My First Time Telling My Story

220 52

Hi Everyone. I’ve never shared my story before so I’m new at this. But here it goes. December 2017 I met my EX. Who i am proud to say is my ex because he was a beyond shitty person. You can say i was blinded by love. He was charming and kept a good conversation. We came from the same cultural background so we had a lot in common. The first couple months were great, guess you can call it the flower phase. Then after three months things started to go downhill. It started with pushing/nudging when he was angry. I thought Eh, no big deal. But pushing led to shoving, slapping, punching, bruised ribs etc. Not mention verbal abuse. And sadly, sexual abuse. Sex was just sex for him. Well at least in the Spanish culture a lot of men think its a woman’s duty to please their man. At first when i said no he would say whatever and turn over. But if i were to deny him for more then 3 days.. things escalated. I push a lot of instances in the back of my head when I’m traumatized. But this was the first time he raped me. I believe it was the 5th day of me saying “babe I’m tired I’m sorry.” He then grabbed me by my vagina, pinched it to were i was in intense pain. I will never forget that feeling. That feeling of helplessness and humiliation. He wouldn’t let go til i relaxed and let him inside me. I didn’t want him inside me. I was tired from work and didn’t want to have sex. He didn’t care. To him he owned my body and how dare i not let him in!!!!!!! I remember closing my eyes as he lifted my legs up and violated my body. I remember fantasizing about my future life. Fantasizing about a man that doesn’t just think of me as basically a sex slave. Thinking about the beach, my family, things that will make time go by. I used to think he loved me. But he didn’t. I was a piece of meat basically. On top of the multiple situations i was forced into sex, he enjoyed humiliating me. Tell me how many men you’ve been with, tell me about how much of a whore you are. He’d get mad when i wouldn’t answer so i just made up stories. He was just a overall bad man. Narcissistic, misogynistic, sadist. Who enjoyed causing me mental and physical pain. I have PTSD of all the different acts of violence that has occurred during our relationship daily. I’m with a kind, loving, respectful partner at the moment. But i guess the meds.. the Lexapro (anti anxiety and depression pill) is bringing back all the bad memories and making me face them instead of keeping it all bottled up inside. I need to face these demons so i can heal. I’m thankful he didn’t permanently injure me or worse. Thankful to be alive another day and being able to tell my story.  I’m Alicia. I am a domestic violence, and sexual assault survivor. I stand with you #METOO


Join the Conversation

52 comments

  1. pvb Volunteer

    Hi munecabella ,
    I am thankful you are here with us today Alicia. You are very strong to overcome that relationship and seeking the help you need. I am sorry that this happened to you. No one should treat someone like a possession. I am glad you came and confided in us. That step you took to seek help and receive medication is great, maybe if it is not helping as you think it should you can incorporate some other things to make yourself deal with your emotions such as coming to groups like this, speaking up for yourself, trying out some self care, exercising, and many more things. You will find that thing that works best for you though, I truly believe it 🙂 Come back and share with us your progress ! Stay strong love !

  2. nessa1695 Volunteer

    Welcome Alicia,
    I’m glad you found this community and you shared with us your story, I stand with you. No one should have to go through what you went through, it’s terrifying having to endure abuse because some one felt like they owned your body. He should have taken no for answer, he should have respected you and not humiliated you. I’m very happy that you are now out of that abusive relationship and with some one who is kind, loving, and respectful towards you. You deserve it! I’m glad to read that you’re taking steps towards heeling and are working on facing and overcoming your demons. You’re extremely brave and strong for sharing this with us and owning that you are a survivor & have survived a horrible situation. I hope that your PTSD lessens as your healing progresses.
    We’re here for you every step of the way, don’t hesitate to come back and share anything with us.
    Sending support and love
    -Nessa

  3. avahalliday Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us all. It takes a lot of courage to talk about being a survivor and I am so glad that you took the time to open up to this community.

