Not so sure

Remember when I mentioned in one of my stories, that my sister’s ex fiance got drunk and touched me down there? Thus, triggering the rape that occured two years prior? Well, he’s back…
Not in the house, but he wants to “apologize” since he’s now fully aware what happened, and I’m literally in full panic mode and crying. I’m just annoyed that my sister, despite what he put her through, is still defending him. I want nothing to do with him, or my rapist, or anyone who hurt me or violated my body in any way..
Is it too much to ask for anyone to just stay away and leave me alone?


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14 comments

  1. Ashley Day Captain

    Hey Jamie,

    I do remember when you mentioned that your sister’s ex-fiancé put his hands on you.
    Wanting people who have harmed you to stay away from you is reasonable. If you want people to leave you alone, you have every right to tell them that. If you don’t feel comfortable telling people to leave you alone, that’s okay. You don’t need to provide an explanation, especially not when you’re avoiding them to take care of yourself. Feel free to set your own boundaries and expect them to be respected.

  2. rkr18 Volunteer

    JamieMarie25,

    I am sorry you had to go through that. I validate how you feel i dont think how you feel is too much to ask. You are not ready and they should respect that. I am proud of you for knowing thats how you feel right now so again NO its not too much to ask. Keep healing and getting stronger. We are her for you.
    -Marie

  3. alexcostello Volunteer

    Hi JamieMarie25,
    I am so sorry about both these situations. It is entirely understandable that this would send you into a panic, but I want you to know that you are safe here with us and that we are here to listen to you and offer as much support as you need, always! I think wanting some space from these negative influences in your life is entirely ok and you should be proud of yourself for recognising that this space is what you need. If you are not ready, or perhaps may never be ready, to have them in your life, that is perfectly ok. This time is about figuring out what is the best approach for you and what will leave you feeling the most comfortable. At the end of the day, your wellbeing and your mental health is paramount and should always come first. You’re amazing for sharing your story with us and for showing so much courage, you should be incredibly proud of yourself, because we all are! Please let us know if there’s anything we can do and don’t ever afraid to reach out, we are here for you!

  4. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi JamieMarie25,
    I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m also sorry your sister is still defending him after what he did. She should validate and be there for you.
    It’s not too much to ask. You don’t have to be around him if you don’t want to. You’re not obligated to forgive him either. Maybe you could tell your sister that you don’t want to be around him or accept his apology. I hope she will understand.
    We’re in your corner. If you ever need anything, feel free to write back.

  5. Kristen Eby

    Hey there. No, it’s not too much to ask. I have disengaged entirely from those who sexually assaulted me, and asked any mutual acquaintances to never mention their names around me again. I don’t find that unreasonable, and it breaks my heart that your sister is not only allowing him to be near you, but is defending him. She should support you and have your back. You deserve that from her.

    It’s great that he wants to apologize, but you don’t owe it to him to let him. You don’t owe him anything. It isn’t your job to alleviate his guilty conscience. If you think it would help you, then that’s awesome! But if you’d rather he stay away, you have the right to that too. I hope your sister can understand this. If not, I see in your replies below that your mom will talk to him – and that’s great. Just know you’re in control now, and you’re not alone.

    Kristen

  6. Eric

    JamieMarie, I am so sorry that you are going through this. It’s completely unfair that you are being put in this situation, especially with your sister defending him. I can’t imagine how it feels, but I want you to remember that there are so many people who love and care for you and are 100% on your side. You deserve to be treated correctly and to be free from abusers and their apologists. You do have power. You do have a voice. We care about you and we have your back!

  7. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hey JamieMarie25,
    I’m sorry he’s back in your life. If your sister want to take him back that’s her decision, but you don’t have to talk to him. You should tell her how he makes you feel and say that you don’t want to see him. She should understand. What you went through is very traumatic.
    Continue to stay strong. You will be able to get through this.
    -Alyssa

    1. JamieMarie25 Volunteer

      She tends to defend him regardless, so I feel powerless..

      1. Alyssa Day Captain

        Don’t feel powerless. You have so much control of this situation because this is your life. If you want to see your sister you can see her without him. You can say things like I want to have a sister day just us and you can go out to lunch or dinner. You don’t have to see him and she can’t force you to see him. I don’t know if I’ve asked you, but have you talked to your parents about him?

  8. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    It is not too much to ask at all. I am so sorry this is happening to you. Please reach out and text VOICE to 741 741 if it becomes too much for you. Let us know how else we can help you-you are not alone.

    Erin

  9. Jacqui

    HI JamieMarie25, I cannot imagine the feelings that you are experiencing. You do not have to have him back in your life. What he did to you isn’t okay. Your sister shouldn’t be defending him. That’s not fair, but she may have a hard time realizing that he was in your life because of her. But, she should be on your side. As I mentioned , you do not have to have anything to do with him. I think it is fair to say that you do not want to be around him and you do not accept his apology. Stay strong my friend.

  10. Hannah

    Hey there,
    I’m sorry this is happening to you again. He needs to recognize boundaries and be aware of how his actions are affecting you.
    Is there any way that you or someone else can voice this to him? Let him know that you don’t want any sort of contact with him and to respect your wishes. Contact with any of these people should be at your discretion and your discretion only.
    Stay strong. We’re here for you.

    Hannah

    1. JamieMarie25 Volunteer

      My mom, once (or if) he decides to drop by next month, will confront him and speak to him. I am under no obligation, nor mentally ready nor wanting to, make any sort of reconcilation since he’s the one who triggered me in the first place.

      1. Hannah

        I’m glad your mom is doing that for you. You’re absolutely right. You have no obligation whatsoever to reconcile. I hope your mom makes him realize that and he steps back. I hope this works out well for you. Keep us updated! <3