Paralyzing memory (an up date)

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Thank you all for all your support & comments. They all meant so much to me & helped me better understand my feelings are real.

I’ve talked to my therapist about this. She referred to my memory as a “body memory” I’m working through the negative memories attached from using my cpap machine. I hate using it! It’s hard to use  as I still have panic attacks. Those are getting better, & the painful memories are slowing improving.

I also shared this with my doctor. He’s going to try me on a full face (nose/ mouth) mask to see if this will help

Join the Conversation


  1. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi dzreid,

    Thank you for coming back to update us. Your feelings are real and we are all here for you :). I’m sorry to hear the CPAP machine is still giving you trouble but glad to hear that the panic attacks are getting better. Great to hear that your doctor may have a solution to this as well!

    Stay strong,


  2. Knina7 Volunteer

    Hey there dzreid,
    Thank you for reaching back out to update us! It sounds like things are slowly improving and that is great I am very happy to hear that, I hope that they continue to improve! Hope to hear from you again with an even larger improvement! Don’t give up!

    Sending Love and Hope,

  3. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear dzreid,

    Thank you so much for the update, I am happy to hear that it sounds like things are slowly, but surely, improving. I hope by getting a different kind of mask that this will help lessen the panic attacks that you experience with it. Hope to hear from you soon, sending you more hugs your way. You got this <3

    – Jordan

  4. Natalie M Day Captain

    HI there,

    Thank you for coming back to share an update with us! I am so glad you have been able to talk with your doctor and therapist about this. I am sure it must be very scary. I hope it continues to improve! please let us know how it is going if you are comfortable doing so.

    Stay strong! you are on the right path!


  5. Lizzi

    Hey dzreid,
    I’m so glad you were able to get support from your therapist and doctor about the issues wearing the CPAP machine. I’m sorry that you’re still having panic attacks over it, but I’m happy to hear that they’re improving… even if it’s slow progress. I can imagine it’s difficult to have anxiety over something that medically you have to use, but I hope that your doctors idea will make a big difference! Keep us updated.

  6. Ashley Day Captain

    It’s wonderful to hear that our support made you feel validated, dzreid 🙂

    I commend you for talking to your doctor and therapist about how the CPAP machine has been affecting you. I’m thinking that it’s unsettling to work through the memories, but I can tell you’re determined to find relief.

    Echoing other comments, you can certainly keep us updated!


  7. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Thank you for the update. I am glad you were able to discuss your issue with your therapist. Hope you can find your soultion. Please let us know if you need anything!

  8. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi dzreid,

    That you for the update. I’m glad you were able to discuss the issue with your therapist and your doctor. Hopefully you can find a solution. Please feel free to reach out if you need anything. We’re here for you.

    All the best,

  9. musicislove

    Hi dzreid,

    I’m so glad you updated us, thank you for coming back to share that with us. I’m happy that things are improving even if it’s only slowly, any improvement is good. I’m also glad you talked with your therapist and brought up your concerns with your doctor, I hope the full face mask is better for you than what you regularly use. Good luck and please come back and share with us any other developments.


  10. tayestlack Volunteer

    hello love, i’m glad you’ve come back to us with an update and that you’re finding different solutions to try out. i really hope things start to improve for you. remember we’re all here for you and please come back with any more updates. i hope you have a lovely day

  11. colton95 Volunteer

    I think it’s great that you are willing to talk about your experience with your therapist and doctor and that you are making an attempt to make your life better! If you ever need to talk, feel free to reach out to anyone here at avfti! Stay strong and persevere!

  12. rkr18 Volunteer


    Hey that’s sound great. Thanks so much for keeping us updated. We are here for you always! Continued blessings,


  13. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Welcome back dzreid!

    I’m glad to hear this good news. I’m also glad that you felt comfortable sharing this with your doctor to find an alternative method. It’s very understandable that you’re still experiencing panic attacks. Post-trauma, our brains do some funny stuff with memories, so I imagine this is where the panic attacks are coming from. Let your therapist know, of course, and hopefully you can find some coping mechanisms that work for you! I personally am able to ground myself during panic attacks or flashbacks by using sensory imaging. I’ll focus on the colors around me, the textures of my clothes, the smells in the air, etc. in order to bring myself back down. Something like that might help you cope!

    Sending lots of positive vibes your way. Come back and share any time!

  14. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, dzreid. I’m sorry you’re struggling with these memories, but I think it’s great you are able to get help from your therapist and doctor. Body memories can be difficult to work through. I read this great book called “The Body Keeps the Score” that helped me understand them more. I’m glad to hear it’s getting better. It’s a long process, but I know you can get through it. Stay strong!

  15. Jevati Volunteer

    Hi dzreid,

    I’m so glad your therapist is being supportive and helping you work through the things that are coming up. That’s wonderful that your doctor is being responsive, too, and trying out a different method for the cpap machine. Please continue to keep us updated if you feel comfortable!

    – Jev

  16. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi dzreid,
    I’m so glad we were able to help, and I’m happy that you told your therapist and doctor about the situation. It’s great that the memories and panic attacks are improving, and I hope the full face mask will help you feel at peace when you’re asleep. We’re here for you whenever you need anything, so please feel free to write back. You’ve got this!

  17. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Welcome back dzreid,

    I am so happy to hear that you’ve opened up to both your therapist and doctor about this! I know that it takes a lot of courage, so you should be proud of yourself. I’m sorry that the panic attacks are still happening, but I’m glad they’re improving. Healing is a process that goes on each individual’s pace, so be kind to and patient with yourself. Come back and share again whenever you need. We are here for you!

    Sending love and support,

  18. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi dzreid,
    Thanks for updating us on your situation. I’m glad your doctor is going to try something different. Hopefully it works out better, and that you’re able to work through the negative memories. Feel free to keep us updated on anything. We’re always here for you.

  19. zelda Volunteer

    Thank you for your update! I’m glad the doctor is going to try something new. Hopefully that full face mask will work better for you. Anyway, I hope you’re in better spirits. Sitting with you always, if that’s okay.

  20. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear dzreid ,
    Thank you for updating us. Hopefully sharing with both your doctor and your therapist will help alleviate some of what you are experiencing.
    Sending you love and strength,

  21. Shannon Volunteer

    Hi dzreid,

    Thank you for updating us! I hope the full face mask works out and slowly improving is still progress, you can do it.

  22. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I’m glad that you shared this with both your therapist and your doctor and that it was helpful! Thank you for coming back to share this update with us. Let us know how else we can help you.


  23. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi dzreid,
    I’m so happy that things are working in your favor. Having all this help and support is great. I’m so happy for you. Thank you for updating us. If you need anything else let us know.

  24. Kayla Volunteer


    I’m really glad you hear you’ve reached out to your therapist and doctor. Hopefully the face mask will allow you to get some rest without being woken up by panic attacks. You deserve peace and rest. Stay strong.

  25. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there dzreid,

    Thank you for coming back to our site! We are glad that our support has helped you, and hope you know that you are ALWAYS welcome back. We are here for you. I’m glad that your therapist and your doctor have been working with you. It sounds like you have a good support team, and we are glad to be a part of that. Stay strong, and thank you for trusting us with your story.