Thank you all for all your support & comments. They all meant so much to me & helped me better understand my feelings are real.
I’ve talked to my therapist about this. She referred to my memory as a “body memory” I’m working through the negative memories attached from using my cpap machine. I hate using it! It’s hard to use as I still have panic attacks. Those are getting better, & the painful memories are slowing improving.
I also shared this with my doctor. He’s going to try me on a full face (nose/ mouth) mask to see if this will help