thank you for hearing me out, you’re the first

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first time I’ve let this out. never could do it with pen and paper, I tried, but never tried typing it out till now.

its my life and its a long story of trauma and abuse but I’ll start 15ish years ago when I was 16, just outta juvenile hall. I was in there for being an a.w.o.l. foster kid, just a runaway. so I was sent to this group home, I knew I was taking off from there as soon as I had a chance thought first chance would be when I went to school. nope. unfortunately for me the man in charge of taking me to get my essentials- with the clothing allowance given whenever a foster kid has to move- well he saw through my charade of obedience “yes sir, no sir,” he knew damn well I was just waiting for my chance, so he gave it to me, after he took what he wanted. so he raped me and I ran.  ran right into the arms of a much older man, a man who was willing to help a 16 year old runaway hide…I hate to say he also raped me, but when he did, I stayed. stuck. I’m still with that much older man, and its like I’ve been stuck for 15 years still trapped at 16.  I’ve  nothing that’s my own not even myself. never had a job that wasn’t under the table I can’t even drive I didn’t even finish highschool. I can’t figure out if the man I’ve spent the past 15 years with is my savior? partner? perpetrator? all three?

I don’t even know at this point

I’m a mess, I can’t trust anyone especially myself,

am I even here? 


Join the Conversation

44 comments

  1. aegardiner Day Captain

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    Thank you for sharing and trusting us with your story. I’m very sorry to hear what happened to you all while dealing with being in foster care. It sounds like you are contemplating leaving the situation you are in? This can be a hard break after so many years, but we have resources that can help you locate a shelter, therapist, etc. near you in the Find Help tab above. Given your past experiences and the fact that you feel trapped it sounds like you need to be in a safe place. We are here to help you if you feel like that is something you need. Your needs matter and you still have a life ahead of you that is worth living.

  2. lizzi

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,
    I’m so sorry to hear about the trauma and abuse you went through earlier in life. It was not your fault at all that you were raped. They were in a position of authority and never should have taken advantage of that. I’m sure your current situation is confusing, and I think talking it out further would help you get more clarity into if this is the life you want to continue with this person. Do you feel happy with how your life is? I think that’s a good indicator to start with. If this person doesn’t let you seek help, look through our online resources that so many have already recommended and see if you can talk to someone online. Thank you for trusting us with your story and know that we are here to support you.

  3. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have been through a lot of hard situations. It’s really upsetting that you’ve never been given the chance to be on your own and prove yourself, while going through abuse. Perhaps you should think of contacting a therapist. Regardless, we will always be here to listen to you and provide a place where you can express your thoughts. Stay safe.

  4. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve what they did to you. If you need any resources, you can click on our resources in the top right corner of this page. You are strong. It takes a lot of courage and strength to write your story on here. If you need anything else we are here for you. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  5. jcastle38 Volunteer

    Hi cogito,
    I am so incredibly sorry that this happened to you. The man that was supposed to be taking care of you hurt you the most, and the one that was supposed to save you hurt you as well. You did not and do not deserve any of it. I hope you know you are very strong for sharing this with us, I hope that talking about it helps you in your recovery process. I also hope that you find yourself in a safe space, you can go to our resources tab for more help and know we are here for anything you may need. I am sending you lots of love.

  6. jyoung Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope that telling your story was able to aid you in your healing journey and provide you with some comfort. I’m so sorry that this happened to you; you didn’t deserve any of it, nor was it your fault. Please know that all of your feelings and emotions are valid. You are here, and you deserve to be here. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you. We hear you, and we are here for you.

    Take care,
    Jasmine

  7. Mary Ella Day Captain

    Hello cogito_ergo_sum,

    You have gone through so much and you should be proud of yourself for sharing your story with us here. Your story is a great reflection of your resilience and strength. I understand how these experiences can be so traumatic for the harm it has caused you. I can also sense that there is a lot of confusion, which is understandable because of your relationship with the person who has raped you. It’s heartbreaking to see that these people you trusted and relied on have abused and taken advantage of you when you’re in a difficult spot. Whatever you’re feeling regarding your situation is valid, and you should remember that what happened to you was not your fault. You were sadly put in this situation, and I hope that you get to find peace and healing soon.