    I am so sorry for what you went through. You did not deserve that kind of treatment and it was so wrong of your ex to do those things to you. It is wonderful to hear that you were able to end that relationship and begin one with someone who loves and respects you. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect, kindness, and love— always.

    It can be a very tough journey to recover from such an experience but it sounds like you are staying strong. You are so inspiring and I wish you nothing but happiness and healing! We are here for you and we are rooting for you <3

    Ava

  4. hina.jawaid Volunteer

    Dear Alicia,

    I am glad that you are not with him anymore. I am also happy that you found someone who cares for you. Your anxiety and anger are normal. you cannot just erase all those memories overnight. Healing is a process and it takes time. Good thing is that you are positive and thankful for what you have now. Are talking to a therapist? I would suggest that you do. We are also here for you. Stay strong and positive. You are a survivor and you are here to help other survivors heal. God Bless you.

  5. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi munecabella,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. It takes a lot of courage to talk about this. We are all here for you. I’m so sorry to hear about how poorly he treated you. You should always have the right to say no. I think the idea of a woman having a duty to “please their man” is very outdated and it’s frustrating that in some cultures this notion has persisted. A relationship is 50-50 and you in no way owe your partner anything sexually. You’re right he is an overall bad man. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and treats you with respect. We are all here if you want to talk about this more. We also have some amazing resources here if you want to find some professional support or resources: https://avfti.wpengine.com/help/

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  6. jna0297 Volunteer

    Hello Alica,

    First off, thank you for allowing us to be the first you share your story with. That is very brave of you. You are so strong for getting yourself out of the situation you were in. No matter how bad your thoughts get, keep fighting and think about the beach and your family and the good things that bring you joy. I am pleased to hear that you have found a partner you can trust and be comfortable with. If your thoughts ever get too intense feel free to reach out the 24/7 crisis counselor by texting “VOICE” to 741-741 and you will instantly be connected with a trained crisis counselor. Thank you again for trusting us with something so personal.

  7. smarti14 Volunteer

    Alicia,

    I am so sorry that you were put through what you went through by someone you loved and trusted. I agree with you that in order to heal sometimes we have to face all our demons and clear them out our lives. We are often caught in between trying to cover up problems and hoping they go away and the struggle of facing them. I am so glad you are willing to share your story with us. You are so brave for facing your problem head on. Keep fighting no matter how difficult it gets because at the end of the day, you will come out of these struggles a tougher and stronger person. I am so glad you have found another person who truly can show you the real meaning of love!

    Warm Regards,
    Suzy M.

  8. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hi Alicia
    I stand with you. I am so sorry for what your ex did to you. He can not even call himself a man. You are worth so much an you do not deserve to be treated that way. You are not a sex slave and he is a horrible human who never deserved you. Living with ptsd after what you went through can be very hard. I am glad you do have the type of partner you do deserve. It is good to face all this instead of bottling it up. Healing begins when you talking about what happened. And you did that by sharing your story. Thank you so much for trusting us with your story and I want you to know we are always here for you to support you. Please write back any time. Sending positive vibes.

    Kristin

  9. Hugo Volunteer

    Hey munecabella,

    Thank you for sharing and trusting us with your story! What your ex boyfriend did to you was not okay and you did not deserve that. Consent must always be established no matter what, but he violated that right. Being able to express your story to us shows that you are such a brave and strong woman and you already started your journey to recovery. I’m very happy to hear you’ve found someone who loves and cares for you, you deserve happiness. The healing process is not linear but it sure is possible and you will get there, we believe in you! Please let us know if you need any resources!
    Take care of your health, keep on fighting!

  10. Dayana143 Volunteer

    Hi munecabella!
    Let me start off by saying that you are so brave, and I admire you for being able to share your story. I’m super thankful you’re alive & I’m glad you are now in a safe place in your life. You will heal! Simply by sharing your story is already is a huge step in the healing process. It makes me so happy to know that you are with someone who makes you happy, and respects you. He can remind you that you will not have to go through that pain anymore, and that he truly cares about you. That brings so much to me, and I believe things will only get better for you.

