New updates

Hey everyone, it’s Jamie again.
Instead of waiting 6+ months for a new therapist, my doctor was able to place me in for an appointment next week with someone new so I can receive better care and treatment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful I can get proper help, but unfortuantely, my grandparents wrote a letter to my mom, and they mentioned me in the letter, stating “She needs to face reality and quit waiting for a prince charming and contribute.”
I feel personally offended for many reasons by them, ’cause they offered to help me in any way they can after my mom broke the news to them about the rape.
I have PTSD and was raped, and it’s not like I asked for this, nor brought it upon myself. I have no idea who the hell they think they are, and if that’s how they are going to be, then maybe I don’t want their help after all…

I’m just feeling hurt, confused, and betrayed, and I honestly don’t know what to do. Why would they offer to help me if they’re going to go around and say this to my mom in a letter, instead of calling me about it?


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18 comments

  1. Jacqui

    Jamie Marie,
    thanks for updating.
    I’m sorry your grandparents did that. It seems like they should have talked to you about their concerns before writing to your mother.
    They may be concerned for you, maybe you can talk to them about how this hurt you?
    Stay in touch.

  2. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Jamie,
    Thank you so much for updating us. It’s great that you are meeting with another therapist! I hope everything goes well, and feel free to update us if you like.
    I’m so sorry your grandparents said those hurtful things. You’re right. You didn’t ask for this, and it wasn’t your fault. Your feelings are valid and understandable. They may not understand what you’re going through, and they may think that healing is linear and that you have to be “over it” in a certain amount of time. You can take as much time as you need to heal. Some days may be extremely difficult, and others may be easier – and that is okay.
    Continue to stay strong.

  3. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey Jamie,

    I’m really glad that you keep coming back and giving us updates. It’s super awesome that you’re able to talk to a new therapist so soon, and that you’re on the road to treatment and recovery. How you’re feeling is completely understandable, and I’m sorry that your grandparents had the audacity to say something so hurtful and uncaring. The only thing I can think of is that they just don’t understand what you’re going through. That’s no excuse for what they said though. I think the best thing you can do is talk to your mom about what they said, or maybe even confront them. If they take it badly, then I really don’t think you should wait around for their help. You need to focus on yourself right now, not on what others are saying out of ignorance.

    Come back if you need to talk about anything else. Stay strong! You got this.

  4. Megan Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,
    That’s awesome that you’re getting in with a therapist! I know my therapist has helped me so much in my recovery and I’m so glad that you are getting the help you deserve. I’m so sorry about your grandparents. I wish there was something better to say but to sum it up: that sucks and you shouldn’t be treated that way. Not everyone understands what you are going through, but they should definitely still be respectful and caring toward you. Is your mom being supportive? Is this something you could talk to her about? It might even be a good idea to sit down with your grandparents and have a discussion about it. There might be a gap in understanding that could be mended by simply talking about it? Whatever happens, we are here for you through it all and we support you.

    Much love,
    Megan

    1. Jamie Marie Volunteer

      They were originally empathatic, and very understanding, then not even a week later of knowing, they go around and say this about me, to my mom…
      I just don’t know if I want their help now, even if they said in the letter send the bills to them, but my insurance will cover the therapy appointments. If they can’t support my mental health, then maybe I’m better off without them, seeing as those they make no effort to call me or email me at all.

  5. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    It’s great to hear that you’re receiving proper help. It’s totally normal to feel hurt, confused, and betrayed. What your grandparents said were a little rude, and you’re right that you did not ask for this, nor did you bring it upon yourself. It’s great that you recognize it isn’t your fault, but it’s terrible when it seems like some people around you aren’t as supportive as they should be. You got this, Jamie.

    Edjay

  6. Kristen Eby

    Hey Jamie,

    It’s awesome that you’re going to get in with a new therapist! Keep us posted on how it goes; I’m sure it will be helpful.

    As for your grandparents…that sucks. Their response sucks. They should be ashamed of themselves, frankly. If they’re going to say things like that (which demonstrate how little they understand what you’re dealing with), they should at least have the guts to talk to you themselves. I’m sorry. You deserve better.

    Has your mom been supportive? Maybe you can talk to her about how hurtful this was?