    If and when you are ready to take more steps, I highly encourage you to go to our Find Help page to see if there are any resources that you think could help you. If you need anyone to talk to about this, please reach out to the people in your support system and/or write to us here. We are here for you! You deserve to be happy and to be supported. Take care, and feel free to update us soon.

  8. timms_andrew Volunteer

    Hey cognito_ergo_sum
    I understand what has happened to you is very difficult to deal with, and I applaud you for sharing your experiences with us. I understand it is difficult to be with someone who raped you. I encourage you to reach out to a therapist or a counselor. Relationships with people can be very complicated, and I encourage you to find a person who supports you while respecting your sexual boundaries and desires.

    Andrew Timms

  9. adrian Volunteer

    Hey, cogito_ergo_sum-

    It took a lot of strength to share this with us today. It sounds like you have been harboring this information and treading water for a long time. You deserve some solid ground. We are here to support and listen. You did not deserve what happened to you, especially at a vulnerable age and situation. It is hard to feel stuck sometimes, even more so when we are in a place that is not advantageous to us within society. While it sounds like you are looking just for an open ear, I hope you are able to take a look at our FIND HELP tab up above to be linked up with some help in your area. Another great resource is the Crisis Textline, just text anything to 741741 and they can also link you up with some resources in your area. Reaching out was a grand first step to take for your situation. What does the next step look like for you?
    Keep fighting the good fight-

    Take care,
    Adrian

  10. ryannlashea Day Captain

    Hi, thank you for trusting us with your story. We are all so proud of you. It takes a lot of bravery to share your story. You are so strong.

  11. JudithT Volunteer

    Hello cogito_ergo_sum,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. You are definitely here, sharing your story with us, and we hear you. I’m so sorry you were put into such harmful situations since you were so young. You did not deserve any of that. I hope that you will be able to find ways to reclaim who you are and no longer feel stuck. One thing that only you can own is your story, and it is so brave for you to share it with us. You are here and we hear you. It sounds like you have been in a confusing and uncertain situation for a long time, but I hope you will be safe and feel empowered to seek any help you need. Please feel free to keep us updated, we’re here for you.
    Sending love,
    Judith

  12. pinksky92 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have definitely been through a lot. It always upsets me to hear of people in helping and supportive positions, end up being perpetrators of abuse. It also sounds like you have never really been given the chance to be on your own and to prove yourself. Like at every turn, you run into road blocks. I am not sure what your situation is, but maybe you should start to find a therapist whom you could speak to? If you are in an unsafe environment, then perhaps you should also try in get touch with some organizations who can help you to escape. Please check out our FIND HELP tab for links to more resources.

    I am truly sorry for all that you have been through. I wish you all the best.

  13. haesol Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum ,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m really sorry you went through those experiences; you didn’t deserve any of the abuse and those men shouldn’t have betrayed your trust like that. It’s not your fault. Your feelings are valid, and we believe in you and hear you. You are here, you typed all this down, and you are being heard. It can’t imagine how tough it must be, but you’re doing the best you can. If you want, you’re welcome to check the Find Help tab for resources. Let us know if there is anything else we can do for you, we support you.

    Stay safe.

  14. brookeA Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry that you’ve been through so much trauma and abuse, and like the others have said, what happened is not your fault. It’s terrible that those two men betrayed your trust and took advantage of you, and the feelings you have right now are totally understandable. You are here, and we care about you and support you! I hope you are able to find a helpful resource under our find help tab.

    Feel free to keep us updated! I hope things start getting better for you and that you are able to get to a place where you feel safe. You deserve to be happy and feel safe! Take care.

  15. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello cogito_ergo_sum,

    I see this is your first time here. Thank you for coming here and sharing with us, you are very brave and courageous for sharing your story. I am so glad you found us! If you haven’t seen it already, there is a great resources page: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/

    I am so sorry to hear about everything that had happened to you. I hope you know that you didn’t deserve any of it and nothing that happened was your fault. You have been through so much and show so much resiliency. I hope you know that you can come back anytime and that we are here for you!