  11. Shari Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, you are so brave for coming forward! We support you throughout this tough time. You did not deserve what happened to you. This is not your fault. I am so sorry you went through that painful experience. Nobody is entitled to your body and I am glad he is no longer in your life. I am also happy you are moving forward and you’re with someone who is kind and respectful. As for the Lexapro, have you seen your doctor or psychiatrist regarding these feelings? Please be sure to bring them up! Your mental health is very important. I sense a lot of power and strength at the end of the story. Be sure to take care of yourself, even if it’s a small thing like writing short word of affirmation to yourself. Healing looks different for everyone.
    Do not hesitate to reach out again, we’re here for you! Keep fighting on!

    Sending love and strength your way,
    Shari

  12. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry for everything that you have been through, and you’re incredibly strong for speaking up about this. It must have been terrifying and devastating, and you have true perseverance for dealing with this as long as you have. You are deserving of support and are stronger than you probably realize. I wish you the very best.

    -Rachel

  13. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Hi Alicia, thank you for reaching out to us. I am so sorry that you went through that abuse and are still having PTSD because of it. Talking about it and sharing is a huge step and you should be proud you are able to do that and inspire other/show them that things can get better and change and that they are not alone! I am so happy to hear you have a loving and understanding partner now who respects you and your boundaries. Keep staying strong and inspiring others; we are here for you and support you always <3

  14. dzreid Volunteer

    Alicia,
    What a powerful thing to be able to do; speaking your name & say that your a domestic violence & sexual assault survivor! To share a story especially for the first time take strength, guts, & courage. I think you should stand tall & be proud in knowing how great it is to acknowledge this! This is to me a huge milestone in your healing journey! Thank you for being brave enough to share! I also wanted to say, you’re not alone. I too am a survivor of spoucal abuse (rape & domestic violence) You didn’t deserve what he done, but you do deserve to be happy. I’m glad to see that you currently are in a positive relationship! As far as the memories, take each moment & go from there. Sometimes that’s all we can do is take it minute by minute. Coninue pressing forward. You certainly are a strong person & so worth this fight! You got this! I believe in you!
    Dawn

  15. lizzi

    Hi Alicia,
    Thank you so much for trusting us with part of your story. We hear your pain, we support you, and we’re here for you. I’m so sorry for what happened to you with your ex. These abusers are so good at making people think that they’re good people. And sometimes even in abusive relationships, there is a part that is good. It can be hard to accept sometimes that what they’re doing is wrong, or that they’re bad people, when we have fallen for them and at some point could see a future with them. What he did to you was wrong, and I’m sorry that you’re still having to deal with these memories. I’m glad that you’re still alive and here to share your story. If you don’t already have a counselor you’re working with, I would strongly recommend finding someone to talk to that can help you work through these memories and the PTSD, as you don’t deserve to have to keep dealing with this. You deserve to be free of him and be happy.

  16. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry about everything that you went through and that you are reliving those experiences again. I am so happy to hear that you’re in a much better relationship now. I hope as time continues that your current relationship with bring you joy and happy memories so that the other ones begin to fade. You are an amazing person for enduring what you have and coming out of it in a much better place. If you are finding the Lexapro is causing PTSD you may want to talk to your provider about the side effects you have been having and see if there is something that would be a better option. Sometimes it can take a while for these types of medications to work and to find one that works best for you so please don’t be discouraged. We are happy to have you reach out to us any time you feel like it!

  17. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi Alicia,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I am sure it must have been very difficult for you to share for the first time. I am so glad you shared here with us! What happened to you, was not okay. But, it was not your fault! I am so sorry that you had to endure all of this. No one else owns your body. You have every right to say no at any time, for any reason. Do you have someone close to you that you could share this with, if you are comfortable? Having a support system can be a huge help during your journey for healing. Remember it is your story, you are allowed to share (or not share) with whoever you want! You are a survivor! You are so strong! You are an inspiration!

