My story and my opinions…

My story and my opinions…

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I was raped… I’m not going to deny it anymore. I was 17 at the time exactly 2 months before my 18th birthday. One of the ‘big’ birthdays as people say. Anyways, me and my friend was going to meet my cousin at the pub round the corner from me because he was bored waiting for the DJ to finish he’s shift, so we went. We had a bit to drink and got a bit drunk then it was closing time there which means the DJ finished he’s shift. Me and my friend was going to go back to my house but my cousin asked us if we wanted to go to another pub, so we went and we got in! We all kept on drinking and we was all having fun. We all left then we realise the time. It was 5:00am. My door had been locked so my and my friend had no where to go. So my cousin said we could stop at the DJ’s house with them so we did. My cousin and my friend were in a relationship so they slept in the same bed together. The DJ said I could sleep in his bed and he could sleep on the sofa and that’s what happened. Until I woke up and he was on top of me having sex with me. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak, I was frozen. So I pretended to still be asleep. He finally got off of me after about 20 minutes to go to the toilet. I automatically got up and ran into the other room and woke my friend up. She could tell I was upset. I told her we had to go back to my house. This was about 9:30am and my cousin was just clueless. We finally left and as soon as I got onto the street I just broke down. My friend still didn’t know what was wrong, so we carried on walking a bit and I finally told her. We got back to my house, my mum being livid of course, and she told my mum after me telling her not too. So my mum rang the police and we went through all the legal procedures and then after everything, after me thinking this guy is going to get what he deserves, the police say “there are no further actions being held” which meant the DJ got away with it.

I’m not over it. I don’t think I ever will be however I read this saying ‘forgive and forget’ and I realised I could never forget. I can forgive though. It wont be easy but I can. I just don’t know how too just yet. You will never forget what happens, I can say that first hand. However you can make sure it doesn’t ruin your life.

Ever since I got sexually assaulted I haven’t known what to do, how to feel, how to treat people, as well as how to treat myself. You stop knowing how to do things when and after it happens, and at the time you think it is your fault. Remember it’s not your fault, it never was and never will be. The predator that did it to you is in the wrong!

I haven’t seen my rapist since it happened and that’s with the person who did it to me living round the corner from me. I am petrified to see the person who destroyed for the first time since it happened but I can handle it. Do you know why I will be able to handle it? I will be able to handle it because I survived what happened in the first place and so did you! If you ever saw the predator that hurt you, you shouldn’t be scared I know you will be but you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t because he/she can no longer hurt you so if anything it should give you relief because he/she cannot hurt you as much as they already have.

I can guess how your feeling. Your feeling ashamed, violated, even disgusting. I know, it happened to me remember. You don’t have to feel that way, I know you do but you don’t have too. Your conscience is telling you all these things but you can change that by looking further and seeing you beat this. You are still here, alive, hopefully well, and is reading this right now.

I never had the courage to deal with what happened to me until I was working, I was speaking to this child who was younger than me and she went through the same thing. The child didn’t know that it happened to me which made it harder as she didn’t think I understood. However I did. Whilst I was helping her try get though it I was going through it myself as it was only a couple of months before that it did happen to me. I explained to her what happened to me and it gave me a bit of closure speaking out it to someone who understood, and the child felt the same way. I realised at that point that I couldn’t let this predator ruin my life because I looked at her and I saw her pain and all I saw in the child’s eyes was my pain and guilt of what happened to me. People say Rape happens to young girls because they are dressed provocatively so because they asked for it. You can wear what ever you like because at the end of the day clothes shouldn’t automatically make people assume what they want too. If you feel comfortable wearing what you want then wear it, don’t let anyone stop you! Just like some predators say that you consented to it when you was drunk or drugged up. If you are not able to remember or you are under the influence and you physically cannot say “yes” or “no”, that is also rape! This is the best excuse out there I think… “They wanted it, I know because they didn’t struggle”. How does that make sense? what if they physically cannot move because she/he is pinned down and couldn’t do anything about it! None of these things are fair and I am very sorry if any of these excuses came up with you. I’m just trying to explain that the only way you are not being raped is if you Consent!

I feel like I need to get this out in the open because if I don’t nobody else would have the courage too either. We all deserve to speak up about what happened to us. People may see us and some may even belittle us, but at least we will know that we are so much stronger and so much braver for doing so. We shouldn’t we scared to reach out and get our story out because we beat it and we got through it so in my eyes we’re so much more stronger than we think. You might not think it now, but we are. Especially you who is reading this because you could have never had the chance too!


