sexually harrassed and assaulted at school

252 41

My story is complicated and still frustrates me. I was in 7th grade at a public middle school. There was a kid in my homeroom who sat right next to me. His locker was also right next to mine. It all started on November 1st. He grabbed my butt 5 times that day. I didn’t know what to do, I thought this is what happens to girls my age. But he didn’t stop. He started to continually do it over the next few weeks. He would grab my butt and say sexual things, and talk about his sex life to me. I finally told someone the first time before Christmas break. I had told my teacher what had happened because we just had an assembly on sexual harassment at my school. She ended up telling my vice principal. When I had told her everything that was happening, she said she would handle it. All she did was leave him off with a warning. After christmas break, he started up again but this time, it was much worse. I have really bad anxiety, so my leg would bounce often, especially around him. He would try and “stop” my leg from bouncing but he didn’t actually do that. That was an excuse for him to slowly slide his hand up to my inner thigh and try to touch my vagina. He actually ended up touching my vagina, not on the inside of my pants, but on the outside. He started to grope my boobs. He started slapping my butt constantly and started to whisper sexual things into my ear at our lockers. After 2 months of this happening, I finally told my mom. I didn’t tell her how bad it actually was because I couldn’t even admit to myself how bad it was. She knows now how bad it was. But my mom ended up calling the school and she told the vice principal that I was being sexually harassed at the school and they need to do something about it. The vice principal once again said she would handle it. But she ended up calling my mom the next day and she said that they moved his locker and homeroom. They didn’t give him detention, suspension, nothing, just moved his homeroom and locker away from me. It has now been a little over a year since that has happened. My story lasted over the course of 3-4 months. I am now going into freshman year and I am in a completely different school than him now. I still have bad flashbacks from what had happened to me. It frustrates me that I will never get justice for what he did to me.


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41 comments

  1. almax Volunteer

    Hey gymnasticslover,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is a huge step to talk about these kinds of experiences, you are very strong and brave for that. I am sorry you had to deal with this, what that boy did to you was very wrong. You did the right thing speaking up to different people about it, especially your mom. Not many people speak up right away, I can’t stress enough how brave of you that was. It is very frustrating that you did not get the justice you deserved, but always remember you can take it further than the vice principal if you want to. Only if YOU want to. I hope you are well, and thank you again for sharing.

  2. jlanderos16 Volunteer

    Hey Gymnasticslover,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us, it took a big step in your life to let it all out and telling us your story. First off, I’m sorry you had to experience this, no one should experience such a horrible thing at school. Your principle and vice principal should of suspended the guy, what’s the point of having an assembly on sexual harassment if they only going to give that person a warning! But I’m sorry this happened to you and your getting flashbacks from what happened to you, just know AVFTI has sources to help you!

  3. cindy024 Volunteer

    hi, gymnasticslover,
    I hear from you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to tell a story especially like this. The fact that he did not get justice must be very difficult for you, it can bring memories and/or flashbacks. What he did to you is not right. Just know that in this platform you are able to access a lot of resources and assistance.

  4. caitlynmmiller Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. None of that was ever your fault. Please remember that. Unfortunately, I have also dealt with school administration that doesn’t do anything– it’s incredibly frustrating. I’m glad you’re at a new school now and I hope you’re treated better there. Try to keep us updated with a new post or a response. You deserve all the love and happiness in the world. We’re always here for you.

    Caitlyn

  5. Ashley Day Captain

    Thank you for taking the time to come forward with your story, gymnasticslover.

    After having an assembly on sexual harassment, it’s disappointing that the situation wasn’t handled better. Giving a warning to someone who sexually harasses other people isn’t enough. Moving them to a different locker and homeroom isn’t enough either.
    It’s not okay that he grabbed your butt and I wish that would have never happened. I wish that he would have left you alone and you didn’t have to endure flashbacks. Since you were in middle school, it’s not abnormal that you didn’t know how to approach the situation. He had no right to make you feel like you had to protect yourself from him. I can only imagine how unnerving it was to carry such a heavy secret; I commend you for finding the courage to confide in your teacher and mom. Talking about sexual harassment is difficult, to say the least.

    We have your back. You deserved better.

    Ashley

  6. pianogirl44 Volunteer

    Dear gymnasticslover,

    I am so sorry that you had to experience this and keep being re-victimized. It never fails to upset me when I hear stories where authority figures fail to do anything drastic to reduce the suffering of a person. You have every right to feel frustrated over what happened to you. It’s so unfortunate that women are often taken advantage of in this way. You were doing nothing wrong. It is especially frustrating when you think that turning to others will help to alleviate some of your suffering, but that they are unable to and also unwilling (it seems) to help. The lack of inaction on the part of your school is disgusting. It is their job to ensure that all students feel safe and protected. They truly let you down. I want you to know that you are so brave for speaking out. This is not an easy thing to go through. Please feel free to follow up with us to let us know how you are coping. I wish you all the best.

