Ten years straight

Ten years straight

185 30

The guy abused me for ten years straight. I escaped from his house after he knocked me out and set his house on fire. 

I woke up and dragged myself outta the house and tried to ran to the police station but I couldn’t and I passed out in the yard. I got moved to the hospital by my brother and my father. They stayed with me until I woke up. My father continued to work the investigation  from his house until I was able to be myself. I now suffer from Post Traumatic  Stress Disorder. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder come when someone suffered a  Traumatic experience like war or physical abuse.  My brother went back to the ruble of the house and went searching for a piece of mail with the guys name on it but he couldn’t find anything.  

I didn’t wanna go back to school after my whole incident because I knew everyone was gonna bomb me with question seeing if I was okay with everything that happened. I ran outta school crying my eyes out because my attacker was on school property and the teacher weren’t doing anything about my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I ran back into the woods where I built a treehouse to hide when I was upset. My father and brother came to the school and had to come look for me. My brother knew I was gonna go to the tree house since he helped me build it. My brother climbed up the steps and saw me crying in the corner of the treehouse and come over and gave me a big hug. He got me outta the treehouse and got me over back to school and he stayed with  me for a while. 

During the day, My brother had a police call he had to respond to and he left me alone for 10 minutes  and I flipped out on a teacher and I flipped a table and I got sent to the principal’s office. He called my father and my dad came back to the school and signed me out for rest of the day. My father took me home and I locked myself in my bedroom for the whole night to the point where I wasn’t eating or not showering because I was scared to do anything because of my scars I suffered during my abuse. My scars where so bad that I couldn’t wear shorts and tank tops but as I got older, my scars started fading to the point where I got to wear shorts and tank tops again. 

I hate having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because I can never be myself anymore without freaking out or trying to hurt myself. When I freak out, I punch walls and I cut my hand and arms up with my keys. I want help but I am afraid to ask for it because of my past history. I have a coping skill of talking to my staff when I become upset and wanna do something stupid.  My father and my brother to this day is still looking for my attacker and they have no luck locating him.  My brother works around the clock to help me get the confront I need to put me at ease. The other coping skill I have is looking up photos on my phone of camouflage and military pictures.  My father is really concerned about me because he also has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because he was a military personnel. 

My father had a very bad experience with war where he lost his whole unit in a car bombing and he was knocked out cold for two weeks. When my dad woke up he didn’t know who any of his kids where including me. I was scared that my father was dead because he wasn’t responding so anyone at all including the doctors and nurses. He was moved into mental health after a couple of days in the hospital. I would visit my father when I can because he was the only one who understood me and what I went through for ten years. My father started to open up about his experience and his nightmares were going away. His keep up with meeting with his therapist and doing things to keep his mind off his Traumatic experience. 

My nightmares keep going on for weeks after weeks to the point where I just wasn’t sleeping. I was falling asleep at school and I was failing my classes.  My nightmares got to the point of being so bad, my brother took me to a mental hospital. I was at the mental hospital for two and half weeks. When I got to the hospital, I refused to attend groups because I didn’t wanna open up about my experience. The only way I opened up was with my therapist with a one-one session.  My therapist got me to open up within the first couple of days seeing him. 

My father got outta mental health two days before I got released from my therapist. My father picked me up along with my brother and we went out to dinner. I told my father about my time with my therapist and how we did different activities to get me to open up about the abuse and rape. The day after I was a completely different person because I was much more happier and I was calm. I was more focused on school and I was trying to bring my grades up from F’a to at least B’s or A’s at least. My final grades in school were all A’s and one B. When I brought my report card home to my father, he was excited that I was changed. 

I never wanted to get abused but I was stupid as a kid and I took off because I got mad. My father come after me but I told him to leave me alone. I ran off into the woods and that when all hell broke lose. I got lost and I meet this strange and at the time I didn’t know about “stranger danger”. I asked the guy if he knew how to get back to the main part of the woods and that when he took my hand and took me into his van. I though he was gonna drive me back to my house if I showed him where I lived but he never did take me home. 

