I have to start over again, having pain, suffering, memories, physical pain, and who knows what else
This time it’s going to be different, I will get the therapy, medical, support, and any other help I can get.
Sometime last weekend everything that I worked on for 37 years was almost like I didn’t heal. In a matter of minutes feelings that I had for 37 years came back all of a sudden, it made me physically sick, it made me question things I never did before such when I was raped did I sin?, am I unforgivable?, and would my mother be better off if I was dead?
I have only hated one person, my rapist. I strive to help people, not to judge people no matter what, to have compassion, and never would want to hurt physically or verbally. I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I try hard to do what’s right. Which leaves me this question why would anyone want to open a wound so deep and hurt a victim to a point of never before, why? What’s the purpose of this, besides being a vile, wicked, evil and hateful person?
Am I wrong for hating what this woman did, and wanting nothing to do with her again, she did something so wrong that I may not know what may become of me, nobody should shame anyone like that, nobody!
Even though I have suffered, and will suffer again I will not lie down and give up, I will rise up