    Kristen

  7. rkr18 Volunteer

    Jaime Marie,

    I am sorry that your grandparents did this without talking to you directly. Some people find it so hard to confront others. Have you talked to them about it? I pray for you to gain strength and peace!

  8. Solongago Volunteer

    Were your grandparents originally offering to foot the bill for therapy for you? Now they are having second thoughts about that? I’m sorry.

    Rape and sexual abuse within or without the family unit is a societal issue. Unfortunately, society only seems to care about perpetrators. They can get treatment as inmates or even when they get out or as a part of probation/rehabilitation. But the victims of this failure on the part of society, are often on their own. They can rack up some pretty hefty bills, as well as the toll they put on their own health and further problems with self-esteem/self confidence that often severely limit their employment choices, etc.

    I am not a fan of socialized medicine, but I think that there should be some help for those who require mental/emotional health services. And, no, I do not think that doctors and therapists should work for free.

    To expect victims to rely on their own resources or to get help from their families, whose unhealthiness oftentimes played a roll in the whole situation, just seems to be like throwing stumbling blocks in front of us.

    Well, you are not alone, more’s the pity really. Families, extended families, often start out supportive, emotionally or financially or physically. And then they can become very impatient. It puts a huge guilt trip on the patient because they are not getting better quick enough. I don’t know what the answer is. It is unfair, it is frustrating, it is unfortunate. The only positive thing is that by doing what you are doing, you will probably come out the other side of this more healthy and more ready for the world than your grandparents ever were.

    I am sorry that on top of the rape, you have to deal with the disappointment of relatives that are only helpful if they can pull the strings.

  9. MinZRivers Volunteer

    Jamie, I’m sorry your grandparents decided to write something to your mom that hurt you. A lot of loved ones don’t think things through before saying them. They respond in sometime harsh ways not typical of them. It doesn’t excuse what they did, but it may help to remember that most times the closest ones to us go through emotions they have no idea what to do with just like we do. This causes them to do and say things that aren’t typical of them. I had family members who were like that after my rape. Understanding that helped me deal with them. I’m happy you are seeing a new therapist soon. I hope this one works out for you, and you can continue on in your journey of healing. I wish you much success.?-Kia

  10. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Jamie,
    I am so sorry that your grandparents did this to you. I would certainly feel betrayed if it happened to me. You cannot change what has happened, but you can move forward and change what is happening/will happen. I think getting to go to a new therapist is a great way to start. The therapist may also be able to help you with your grandparents. I know that it hurts, but I also know you can get through it. You are strong!!
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

    1. Jamie Marie Volunteer

      Thank you, and I’m trying to stay strong after today.
      I’m sure my new therapist will help, so all I can do is wait until next week and hope for the best, and do all that I can.

  11. Hannah

    Hey Jamie,
    I’m sorry your grandparents said those things. Have you thought about talking things over with them? Or possibly discussing with your mom on how to approach it? Maybe this new therapy will help and you can talk to your therapist about how to approach the situation with your grandparents. They need to understand your position. You didn’t deserve what happened to you and you need support right now, not judgement.
    I hope you find the answers you need and I hope therapy will go well for you.

    Keep updating us. Stay strong.
    Hannah

    1. Jamie Marie Volunteer

      My mom definitely wants to have a word with them after she (and I) calm down. They’ve always been judgemental folks who see things black & white, so our personalities are definitely butting heads and clashing.

      Maybe I spoke out sooner, none of this would’ve happened…

  12. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m so sorry your grandparents did that. Just think of the positive things, like you got a new therapist and things will get better because of this. Don’t worry about what your grandparents say because if they are going to be mean, they aren’t worth your time. You are trying to heal and cope with what happened. You don’t need people putting you down.
    Continue to stay strong. You got this.
    -Alyssa

    1. Jamie Marie Volunteer

      I’m trying.

  13. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Hi Jamie,

    I’m so sorry your grandparents said that. That’s not okay, and they shouldn’t be making you feel like this is your fault. It isn’t your fault. The only fault lies with your attacker. Do you think this new therapy will help you? If so, I would encourage you to go to the therapist-the therapist is only there for you, regardless of who is paying for the care. Let us know how else we can help you-we are here for you.

    Erin

    1. Jamie Marie Volunteer

      I’m sure the new therapy will help, but I’m just feeling extremely hurt all over…
      Why would they be sympathetic one day, and then turn around on me like this?