    Sending you lots of support and hope! We believe and validate you! We hear you and we also stand with you! Please know you are welcomed back anytime you would like to share more! I hope you do come back! We are here for you!

    -Natalie

  18. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Alicia,

    Thanks for posting your story here. I’m so sorry your ex treated you so badly. You didn’t deserve that at all, and I hope you know that. He had no right to your body, regardless of if you were dating. As for the Lexapro dragging up all of those feelings, that’s definitely tough to deal with. Are you seeing a professional? They might be able to help you deal with the resurfacing of all of the emotions you’re experiencing. However, please only do so if you feel comfortable. Your mental health is extra important when you’re going through the healing process! Take it one step at a time. You can do this, I know it!

    Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We’re here to help however we can!!
    Marissa

  19. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Hi Alicia! I’m glad you decided to share your story with us. We are here for you and want to support you in any way possible. I’m sorry that you went through that kind of relationship. None of it is your fault nor did you deserve it. It’s good to see that you’re willing to face these feelings that have just came about. You’re starting to write your story and dig into your self-awareness. These are all very important steps that you’ve already decided to take which is tremendous. You are strong and you are able! We are here for you!

  20. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    I’m so sorry to hear about the abuse you endured at the hands of your ex. Thank you for sharing your story here with us. That was a huge step! Remember, healing is a very personal journey. It’s different for everyone and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to go about it. There is no time limit on healing either. Please feel free to browse our resource section. There are many organizations that may be local to offer additional assistance as you begin to navigate your healing process. We’re here for you! You’re always welcome to reach out whenever you need to.

    All the best,
    Becca

  21. haesol Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    First of all, you are so brave for telling us your story. It’s not easy to go back down that memory lane and retell the experiences, but you’ve done it now and that shows strength.

    I’m so sorry to hear about the abuse, you didn’t deserve any of it and it cannot ever be justified. I’m glad you took that huge and difficult step of taking that person out of your life. It’s nice to know you are with a respectful and nice partner now, I hope life treats you well.

    I’m so glad you’ve found AVFTI, we are here for you!

    Gracias por contarnos tu historia, recuerda que estamos aquí para ti en cualquier momento que necesites. (Thanks for telling us your story, remember that we are here for you anytime you need.)

    Best regards,
    Sol.

  22. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. What you went through with your ex was horrible, but it’s good to hear that you were able to make it out of that situation. The way your ex treated you was horrible, it’s no way to treat your partner. It’s great hearing that you are with a kind, loving, and respectful partner right now. It sounds like you want to face what you went through head-on, that’s very admirable. Wishing you nothing but the best in your journey. Please feel don’t hesitate to reach out again anytime. Take care.

  23. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Alicia,

    I’m so glad you found out about us and we are glad you are here. I’m so sorry to hear about the physical, verbal, and sexual abuse you experienced in your relationship. I’m very grateful that your now with a respectful partner and that this bad relationship is behind you. What went on there was horrible, and making it past all of this shows your strength. You are very brave for sharing all of this with us and for being so open about your story. I know that the bad memories coming up lately must be tough, I’ve heard of that happening with medication but I am confident that you can handle anything. I’m proud that you are willing to face these tough emotions so that you can heal, and I’m also glad that you are here after all this.

    I’m really glad you found out about AVFTI, please come back and share anytime and we will be here for you.

