My Dad Sexually Abused Me And My 3 Sisters

222 37

Growing up in my house was a nightmare, I remember very specifically, and vividly, key parts of my babyhood-toddler, childhood-teen. As a small baby my dad would scream at us and intimidate us, he’s quite obese and smokes alot, being the youngest of 4 siblings I was always lead to believe that this had been my fault. I remember thinking very specifically on my first birthday that I had caused my dad to scream at my sister’s for eating my marshmallows. Silly I know. Me and my sister’s have all been abused by that man, but given the circumstances, all 3 of my sister’s and both of my parents would lay all the blame on me, given I am the youngest, they would bully and abuse me because I was the most vulnerable and naive. The abuse to me started as a baby, seeing my two sisters being molested while I sat and watched from a cot on the other side of the room. Then, as I moved into my own room, I would repeatedly be molested everynight by my father, he would say thinks like “don’t be scared of mummy” and “don’t worry it’s just a big hairy spider”. At the time I didn’t want to admit I was being sexually assaulted so I repressed the memory and intact made myself believe that it was a good feeling (bearing in mind I was 3-5 years old at this point). I didn’t realise any of this until I was 16, and my sister had took me into her apartment and completely broke down, the look on her face is one I’ll never forget, she was in pure pain, she was crying but no breathe was getting in or out. She told me dad had raped her, molested her, fingered her, then left me to go back home, as I was the only one living with my parents at 16 everyone had moved out. I repeatedly asked my dad if he had done this (as I hadn’t yet put two and two together in terms of it happening to me) he would make out I was crazy and insane and ask me to calm down then he would out his arm around me and rub my back and tell me gently he had never done anything like this and that me and my sister were crazy. I tried telling my mom but she didn’t believe me, or my sister, she said she wanted evidence. From when we were molested as small children, she wanted fucking evidence. The house I grew up in I was repeatedly beaten up and abused, if not by my dad then by my sister who was the one just older than me, I used to blame her so much for all of that stuff but now knowing what I know I don’t blame her, she would beat me up, push me down the stairs, tease and bully me and call me names like gay and sissy, (bare in mind I was like 3-12 and she would have been like 7-16) we would copy our dads violent behaviour and absolutely hate each other. Since we were violent to each other, my dad has taken no responsibility for anything he has done. He blames us, he says we are making it up. I have only heard my 2 sister’s admit they have also been abused, the eldest of my sister’s hasn’t said anything which I find to be a bit suspicious considering all 3 of us have been molested raped and abused. My other sister has gone to live in a different country and has completely cut off my dad as he won’t admit to what he’s done. My dad has since been round to my sister’s house and begged for her not to leave him and cried and apologised, that being said, he then later has come to me and denied doing any of that, the apology, the molestation, the crying. Actually no, he said he was crying, crying that we would make something like that up about him. That got me enraged, and as I have a history of self harm and self neglect I started hutting myself and my head off the walls, to which he replied you are acting like a baby, which got me more infuriated as that’s when he fucking molested me. Other than that i have been in 3 relationships, the most recent being the most disasterous. She would bully and abuse me like my dad would, but completely deny it aswell, like my dad would. So now I am on my own and there is nobody I can go too, I am considering ending my life as any attempt I make at getting better only leads to me being more confused angry and hated, like I have a feeling I’m being molested now and it’s getting stronger and stronger and it has been for the last few months, everynight I get raped, everynight I’m scared to close my eyes, everyday I’m scared to open my mouth, I’m trapped in self abusive cycle and I fear that nobody will every understand the things that I have gone through and the only people who will have killed themselves. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, growing up i was always made out to be the root cause of the problem, and even knowing what I know now, I’m still made out to be the one who ruined my family by my parents. They have made me move out on my own after the violence increased, due to neither of them owning up and being honest about the physical and sexual abuse. I fear nobody understand me, they all think I’m wanting to be slutty or sexually provocative and the dont understand how trapped I feel, everyone looks at me weird. I’m called a nonce because I was sexually molested as a child and abused all through my youth and adolescence and I can’t explain how much this I furiates me for people to so off handedly make remarks which literally, if taken seriously, make the abuse and trauma even worse. I don’t like dealing with other people’s opinions on my behaviour as a result of this, which makes it very difficult for me to change, I have a voice in my head which calls me gay sissy tramp pedo nonce and I’m on my own all the time and nobody cares and I keep making things worse and nobody listens and I want to get better but nobody knows and nobody listens and nobody sees and nobody cares and it makes me feel like ending my life, that’s why I hurt myself, that’s why I hit my head, that’s why I abused people, that’s why I have difficulties being in relationships with girls because of the way they use their inner child to express themselves makes me feel physically sick and I start copying them as I don’t know what to do about the feeling and they just judge me and laugh and me and provoke me until I do something wrong and then blame me for it like my dad. The only people who give me sympathy are complete random strangers like my solicitor or probation worker. Everybody else just calls me a nonce and gay and doesn’t help me but projects there insecurities on to me like I do onto them. Everyday my dad walks around happily, everyday my girlfriend pushed and abuses her power over me and then blames me for having meltdowns related to her pushing my childhood sexual and physical abuse. She thinks because her friend has gone through it that she understands it but she really doesn’t, considering she chooses to manipulate me into doing things I wouldn’t ordernarily do. I want to slit my dad’s throat, I want to end my own life, I want to not be in this body anymore. I don’t want this body anymore. I never wanted this body anyway. I never wanted to grow up. I wanted to die as a child. I tried to kill myself 3 times between 7-8 and twice with a tie around my neck and once jumping from a cliff(I didn’t manage to work up the courage) and I probably have attempted suicide alot more times considering how we would be beaten up molested and left in our rooms and told it was all our fault. Well I have u can’t remember the specifics. My sister has tried to kill herself many times, every girl I go out with self harms and tries to kill herself many times. I see no hope, I see no future, these people have made me do things that I didn’t want to do,and they are happy which makes me angry because I’ve never been happy and the only times I was happy I was being eyed up by a sexual predator and he was waiting for the perfect moment to hurt me and make me cry and think it was all my fault. Everybody, every man, I see reminds me of my dad, every woman I speak too makes me feel sick to the core after what I was put through as a child. There are videos where I am covering my ears, I was pushed down the stairs and landed head first on concrete, there were many signs that I was having a troubled development but nobody cared because my dad was too scared he would get caught for the things he was doing to my sister’s and me(my theory at least ). So yeah I just want to give up I’ve gone through so much and tried so many times to be a better person for everybody but people keep telling me to do it for myself but why would I do it for myself when all I know about myself is I never wanted to be alive I never wanted to live I never wanted any of this