  7. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for coming onto our platform to share your story with us, I just wanna say that we believe you and we will always be here for you no matter what. <3 I am so sorry this happened to you, it was not okay whatsoever that he was acting that way towards you. What angers me is that there were people that probably saw this behavior too and still didn't do anything about it. Everyone writes off that behavior as 'boys being boys', etc. No young girl or boy should have to experience that kind of sexual harassment/assault from someone else. It does sound like your mother was good support for you though and I am happy to hear that she believed you, and tried to make sure action was taken at your school. As for the principal, this just sounds like an authority figure that doesn't actually want to deal with the problem at hands or the parents of that child. Which is unfortunate. Why have an assembly on these kinds of situations and give kids the feeling that they can come forward and trust that something will be done, but in-fact it is the exact opposite?
    I am so happy you are in a different environment and no longer around that guy. Sending love and hugs your way. We will be here if you ever need us.

    – Jordan

  8. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi gymnasticslover,
    You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and this was not your fault. I hate that the vice principal didn’t take more serious measures, such as suspending or expelling him. It’s understandable that you’re frustrated about not getting justice, and you deserved more protection from that situation.
    With that being said, I’m proud of you for telling your teacher and your mom about what happened. I’m glad your mom is supporting you and looking for a therapist for you. I hope therapy will be helpful for you, and you can share your story at your own pace. It’s great that you’re not in the same school as him, and good luck for your freshman year!
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. Please write back if you need anything. We’re here to support and listen to you!

  9. nvehovc Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I can’t imagine how hard this must have all been on you and still is, especially because of all the other stress of school you have right now and in finding your own identity. I am so sorry this happened to you, and it is so frustrating to know that the person who did this to you didn’t get the rightful punishment for his actions towards you. You are so strong in handling this, and know that you have support systems that are here to listen to you throughout the healing process. Know that you are entitled to whatever healing process works best for you, and never feel ashamed for any of it. I admire your strength and have so much faith in you. I will always be here to listen to your feelings and your story, and will do anything I can to help. This is your journey and remember you can go through it at your own pace.

  10. rohina_kumar Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for coming on here and sharing your story. I’m really sorry you had to go through such a traumatic experience. I hear your frustration – a person who has caused you so much trauma managed to get scot-free twice. I’m so sorry your vice principal didn’t take strict action against the kid. Life can really seem unfair when things like this happen. That being said, I’m glad that your mother supported you during that stressful time and stood up for you. I can tell she’s a huge pillar of support for you. I would really recommend reaching out to a counselor/therapist about this, or joining a focus group. Talking to others can be more helpful to you than you might think. I understand it may be difficult, since you did say that you took a little while opening up to your mother too, but I would strongly recommend opening up to a professional, at your own pace of course. You are entitled to the way you feel. We’re here to support you through your healing journey. Feel free to come on here at any time and update us about your mental health. All the love.

  11. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! I am so glad you came here to share with us. I am so sorry that your teacher did not give you the support you needed at the time. I am glad that your mom was able to be a resource for you and supported you. I hope that is still true today. It is understandable and normal that you are still have flashbacks and that you are frustrated that this happened. Are you able to talk with your mom about this? Or have you considered talking with a therapist about what happened and how you are feeling. Talking with others about what is going on is a great way to relieve some of the stress off of your shoulders. I hope that sharing with us was helpful for you. It sounds like you are doing the best things you can to heal from what happened. Please know I think you are incredibly strong! We are here for you! We believe you! and we validate you!

    Stay strong,
    -Natalie

  12. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. I’m sorry to hear about what happened with the guy who had his locker near yours. Any unwanted touching is not ok. The frustrating irony of the school having an assembly about sexual harassment and then not following up with the appropriate actions is quite horrible. It’s good to hear that your mum was supportive and reached out to the school to do something. Schools need to be more supportive and take stronger action when it comes to things like this. A simple locker move is not enough and it doesn’t teach this boy what he did was wrong. What that boy did was wrong and I believe karma catches up to people like that. While you may not have received justice while in school with him, know that somewhere down the line he will pay for the things he has done in some way. It’s good to hear that you are far away from him now!

