My story of abuse when I was 12 or 13

My story of abuse when I was 12 or 13

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When I was 12 or 13 I think, must have been in 96 or 97.  I was hanging out with a man who was around 36 that my older sister became friends with and she became interested in dating.  I became friends with him too.  My mother was upset because the man my sister was interested in was listed as a sex offender for taking indecent liberties with a minor.  Me and the man started hanging out from time to time.  He worked at a carwash in Charlotte off of Albemarle Rd near Redman Rd.  Everyday he had to go to Camp Green in Charlotte to return after he was done with work for his work release.  I still cannot believe I did what I was doing that day.  He said he wanted to spend some more time with his bro in law so he decided to go with me to a wooded area behind some businesses on Redman Rd.  We went into some woods and I think we stayed in there for 10 mins to 30 mins maybe.  He asked me what I wanted to do.  I cannot remember if I was wearing shorts or pants that day.  I can remember lying on my chest though.  He started massaging me up and down my legs and butt area.  I was laying on grass and leaves I think.  I cannot remember if he went near or around my penis area though.  But, I do remember him saying we needed to leave because there was a tall latino man who was slender standing behind his business smoking a cigeratte and he was watching us closely.  He told me we could hang out another day.  I haven’t told anyone due to fear of anger in the family or being told I’m making that up and I don’t know what I’m talking about.  That’s all I can remember at the moment.


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23 comments

  1. Mary Volunteer

    Hi Joseph,

    Thank you for sharing your story. We believe you. That man should not have done what he did, and I am so sorry that that happened to you. We’re here for you.

    Mary

  2. Natalie M Day Captain

    Joseph,
    I am so sorry for what he did to you. That was not okay. You were so young, and it was not okay for him to take advantage of you. Thank you for coming here to share your story with us, we know that is not an easy thing to do. You are very brave for doing so. Please know we are here for you and we are on your side. You are welcome to come back any time if you would like to share more with us.
    Stay strong,
    -Natalie

  3. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story. What happened to you was not right and you were young and didn’t deserve what happended to you. Thank you for sharing your story and you are brave.

  4. Gamato04 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing this, it was incredibly brave of you. You were young and didn’t deserve to be inappropriately touched. Sometimes our memories fail us for a reason, to protect us. It’s okay if you can’t remember everything.

  5. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi Joseph,

    I am sorry that this happened to you. He was older and shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. This is not your fault. I know it can be difficult to not remember everything and I am sorry that you haven’t been able to openly discuss this with those close to you. But I want you to know that we believe you and we support you. You are not alone. Thank you for trusting us with your story, Joseph. Please let us know if there is anything else we can do to help.

    Thomas

  6. Zoe Volunteer

    Hi, Joseph.

    Thank you for trusting us with this. I’m sorry that this happened to you, and that you’ve had to hide it from your family all this time. Unfortunately, we live in a society that makes us feel like we can’t talk about, or where we run the risk of not being believed or validated. But please know, we believe you. What he did to you was wrong, and it is not your fault. You have nothing to feel guilty about. You deserve to be believed and to have support.

    Please reach out to us anytime, and let us know if there’s any way we can be of more help to you. We’re here for you.

    Zoe.

  7. music2799 Volunteer

    Hi Joseph,
    I’m really sorry this happened to you. It definitely wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t deserve it. He was the adult, and he should not have done what he did. It is normal for memories to be repressed and remembered years later. I believe you.
    If you don’t feel like telling people your story, that’s okay. It’s your decision as to who you want to confide in and when you want to tell them. If you do end up telling anyone in the future, I hope they will be supportive. You deserve that support.
    That being said, thank you so much for trusting us with your story. Talking about these experiences is so difficult, and telling your story is a sign of strength. If you ever want to talk or if you need support, please feel free to write back. We’ll be here to support you whenever you need us, and continue to stay strong.

  8. MH Volunteer

    Hey Joseph,
    We believe you! I am so sorry that this happened to you. He was older and took advantage of you.
    Know that we are always here to listen and support you. Feel free to come back when needed.
    MH

  9. blashea

    Hi, I am so sorry that happened to you. I am so proud of you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of strength and bravery to do so. I believe in you. I hope that when or if you decide to tell your family that they are supportive and understanding. We are all here for you and support you.

  10. Jade Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m sorry this happened to you, you didn’t deserve to be taken advantage of, especially by someone you trusted. You should know that you are a courageous individual to reach out for support. It can be scary to reach out, especially with how society treats survivors, but we are here for you and we believe in you. Your ability to share here is an amazing sign of your strength. Don’t give up hope. Keep fighting and stay strong. You got this.