Join the Conversation

37 comments

  1. silverliningsunshine Volunteer

    Hi userhername,

    Thank you for sharing what you have gone through, and I am so sorry that you and your siblings had to endure so many years of pain and sexual assault. None of you deserved this to happen and I hope you don’t blame yourselves. I am sorry to hear that your experiences made you self harm and want to commit suicide several times- I wish you the best on your journey to healing. Our platform has a Find Help tab you can look through and you can also text Crisis Text Line if you want more resources and support.

  2. cachonoah Volunteer

    Hi usehername,

    Thank you for sharing that story. You are very brave for even building up the courage to trust us with your story. It’s very unfortunate that you had to go through that. No one should have to deal with that kind of trauma growing up. None of this is your fault, and I can assure you that all of us are here for you no matter what. I know it may seem hard right now, but like others I hope I can offer plenty of words of encouragement to keep going. Everything will eventually be ok, even though it may seem like a lifetime in being able to heal from this. But please take as much time as you need. There is no rush. Even in your darkest times there will always be a light that can hopefully bring some sort of closure for you. Can I maybe direct you to the ‘Find Help’ tab? Or even text VOICE to 741-741?

    Just remember, we are all here for you no matter what. We hope to hear from you in the near future. Much love from your friends here.

  3. Gaby Duarte

    Hi Usehername,
    Thank you for sharing your story, believe it or not your story could help someone else who is going through something similar that you went through. Often times it is so hard to speak out about our experiences because we are scared of what people will think of us and you’re really brave to not care what anyone has to think or say about you! You are important and you are heard. No-one can take that from you, what you went through is a really traumatic experience and you are 100% allowed to feel your emotions. Healing looks so differently for everyone and it sounds easier said than done but being able to figure out what works best FOR YOU to heal YOU from your trauma is so important. You deserve to be in a happy relationship despite your sexual orientation and your past traumas please don’t allow anyone to tell you other wise. IF you ever need an ear to talk to please please please reach out and know that we are all here for you and really want to help you get through this. Theres light in the end of the tunnel.