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  13. jao1820 Volunteer

    Hey Gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry you had to experience that at such a young age. You are so brave and strong to comeout and speak about your experience. Please know it is never okay for anyone to touch you inappropriately without consent. I know this may sound unnecessary, but maybe you can try talking to a counselor or a therapist about your flashbacks, it will greatly benefit you in the future. Please let us know if you need other resources or support.

    – J.A.O.

  14. JWorks Volunteer

    GymnasticsLover,

    I’m sorry that boy did that to you. It’s extremely inappropriate and he had no right to touch you when he didn’t have consent. It’s very respectable of you that you told someone eventually. Many people never tell their stories and your bravery in telling someone, especially having to tell it twice, is commendable to say the least. Maybe you could talk to a trauma counselor to break down your feelings about the situation? Keep us updated.

    -Jay

  15. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you were treated like that by that boy. He had no right to touch your body or make you feel uncomfortable in any way. How your school handled his behavior was so unfair to you and completely inappropriate. You’re so strong for sticking up for yourself and letting people know multiple times that his actions were making you uncomfortable. It’s awful that you had to bring it up more than once, though. Your school should have done a better job protecting you.

    I totally understand how frustrating that was for you. I hope you find relief in knowing that you won’t be at the same school as him anymore. You did the right thing by letting people know what was happening. Have you considered speaking with a professional about what happened to you? You might not get legal justice, but they might have ideas that will help you come to terms with what happened to you and help you find peace.

    Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you! We’re here, no matter what.
    Marissa

  16. zelda Day Captain

    I’m glad to hear about your progress, gymnastics! Thank you for the update. 🙂

  17. lizzi

    Hi gymnasticslover,
    I’m so sorry for what happened to you in 7th grade. I can imagine at that age it was really confusing what he was doing to you, as it could have seemed like it was normal for guys to do that to girls at that age. It was not okay for him to touch your butt without your consent. I’m proud of you for telling a teacher, and I wish that more had been done to stop him. An assembly is great, but that doesn’t protect you from him. I’m sorry that things continued to get worse after that. I feel your pain in your writing, and I can imagine that was really hard for you to deal with, especially after they didn’t do much to protect you before. It was wrong of him to touch you and it was wrong of the school to not stop him. I’m so thankful that you’re away form him now and can be safe. Have you thought about talking to a counselor about the flashbacks you’re having? It might be helpful to talk to someone about what you went through so that you can find healing from it. We’re here for you and we believe you.

  18. candyappleb Day Captain

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. Things like this often feel complicated especially when you reach out for support and don’t receive what you need. I’m proud of you for speaking up first to your teacher and then to your mom. That took a lot of courage. I’m sorry that the school didn’t handle things better. Justice is so often missed in cases of harassment. I understand your frustration. Have you thought about speaking to a counselor or therapist? Sometimes they are better equipped with resources and information to ease the flashbacks. We have a wonderful list of resources available that may be local, and often offer counseling services at little or no cost. I would encourage you to think about it. Please always feel free to write here anytime. We believe you, we support you and we’re always available to listen.

    All the best,
    Becca

  19. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    My nieces just finished the 8th grade, and the one loves gymnastics too. I am sorry this guy treated you like this, but I think you really did the right thing in telling and sticking up for yourself. I am glad that you confided in your mom and that you were able to write here as well. Keep pushing for you. You did not deserve what happened and I wish the school would have done something more than they did. But at least you are not in a school with him anymore. I hope you have a great year this year, it is so exciting starting high school.

  20. haesol Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for sharing and trusting us with your story.

    I’m so sorry that happened to you. That boy shouldn’t have ever done any of the things he did to you, he violated your boundaries and never asked for your consent. None of it was your fault, I truly hope you know that.

    Once is bad enough, but with how repetitive it was the school should have taken much severe measures. You deserve justice, I’m sorry they didn’t grant it to you.

    Getting flashbacks is normal, although they’re not pleasant at all. Maybe it could help to find something as an outlet to express whatever it is your feeling after a flashback or even to distract yourself from it, like writing, dancing, singing… whatever you feel it might help. Also, I hope your new school is a good one and that you feel safe and comfortable there.

    You’re really brave for speaking out on what happened, if you ever want to come back and write an update feel free to do so, we’re here for you.

    Stay safe,
    sol.

  21. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for sharing that with us. What your classmate did is wrong, and it’s horrible that all he got from what he did was a warning and having his locker and homeroom moved. You deserve to feel safe in your own learning environment, and it seems like your school wasn’t able to provide that for you. It’s totally understandable to feel frustrated over the lack of action about what he did. Hopefully your experience at your new school is better than your previous one. Take care.