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19 comments

  1. JProshuto Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. This is not your fault. Rape can happen to both boys and girls. It’s a good thing you wanted to tell your story on AVFTI. Have to talked to a therapist by any chance? Any question or concerns please fell free to reach out.

  2. Kevin Casey Volunteer

    I’m so sorry this happened to you did you not deserve this it’s not your fault in any way no one should have to go what you went through you are strong Brave person if there’s anything you need you always talk to us always here to help you thank you for sharing your story

  3. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of this, and this wasn’t your fault. You are extremely strong and brave for sharing your story, and using your story to try to help others. We are glad you found us and that you are here, sharing. Please let us know what else we can do for you, we are always going to be here to help and proved the support you need stay strong and please don’t give up your fight

    -Brianna

  4. Colton Kim Volunteer

    You are absolutely right in that you will never forget what happened to you, but you can move on, forgive, and not let that traumatic experience ruin your life! I will admit, I am still recovering from what happened to me but I am not letting it ruin my life. I think that it is incredible that you had the courage to share your story and you seem like a very wise person because of what you wrote here. I hope that you are doing well and that you stay strong!

  5. zoeyb

    Thank you for invoking so much hope within me and so many others while sharing your story and your thoughts. I am so sorry you had to experience that. You’re right, the only person who is to blame is the assailant, never the victim. And I am so sorry that your friend betrayed your trust by telling your mom what happened, that was very wrong of them to take that power away from you. But, I am so glad that you felt comfortable enough to trust us with your story. As much as you advocate for others who have experienced sexual assault, know that we fully believe and support you.

    Zoey

  6. Jess Volunteer

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Everything you said is completely correct – the man who did this to you is in the wrong. It doesn’t matter what you wear or how you “act,” if you do not consent, then it is rape. It’s amazing that you were strong enough to share what had happened to you with the young girl and really help her heal, while also assisting yourself. That right there shows amazing strength and bravery. If you feel comfortable, please keep sharing your story. You’re a survivor and your bravery may just help others, like that young girl.

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. We are so glad you trusted us! Remember – we are always here and we will always believe you. <3
    Stay strong.
    -Jess

  7. Jade Volunteer

    Thank you for having the courage to not only share your story but to also let other survivors know they are not alone. It takes a strong individual to not just survive, but to help others survive as well. Your strength is an inspiration.

    I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. That DJ had no right to violate your body. You deserve to always be in control of your body and to always feel safe. Please don’t ever give up and please always hold on to that strength of yours. Keep on fighting and pushing forward, because like you said, you’re a survivor. You got this! <3

  8. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    First, I am so sorry for what happened to you. You didn’t deserve any of this, and this wasn’t your fault. You are very brave for sharing your story, and using your story to try to help others. We are glad you found us and that you are here, sharing. Please let us know what else we can do for you-we are here for you.

    Erin

    1. leah_170414

      allowing me to post what happened and knowing others are reading who have been through the same trauma helps me enough because I hope I inspire other individuals to share there stories too because its a huge relief knowing that others have survived the same trauma as I.

  9. Natalie M Day Captain

    HI there,
    Thank you for sharing what happened to you with out AVFTI community. We know it is not always easy to share your story, and we are glad that you did! Thank you for providing some hope for our other story tellers as well! You are so inspiring! What happened to you was not okay and it was not your fault! You are right that you can forget, but it is very difficult to forget. I think the most important thing for a survivor to do is to realize that what happened to you does not define who you are. You are so much more!! But that is very difficult to do as well! Thank you again for providing support for other victims, like yourself, and trusting us with your story! We are here for you so please let us know if there is anything we can do for you!
    Sending hope and support,
    Natalie

  10. Ashley Day Captain

    I appreciate your willingness to share your story with our community, leah_170414.

    When the DJ stated that he was going to sleep on the sofa, that’s what he should have done; he had no right to enter the bedroom that you were in. Since you felt frozen, it’s understandable that you pretended to be asleep. After the DJ went to the bathroom, I’m thinking that the thought of having to leave the bedroom felt terrifying. Your friend should have respected you by refraining from telling your mother about what you experienced.
    After being sexually assaulted, it can be exhausting to interact with the police and go through the legal system. I agree that nobody is to blame for what their perpetrator(s) decided to do. Victim blaming isn’t acceptable.
    I can tell that you have thought about the situation and have worked on processing the emotions associated with what happened, which is admirable. In regards to the child who experienced the same thing, I’m glad that you were able to provide her with comfort by coming forward with your story.

