Not the only one

Not the only one

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A few days ago, I met up with an old family friend (who also used to date my sister back in the day) at the local music venue getting shots for his bad. We had a few hours to spare before his band got to perform, so we sat and caught up. His wife was also present as well, which made me more at ease.

We ended up talking about my sister’s ex fiance (the one who triggered the dormant memories of the rape) and it turns out, when he was making music with the friend of ours, he would make crude remarks and follow our friend’s wife around. In a way, I’m not surprised at all but now I don’t feel nearly as bad for being targeted. It’s a bit of a weight being lifted off thinking maybe I just have shit luck.


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32 comments

  1. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m sorry that you were put in that position. The way he acted was horrible and very immature. I’m happy that you were with other woman because having her there probably made it easier for you to be around him. Thank you for updating us.
    -Alyssa

  2. Ashley Day Captain

    The fact that you’re continuing to spend time with other people is wonderful! It’s disgusting how your sister’s ex-fiance behaves and presents himself but it sounds knowing you weren’t the only person affected by him has prompted a feeling of solidarity.

    Thank you for keeping us in the loop, Jamie Marie.

    Ashley

  3. alh27

    Hey Jamie,

    Thanks so much for sharing your experience with us. It sounds like it was good to meet up with your old friend. It is awesome to hear that you are feeling better after this encounter. Take care of yourself and continue being so strong. You are valid and not alone. If you ever need to get anything off your chest we are all here to listen! Sending positive thoughts!

    Alexis

  4. Jess Volunteer

    Thank you for updating us. I’m so glad to hear that hearing that information helped you feel validated in some way. It’s sometimes helpful just to hear that other people have experienced the same thing. If you need anything else, we are always here for you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  5. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m glad you got to reconnect with an old friend. It’s good that learning this new information has given you some validation that you are not alone. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  6. meg Volunteer

    Hey Jamie Marie!

    I’m so happy to hear you got to reconnect with some old friends! It is such an incredible experience when you can fall back into the same familiarity with friends that you haven’t seen in a long time. It must have been so difficult to talk about someone that brings back memories of your trauma. But I hope you found support and validation that you are not at fault for what happened. Try to make some space for yourself to do some self care this next week. Talking with someone about what happened, even when it is supportive, can be very difficult. Be sure you’re being kind to yourself! Thank you for sharing with us.
    —Meg

  7. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,
    It sounds like the whole event was good for you. You got to do something fun, talk to an old friend, and receive some validation:-) While we can “know” something inside and out (you didn’t do anything wrong), we aren’t always able to “feel” it. It is good to hear that this new bit of information helped you to feel your lack of responsibility for his actions.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  8. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    Thanks for sharing with us! It can be reassuring to spend time with an old friend. I’m glad you had this chance to share & catch up with this person. Sometimes, revisiting an old friend can bring the closure that is needed in order for us to continue forward. Continue moving onward & taking care of yourself.
    Dawn

  9. myazojo Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    Thank you for the update! I am glad you got to see an old family friend and that he might have helped you out. I am sorry that others were targeted as well. But it sounds like seeing your friend was a good experience. I know bringing those memories back can hurt, so stay strong.

  10. SydSquid Volunteer

    Hey Jamie Marie,
    i’m sorry to hear that you and others were targeted in such a cruel way. However, it’s good to hear you found someone who you feel comfortable sharing with, it’s unfortunate that it has to be about such an awful thing, but finding community in others can be reassuring and make you feel less alone. Keep updating us about your progress and never forget how strong you are.

  11. sam Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,
    It sounds like meeting up with that family friend was a generally positive experience. Although we don’t want other people to have experienced the pain and trauma that we have, it’s always nice to be assured that we’re not alone. I’m so happy you had an uplifting moment despite the painful memories it probably brought up, and hope you continue to share with us through the ups and downs!

  12. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hey there Jaime Marie,

    Thank you for sharing an update with us. It is always great to hear from you! It is great that you were able to catch up with an old friend and see the band! It can be hard for you to relive those memories, but I’m glad you felt a weight being lifted off of you. You are so strong and sounds like you are moving in the right direction! Please come back and update us anytime you would like! Sending you lots of support and love!

    Stay strong,
    -Natalie

  13. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for coming back with more to your journey. Glad to hear that you got the chance to catch up with your old friend and see his band play! Sorry to hear that other people were also targeted by your sister’s ex-fiance, but it’s good to know that it wasn’t only you that was targeted. It sounds like other people also understand what a bad man he was, which helps if you ever want to talk about him to them. Maybe you can talk to your friend’s wife about the experience since she dealt with similar things.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  14. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Revisiting those memories unexpectedly can result in a whirlwind of emotions, good and bad. The weight that has been lifted must be relieving for sure. Knowing that you are not alone can be reassuring in the fact that it was out of your control for someone to take advantage of you like that. Now you can put your energy into your recovery and conceptualize that this was not your fault.
    Stay strong <3

  15. mocha1821 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thanks for the update! I’m glad you seem to have had a fun night out! It’s comforting to know you are not alone in your experiences. I’m glad you got to have some of that weight lifted off your shoulders. But it’s still his fault you were targeted, it’s never your fault. We’re here for you!