    Best,
    GD

  4. hdezcinday07 Volunteer

    Hello usehername,
    I wanted to start off by saying, thank you so much for sharing your story. I know this isn’t easy but this just shows how strong you are even if you think you are not. I can’t imagine what you have been through, and all of the mixed emotions that go through your mind and body. However, you are not alone, you have this platform to reach all of us , including myself whenever you feel lonley or like you need someone to talk to. We are hear to listen, and support you every step of the way. Venting is one of the best things that you can do, taking all of those negative vibes off your shoulders is always a good sign. Don’t ever think that you shouldn’t be alive, there’s always going to be poeple that care about you, like your sisters and your close friend, even us here reading and hearing from your story we care and are here to help you dont forget that. I can’t imagine how hard this was for you to open up to us and for that I’m so proud of you. I hope you continue to share your thought and emotions with us. I would like to hear from you and how you are doing. Always remeber this is a safe place for you. Continue to be the strong and brave person you are. Take care of yourself.
    Best,
    Cindy

  5. noobloop Volunteer

    Hi usehername,
    Thank you for sharing this. I know that you have been experiencing many different negative emotions, even now I’m sure and that’s ok. I hope sharing this helped you a bit and maybe took a load off your shoulders even if it was temporarily. I hope you know that taking your life should never be an option. I’m not sure how old you are right now but in case you are still a minor, maybe you can ask one of your sisters for temporary shelter until you are of age and can move into your own place. If you’re not a minor, I truly hope you seek help because there is so much that you need to let out and work through. Healing may not be an easy path to walk on but it will be rewarding. Cut off the negative people in your life; you can always start over, you can start fresh. Just like one of your sisters moved to another country, you can move to another state/country if you wished to. You have many options, many things that you can do that can lead to your happiness but you have to take the first step. Please do not hesitate to seek for help; either from people close to you or professional. Whatever makes you feel comfortable, and be open minded to your options. I know things can and will get better for you. The fact that you came here and had the courage to speak out tells me that you are taking baby steps and that’s fine, too. Big steps, baby steps, whatever steps, at least you’re moving forward. Again, I want the best for you and I do strongly suggest you find resources, and do not forget that there is a “Find Help” tab here.
    Best wishes and much love,
    noobloop

  6. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for everything that has happened. You didn’t deserve any of this, none of this is your fault, and I am so sorry you are in so much pain. We want you here. Your life matters. You matter. Please text VOICE to 741 741 when you feel this intensely, they can connect you to more help. Please let us know how else we can help you, we are here for you.

    Erin

  7. sarahj Volunteer

    Hi usehername,

    First, thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us. Second, please know you deserve to be here, to be alive, and to be loved. I am so incredibly sorry for the experiences and pain you have had to endure. The abuse you have experienced (along with your sisters) is by no means your fault, nor did any of you deserve any of it.
    Have you ever shared your story with a professional? Or even a friend? I think you could benefit from some of the resources here under the “Find Help” tab. I know changing behaviors and attitudes is incredibly hard, but hurting yourself is not the answer.. despite how it may make you feel in the moment. Have you ever tried journaling or finding another outlet for your emotions? Maybe even just continuing to share here? This is a safe space for you to share whatever you may need to along your journey.
    Sending you love and hope… take care of yourself and hope to hear from you soon.
    Best,
    Sarahj

  8. t3nnis_player18 Volunteer

    Hey usehername,
    I want to thank you for sharing a very sensitive and painful part of your life with us. I am so sorry you have had to go through so many hardships that have driven you to give up hope and think everything is on you. I want you to know absolutely none of this is your fault. You were so young and someone who was supposed to protect you ended up hurting you in the worst way possible. You have so many people in your life that are continually putting you down and I understand how every time they knock you down it is even harder to get up the next time, but you have to keep picking yourself up. You are so strong for having gone through this and are still here. We are here to help you and listen to you whenever you need us. There is also a Find Help tab at the top of this page where you can find more resources to help you get through this very difficult time. I know it may feel like you have no one on your side, but we are all here and believe you. You are important and I hope you keep fighting and stay strong. We are very proud of you and we hope to hear from you again soon.