  24. rohina_kumar Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    First, I’d like to thank you for taking this huge step by sharing your story. We are all here to support you. I’m really sorry you had to go through so much physical and mental trauma. No one deserves go through that. That being said, I’m extremely glad that you made the huge decision of removing such a toxic person out of your life. That is a huge initiative you’ve taken for yourself and shows that you are working actively towards your personal development and growth. I’m really happy you are with a much better person right now too. Facing those bad memories, rather than avoiding them, is the best way to recover and heal from them. Everyone deserves the right to consent, respect and you did not have to go through that humiliation. I’m really happy you are on the road to recovery. Keep fighting and know that we’re here for you if you’re ever feeling low 🙂

  25. musicislove

    Hi Munecabella,

    I’m so sorry your ex violated you the ways he did. You didn’t deserve any of that, you deserve to feel safe, happy, and loved. People that are abusive are usually so good at being sweet in the beginning of the relationship so you had no reason to distrust his intentions. You did nothing wrong and nothing that happened was your fault, I hope you know that. Medication can definitely help bring things to the surface and I’m sorry you’re struggling with these memories, but telling your story is a huge step towards healing. Thank you so much for trusting us and please come back and share more anytime you’d like, we’re here for you!

    Delaney

  26. Ashley Day Captain

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story with our community, Alicia.

    Since the first couple of months in the relationship were great, it’s not abnormal that you didn’t think too much about the pushing or nudging. He had no right to physically, sexually, or verbally abuse you. I’m familiar with the Spanish culture and the mentality that most men have about sexual intercourse. Each time that you expressed you didn’t want to have sex, he should have listened to you and respected your boundaries. I wish that he wouldn’t have caused you to feel helpless and humiliated; you have the right to be treated with respect.
    It sounds like you used the visions (thinking about someone who treats you well, the beach, and your family) to cope and it’s a relief to hear that those fantasies helped you through those traumatizing moments. It sounds like he added insult to injury by asking you demeaning questions and placing you in a situation where it felt necessary for you to answer, which is not okay.

    It seems like you feel content in your current relationship 🙂 I believe in you and your ability to heal; we have your back.

    Ashley

  27. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi munecabella,
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You did not deserve this to happen to you. You did a great job telling your story. I know it can be scary and hard, but you did great. I’m happy that you are in a better relationship. I’m happy for you. The medicine can definitely bring up those memories. I used to be on that medicine and it did the same thing to me. I would have a lot of memories come up in my head and they would be very vivid. If there is anything you need help with please let us know. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  28. rkr18 Volunteer

    Hello munecabella,

    You were so brave for telling us your story Thank you. I’m sorry you were traumatized know that it was never your fault. And we are grateful that you are alive too! How wonderful that you found someone that is a loving and respectful that is what you deserve. Please let us know if you need anything we are all here for you.
    -marie

  29. colton95 Volunteer

    I think it’s so brave and awesome of you to share your story on here and for trying to seek help and face your demons. Feel free to share your thoughts whenever you want to on here and reach out to literally anyone here if you want to talk to somebody. I hope that you are staying safe and positive during these tough times.

  30. Thomas Volunteer

    Hey munecabella,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for what you have been through. You didn’t deserve any of this and none of this is your fault. It is good to hear you are no longer in that relationship. You are doing a great job on healing and moving forward. You are not alone. Please let us know how else we can help. Stay strong.

    Thomas

  31. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Alicia,

    Thank you for choosing AVFTI to share your story. I’m glad you feel safe here to share it. None of what happened was your fault. I’m glad to hear that you’re with a loving and respectful partner at the moment – that can be comforting as you try to understand and heal the past. It seems you’re taking great steps to get the support you deserve. AVFTI also offers a lot of resources on their help page. I can tell you’re doing your best and I send you good vibes as you continue to heal.

    Sending light your way,
    SFM

  32. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hey munecabella

    I know how scary it can be to tell your story for the first time so thank you for sharing it with us. You should be proud of yourself for surviving that abuse – you did not deserve or cause any of it. I am glad that you are out of that abusive situation and with a kind and respectful partner. It’s really amazing that you’re taking steps to work through what happened to you. Know that we are here for you during your healing journey. Please come back and share with us anytime.

    KatherineL

  33. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry for everything you went through. You did not deserve this and this wasn’t your fault. I am glad you came to share your story and you are strong for sharing your story. Thank you for sharing with us.