  16. Caitlin Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing Cogito_ergo_sum.

    I cannot imagine all you have been through. It must be very confusing and uncertain. You didn’t deserve any of this, you were a child and should have been able to trust adults. I am sorry it has happened to you. You can change the narrative I know it probably sounds impossible, but its not. There are ways for you to break free literally or figuratively. You will need to find support somewhere and I hope you do and something or someone presents themself in the “just right” time. We are here and there are resources on the “find help” tab.

    so much luck to you and check back anytime!
    -Caitlin

  17. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,
    Thank you for sharing with us and trusting us. I can’t imagine the pain and confusion you have gone through. You do not deserve any of that, and none of it was your fault. Those individuals should not have exploited the situation and done that to you. I understand why you have stayed and feel stuck, all those feelings are completely normal. However, I do think there are a few options for you, depending on what you want! If you want to leave this older man, can you go to a local police station or shelter? If not, is there someone else you could talk to, possibly some friends or counselors? They may be able to give you some advice.
    You are here and you do matter! You should do whatever you think is best for your overall health and well-being. I am rooting for you and we are here to support you!

  18. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    I am so glad you found us and found the courage to share a little bit of what you’ve gone through. I can tell that you’ve been through a lot, and this is just the tip of the iceberg. These men raping you was not okay. You did not deserve it and it was not your fault. I’m not sure how you would label the man you’ve been staying with, but it definitely sounds complicated and only you can determine that. While you understandably may not be able to trust others, you can trust yourself. Only you knows what is best for you. Trust your instincts. It’s not too late to leave this situation, if you want. Please do come back and share with us anytime you want and/or use our Find Help tab. We are here for you.

    KatherineL

  19. musicislove

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    I’m so sorry for all of the trauma you’ve endured throughout your life. Being in foster care is hard enough and then being so violated as you try to get out of that situation sounds incredibly scary. The man that was supposed to help you get settled at the group home had no right to violate you and neither did the man that helped you hide. You were underage and they had no right to do what they did. I’m sorry you’ve felt stuck for the last 15 years, all of your feelings are understandable. It makes it so much harder when you don’t feel like anything is yours and that you have no control, and things are so frustrating when you don’t even feel like you can trust yourself. We are here for you and want to help however we can, we have countless resources under our Find Help Tab and are also here to give support. You have been through more than anyone deserves and I’m sorry you are dealing with all of this, it’s not your fault at all. Like others said below, it’s never too late to start working towards independence. There are classes you can take to help with getting a drivers permit and you can definitely work towards getting your GED if that’s what you want. Sending you so much strength, thank you for trusting us with your story.

    Delaney

  20. colton95 Volunteer

    I know I’m going to sound like a broken record, but what happened to you is not your fault. You can definitely trust yourself. Even though the older man helped you get away from that first man, he is definitely not a savior. Both are evil men for what they did to you and they deserve jail time. I hope that you will be able to find a steady and fulfilling job and that you will be safe and soon joyful. Maybe try clicking on the FIND HELP tab on this site to find a resource that can help you get through this.

  21. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    What happened to you was not your fault, and you didn’t deserve it. The man in charge and the older man shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. I can only imagine the conflicting emotions you feel when it comes to this older man, and I don’t want to put any labels on him for you. I truly hope you can find clarity, and I encourage you to consider your gut feelings about the situation.

    I don’t think it’s too late for you to start taking steps toward independence. I believe there are online classes to get a driver’s permit and to get a GED, so if possible, could you look into those? Are you currently safe, and do you have people who can support and help you? I think the answers to these questions could help you figure out what to do next.

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. Sharing your story is courageous, and it is a wonderful step towards healing. We’re here to help and support you, so please write back whenever you need anything. We’re rooting for you, and we want the best for you. You’re here, and you’re worthy.

  22. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey cogito_ergo_sum,

    I’m glad you were able to share your story with us. I can only imagine how hard that was for you, and we are here to support you. We believe you. You didn’t deserve to be hurt by these people in your life. I think you should take a look at our “Find Help” tab; there’s a lot of resources in there for support, and there’s some for people in your situation. Do you think it’s best to try to leave this situation, and do you have any people who would be able to help you in that process?

    Any time you need to talk, we’re here for you. Be safe and be kind to yourself!

