first time I’ve let this out. never could do it with pen and paper, I tried, but never tried typing it out till now.
its my life and its a long story of trauma and abuse but I’ll start 15ish years ago when I was 16, just outta juvenile hall. I was in there for being an a.w.o.l. foster kid, just a runaway. so I was sent to this group home, I knew I was taking off from there as soon as I had a chance thought first chance would be when I went to school. nope. unfortunately for me the man in charge of taking me to get my essentials- with the clothing allowance given whenever a foster kid has to move- well he saw through my charade of obedience “yes sir, no sir,” he knew damn well I was just waiting for my chance, so he gave it to me, after he took what he wanted. so he raped me and I ran. ran right into the arms of a much older man, a man who was willing to help a 16 year old runaway hide…I hate to say he also raped me, but when he did, I stayed. stuck. I’m still with that much older man, and its like I’ve been stuck for 15 years still trapped at 16. I’ve nothing that’s my own not even myself. never had a job that wasn’t under the table I can’t even drive I didn’t even finish highschool. I can’t figure out if the man I’ve spent the past 15 years with is my savior? partner? perpetrator? all three?
I don’t even know at this point
I’m a mess, I can’t trust anyone especially myself,
am I even here?