The Red Mustang

I was in my sophomore year of high school, I had many friends and would often go to parties and hang out after school. I began smoking weed at this time with friends but never participated in drinking. I met Him on my way home from the library one afternoon, he was leaning on his red mustang with his music going. He called out to me as I walked passed him saying something along the lines of “Damn you look nice.” I didnt stop or even acknowledge that I had heard what he said and just kept on my way. A few days later I was again walking home this time high as I was coming from a friends house. I didnt see his red mustang parked on the street, but he was standing on the side of his house. This time he stopped me by stepping in my way. He looked me up and down smiled saying “I’ve seen you around and I like the way you look, can I have your number?” I gave him my number but switched out my last digit, I’m not sure why I did that but I’m glad I did. When I had seen him again a few weeks later he had stopped me again asking if he had the right number he tried to call me. He noticed my bloodshot eyes and smelled the weed on me, he laughed stating that he wouldnt have pictured me a stoner and that he could smoke me out anytime I’d like. I had somewhere to be that night so told him to give me his number and I would message him if I needed weed. I found myself noticing his red mustang parked on the street outside his house, and then at the library, the pizza place, parked in allies on my way to friends. I tried to convince myself that it couldnt have always been His red mustand that I was seeing everywhere. No one else ever seemed to notice I had a tail so I chalked it up to paranoia. I had messaged him one day asking if he could buy me a blunt wrap and I’d buy $20 of weed off him. He told me to come over to pick it up so I did, nothing too interesting happen I got my weed and walked home to smoke alone. I never told my friends about this guy who was obviously in his mid 20’s who had his own car, presumably a job, sold me weed, and seemed interested in me. A few weeks passed with no contact between us other than me noticing his car around town. The next time I’d run into him I would regret ever stopping to talk with him. I spotted the red mustang outside his house as I was walking to a friends house, I didnt see him anywher outside. He was in his car smoking a blunt listening to music. As I reached his passenger side window he rolled it down leaned over and called out to catch my attention. He told me to hop in and that we could “hotbox” the red mustang. So I got in. It seemed so normal to me, just two friends smoking and hanging out having a talk about nothing specific. Midway through smoking he turned to me and said he knows of a great smoking spot out in the cuts of town that he could take me to enjoy a view while smoking. I agreed excitedly at the thought of taking a ride in his nice red mustang and smoking with him and a great view of the city. We got to the spot and he told me he’d like to see my rolling skills betting that I couldnt roll better than him. I was rolling this blunt and he unbuckled my seatbelt telling me to get comfortable. He placed a firm hand on my thigh telling me he loves watching me walk around in my shorts. I moved his hand and told him not to touch me that I only wanted to smoke and hang out nothing more. He let me finish rolling but again he placed his hand on my thigh and squeezed, his breathing got harder and he leaned over whispering in my ear about how soft I was and that he cant help but touch me. At this point I was starting to get uncomfortable with the situation knowing I wasnt close to home and no one was around. No one would hear me scream. No one would know where I was if he killed me out here, my mom would be expecting me to be at a friends house about to come home soon. He reached over to pull the leaver to lean my seat back, he climbed over in front of me. Immediately tears streamed down my face as the realization of what was about to occur ran through my mind. He forced my shorts down to my anckles with one hand as his other was over my mouth slightly covering