  22. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello gymnasticslover ,

    I’m really glad you found out about our organization. I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you. You didn’t deserve that at all, and nothing that happened was your fault. You did everything right. You told a teacher, talked to the vice principle, and told your mom. The fact that the school didn’t do anything is upsetting. If I were you, I would be frustrated too. Your feelings on this situation are valid. I’m glad to know that you’ll be going to a completely different school than him now. I hope you have a great freshman year and if your school has a guidance counselor, it might be worth talking to them if you feel comfortable. Alternatively, we are always here for you to talk more too. Many volunteers here have their own stories as well and understand what you’re going through. You are always welcome back!

  23. brookeallnutt Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with us. I’m so sorry that you had to experience that and that he was never punished enough for what he did. I hope the therapist your mom got you will help you start to heal, and I hope you have a much better experience at your new school. We are always here for you when you want to talk!

  24. musicislove

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. It takes a lot of strength to be able to stick for yourself and I’m really glad you did. I’m sorry that your teacher and vice principal didn’t help you more but I’m glad your mom believed you and stuck up for you as well. I’m also glad you’re in a different school than the person that assaulted you. It’s understandable to have flashbacks, I’m sorry you have to deal with them I know they are really hard to deal with. I was a little older than you when I was finally able to get help and getting into therapy was really helpful for me, if it’s a possibility for you it might be worth checking out. Writing and music are also really helpful. Thank you for trusting us with your story and please come back any time, we’re always here.

    Delaney

  25. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for coming to share your story with us. It’s really brave that you stuck up for yourself by going to your teacher, vice principal, and mom. I completely understand your frustration that your vice principal didn’t respond appropriately. They should have taken this more seriously. School is supposed to be a safe place, and I’m sorry that was taken from you. What he did to you and how your school responded is a huge violation, it’s completely understandable that you would have flashbacks – whatever you’re feeling is totally valid.

    Even if your school didn’t provide a feeling of justice for you, there are other things you can do to feel a sense of justice, closure, or cope with what you’re feeling. For example, writing in a journal or continuing to share here might help you process what happened. Other things you can do may be talking to your mom, someone you trust, or a therapist. Writing a letter to the person who did this and/or to the vice principal about how you feel about what happened and how their behavior was harmful to you may also be helpful. After you write it, you can decide if you want to send it, but simply writing it may be enough.

    Please feel free to come back and share with us again!

    KatherineL

  26. rkr18 Volunteer

    Gymnasticslover,

    I am so sorry that happened to you. The vice principal should have been more aggressive about it. It was not your fault and it’s very upsetting how they handled it. If you need someone to talk to please visit our site we do have some resources that could help. Please let us know if there is anything we can do.
    -Marie

  27. colton95 Volunteer

    I’m really sorry for what that awful guy did to you. I hope that somehow justice will be served against him and that people in your new school will be more understanding and supportive. Stay safe and strong!

  28. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey gymnasticslover,

    I’m glad that you found us and had the courage to share your story. We believe you, and I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You deserve to feel safe in your school and shouldn’t have to worry about being harassed while trying to learn. I went through some similar things when I was your age. It’s good that you were able to talk to your mom and that she’s been a support for you. It might help to look for an online therapist so that you can process these experience and learn some ways to cope while you’re still unfortunately in the same school as him.

    You’re always welcome here, and you can share anything you want to get off your chest! We’ll be here to be a community for you.

  29. ZJC9753 Volunteer

    Hi Gymnasticslover,

    You are so brave for coming forward and I am happy that you shared your story with us. It is not okay that these things happened to you and I am so very sorry that the adults in your life did not do the right thing and did not support you. I wish with all of my heart that the adults at your school would have done more to protect you and would have shown that what this boy did was wrong. I am glad that you are in a different school now but I am very sorry that you had to leave when you very obviously didn’t do anything wrong. Healing takes some time and I am happy that your mom seems to be supportive. Thanking you for sharing your story with us and please do so again whenever you would like to.

  30. Neesha Volunteer

    You are strong for telling us and the adults in your life that your were being sexually abused by a class mate. Your teacher and vice principal should have done so much more to protect and to demonstrate that his behavior was unacceptable. I am sorry that he was only left with a warning and moving rooms/lockers.

    Maybe tell your mother about the flashbacks and ask if she can help you get into therapy?

    I’m glad you’ll be in a different school and I hope you’ll have the safety and peace to heal. Keep us updated and we’re here whenever you want to share.

  31. MarciaD Volunteer

    Dear Gymnasticslover: You are so brave for telling your story. You had every right to expect the adults at your school to protect you and make sure you were kept safe from harm. I’m so grateful for your Mother and that she listened and understood how upsetting this was for you. Boys like this need to be stopped and it is not your fault that the adults at your school did not make sure that he would not do this again to you or someone else. I’m glad you are in a school away from him now and hope you can continue to heal from these traumatic events. Please come back and update us and let us know how your doing.