  11. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. I want you to know that I hear you and I believe you. It is typical for memories to come back in bits and pieces.

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. As others have said, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your story with your family, is there anyone outside of your family that you could talk to? Sometimes just sharing our stories can be incredibly relieving. If there isn’t anyone you trust, a therapist/counselor might be beneficial for you.

    If we can help you in any other way, please let us know. Feel free to update us on your story or just check in. We are always here and we believe you. Sending healing thoughts your way.
    -Jess

  12. SAF Volunteer

    Hi Joseph,
    Thank you for sharing with us. I know how hard it can be to reach out, especially with the fear of not being believed and not remembering everything. Memory comes back in bits and pieces a lot, especially when it’s something that happened when you were young. You did not deserve what happened and it is not at all your fault. We’re here listening, and we believe you. Seeing a therapist and talking more might help work through some of the emotions surrounding what happened and maybe even with remembering. Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.
    Stay Strong,
    Stella

  13. nicolegorman Volunteer

    Joseph,

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You didn’t deserve to be taken advantage of at such a young age by someone close to you. What he did you you was no okay but you shouldn’t feel afraid to speak about it. You are always welcome to speak about it here with us and I encourage you to do so but if you feel you want to tell your family there is no reason you shouldn’t be able to. You were a victim of something awful and if you find yourself remembering more about this event please know this is a safe space for you to do so.

  14. Joseph

    At the time when this happened I was probably enrolled at Albemarle Rd Middle School in the 7th grade I think.

  15. jamie.lynn Volunteer

    Joseph,
    Thank you so much for trusting us with your story. It is totally normal for you not to remember all of the details of what happened. That doesn’t make it not true/or that it didn’t happen. I am sorry for what this man did to you. I hope you know we are here for you if/when you remember more. We want to help any way we can!

    -jamie

  16. sfmbelle413

    Hey there Joseph,

    Thank you for sharing your story. No matter the age, what you went through can be terrifying. It’s normal to remember only bits and pieces or none at all. Our brains like to protect us from the abuse – blocking it out can be a coping mechanism. It makes sense that you haven’t told anyone for fear that they may scrutinize what happened. I’m glad you found this as a safe place to open up and share. I believe you. I hear you. And I am here for you.

    Keep fighting,
    SFM

  17. Joseph

    I suppose I’ll post the man’s actual name that my sister was dating. His name was AJH. Maybe I’ll eventually be able to share the his with my parents but I could share it with other people I suppose.

    1. Ashley Day Captain

      Hey, Joseph!

      I want to let you know that I had to edit the name included in your comments. Please know that we can’t have first and last names on our site. If you’re curious about why this is one of our guidelines, please check out this link: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/tell-story/frequently-asked-questions/

      Take care of yourself 🙂

  18. Joseph

    I guess I’ll post the man’s name. AJ is his name. I’ve never felt comfortable telling anyone in my family though. My parents may have a heart attack.

    1. sfmbelle413

      It can be freeing to say the name of your abuser. I’m happy you find this a safe place to share. We are here for you. If there’s anything we can do for you, please let us know. Sending lots of light your way.

  19. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. You are not to blame though. You didn’t deserve it. I know it can be hard telling others, especially family. I would like to echo what Erin mentioned. Do you feel safe disclsoing to anyone outside of your family? I am happy that you came to us, and thank you for sharing your story here. Is there anything else we can do for you? Stay strong. We are here for you, and we believe you.

  20. Solongago

    If that is everything that happened, then it was very fortunate that there was a man watching and the guy stopped. God only knows what he might have done to you if he had more time and more privacy. Evenso, this is trauma. The fact that you couldn’t tell added to that. Abusers do not always do as much as possible right off the bat. Often, maybe more often then not, they invest time in building a relationship with their victims. By doing so, they often get much farther and abuse for a much longer timeframe than they would if they went too fast or used physical force.

    I am sorry that this jerk had access to you, and took advantage of you. You did not deserve this, and hopefully you will be able to examine it, process the thoughts and feelings around it, and if there are ways that it is still affecting your life, you can work through and put into place other truths that can affect these parts of your life positively so you can repair and build a better life going forward.

  21. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I’m so sorry for what this person did to you. You didn’t deserve this, and this wasn’t your fault. Is there anyone else outside of your family you feel safe telling? Maybe they can help, too. Let us know what else we can do.

    Erin