my nose. I tried to struggle and he covered my nose more, he was suffocating me, I couldnt scream and there was nowhere for me to go. He let me breathe and told me that he wasn’t going to hurt me if I just let him have me. I stayed stiff closed my eyes and let tears streak my face and pool into his hand over my mouth. He whispered in my ear calling me a slut and a whore and telling me to keep crying even though he knows I like it. To him I was a whore teasing him while I walked passed him all the time, to him I had to want it, what else did I expect from him. When he got close to finishing he put his hand on my throat and began choking me, I tought he was going to strangle me to death. The whole time calling me a dirty slut. He climbed over into his seat buckled his pants and just stared at me for a second. He wiped my tears away, telling me he was sorry that he likes it so rough. He called me a good girl, told me to fix myself and he would drive me home. I never looked at him again and refused to speak over my crying during the ride home. He never asked me where I lived, just drove straight to my apartment complex and parked in the front. He asked me if I had grabbed my phone and to keep my number because he liked me and promised to call me soon. I jumped out and ran home. When I got to my door I realized I didnt have my keys. I paniced at the idea of him finding my keys in his car and having a way into my home. I called him begging him to turn around telling him I dropped something under his seat, I told him I’d meet him on the street if he would just turn around. He came around the corner parked his red mustang outside the complex and began to yell at me while I frantically searched for my keys. I found them, slammed his door shut and took off running through the complex. When I got in no one was home, my parents went to pick up dinner. I ran to the shower crying, his words ringing in my ears, I was a whore, a dirty slut. I believed for a long time that I was the one to blame. I wore the short shorts and makep, I got into his red mustang, I gave up my struggle and let him rape me. I was 15 when this happen to me, I went through a deep depression and transfered to online school after my mom got calls from the high school when I didnt show up because I couldnt bring myself to get out of bed. None of the people I considered my friends asked about me or bothered to call. My mom just thought I was having a depression breakdown and didnt bother to ask what happen that could have started it. At 17 I found out I was pregnant by my current boyfriend at the time, when I turned 18 a few months after the birth of our daughter he’d ask me to marry him. He not only became my fiance but the first person to hear the details of that day. He took it upon himself to be the one to break the news to my mom that her daughter had been raped. He made the excuse of saying that he knows if something similar were to happen to my daughter I would want to know about it. The talk I had with my mom was a long one that took hours. We cried and she apologized for not thinking twice about my depression or noticing the changes I made to my life. She assumed I was just trying to drop out of high school so thats why she placed me in online school. No one noticed that after I was able to leave my room I stopped wearing shorts, threw out my makeup and no longer bothered to care what I looked like when I left the house. My mom begged me to tell her why it took so long for me to tell her and was upset that she found out from my fiance before coming to her myself. She told me it could never have been my fault and only hoped that I had come to her sooner. We never speak about it, and my relationship with my then fiance fell through. I’m a single mom, now in my 20’s, I pray that my daughter never has an experience of this nature. I also pray that God forbid she ever does I realize the signs and she feels trusting in me enough to open up to me about it, on her own terms not when someone else deems the time for her. I’ve come to terms with the events of that day, knowing the only thing I wish I had done was just keep walking passed him, never stopping.