    Take care of yourself 🙂

  11. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi leah_170414,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are so strong for so many different reason. You learned to overcome this traumatic experience, you helped someone else, and you are here today with so many words of encouragement. I am so proud of you! The police should have helped you. That is not okay that they did nothing, but like you said you survived and you are healing. If you can get through what happened you can get though anything. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  12. Zoe Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know how difficult this is to talk about, so it takes a lot of courage and strength to speak openly like you did. I’m glad you’re able to now tell your story. But I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Admitting it happened and beginning to work through it are important steps in the healing process, but I know it’s still difficult to deal with, and some days are just really hard. You’re extremely resilient though, and it sounds like you’re very self-aware and empathetic toward yourself, which is so important. The fact that you came here and shared your story and expressed your feelings will also be really inspiring and encouraging to others who have been sexually assaulted, so thank you for that. We’re glad we can be here to support you and others who have been through this kind of violence.

    Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us again, and if there’s anything you need from us, please let us know. We’re here for you.

    Zoe.

  13. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry this happened to you and this wasn’t your fault. What he did was wrong .I am glad you are speaking up and you’re healing. It is important to understand how hurtful the responses can be. I am glad you were able to help another person. It will take time to forgive. The most important thing you did was be open about it and letting someone know what you went through. If you ever need anything we are here for you. You are strong and inspiring for sharing your story. Stay strong!

  14. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi leah_170414,
    Thank you for sharing your story and insights with us. I’m really sorry about what happened to you, and it wasn’t your fault. What he did was so wrong. However, I’m glad that you’re speaking up and that you’re healing. It’s important for people to understand how hurtful some of their responses can be. As for forgiveness, I would recommend doing what feels right for you. Whether you decide to forgive or not is your decision, and either option is okay. It may also take time to forgive, and that is natural.
    I’m also glad that you were able to help another person who faced a similar experience. That is powerful, and dealing with what happened by talking to others is courageous.
    If you need anything, we’re here to support and listen to you. Your strength and wisdom is inspiring, and we’re proud of you for sharing. Continue to stay strong, and you’ve got this!

  15. Megan Volunteer

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us! This is such a great message of perseverance and hope! I’m so proud of you for fighting through everything that happened and having the courage to share your story. You are awesome. Keep up this amazing attitude! I love it! And of course, we will always be here for you if you ever need anything at all. Xx.

  16. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us! I am so glad you are on a healing path and trying to help others. Keep up the good work spreading your positive message and let us know how we can support you further! We are always here for you <3

  17. jamie.lynn Volunteer

    leah_170414 ,
    Thank you so much for sharing your story and WISDOM with us and our viewers!! You have such great insight and I am so happy to hear that you are working through things and willing to speak out to help others. I am sorry that this happened to you, but the way you have taken it and used to help others is admirable. I totally understand that you will never be able to forget what happened to you and I don’t know that I would want to forget it either. What happens to us makes us who we are and builds our character. You are a strong individual and you will be able to help so many people just by being you and sharing your journey! Thank you again for sharing and please let us know if we can help you heal in any other way!

    -jamie

  18. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi leah_170414,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry that this happened to you. None of this was your fault and you didn’t deserve it. You are absolutely right that we all deserve to speak out if something happens and I want you to know that you are heard. We believe you and we are here to support you. Something that is important to remember is that your feelings are valid. They are a real reaction. It is okay if you cannot forgive right now. It is okay to feel angry or sad or confused. Let yourself feel. There is no right or wrong reaction. You are not a better or worse person for forgiving or not forgiving. What is important is understanding your current feelings about it and then being able to, as you say, move forward without it ruining your life. But, everyone’s path to healing is different. It is rarely linear. There are twists and turns. It is important to take it a day at a time, to take care of yourself, listen to your feelings, and celebrate the victories along the way.

    It is really unfortunate how underinformed people are about sexual abuse and how these harmful, sexist arguments about someone “asking for it” still persist. However, you are part of the change that will make those things less and less common. You supported someone younger than yourself. You listened, validated, and believed. If we support each other, if we can listen to one another, and if we can believe those who come forward, then I do believe a kinder world is in our future.

    If you look under our “Find Help” tab you will see a diverse selection of resources. It is your choice if you want to use any of them, but please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Thank you again for sharing your story with us. You are not alone. Stay strong.

    Thomas