  16. Stellablue Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,
    It’s always comforting to know that you are not alone in your experiences. I am glad you are making progress and get to feel that weight lift off you. Keep us updated hope everything continues to go well!

  17. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thanks for the update! I’m glad you were able to catch up with your old friend, and I’m even happier that his wife made you more at ease. That’s awesome that you have that weight lifted off your shoulders, too. Sounds like things are going well for you! Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you. We’re here for you 🙂

    Marissa

  18. lizzi

    Hey Jamie Marie,
    I’m glad you got to hang out with an old family friend, and it sounds like it was a fun night until he was brought up. I’m happy you got validation that he’s like this with other women as well, and it sounds like he’s a total creep. You should never feel bad for being targeted because even if you were the only one he ever targeted, that’s still his fault, not yours. I can imagine it was hard to have him brought up but it sounds like you found a positive way to see it all. Thanks for sharing this update with us!

  19. tbird830 Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,

    It’s awesome you got to catch up with an old family friend, that is always nice! Unfortunately, as much as we can rationally understand that it’s not our fault for being victimized, it can still feel like it could’ve been somehow. It absolutely wasn’t, and it can sometimes make us feel better to have someone that has been through something similar to relate to. It’s great that this conversation with them helped take a little weight off your shoulders!

    Tori

  20. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Yes, this was a problem in him, not you. We know that, we believe that, we can write a dissertation on that, but deep down we often still blame or question ourselves. Knowing this yayhoo was targeting other people that you know, and probably a ton of people you don’t know, well, that is evidence that it wasn’t you, it is ALL HIM. I am glad that finding this out has given you a bit of peace. It can’t make it like it never happened, but it makes a difference.

  21. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Jamie Marie,

    I’m glad you had time to catch up with him. It seems your conversation was helpful as it made you feel less of a target. Sometimes the most unlikely conversations can have the biggest impact. I know sometimes it can seem like we just have horrible luck. Try and focus on the positives. I promise there is good to be found.

    Sending light your way,
    SFM

  22. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for coming by with another update! I hope you have been well. I’m glad that you were able to catch up with an old family friend this week and that you were able to have this revelation about your sister’s ex fiance. It can be really great to come to terms with negative events in the past and get reassurance that you weren’t alone. I’m sorry that you all had to deal with this person and I hope that he isn’t in your lives now and you get the peace that you all deserve.

    Thanks for coming by!

  23. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m glad you were able to have this revelation about your sister’s ex fiancé. I don’t know that you have bad luck so much as predators have specific symptoms qualities they seek out in their victims. Take heart, it does NOT mean that you are weak or damaged in anyway. In fact, quite the opposite. Predators get the biggest rush from hunting the most intelligent and strong individuals. You are, incredibly smart and so strong. You also have us in your corner to support you every step of the way. You’ve got this!

    All the best,
    Becca

  24. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Thank you for coming back and sharing your story with us. I hope you can find a bit of peace and know we are here for you.

  25. musicislove

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for coming back to share an update with us. I’m glad that finding out about the person you guys were connected too lifted a weight off of you, I hope that brought you a little bit of peace.

    Delaney

  26. rkr18 Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,

    Thanks for updating us. I’m happy that you came to that realization. That’s a big step in the right direction.
    -Marie

  27. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I am glad to hear that reconnecting with a family friend unexpectedly brought you some peace. What happened to you was not your fault. This person was being inappropriate with multiple people, which unfortunately is all too common (it’s rarely just one person who was abused). I hope you’ll remember this when you’re feeling alone. As always, we are here for you also!

    KatherineL

  28. colton95 Volunteer

    Sorry that both of you had to have awful encounters with this awful person. I’m glad that you were able to find someone to talk to this stuff about and that you are courageous enough to share your story here. Everyone here cares for your well-being so feel free to reach out or vent whenever you feel like you need to get something off your chest. I hope you’re doing well!

  29. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Jamie,
    His behavior was creepy, and what happened to you was not okay. I’m glad you were able to catch up with an old family friend and that this weight is lifted off your shoulders. It can help so much to talk to supportive people. You’re not at fault for what happened to you, and you didn’t deserve it. Thank you for updating us. We’re here to support you in any way we can, and please keep us updated if you would like to. You are strong!

  30. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey again, Jamie Marie,

    I’m glad you were able to have this cathartic experience and to feel less alone. It’s always good to feel that you can connect with someone, even if it’s over an unpleasant or painful experience! For me and a lot of my friends, we became closer after talking about our own assaults with each other. You aren’t alone, and we’re also here any time you need to talk!

  31. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hey Jamie
    Thanks for the update. That was not cool that he would make those remarks and follow your friends wife around. That is a little bit creepy. I am glad you were able to recognized that it was not your fault for being targeted and it was a little bit of wieght lifted off your shoulder. Please keep keeping us updated.
    Kristin

  32. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming back to share. I’m glad that you were able to have this conversation with your family friend and that you got some closure. Let us know how else we can support-we are here for you.

    Erin