  23. amilne9 Volunteer

    Dear cogito_ergo_sum,

    Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. The fact that you had enough courage and strength to speak about your experience after so many years of going through trauma is such an amazing thing. I am so sorry for everything that you have been through, and it hurts my heart so much to hear about your situation. Although I am sure that no one will ever be able to understand the amount of pain you have gone through in your life, I just want to say I am so sorry that that happened to you, and I know how hard that must have been. No one deserves to be treated like that. I know that you must be having so many mixed emotions that are hard to process. I sincerely hope that you can gain some clarity about the older man, and I wish all the best for you in your future. <3

    Much Love,
    Ari

  24. karinakalke Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    I want to first say thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced these traumas. You did not deserve any of it. I understand how it would be difficult to give the man you are with a name. You don’t have to give him a label now, and you can always change it later if your feelings change. Please remember that all your feelings are valid, even if they’re confusing. Not trusting others or yourself is normal after being hurt. We have a ton of resources under the “Find Help” tab that could help you find a place to start. And we are always here for you too.

    Sending love and support,
    Karina

  25. Neesha Volunteer

    Cogito_ergo_sum,
    I can understand wanting to run and looking for a chance. I am angry at the man in charge of buying you essentials raped you. You were temporarily in his care and he hurt you. You deserved to be safe and treated like a 16 year old girl and not like a sexual object.
    I so relate to not trusting yourself, I think its a normal belief after we’ve been hurt. I hope you keep sharing your truth and start exploring who you are and what you need to get unstuck. Check out our find help tab and see if anything resonates with you.

  26. seanprender34 Volunteer

    Cogito_ergo_sum,

    I want to begin by applauding you for telling everyone your story as it is always so incredibly difficult to do so. I empathize with you in how difficult your situation must be, being with a man while trying to understand who the man you are with is. I think a course of action that could prove benefical would be to talking with a therapist. I personally sympathize with you in the feeling as if your life is not going the way you wish it could, however, you can always change your life around no matter the age. Maybe try looking into getting your GED and then community college! I wish you nothing but the best and hope some positive outcomes come your way. Please feel free to come back and share more of your story or an update, we will always be here for you.

    Sean

  27. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi cogito,

    Thank you for coming and trusting us with your story. I’m truly sorry to hear about all of the stress and trauma you endured. I can imagine that trying to label the man you’re with can be very mind boggling. I don’t want to make that label for you – I think you are able to when you’re ready and comfortable. But what has happened in your past is not your fault. I truly admire your strength. Try to remind yourself that you are a person and you have a voice that deserves to be heard. You are worthy. I’m really proud of you for sharing your story with us.

    Please feel free to explore our Find Help tab for some resources that you may find helpful – there’s everything from books to read to resources you can reach out to for support. And, let us know if there’s anything we can do for you!! We care about you. Keep your chin up and stay strong.

    Sending much love and support,
    Bre

  28. zelda Day Captain

    Hi, cogito. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I feel bad that you have gone through so much trauma. To me, that man is a perpetrator, but I can only imagine the mixed feelings since he’s given you a place to stay and food to eat. Even though he’s hurt you, he’s helped you. But has he helped you out of kindness, or was it just for his own underlying reasons?

    Regardless, you deserve so much better.

    Even though you’re stuck right now, you are incredibly strong. You are a warrior who has lived through more than most people have in their entire lives. In the pit of my stomach, I believe you will be okay. And I believe that you will overcome your circumstances, and go on to live a beautiful life.

    Whatever you need, we’re here to help.

    Please come back again anytime. I’m glad you shared your truth, and I hope you have found some peace and acceptance here.

    You are amazing!! Never forget your worth. 💜

  29. coachdiggs Volunteer

    Hello cogito_ergo_sum,
    First I wanted to say thank you for sharing your stories. I wanted to say I am truly sorry that you had to go through all of the stress that you had to deal with. I also wanted o say it is not your fault that you had to deal with that. Do not ever thing it is to late to change your life around. You can do whatever you put your mind into. I would say maybe try to talk to an therapist. Therapist can help you get things off of your chest and it can also give you advice. Lastly, thank you for sharing your story with us.

