. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Speaking out and sharing your story takes so much courage, so thank you for your bravery and your honesty. I’m immensely sorry for everything that you’ve been through. Those experiences must have been terrifying and devastating, and I can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to carry all this on your shoulders. Is there anyone you can talk to? Maybe a friend or a therapist. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone, and you deserve to be supported. You may find some helpful resources under the “find help” tab. Please don’t hesitate to reach out again, and let us know if there’s anything we can do to give you the support you deserve.

    All the best,
    Rachel

  46. coachdiggs Volunteer

    hello Courtneyjade,
    First I wanted to say thank for your sharing your story with us. I also wanted to say thank you for stepping out your shell and telling your story. Another thing I wanted to say I like how you told your story it was different. I am sorry for what happened to you and you did not deserve that. I would say if you need help or somewhere else to vent maybe try to get a counselor. The counselor maybe can help you and also give you advice to what to do and it will also let you vent. If you need more help I would go to the find help tab on AVTFI. They can give you more help. Lastly, thank you for sharing your story again.
    Kevin

  47. Chloe-Barnett Volunteer

    Hey Courtneyjade,
    I am so proud of you for stepping out and sharing your story with us thank you. You are very brave and what you have encountered you did not deserve. I hope that you have found some relief to your anxieties over these traumas.

  48. Chris Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I just want to let you know that you did not deserve anything that happened to you and that you are very brave. I hope that nothing but happiness and success comes towards you and that you keep us in the loop on how things are going with you.

    Chris

  49. casitasbonitas Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    I want to first say thank you for sharing your story with us. You did not deserve any of the things that happened to you. You are so brave for posting your story! I hope you come back and keep us updated on how things are going for you. Stay strong!

  50. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    You are brave. And thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry for each and every event that has happened to you. It is really disheartening to hear that in so many situations that each one of these guys just decided to make a move and thought that it was acceptable. In each situation they would have been able to read your mood and also recognize the setting of what is going on around them – but they chose not to care and to do what they wanted instead. You are right that each one should have known what they did was wrong. You have truly taken the high road, wishing for each one of them to be happy in life, but for them to also have a moment of realization for what they’ve done. It sounds like that mindset has been beneficial for you and I commend you for being able to feel that way. That is a difficult response to have after having the experiences that you have had. You shouldn’t have to live with the anxiety and emotional responses though – you deserve to be free from that. Have you been able to meet with a therapist at all? I would recommend you take a look at our Find Help tab to see if there is an option near you if you haven’t yet. Keep taking care of yourself and come back here any time.

  51. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I think it is a great first step to write down what you can remember as you have. When we hold it inside of our heads, it is kind of all over the place. When we set it down in black on white, an order comes to it. It is hard to do because we have kept it bottled up so long and we have always worried about what folks would think if they knew. We always tend to think the worst of what people will think. But what is truth is that these things were not your fault, and they should not have happened to you. I am sorry that they did.

    I think that now you have a larger future ahead of you than you had even a few days ago. Because now you have opened an archway into healing from this. When we can get what is inside, outside, so we can look at it and see it, it becomes what it is rather than what we perceive it to be. We have a starting place.

    Healing looks different for all people. No path is identical. That being said, most of us can truly benefit by meeting with a professional and sorting this out with someone who is experienced with trauma survivors. If you don’t have someone who fits this bill on board already, there is a button on the top of the page, find help, that can help you find some resources. Please come back and let us know if there is any way we can support you.

  52. heretohelp101 Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,
    Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable to us with your whole story.
    None of this should have happened and none of it is your fault.
    I hope that your future is a lot brighter than your past, and your right, you are brave!
    Wishing you positivity,
    -Jan

  53. Pamela Z Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,
    Thank you for sharing your story, I am sorry you had to go through this. Your work was a toxic environment, you are so brave that you quit. I can’t believe that your manager told you that you were being too sensitive, you should be respected no matter what. Don’t blame yourself for what your friend did to you, he should have asked for your consent, he crossed a line. No one should take advantage of you and I’m sorry you had been. You are so strong and powerful, telling your story gives you and others a voice.

  54. ericasarkisyan Volunteer

    Thank you so much for sharing your story, I know that wasn’t easy for you. You are so brave for opening up to us. You have endured so much and I am so sorry you had to go through all of that trauma. You did not deserve to have your body and boundaries violated. They are at fault in all of these situations. You did nothing wrong and you are absolutely right, silence does not mean consent. They should have known better and should not have done anything to you without proper consent. You deserve nothing but love and respect and I hope that you find peace one day. I know you are such a strong soul for being able to survive through all of this. I would recommend look at the resources that are linked in the “find help” tab at the top of page. I am sending you lots of love.

