Still struggling

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I have been working at my new job since February and I really love it, but my personal life is so empty. There are no single guys at work and I haven’t been able to find anyone at church either, so I reluctantly gave online dating a shot. For me, it’s like searching for high-end clothing at a Goodwill. I have been asked to be in a polyamorous relationship, offered a “massage” for an initial meeting, asked point blank if I wanted to fuck, been complimented on my boobs, told it was okay if I was thick as long as I knew how to please him, etc. It just goes on and on. This stuff does nothing for my self-esteem and just brings up memories of being treated like a sex object my entire life. I wish I didn’t have these curves. They are just a curse to me. I just want to be respected for my mind and personality. I don’t think that is too much to ask.


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7 comments

  1. BriGriffith Volunteer

    browning19,

    Thank you for sharing. I’m glad you’re enjoying your new job, but I’m so sorry your personal life feels empty. You deserve to feel loved and supported, and you deserve to be taken seriously while pursuing a relationship. You shouldn’t feel bad for wanting respect. You have so much to offer. Feel free to keep us updated, and know that you can always come here to express yourself. Sending you so much love and light.

    – Bri

  2. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi browning19,
    I’m sorry this is happening. You don’t need guys like that. I totally understand how it makes you feel like a sex object. You deserve someone who is respectful. You will find someone when you least expect it. Maybe try to do new things like go on walks in your neighborhood or find a new hobby. The more you put yourself out there the easier it is to meet new guys and it won’t have to be online. I hope this could help.
    -Alyssa

  3. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I’m sorry that the men on the dating apps have been less than stellar. I personally know it’s tough out there, and have basically had all of those things happen to me on dating apps. I agree, it doesn’t feel good to be always treated like an object, and that it would be nice to meet people that would actually want to talk to me as a person. A human. What’s helped is that I’ve stopped looking. Looking for men is not worth how they generally treat women. And I find that I am much happier because of that. I find security and support in my friends, and that helps me feel better about myself than seeking for men. Your curves are a part of you, and if someone doesn’t respect you, that’s on them-not on how you look. Take this time to figure out who you are and what you want, and making yourself happy. You don’t need a man to do that. I thought I did for such a long time. Let us know what else you may need.

    Erin

  4. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi browning19,
    I haven’t tried online dating, but I’ve heard a lot about experiences like this. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this, and I understand why it would trigger you. It can be so hard to find someone you want to be in a relationship with. You’re not asking for too much. Respect is important in any human relationship, and you deserve to be respected.
    I think finding a new hobby or taking a class in something you’ve never done before could help you get out of your comfort zone and meet new people. I’m confident that you’ll find someone who respects your personality and your mind.
    Thank you for updating us. We’re here to support you, and please feel free to write back if you need anything.

  5. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    browning19
    Hi there, so I totally feel where you are coming from. In this day in age it seems like meeting people is so hard no one actually talks to each other face to face. It is always behind a screen, so we are forced in to awful world of online dating. I know it sucks soo much. I wish dudes would just talk like in public you know. Anyways. The problem with online dating is that it seems to attract all the jerks and arrogant d bags and the guys who just want to hook up. From what you are telling us you have had some interesting encounters…me too. I hate how those site make you feel bad about yourself and like you said make you into a sex object. That isnt cool at all. Because you are so much more. Any real dude can see that. These internet dudes dont take the time of day to get to know someone. It’s just swiping. Which is sad really. In all honestly yes people have met their soulmate on match or pof but a lot haven’t. It is always an option to leave your profile up and just see what’s around but I wouldn’t count on finding what you are looking for on there. Instead just keep living life,try going to different places or trying new things. Maybe take a class of some sort. Expand your interests and go out of your comfort zone. You never know who you might me. Also it might not just be a guy you might meet some nice friends as well. Also dont hate your curves. I know that’s easy for me to say because I dont know you but they are your curves and you should embrace them. You are very strong and you know what you want. You deserve to be happy and to have a great relationship. I am sure when you least expect one will pop up and it will be amazing because he will see you for you! Hold your head up high. It will happen as my mom always told me good things come to those who wait. Corny I know lol. Much love
    Kristin

  6. Mary Volunteer

    HI browning19. It’s not too much to ask. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, no matter what. I’m so sorry that you are having all of these experiences. You are an individual with a lot to offer the world, and so much more than just a sex object.

  7. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, browning19. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I don’t have much experience with online dating, but from what I’ve heard, that sounds pretty typical unfortunately. I can see how it could be really triggering. I know there’s people out there, though, who will love an respect you. They just might be a little harder to find. Maybe take a break from the online dating if you’re finding it damaging to your self esteem, it doesn’t sound worth it. Just try not to get discouraged. I’ve found that the right person tends to pop up when you stop looking. I think if you put yourself first and do things that build up your self esteem, the right people will be attracted by that. You’re absolutely right, you deserve to be respected for you mind and personality – it’s not too much to ask at all.