  30. Starling Volunteer

    Hi there,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. You were young back then, and those men took advantage of you. It’s never too late to change things. Have you considered talking to a professional about this? A therapist might be helpful to work tough the thoughts and emotions you’re dealing with. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  31. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Firstly, I want to say how strong you are for sharing your thoughts and speaking up about what happened to you. I know it’s not easy to talk about these things and you show real courage for doing so. We hear you, we believe you, and I’m so sorry for everything that you’ve been through.

    I want to make sure you’re safe. Have you spoken to anyone about what’s been going on? There are some resources that you may find helpful under the “find help” tab. You can find things like information, contact numbers for hotlines, and resources for counseling. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. We’re here for you.

    All the best,
    Rachel

  32. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there,

    First, I want to say thank you for sharing your story with us and trusting us. The first time telling your story can be difficult, but I am so happy that you were able to feel comfortable here. I admire your courage in letting it out. I am so sorry for what you have been through. Everything you are feeling is normal and valid. You are here, you deserve to be here, and you are resilient. Is there anything more we can do to help you? If you feel like talking to someone directly, please don’t hesitate to use our crisis line. Just text Voice to 741 741. We are here for you.

    Carmen

  33. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi there Cogito,
    I am so gad you have shared your story! I would like to say you’re not alone! It’s never too late to go after the things you desire (GED, job training, job, learning to drive). You deserve to be happy & life your life. I know it’s tough right now. It’s understandable to be feeling as you do. Have you considered seeking a professional like a therapist to help you rediscover who you are meant to be. You are resilient, strong, & courageous. Be proud because sharing as you have is a huge accomplishment & a step in the positive direction! I hope you will be able to find time for you. You surely didn’t deserve the cards that were dealt, but you do deserve to better yourself! As others have shared, our “find help” page is packed full of resources. If you need to chat with someone, there is also the crisis line. Text voice to 741741. Wishing you the best & hope you will find some comfort & encouragement from reading all the responses on here!
    Dawn

  34. leoreslavick Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,
    Thank you for sharing such a personal story and I am so sorry you had to go through something like that at such a young age. No one should be taken advantage of and I’m so sorry that this happened to you. He took advantage of your young age and your vulnerability and no one deserves that. I can’t imagine what that feels like. Hang in there and we are always here to provide support and assistance and like others have mentioned, try to reach out to our crisis text line, if you would like one on one help with anything you are going through.
    Sending so much support your way,
    Leore

  35. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for everything that happened. You didn’t deserve any of it, and it wasn’t your fault. Is there anything we can do to give you more support? Please text our crisis text line, VOICE to 741 741 if you need more help.

    Erin

  36. Lex Volunteer

    Hello cogito_ergo_sum,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that. You did not deserve what those men did to you, and none of it was your fault at all. You were so young and they took advantage of you. It is important to know that you are here. You are important and you deserve happiness. It is never too late for you to get your GED, this will help you get a job and gain some independence.

    Stay strong. We are here for you, always!
    – Lex

  37. bbbmjohnson Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story. This is a community where we receive so much strength from sharing and hearing other people’s stories . It always feels so much better to talk things through. We are hear for you.
    Those are some scary experiences that no one should have to go through, and I am sorry that happened to you. There are so many other resources you can find on this website, I invite you to look for them. We are here, you can trust us. You are present, and you can get through this. Most importantly, you don’t have to go through all of this alone, again we are here for you.

  38. sarahj Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us here, please know this is a safe space to share at any time. Clever username. Yes, you ARE here. You think, therefore you are.. right? 😉
    I am sorry to hear of your experiences. You did not deserve the pain you have endured. I can’t imagine how you are feeling now. Have you ever had these conversations with the man you are with? Do you have a close friend you might confide in? I know it can be incredibly difficult, but talking through it may be helpful. Alternatively, you can find resources under the “Find Help” tab here on the site and you can always continue to share with us here. We are here to support you as much as possible.
    Mostly, I want you to know you do exist, you are important, and you have a purpose. Please feel free to come back as often as you like.
    Until then— wishing you love and positivity,
    Sarahj

  39. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi cogito,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. Sharing takes a lot of courage. This is a safe space and we are all here for you. I’m so sorry to hear about all that you’ve been through since 16. We are all here for you, and we have some amazing resources here: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/ . None of what has happened is in any way your fault. If you feel unsafe where you are, do you feel safe calling the police? If you feel safe where you are, it might be a good idea to look at the resources above for someone to talk further. It’s never too late to finish highschool, start a career, or gain independence. You have all of that strength within you. We are all here for you.