    Take care,
    Erica

  55. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story and sharing it here. You are right. You are brave. You just took an incredible step in the healing process. Sharing your story in any capacity, screaming it from the rooftops or posting it here, is a brave act. I admire your strength. I am so sorry for what you have been through. You didn’t deserve any of it, and it wasn’t your fault. I hope sharing your story with us has helped you feel better. You are not alone. We are here for you. We support you, and you are always welcome here.

    Carmen

  56. iap66325 Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,

    Thank you for finally feeling comfortable to share your story with us. I would like to say that I am proud that you had taken this opportunity to tell us everything you had experienced that you are finally speaking your voice without hesitation. I apologize for every single horrific thing you were subjected to, it truly hurts to hear how non stop and continuous it was for you over that many years, not to mention at a young age. You are truly so strong and powerful for the fact that you are in a sense looking at the bright side over the men who had done wrong to you. How even though you are dealing with things on your own after everything you still strive to recover and know that external forces will do justice for you. You really are inspiring in the outlook that you have on it all. In the case of your anxiety and insomnia I would advise if you feel comfortable doing so since you are still within the beginning process of sharing still. To check out AVFTI helpful resources through counseling or hotlines such as, SafeHorizon 1-866-621-HOPE or TheHopeLine. Or even others I have found like the Women Families Center Sexual Assault Crisis Services which is also 24 hr 1-888-999-5545 and Sexual Assault Counseling by YWCA LA 310-763-9995. Any of these options are offered, I hope that you take the chance to check them out to try to ease the effects that you face. That way you are closer to the path of recover because I and everyone here know and believe in you! Even though you already carry strength a bravery within yourself all you just need is a lending had and supporters by your side. Above all, you are on the right track everything you are doing and going through after everything is valid and I hope that soon we can hear from you again on any new updates on how you feel, or even on any other stories you wish to share. You can always come and talk on here as you please, never feel shy or steer away because you will consistently gain support on AVFTI and every single voice just like yours will be heard. I send my love and best regards your way!

  57. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming here to share with us. It is incredibly brave to write your story, and to speak it out loud. I am so sorry for everything that has happened, and I just want to say that you didn’t deserve any of it, and none of it was your fault. I hope it felt cathartic to share here with us, and you are welcome back any time.

    Erin

  58. pfuentes Volunteer

    Hey courtneyjade,

    I’m deeply sorry you’ve had to experience this, not once but multiple times. No one should! But as you already know, you are so strong and brave for even opening up about this with us. I thank you for trusting us with these stories. You are very right about most girls having experienced some type of harassment or abuse. It is truly sad to realize this but unfortunately it is reality. If you need anything, we are always here to help you, even just by listening to you and supporting you. You are also more than welcome to use the ‘find help’ resources tab. Remember you are never alone. Hope to hear from you again soon, take care!

    pfuentes

  59. betterdays1 Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are so brave for telling us and opening up to us. You mentioned how most women go through this type of things and it’s true. Most of us have experience fear, harassment, and even abuse. Because of that I want you to feel very empowering because your story could motivate others to come forward. What happened to you is not your fault and you are absolutely right silence is not consent. Don’t forget that you have us and you could always bend to us. Sending love.
    -v

  60. KevionS. Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    Thank you for sharing your story and I would also like to say that you are very brave and strong for doing so. I am sorry to hear that you had to experience those different scenarios, I can only imagine how traumatic and scary it was for you at the time. You are not at fault with anything and you did not deserve any of those things that happened to you. We are always here for you no matter what and if you need to express your feelings we are right here by your side to listen to you courtneyjade.

    Best,
    KevionS.

  61. Lusine05 Volunteer

    Hello courtneyjade,
    You are extremely brave and strong too, and that is so good that you realize that! I am sorry that you had to go through all that, it must have been so hard, and if there is anything we can do to help you please let us know. We have a lot of helpful resources under the Find Help tab.
    Inspired by you,
    -L

  62. sarahj Volunteer

    Courtneyjayde-
    Hello, and thank you for sharing your story so eloquently with us. You should be incredibly proud of your bravery. You deserve to let your story be heard. You did NOT deserve what happened to you & I am so sorry to hear of your experiences. Your story resonates so much with me, we have had very similar experiences and maybe even similar coping mechanisms. Even if not always the healthiest. I hope sharing your story can help you jumpstart your journey to healing. There are many resources available to you here in the “Find Help” tab .. and I wonder if talking to a mental health professional might help to clear your mind a bit? Whatever you decide to do, please know we are always here to support you and provide a safe place. Share as often as you like. You are so strong and deserve nothing but love and happiness.
    Sending you good vibes only,
    Sarahj

  63. leoreslavick Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,
    I just wanted to start off by saying thank you for sharing your story. I know it must’ve been hard to share it for the first time and I am happy that you found AVFTI to use as an outlet. I am so sorry for the manipulative relationship with your first boyfriend and the sexually abusive behavior that happened after. You did not deserve any of it and I can’t imagine the anxiety that you went through/continue to go through because of it. You are not at fault and even though you did not explicitly say “no” during sex, silence is never a yes. Like others have mentioned, you have such an amazing outlook on everything that happened to you and have used the horrible events to make you a stronger person. And I just wanted to say that that outlook takes so much courage and so much strength. You can’t change what happened to you but you can change how you react to it. We hope to continue to hear more from you and please please update us whenever you need/want someone to talk to.
    -Leore

  64. Karenv12 Volunteer

    Hello Courtneyjade,
    I would like to start off by saying thank you for sharing and trusting us with your story, I know it was not something easy to do. You are an incredibly strong individual for every thing that you have endured. I want you to know that none of what you have been through was your fault, you mention that silence is not a form of consent and you are 100% correct it is not and none of those men had any right to violate your privacy like that and even if you had said yes it was not your fault because you are entitled to YOUR body and it is 100% okay to be sure one second and the next decide you’re not. you are allowed to change your mind and they should have respected that you had said no from the beginning. I am so sorry for all that you have been through and I admire your strength and resilience through all of it. I want you to know that we believe you and are always here for you.

    sending you lots of love and healing,
    Karen

  65. t3nnis_player18 Volunteer

    Hey Courtneyjade,
    You are so incredibly strong. The way you are handling these terrible experiences and understanding what happened to you and comforting yourself is amazing. None of these experiences were your fault and like you said silence is not consent and I’m glad you realized that. thank you fro finding the courage to share this part of your life with us and to let us know your thoughts and emotions. I do believe these experiences make people stronger but it is extremely difficult sometimes to work through them so remember to always be patient and kind with yourself. We are all here for you and will help you in any way we can! I wish you nothing but the best!

  66. lmc83823 Volunteer

    Hi Courtneyjade,
    Thank you for sharing your story here. I hope that sharing your story and using your voice here has helped in any way. I do agree with you, you are very strong for posting your experiences here. I am very sorry for the trauma you’ve had to endure. None of what you’ve experienced was your fault. Here at the AVFTI, we believe you and are always here to listen to anything that you may want to share. Healing is a difficult process so it’s understandable that you have had some hard moments. In the day, you are only human and the most important thing is being gentle with yourself. I am glad to hear that you feel stronger than your 14-year old self. Feel free to come back and share anything it may be. We are here to support you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Luna C.

  67. SarahLove Volunteer

    Hi Courtneyjade,

    Thank you so much for sharing and trusting us with your story. I am so sorry for eveyrhitng you have been through. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed of the situation, that guy on the bus made you feel very uncomfortable and your body language plus your short answers, made it apparent for him to see. Im happy you were able to run to your dads work. You definelty did everything you could do keep stay safe. The sexual harassment in your own workplace was very unexceptable and should have never happened. Everything you experienced is absolutely not your fault. Always go with your instinct. I agree, you are brave and I admire you for pushing through this. Have you tried maybe speaking to a therapist? It can be helpful for the insomnia and anxiety you are having. We also have many resources, hit “help” at the top of our page to see them.

    Please keep us updated.
    Stay Strong,
    SarahLove

  68. CSUN Volunteer A.M Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade ,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, just wanted to let you know you are so brave.Im beyond sorry for whatever you have been through after reading your story, just wanted to let you know that you didn’t deserve any of this mistreatment.Its always a good idea to share and talk to others about you feelings under Find Help Tab you can talk to professionals whenever you are ready they will help you reduce the anxiety and stress. Also please keep us updated in the future we would like to hear from you .feel free to reach out if you need anything.
    Best of Luck
    A.M

  69. Zithlaly.cruz Volunteer

    Hi courtneyjade,

    Thank you for taking the time and having the courage to share yours story with us. It know it probably was difficult to disclose your experiences. I want to remind you that we believe you. Your voice is heard here. You are a survivor and I am proud that you took one of the first steps towards your healing journey. I am sorry that you have been through so much pain. None of this is your fault and you should have never had to experience through so much. I want to make it clear that it is understandable and valid to feel the way you are feeling. Continue using your voice and remember that healing has no time frame. Heal at the pace that makes you comfortable. We are here to listen and support you.

  70. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi courtneyjade,

    Thanks for trusting us enough to share your story with us. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. You’re 100% correct, silence is not consent. You didn’t deserve anything that happened to you at all. Have you considered talking to a professional about what you’ve been through? Of course, please only do so if you’re comfortable with that. It’s not helpful to force yourself to speak out before you’re ready. If that’s something you’re interested in, please feel free to check out our “Find Help” tab at the top of the page. There are tons of resources that you may find helpful. Posting your story is so incredibly brave and I’m so proud of you for putting it all out there. Whether or not you decide to talk to a therapist, please know that we are here for you no matter what and support you 100%.

    Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. Stay strong and please be gentle with yourself. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to talk.
    Marissa