The house he lived at was a white 3 story house in the middle of nowhere and it had a high fence around the property. He took me into the house and brought me into the big living room where he lit a fire in the fireplace. He made us hot cocoa with mini marshmallows. He asked what I was doing in the woods alone. I said that I got mad at my father because my father shut off the power to all my electronics because of my bad behavior during the week. I am watching a movie while the guy tries to contact my father to let him know that I was safe. My father never answered any of the guys calls which means my father was super pissed off at me. 

I fall asleep on the guys couch and then he started touching me. I woke up to the guy on top of me and he was trying to have sex with me. I pushed him off of me because I was only 8 at the time. He pushed me back into the couch and held me down with all his force. I tried to scream but he held his hand to my mouth. He dragged me off the couch by my hair and took me to his bedroom. He forced me onto the bed and I begged him to stop but he wouldn’t listen. 

Ten years later, I turned eighteen years old and I was gonna be celebrating it with a total stranger and not with my family. I knew my father was out there hopefully looking for his little girl. The guy took me out for my birthday but he was nervous that I would be seen. He went out and bought me new cloths which were black dress pants and a nice collar shirt with a tie and a suite jacket. He also brought me hair dye so I can change my hair color. When he come home, I went to the bathroom and dyed my hair black. Once my hair was done completely, he watched me shower and then I got dressed. 

We went out to a really nice restaurant and I ordered two hot dogs and Macaroni and cheese with a glass of water. After dinner, he allowed me to order a dessert. The dessert I order was New York  Style Cheesecake. Once we were all done with dinner, we went back home and watched television for the rest of the night. He allowed me to watch whatever I wanted to. The show I put on the television was M*A*S*H.  The owner went to bed around 10pm and I fell back asleep on the couch. 

I woke up early in the morning and I tried to run away from the house. The owner come down and hit me in the head with a table lamp. I went down hard to the ground. He poured gasoline all over the house and lit a match and the whole house went up in flames. I woke up and tried to get my self outta the house. I made it out the front door and fall on the front law. The fire department rode up and got me far away from the house. I started to freak out and the one firefighter grab my arms and held me down before I punched him or anyone else or tried to harm myself. 

My father pulled up onto the scene of the fire and saw me on the ground with firefighters on top of me. He pulled me up off the ground and hugged me close. He put me in front of his police car and he seat in the drivers seat. He asked me if I was okay. I didn’t respond right away as I crying as I watch the house burn down. My father jumped outta the police car and went over to the fire chief and asked what happened. The chief doesn’t know without doing a full investigation. 

Me and my father go back to my father’s house and I go back to my childhood bedroom. I scream out in pain because of my burns. My father comes into the room and takes my to the hospital. We get to the hospital and I get taken back to the trauma room where I get examined. The doctor come in and starts cleaning my wounds up and I cringed in pain. I stay in the hospital for three days to have my wounds looked at. The doctors comes back into my room and looks at my wounds. 

Once my wounds completely healed I went back to school. My father went to the principal and told him my past history with not trusting a lot of people anymore. The principal keeps a close eye on me when I was at school. I would sit outside even when it was down pouring because I didn’t wanna make any friends because I was scared that I would get abused again. The principal come to the cafeteria and watched me through the windows of the cafeteria. The security officer went to the principal and keeps an eye on Jen so the principal can go back to work. The security guard turns his back on on me for two seconds and I walked off of school property.  