    Stay strong,
    T

  40. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of strength to come forward with your experiences. You’re very brave!

    I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. You have led a very tough life! You didn’t deserve to be manipulated and to have your boundaries disrespected. That was completely unfair to you and the man who was in charge of taking you to get your essentials completely took advantage of you.

    Have you considered talking to a professional? They might be able to help you unpack your feelings about the older man you are living with. Feel free to check out our “Find Help” tab at the top of the page – there are tons of resources that you may find interesting/useful!

    Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you. That’s what we are here for!

    Marissa

  41. Ashley Day Captain

    cogito_ergo_sum,

    I appreciate your willingness to share your story with our community.

    While you were in the group home, you deserved to be cared for and treated with respect. The man who was responsible for making sure that you purchased essential items had no right to disrespect your boundaries by raping you. You were a child and it’s not okay that he placed you in a vulnerable situation.
    After you ran away, I’m thankful that you found someone who was willing to help you. I’m thinking that you thought there would come a point in time where you would gain independence and have an opportunity to begin living the life you wanted, but it sounds like the man who took you in expected you to stay with him forever. It’s unfair that you haven’t been able to have a job that isn’t under the table, get your driver’s license, or complete your education.
    Since this person helped you by providing a roof over your head but is much older, it makes sense that there’s confusion about what you are supposed to perceive him as (savior, partner, and/or perpetrator); I wish you didn’t have to carry that confusion.

    What do you want your life to be like? I want to know how we can help you. You deserve to feel free.

    Ashley

  42. silverliningsunshine Volunteer

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,
    I’m so sorry you had to experience all that; you do not deserve what has happened to you. It takes a lot of bravery and courage to share your story. Everyone on the AVFTI platform is here to listen and support you– there are a lot of resources in the “find help” part of the page so please feel free to look through those. You can absolutely trust yourself, but I understand it might be difficult to given what you’ve been through. It can be difficult to find something that actually helps when everything feels out of control. You deserve some relief. Please feel free to update us on the platform- remember that we’re all here for you!

    –silverliningsunshine

  43. candyappleb Day Captain

    Hi cogito_ergo_sum,

    I am really sorry that you had to experience all of that. I can assure you that you are here and that you can trust yourself. I understand what you mean when you say that you feel trapped. It can seem scary and overwhelming when you recognize the difference between surviving —what you have been doing—and thriving —what you want to do. It’s totally okay and quite normal after a traumatic experience the way you are feeling right now. We are here for you. We believe you and we support you 100%. I encourage you to visit our resources page. There are many wonderful organizations that may be local and can provide additional support services. Please feel free to share here with us anytime.

    All the best,
    Becca

  44. Solongago Volunteer

    You are here. And it sounds like you want out. Maybe you need to run away, but better this time. Maybe you can go to a domestic violence shelter and let them help you. They can help you get a GED, maybe help you get a job, and a rental. Maybe help you get on some form of assistance while you try to get a degree. Just because you did not finish high school doesn’t mean you can’t do it now. You have brains. You’ve used them to survive.

    You may be able to pursue this while living with this older man who abused you. It depends on what you want to do. You say you don’t have high school. Do you have a soc. sec. card? You say you haven’t worked any job that wasn’t under the table. Well, it sounds like you may want to turn that around.

    It is hard to trust any individual when the ones that have helped you have also hurt you, that is why am suggesting some public agencies and shelters. Starting out a relationship in dire need may put you at a terrible disadvantage, and it may be very hard to say “No!” Even if you should always be able to say no! So, I am suggesting going through a program like a domestic violence shelter, where what help you get is not an individual that maybe you will feel like you owe. Other options would be a priest or pastor who might be able to help you find resources like shelters or programs to get you out of a situation where this guy took advantage of you.

    You are very brave to write out your story and submit it. There is a button on the top of the page that says, “Find Help.” That might get you to people that know what is available in your area and can help you make the changes that you seem to want. I wish only the best for you. You deserve good things. Please come back and let us know if you need anything and how you are doing.