    Stay strong,
    Marcia

  32. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for coming to share your story. I am so sorry you went through this and the vice principal didn’t protect you and take better action. That is not fair and you deserve better than that. If you are comfortable, maybe this is something that you and your mom can take further up the chain, perhaps to the superintendent. But, I’m glad that you’re going to be in a new school now and away from him. I hope that now you can start to heal. Please let us know how we can help, and we are always here to listen. Stay strong and keep your chin up. We’re here for you.

    Sending you love and support,
    Bre

  33. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear gymnasticslover,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. What an awful thing to have happen to you in a place where you are supposed to feel safe. I imagine that it took a lot of courage to first tell your teacher and then tell your mom. It is frustrating that the school did not protect you in the way that they should have the first time and that you didn’t receive and amends from him or the school. It sounds like you are in a safe place now and that you are going to get some support for healing. Please let us know if there is anything we can help you with and feel free to come back and write to us.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  34. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi gymnasticslover,
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve this. Your school should have helped you and protected you from this kid. I’m happy that your mom believed you and tried to help you. Once your mom called the school, the school should have taken more action. It’s good that you are not going to the same school as him. That should help you feel safer.
    Speaking up can be very scary especially when you are a teenager. Having that type of courage is great! I wish I had your strength when I was your age. Continue to always to speak up, be courageous, and strong.
    Having anxiety after all this is normal. Maybe talk to your mom and see if you can try to talk to a therapist. Therapy is very helpful when you have anxiety from traumatic experiences like this. If you don’t want to try therapy you can always write back here, text VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help, or you can use the find help tab on the top right of this page.
    Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong. We are here for you.
    -Alyssa

    1. gymnasticslover

      my mom is looking for a therapist for me. i’m getting a therapist to help cope through what happened to me, my anxiety, and my depression.

      1. Alyssa Day Captain

        That’s great! Hopefully having a therapist you can talk to about this will help you and give you back confidence. You deserve to be happy and love yourself just the way you are. You should never have to worry about if a guy is going to touch you or bother you like that again.

  35. Starling Volunteer

    Hi gymnasticslover,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to deal with this. You didn’t deserve this and it wasn’t your fault. It’s upsetting that you school didn’t take appropriate action to what happened to you. I’m glad that you will not be attending the same high school as him, so you at least will not have to see him again. I also noticed in your comment that you said you will be seeing at therapist, which I think is great. That could be very helpful in your healing process to work through all of the difficult emotions you are dealing with. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  36. Rustin Day Captain

    Hi gymnasticslover,

    Thank you for sharing your experience. This should not have happened to you and should have stopped the first time that you said something about it. It’s not fair that you may never get the justice you are searching for but I’m proud of you for reaching out for help. It may also help to look at the resources available on this site to see if any of this information can assist. Please feel free to share if needed. We are here to support you in your freshman year however we can.

  37. zelda Day Captain

    Thank you for sharing your story, gymnastics. Brave post. I am so proud of you for speaking up! It’s so incredibly difficult to let other people know when we are being harassed or assaulted. I’m sorry you were put in that position. You should’ve never experienced such trauma in the first place.

    Your school should’ve done its due diligence and protected you from your classmate. The fact that the vice principal didn’t suspend or expel him is wrong and unfair. I’m sorry you had to endure his torment and cruelty. I’m happy to hear you will be in a high school he is not attending.

    Flashbacks can be common after someone survives a traumatic event. It’s normal to be stressed and on edge, especially if you’ve experienced trauma that has lasted for a while.

    Have you thought about seeing a therapist? I’m sure there will be a guidance counselor at your high school who you could talk to. Maybe they can help you process what you’ve been through. You don’t have to struggle with these memories by yourself. If you feel comfortable, you’re always welcome to come back and share your thoughts with us. We’ll try to help you as best as we can. If you’d like to check out the rest of AVFTI’s website, there are resources available for you to browse and look through. They may be able to direct you to some outside help, like support groups and hotlines.

    Continue to keep your head up. With time, things will get better. 🙂

    1. gymnasticslover

      my mom is getting me a therapist. my school is also an all girls school so i don’t have to deal with boys. i’m getting better.

  38. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. You didn’t deserve this, and this wasn’t your fault. I’m glad that your mom was supportive, but I’m sorry that the school did not support you the way that you needed. I am glad you will be at a different school, and hope that will help you. Come back to share anytime-we are here for you.

    Erin