The security guards takes off after me and he stops me in the middle of the road. He grabs me before I get hit by a car and takes me down the ground on the grass. I get away from him and the principal comes outta his office and I stop in the tracks. The principal takes me back into his office and he slams his door behind me. He looks at me and doesn’t say much. I say to break the tension “ I am sorry Sir, but this is my stupid life.” The principal replies back “ you have an awesome life. It ain’t stupid”


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30 comments

  1. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Im sorry this happeend to you. You didnt deserve any of this but you’ve made it through. You are stronger for this ,We are here for you and will support you! I want you to know you can always come back and continute to share updates with us, be don’t give up

    -Brianna

  2. Jess Volunteer

    I am so incredibly sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve a single thing that the man who took you did. You are not to blame for the despicable actions he took during that time. However, it seems like you have an incredibly great support system with your dad and brother. That’s amazing and often hard to come by. It was great to hear that you had such a good experience with the therapist you saw, as well. Are you still in therapy? It can be incredibly helpful to be in therapy and process the things that happened to you in detail. The trauma you experienced is extensive and processing it will take a lot of time. However, remember how incredibly strong you are to have survived what that man did to you. Keep fighting. If there is anything else we can do to help you, please let us know. There are lots of resources under the “Find Help” tab on our page. We are always here and we believe you. <3
    -Jess

  3. Jess Volunteer

    I am so incredibly sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve a single thing that the man who took you did. You are not to blame for the despicable actions he took during that time. However, it seems like you have an incredibly great support system with your dad and brother. That’s amazing and often hard to come by. It was great to hear that you had such a good experience with the therapist you saw, as well. Are you still in therapy? It can be incredibly helpful to be in therapy and process the things that happened to you in detail. The trauma you experienced is extensive and processing it will take a lot of time. However, remember how incredibly strong you are to have survived what that man did to you. Keep fighting. If there is anything else we can do to help you, please let us know. There are lots of resources under the “Find Help” tab on our page. We are always here and we believe you. <3
    -Jess

  4. Gamato04 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story. We are always here for you to and are always willing to listen. You are so brave for sharing your story. None of it was your fault and you didn’t deserve any of it.

  5. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your powerful story, its good you have a support system . If you need anything else please come back and continue to share with us we will be here for you

    -Brianna

  6. Roxie-heart317 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your powerful story, its good you have a support system with your father and brother, avfti is here for you

  7. Colton Kim

    I know someone else said that this already but it’s true: your strength and resilience is amazing. I think that is awesome that you had the strength and courage to share your story on here. I know from personal experience that sharing a harrowing or traumatic experience is one of the first steps to healing and emotional recovery. When I opened up about my experience to my closest friend and therapist it felt like some weight was lifted off my shoulders. I hope that you continue to be strong!

  8. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, JProshuto. I’m so sorry you went through all of that. I think it’s incredible that you survived – your strength and resilience is amazing. Thank you for trusting us with your story. I hope sharing it helped. I also find it helpful when I open up about my experience in a safe place. I’m so glad to hear you have a supportive family to lean on through this. Please let us know if you need anything. You are not alone and we’re here for you.

  9. blashea

    Hi, I am so sorry that this happened to you. This was in no way your fault and you did not deserve any of it. We are all proud of you and your strength. You are so brave. Thank you for trusting us with your story. I am glad you have found a support system with your dad and brother. We are all here for you, believe in you, and support you. Please let us know if there is anything that we can do to help!

  10. SAL Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you had to go through all that and are still dealing with it. Remember that none of it was your fault, regardless of what you did or didn’t do. I’m glad you have your dad and are able to relate to him. It’s clear that he and your brother really care about you and want you to be okay. Things will get better, even if they haven’t for so long. If there’s ever anything we can do for you, let us know.
    Stay Strong,
    Stella

  11. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear JProshuto,
    I am so sorry that you went through such a horrible and traumatic experience; you did not deserve for it to happen to you. You are incredibly brave and resilient! It sounds like your dad and your brother really love and support you. I am glad that you found therapy to be helpful. Please let us know if there is anything we can help you with and come back and write to us as often as you would like.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  12. brodie_james

    Hello friend!

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard you’ve had to work to get back to a healthy place mentally. You are incredibly brave, not only for sharing your story here with us, but also for seeking help after you were reunited with your father and brother. You’re such a strong, resilient person, and those are such admirable qualities to have! I’m also glad that you have your father and brother with you supporting you every step of the way. I’m so glad you reached out to AVFTI to share your experience with us. Our website does have many resources for you if you need additional support besides sharing your story. Please know that if you ever need to talk about anything else, we’re always here to listen and provide support.