  34. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for everything you have been through. You didn’t deserve this, and this wasn’t your fault. I’m glad you came here to share your story with us, and I hope it was cathartic to do so. You matter-your story matters. Thank you for sharing with us.

    Erin

  35. Kailey Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,
    I’m sorry for what you had to endure during that relationship, nothing that happened to you was your fault. You are so strong and I’m happy to hear he’s out of your life and your with someone whos is loving and kind. Healing from trauma can take a while but keep that positive attitude, it will help on the road to recovery. We are here for you and we support you! The first time sharing your story can be difficult and scary so thank you for trusting us! If you need anything please let us know!
    Kailey

  36. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that your ex treated you this way. You absolutely did not deserve for him to treat you in this manner. Healing is difficult, but I’m so glad to hear that you are in a healthy relationship and you’re taking medication and seeking help now. It’s great to hear that you are out of that relationship and safe now.

    thank you for sharing your story with us. If you need anything at all, we are always here for you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  37. larakopp Volunteer

    Alicia:

    Thank you for sharing your story! I’m glad you’re no longer with your ex and that you’re currently with someone who is “kind, loving, and respectful.” I hope your partner is supportive of your healing journey. Your strength is quite evident through your writing!

    I am so sorry that you experienced all you did with your ex. It sounds like you know it’s not your fault, but I’m going to say it anyway — what happened was not your fault and in no way, shape, or form did you deserve it.
    Healing from trauma, in all its’ forms is difficult and exhausting — and I think you’re brave and strong for knowing that you “need to face those demons so you can heal;” and that you’re taking the steps to do so! As a fellow PTSD and abuse survivor myself, remember that healing is healing; and though the anxiety or memories may come, the healing is still happening and progress is being made! You can do this!! Remember to give yourself grace during this time, and to treat yourself kindly!
    Keep us updated and know that we are here to support you on your journey! Thank you for your story!

    -Lara

  38. loveishere2020 Volunteer

    Hi, munecabella – my name is Hollie. Thank you for sharing, even if incredibly painful to do so. Your experience is one of great survival. Knowing that you are now free from these horrific experiences makes my heart happy. Keep doing what you are doing, okay? It will only get better from here.
    Sharing is a great means of healing so come back and share more whenever you see fit.

    Stay safe – Hollie

  39. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    Thank you for coming here and sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through. You did not deserve to be treated that way – sexually, physically, and mentally. I’m really glad that you can now call him your ex and you have moved on to a more healthy relationship. Healing from trauma has its ups and downs. We’re here to help support you through it. Remember to be kind to yourself as these memories arise and take good care of yourself. Stay strong, and let us know how we can help.

    Sending you love and support,
    Bre

  40. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Alicia,
    You truly didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and you were not at fault for what happened to you. You revoked consent, and I wish he had listened to you. I’m so glad you were able to leave that abusive relationship; it couldn’t have been easy. I’m also glad that you’re with someone who is respectful and loving – that’s how you deserve to be treated! It’s great that you’re willing to work on yourself in order to heal. You can do it!
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. We’re here whenever you need us, and we stand with you.

  41. JWorks Volunteer

    Alicia,

    Firstly, your feelings are valid. Secondly, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. It sounds like you’re heading down the right path by facing your demons. I wish you strength through your fight. Keep us updated!

  42. april-federico Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,

    I’m so sorry you had to go through this. As someone who has been in your situation, maybe not to a full 100%, I DO hear you, understand you, and you are so strong for leaving him. Also, as someone with PTSD, I hear and see you, too! I’m so glad your current partner respects you. That’s proof that there IS hope that’s waiting at the end of the tunnel. I know it wasn’t an easy journey for you to get to your current partner and where you are now, but as you said, you’re here and that’s all that matters. Additionally, I applaud you for facing your past. Someday I promise you will come to peace with your past. It takes a while, but it’s not impossible. I encourage you to check back in with us if you need advice, etc.

