So on January 3rd 2019 I wrote my story! The full story that happened to me and my opinions and overcomes afterwards.. However I still stand by my opinions 100% but my overcomes are a bit shakey..
So the March 3rd 2018 I got sexually assaulted. I thought I overcome it and became a surviver however I still feel like a victim. I still cannot bare to look at my own body no matter others looking at it, I still have to have someone with me at all times incase I see my assaulter, I cannot trust anyone no matter how much I try and say I trust them ext…
I’m trying to be so strong but basically I’ve just got in a new relationship and I didn’t tell him what happened to me at first, he was asking loads of questions like why Im the way I am and why I constantly shake and so forth.. I didn’t know how to respond to any of the questions. How would I when I don’t know the answers myself? Then it got quite early in the morning and we started kissing, as most people in relationships do, and then he put his hand on the top of my thigh, then I saw the time! As soon as I saw the time I freaked out big time! I ended up throwing him off of me and I sat there in silence and frozen. He kept asking me if I was okay and what was wrong and if he hurt me and I just sat there like he wasn’t even there. I finally calmed myself down and apologised for everything and for how I retaliated ext and he accepted my apology. About 10-15 mins later we was just laid there in bed, no talking, no light off of our phones, just laid there in silence in the dark. Then he speaks.. “what happened?” I didn’t want to tell him because as soon as I say it out loud it’s real again,but he deserved to know with the way I acted out. So I told him and it didn’t faze him one bit. Then all he says is “this explains everything. The way you are, you always shaking when I come near you, and mainly your nervous twitches you do.” all I did was sit there in silence again and just scream at myself in my head for telling him.. I don’t trust him enough for him to know, its so early on in the relationship, I WORK WITH HIS DAD!! WHAT ID HE FINDS OUT OR EVEN TELLS SOMEONE! So all this is going through my head and he’s still speaking into my ear and I don’t hear a since word he’s saying to me.. Rude, I know, I thought that after but I couldn’t help it.
I know it takes time for people to beable to get back out there and feel free and okay again and for a while I did too, but I’m not going to lie to anyone anymore.. You never forget, in not saying this to be horrible, I’m saying this because I’m not going to give you false hope. You never forget but eventually you will overcome! Just some people take longer than others but eventually we will!
(If you don’t want this posted just let me know and I will figure out how to remove it. I know this page is for people to speak out and have a voice and feel safe again by letting people know and it does work. But I’m not going to give out false hope)