    Cheers,
    Brodie

  13. MH Volunteer

    Hello JProshuto,
    I am so sorry that this happened to you. None of it is your fault and you did not deserve any of this. I am glad you have some support through your dad and your brother. Have you looked into other resources that may assist you? Please check out our “Find Help” section for resources in your area.
    MH

  14. music2799 Volunteer

    Hi JProshuto,
    I’m truly sorry that you’ve been through so much. What happened to you was not your fault, and you didn’t deserve any of it. He should have helped you get back home instead of doing what he did. This is entirely on him, and what he did was despicable.
    Yet I’m glad that you were able to escape and that your family is being so supportive. That can help so much when we’re healing from traumatic events. I’m proud of you for surviving and for going to therapy. You are a strong individual who deserves kindness and happiness. You’re still here, and that means so much.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. You got through your fears of trusting people in order to talk about this, and that is incredibly brave. If you ever need anything, please feel free to reach out. We’re here to support you, and continue to stay strong!

  15. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. You are so incredbily strong, and thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you have a great support system in your brother and dad. They love you and have been there to comfort you. I’m happy to hear that you were seeing a therapist. Are you still seeing them? Therapy can be incredibley healing, and it sound like it did some good for you. I know that times can be hard, but stay strong. We support you, and we believe in you.

    Carmen

  16. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Hello JProshuto,

    Thank you for confiding in AVFTI. That is such a large step for you as you express your concern with meeting new people. Even though this is a virtual resource, sharing your story is a tremendous step for you. You feelings are valid and true as a result of your experience. I am happy for you and that you escaped that house. Your brother and father love you unconditionally and provide you with comfort when times get rough. I hope that you are still working with your therapist as this could provide you with strategies to work with your PTSD.

    Thank you for sharing!

  17. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Im sorry that this happened to you. You did not deserve any of this. None of this was your fault. I am glad you have support from your Father and your Brother. You are so strong. Your story matters to us and we believe you and we are all here for you.

    -Brianna

  18. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for the pain and the trauma that you have been through. You didn’t deserve any of it, and it wasn’t your fault. Are you still seeing your therapist? I hope so-I know therapy has helped me a lot with my trauma. Let us know if you need help connecting you to those services in your area. You can also text VOICE to 741 741, our crisis text line whenever you need.

    Erin

  19. eagle206

    Hi JProshuto,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. You did not deserve any of this. I don’t believe you were stupid as a kid and none of this was your fault. I am glad you have support from your Father and your Brother. You are so strong. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I believe you and we are all here for you.

    Tyler

  20. Zoe Volunteer

    I am so sorry for all the abuse you’ve had to endure. The fact that you’re still here is a testament to how strong you are. I’m really thankful that you’re safe now, and with your family. I’m sorry that you never got the justice that you deserve, but I hope you’re able to heal and thrive regardless.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us.

    Zoe.

  21. Ashley Day Captain

    Thank you for coming forward to talk about what you have experienced.

    I can tell that your brother and father do what they can to ensure that you’re okay. Since you didn’t want your peers to bombard you with questions, it’s understandable that you weren’t interested in returning to school. During those two weeks that your father wasn’t responsive, I’m thinking that was heartbreaking to see. The person who abused you had no right to take you into his home; he should have offered to help you find your way back.

    I believe you, JProshuto.

  22. zoeyb

    I am so sorry that you had to endure this pain for so long. You did not deserve to be taken advantage of and disrespected. We are all here to listen and support you- this will always be a safe space for you. Thank you for sharing your story with us- we believe you and we see you. Please let us know anytime if you want additional resources. You are incredibly strong.