    Sending so much love and positive energy your way!

    April

  43. SydSquid Volunteer

    Hey Alicia
    You are so strong for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry this happened to you, you truly didn’t deserve any of that. I understand that dealing with trauma can be hard and scary but you are facing it head on. Thank you for sharing your story today. please continue to share or update us about how you are doing. Stay strong.

  44. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Alicia,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I hope that you find our community safe and supportive and that it helps you with your healing journey. It takes a lot of strength to be able to leave toxic relationships and you did it!!! It is good to hear that you are in a safe and loving relationship now and that you are working on healing yourself. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you, feel free to write to us as often as you would like, and check out our Find Help tab. We have a variety of resources to assist people on their healing journey.
    Sending strength and love,
    Roxie

  45. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi Alicia, I am sorry that happened. I am glad you got out of that relationship and are on the path of recovery. I am also glad that you have someone who is kind and respectful. I hope it was helpful to write it all out, and please know that you are welcome here. Thank you for sharing.

  46. Starling Volunteer

    Hi Alicia,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to deal with this. You didn’t deserve this and it wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry that you had such traumatic experiences with your ex. I’m glad you were able to get away from that situation and move on. I saw in your comment that you intend to look into therapy when possible, which I think is a great idea. A therapist might be very helpful in shifting through all of the emotions and memories you’re dealing with. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  47. Rustin Volunteer

    Hi munecabella,
    Thank you for sharing your experience. It’s very brave of you to do so. It’s unfortunate that you had to experience this but I am happy that you seem to be working through processing this. Once you feel comfortable with where you’re at mentally, you can use this experience to help others and even though you shouldn’t have had to experience this you can use it to be a strength for someone that may be experiencing the same situation. Please share anytime you need!

  48. Ryan4121 Volunteer

    Alicia…I’m so sorry you had to through all of this. We are happy your shared with us and we are with you. I’m so glad you have sought out help and are recovering. If there is anything we can do to help further, please let us know. We are here for you and thank you for your bravery in sharing your story.

    Ryan

  49. zelda Volunteer

    I’m sorry you went through all of that, Alicia. I’m a DV survivor as well, the perpetrator was a man that I was with a couple years ago. I just recently started attending therapy again, and I’m going to start EMDR. I hear it’s great for people who struggle with PTSD. You may want to ask your doctor more about this? It may help you find healing and strength.

    Sending all of my love towards you,
    zelda

    1. nessa1695 Volunteer

      Welcome Alicia,
      I’m glad you found this community and you shared with us your story, I stand with you. No one should have to go through what you went through, it’s terrifying having to endure abuse because some one felt like they owned your body. He should have taken no for answer, he should have respected you and not humiliated you. I’m very happy that you are now out of that abusive relationship and with some one who is kind, loving, and respectful towards you. You deserve it! I’m glad to read that you’re taking steps towards heeling and are working on facing and overcoming your demons. You’re extremely brave and strong for sharing this with us and owning that you are a survivor & have survived a horrible situation. I hope that your PTSD lessens as your healing progresses.
      We’re here for you every step of the way, don’t hesitate to come back and share anything with us.
      Sending support and love
      -Nessa

    2. munecabella

      I appreciate your support and advice <3 Once COVID is over I intend to get back into therapy.I am seeing an internal doc at the moment. But my depression was going downhill. Ive never taken meds and I am a 2x victom of domestic violence so my anxiety PTSD and depression were intense.I dont like being judged about my story and needed to relax. Ive tried yoga meditating and natural herbal suppliments. Meds were my last hope. Im slowly… healing.

      1. zelda Volunteer

        You’ll heal in time. You went through traumas, and I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that we all know it’s a journey and a process just to feel somewhat normal again. We have to create new normals once things like this happen. Just don’t be too tough on yourself. Give yourself a break when you’re having a bad day. You’re doing much better than you think. ????