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12 comments

  1. Janelle K

    Thank you so much for sharing your story 1proudmommy. We believe you and are here for you. You did not deserve any of this and it is not your fault, it is his. You deserve to be in charge of your body and your story. Thank you for raising a strong woman in this world. That is absolutely the most amazing responsibility in the world. You are so strong and we are incredibly proud of you. I am sorry no one around you noticed the changes and you carried this for so long. You deserve love and healing. Please let us know if you need other support, information on resources, or anything. We are here for you.

  2. Jade Volunteer

    Thank you for having the strength to push forward and the courage to reach out to share your story. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through, you didn’t deserve that. You deserve to always be in control of your body, to always feel safe, and to always be respected. I’m sorry you weren’t given the support you deserved during this traumatic time in your life. I’m glad you do now though? You sound like an amazing mother. Stay strong and keep fighting. We are all here for you.

  3. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    i am so sorry this happened to you at such a young age. He did some terrible thing and those things he said are not true at all. He crossed the line with those comments and i am sorry you had gone through this. Everyone heals in their own way and just know their are sources you can use to help out when upset. We are here for you and we fully support you.

  4. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hello there,
    I am so so sorry that you had to experience this at such a young age. He said terrible things about you and none of them were true. You are not a slut or a whore, and you did not deserve that! Nothing gives him the right to hurt you or take advantage of you, not the clothes or the makeup you wear. I am sorry that your mom did not initially see what was really going on with you, but I am glad that she was supportive once she found out. Is she still a supportive person for you? Recovering from something like this is really difficult at times and it is so helpful to have someone supportive. It sounds like you are an amazing mom. Your daughter is so lucky. Please know that we are on your side through your journey. Let us know if there is ever anything we can do for you!
    -Natalie

  5. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi 1proudmommy,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry that this happened to you. None of this was your fault. It is all on him. Your daughter is very lucky to have someone with such strength and courage as her mother. I have no doubt that you will be a powerful supportive force in her life. Everyone heals in their own way. Please let us know if there is anything else we can do for you.

    Thomas

  6. 1proudmommy

    I truely appreciate all the support. I felt the need to tell my story just so that it would be out in the world and no longer a weight on my mind. My mom was very supportive, I believe in my heart that the way she reacted to my story helped me come to terms with the fact that it was never my fault. I haven’t brought it up again since the first talk we had about it. I dont mind not having family and friends to tell my story to, I prefer to not tell people I know personally. I cant thank you all enough for taking your time to read and respond with support.

  7. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you for being so brave and sharing with us; it can be very difficult to tell your story, but we are glad you did and are here for you. None of what happened was your fault. No matter what you wear or how you look, NO ONE has the right to your body EVER. Do you have supportive people around you? We are always here for you and are happy to give you any resources you need to help in anyway. Please let us know what we can do for you. We support you 100%! Stay strong <3

  8. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. I cannot emphasize this enough. You did not deserve this, and this was not your fault. It was the person who did this to you. He is the only one to blame. Is your mom still being supportive? I hope so-you deserve that. Let us know what else you may need-we are here for you.

    Erin

  9. rkr18 Volunteer

    1proudmommy,

    I am so sorry you had to go through such a trauma. It wasn’t your fault, you definitely did not deserve it. I am happy that your mom listened and was supportive. Thank you for trusting us and confiding in us. We are here for you and please keep us updated. You are strong and courageous and I see you becoming a mom that your daughter will be proud of.

    -Marie

  10. music2799 Volunteer

    Hi 1proudmommy,
    My heart hurt reading this. I want to let you know that this wasn’t your fault. A victim is not at fault for an assault – the blame is only on the assailant. Walking past someone does not give them the right to assault you. He was being extremely creepy by stalking you, and based on what you shared, it doesn’t sound like he got to know you well either. You are none of the things he called you. You’re not dirty, and you should not expect to be assaulted by someone. It infuriates me that he tried to justify it in that way.
    I’m also really sorry that your fiance told your mother. It’s your story, and you should be able to tell it at your own pace. Yet I’m glad that your mother was supportive when she found out. I don’t have children, yet I have similar wishes for my future children. I hope the same for your daughter.
    Thank you for confiding in us. You’re so strong for doing so, and I hope things are better for you now. If you ever need support, we’ll be here. You can do this.

  11. JFeeney21 Volunteer

    Hi 1proudmommy,

    I’m so sorry that that happened to you, nothing about what happened to you was your fault. The fact that this monster was stalking you shows how deeply screwed up this person was. Telling anybody especially family members about traumatic experiences can be difficult but it sounds like your mother was empathic and supportive which is always good. I have no doubt that the strength you have shown will continue and be notice by your daughter. I’m glad that you reached out to 8s and felt comfortable telling your story, please let us know if we can help in anyway possible.

  12. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, 1proudmommy. I’m so very sorry that happened to you. You did nothing to deserve that. Simply ‘walking by’ is no excuse to sexually assault someone and it doesn’t matter what you were wearing or if you were buying weed. You are not to blame for this. I’m sorry you weren’t supported and no one noticed you were struggling. It should have been left up to you how/if/when to tell your mom. I’m sorry that choice was taken from you. I know how violating it can feel to have someone tell your secret like that. Hopefully you are finding the support from her now that she knows, even if you would have done it differently. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help. Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong mother. Thanks for sharing your story with us.