  23. Lizzi G Volunteer

    Hi JProshuto,
    I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. Reading this made me so angry that there are people out there that would do such horrible things and cause you such extreme emotional and physical pain. Thank you so much for your courage in sharing this story with us. I know this is something you’ll never forget but I hope that in time, you’ll be able to find some peace in your life. None of this was ever your fault and you’re such a strong person for surviving all these years of abuse. I agree with your principal. Your life has had some horrific events that nobody should ever have to experience but you’re incredible for fighting through all of it. Your life isn’t stupid and you deserve nothing but happiness and good things in the future.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  24. JFeeney21 Volunteer

    Dear JProshuto,

    I am so sorry to hear about all of the horrible things that happened to you. I am sorry that you had your childhood ripped away by such an evil deplorable person. But it sounds to me that you have a lot of people now that love and care about you. You are a very strong and brave person. Sharing your story can be incredibly difficult and I understand why you wouldn’t want to share it with some but I’m glad that you felt co.fortable sharing it with us. We are here for you if you need any help or resources. Please keep us posted.

  25. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry you went to so much tramatic events. You did not deserve any of this and its great that you have people supporting you. If you need anything Resources can be used and keep us posted on how you doing. You are strong anf courageous for sharing your story. We are here for you and fully cn help provide resources that you may use. Stay strong!

  26. TheRealDFink Volunteer

    Hey,

    I want to start off by saying I’m extremely sorry you had to go through what you went through. Reading your story made my chest hurt, no one should have to go through this. But I do want you to know that you are extremely strong and you have a loving support system around you. Plus you have each and everyone of us here at AVFTI! We are all ears when you need anyone to talk too. Stay strong, Hun. Keep your head held high!

    -Dustin F

  27. rkr18 Volunteer

    Proshuto,

    I’m so sad that you had to experience such trauma. You did not deserve it. It’s great that you have people that support you! And that understand what you have gone through and understand your ptsd like your dad. If you need anything please check out our resources. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. You are strong and courageous.
    -Marie

  28. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi JProshuto,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. You deserve to be treated with compassion and respect. Yet, as terrible as this was, you escaped. You’re still here. I know that isn’t always reassuring. And I know that doesn’t take away the pain. But you can continue to heal and grow, continue to have happy experiences, and continue to explore life, all because you’re still here. And you’re so strong. You have shown so much perserverence and bravery throughout your life. You should be proud of yourself for that. We are glad you made. Your life isn’t stupid. You’re life matters. You matter. And we are right here with you. You are not alone. Please let us know if there is anything else we can do to help. A Voice for the Innocent has many resources under its “Find Help” tab. Also, you message VOICE to 741-741 to get immediate support. Thank you for sharing your story with us, JProshuto. Stay strong.

    Thomas

  29. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,
    I am so incredibly sorry for what you have gone through. It saddens me to think that there are people out there who would do such a thing to such a young girl. You are so strong and inspiring. You made it through all of this and have survived to see today and tomorrow. That is amazing! It is totally understandable and valid that you would have PTSD after a traumatic experience like what you went through. I think it is great that you are going to therapy and working towards feeling okay again. Working through trauma and PTSD is a process. Take it slow, it is not a race. You are the most important person right now so always remember to focus on yourself. It sounds like you have a lot of people who are there to support you! You do have an awesome life like your principal said. You have survived and you are living! If you need support immediately text CRISIS to 741-741 to talk to a crisis center immediately. If there is anything we can do to support you, please come back to share with us. We aren’t trained counselors but we are here for you and we are on your side. Sending love, support, and hope your way.
    Stay strong! You are amazing!
    -Natalie

  30. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi JProshuto,
    I am so sorry this happened to you. You survived so much and I am so proud of you. No matter how many bad things happen, you have to remember the good things. For example, even though you were locked in a house, you still managed to escape. Escaping, being alive, and being able to go to the hospital is what you have to realize is the good thing. What your principal said to you is true and it is something that you should live by when you are upset or are having PTSD. That helps me when I feel like I am not having a good day.
    It is good that you have therapy and you can talk about these things. That is a great step to recovery. If you need anything else you can always write back, message VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help, or look at the find help tab in the top right corner. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa