Things have been really good!
Not tonight though, through no ones fault but my own, because i decided to search out any documentary i could about sexual abuse and wound up watching The Monster of Mangotiti (or something like that), and i knew i was being triggered by it very early on, but for whatever reason i struggle so hard to feel good empathy so watching feel good movies or comedies dont do very much, its hard to empathize with happiness, its only when i watch something so seriously messed up i can make myself feel something, however its always so bad its really not worth it, maybe it would be better to just be emotionless all the time?
That wasnt the point of this post though, it was originally, but then i decided that if the movie made me feel so bad, and stuck my brain back in that bad place that its so hard to get it back out of, id rather just ramble for a while about some good things that have been making me happy!
First, my therapist and I talked about our schedule and decided ive been doing so much better and made so much improvement that ive gone from seeing her every week to every two weeks! yay! ive been in weekly therapy for a little over a year, roughly about how long ive actually be working through all my trauma in therapy, so its incredible to see this improvement and know she believes in me and my strength and ability to cope that i dont have to see her every single week anymore! it makes me feel so good about myself, and like i know i can get through this if ive already made this much progress!
second, i want to say my new puppy is doing really well, even if my mom has spoiled him rotten lol we ended up naming him Bruno (I like to call him Bruno Paws, cuz much like Bruno Mars hes very small yet still very handsome lol) and having him around has been really nice too! Hes a puppy so hes very rambunctious, but when im alone i can at least play with him, and i try to talk to him about things when im upset but he tends to just bite me on the nose and try to play so hes not exactly a good listener lol either way, i can definitely vouch that everyone should get a little animal of some sort for comfort lol
I went out with a friend too! We went to an event together for a few days with a couple other friends, and it was so much fun! we competed in a contest and won, which was super exciting and a major self esteem boost. i even saw my ex girlfriend there and was confident and okay!
Lastly, my boyfriend has been just…incredible. Hes so kind and caring and listens to me and he keeps planning so much vacations and taking me to such awesome places and he just wants to make me happy, and ive never had a partner before who actually treated me like this. He surprised me the other day with tickets to see my favorite band later this month! My coworkers are so confused, i never went out this much or too so much time off last year lol i think everyone can tell such a big difference in my attitude and a lot of it is being around him! Hes really just the best, to the point weve only been together for like.. 2 months? and were both like fighting the urge to rush things and move in together. He just makes me so happy and is such an incredible backbone in my support system right now.
So yeah! Things still get rough, and im still struggling sometimes, and i still get a little paranoid, and triggers are still there, but im doing so well right now! im proud of myself and im doing better than i have in a very very long time.
i hope everyone else is doing alright as well!