  9. kr1510 Volunteer

    Hi UseHerName,
    Thank you for trusting us to share your story. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you. None of what happened is you fault and you didn’t deserve any of it. Please feel free to utilize our ‘Find Help’ tab to find resources close to you. You can also text VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help. You are a strong individual and we believe and support you. Please feel free to update us whenever you’d like. This is a safe place for you and we are here for you.
    Much love,
    KR1510

  10. sarahsays Volunteer

    Hey there usehername,

    So glad you found us and that you decided to share your story. I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to open up, but I want you to know that we are all very proud of you.

    Nothing that has happened to you was deserved or is it your fault. You were a child that knew no better and you were being abused. I know it can really mess with your head when people make it out to seem as though you were at fault, but you have to believe yourself I know that your truth is real. It wasn’t your fault, and we’re all here to remind you of that and let you know that there is nothing you could have done to change this as a child. I’m so sorry that the people that should have protected you let you down and hurt you, you deserve better.

    I know how empty this can all feel, like the abuse will never end. Myself along with many of the other volunteers here are survivors and we’re here to tell you that it does and can get better. Healing is possible and we are all here for you every step of the way, please don’t give up, you have us as a support system. Like some of the others have said please check out some of the resources on our site. It’s important to remember to take each day one at a time and remember it’s okay if some days are better than others. You deserve to be here and you deserve happiness, safety, and love. I know that you will find it as long as you don’t give up.

    You’re brave and your courage to post here today has inspired me. I hope you’ll keep coming back and sharing with us, we are here for you.

    Sending you strength and healing
    Sarah

  11. adrian Volunteer

    Hey, usehername-

    It is positive that you found this outlet to share your story. It was strong of you to type this all out and to press that publish button. What you did in that action is heighten the voice of all others who are going through something similar to your past. You have provided them a light to see that they are not alone and there is someone- you- out there who can relate to them. I offer that because it is not your fault that this is your history. That this is your story. These are chapters in your life that you have no control in writing, but now you can control what you write. These are your chapters now in your book of life. These new chapters are filled with hope and love. They take strength in writing them, but I hear grit and resiliency in your story and I hear your desire to have a brighter light in your life. You have it within you to make that happen and there is tribe of people ready and willing to help you on that journey.

    Your bravery to keep living- to wake up and keep walking- is truly inspiring. Every moment on this earth is yours to discover and to live out. Each moment you are here, every new day with you, is a new day with light shining. It is another day to hear your story and to write a new chapter. I hope for another day with you in this world, inspiring through simple actions. I hope for another moment with you, reaching for that next chapter in life- full of hope and peace.

    Check out the find help link up at the top of this page to see who your tribe can become. This tribe, ready and willing to be the support you need as you write your new chapter.

    Keep fighting the good fight.

    Take care,
    Adrian

  12. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi userhername,

    Thank you for coming to AVFTI to share your story. It takes a lot of courage to share. We are all here for you. I’m sorry to hear about how your father treated you and your siblings. I promise what he did was in no way your fault. You aren’t crazy and you know what happened, and I believe you. You have all of us, you aren’t alone. We have some amazing hotline resources here: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/hotlines/ such as this suicide prevention hotline if you want to talk to someone right now. 1-800-273-TALK (8255). We are always here for you.

    Stay strong,
    T

  13. areilly320 Volunteer

    Hi usehername,

    Thank you for sharing and trusting us to tell your truth. I know it took a lot of strength and bravery to recollect your trauma. Please know, that none of what has happened is your fault. It may seem difficult to navigate through the thoughts and trauma that has happened, but you are off to an amazing start. You’ve reached out, and we are here to listen and we do believe you. Your life truly matters. It’s been mentioned previously, but our Find Help tab, has many great resources, and texting VOICE to 741-741, will help give you immediate assistance. We are here to continue to hear you. Keep your head up and continue to be as strong and as brave as you are.

    -Alyssa

  14. Lex Volunteer

    Hello usehername,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I am so incredibly sorry that you had to go through this. It is important to know that none of what happened to you was your fault and that you didn’t deserve any of it. It is completely understandable that you’re angry – all of your feelings are valid and shouldn’t be dismissed by others. You deserve to be loved and supported and I believe that this life is possible for you. Life is worth living. You are important.

    Like others have mentioned our “Find Help” tab at the top of our website is full of resources that may be helpful for you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you! We are always here for you and will be here to support you. Stay strong.

    – Lex

  15. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi usehername,
    I’m so sorry that this happened. None of this is your fault. You didn’t deserve what your dad and sisters did to you and you don’t deserve what your girlfriend is doing to you. You were a child when most of this happened and your dad as an adult knows better.
    You don’t deserve to die. I know this is a very hard time in your life but it will get better. Recovery is a long process sometimes, but with help and support it won’t be as long. We are here for you. You can also text VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help and you can use our find help tab on the top right corner of this page. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story and AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  16. musicislove

    Hi usehername,

    I’m so sorry for what you went through growing up and everything you’re dealing with and feeling now. That kind of trauma is so so hard to deal with and I can’t imagine how difficult it has been for you. We have so many resources in our Find Help tab and they can be extremely helpful. Are you safe right now? We are always here to support you however we can, I know things can feel hopeless but things change all the time. We’re here for you, sending you so much hope.

    Delaney

  17. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi usehername,

    Thank you for working up the courage to share your story with us. I’m so sorry you had to endure that awful treatment and that pain. I promise you that life is worth living. Your life matters. Please check out our “Find Help” tab above and take advantage of it next time you are having any dark thoughts.

    I know it seems hopeless sometimes, but it will get better. Are you safe? Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you. That’s what we’re here for! Stay strong 💗 you can do this, I know it!!

    Marissa

  18. JudithT Volunteer

    Hi usehername,

    Thank you so much for trusting us with your story. I hear so much pain and fear in your voice and I want you to know that you are not alone. We hear you and we believe you. I am so sorry you’ve had to endure so much pain from such a young age. None of that was your fault; you did not deserve any of that.

    You do not deserve to be bullied or abused by the people who are supposed to care for and love you. You do not deserve to be gaslit when you confront people about the way they have hurt you. You deserve to be believed, to find happiness, to be treated with respect and kindness. You deserve and are worthy of love.

    It sounds frustrating and exhausting, to have these overwhelming thoughts and memories and emotions, and it’s understandable that you’re having these feelings. You’ve been so strong for so long, and I hope that you are able to find resources and supportive people who can help you get through this. You’ve shown so much courage by sharing your story with us–I know you can do this! We believe you and we will always be here to support you through anything you’re experiencing.

    Sending strength and love,
    Judith

  19. brookeA Volunteer

    Hi userhername,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It’s absolutely horrible how your dad abused you and your siblings, and the feelings you are having are completely valid and understandable. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard your life has been. Please know that none of what happened is your fault. You don’t need to be a better person; you are already a wonderful person, deserving of a safe and happy life.

    I hope the crisis numbers and other resources people have listed have been helpful to you. In addition to those resources, we are always here for you, so please come back and share anytime you feel like it.

  20. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello,

    I am so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. You are so brave for coming here and sharing with us. I know this must have been a difficult thing to do but doing this shows your strength. You have been through so much but nothing that happened was your fault and you didn’t deserve any of what happened. It sounds like you grew up in a really tough environment but the fact that you are still here shows how courageous and resilient you are.

    I see this is your first time sharing with us. I wanted to be sure to share this link with you that contains great resources for additional help if needed: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/ – there is also the text line of 741-741 and if you need help right away or are in danger or are thinking of suicide, you can text them and they can help.

    Please know that we are here for you and you can come here and share anytime!

  21. Erika23 Volunteer

    Hi there, it must have been difficult to share everything you went through. I’m glad you had the courage to share because I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. It might seem difficult and at times very hard to wade through life with everything you’ve experienced and it’s completely understandable to feel defeated. You have a very strong sense of self awareness which is why I believe you will make it out of this. I just want you to know that I’m here for you and I look forward to hearing about how you’re doing.

  22. Caitlin Volunteer

    Hello.

    I cannot imagine how difficult that was for you to grow up in those surroundings and abuse, and how alone you must have felt; and still feel. You didn’t deserve any of that. It is not ok for parents to abuse their station and take advantage of you. You deserve to be loved, cherished, taken care of, and safe. I know you said that you are not comfortable in every way right now and I can understand that. Our site has a “find help” section that might be a place to start. I know that you might have asked for help or shared your story with people in your life and they didn’t care…I hope you keep asking. I know it’s the hardest thing every but someone will be able to help! We are here…when ever you want or need to share more or ask questions. We will be here. You can do this! We are in your corner! You deserve more!

    -Caitlin

    1. ajklessig Volunteer

      Hello usehername,

      Thank you for sharing with us. It is heartbreaking to here about everything you have gone through. You did not deserve any of what your father did to you and your sisters. I am also sorry that you were not believed. We are here to listen and we believe you. I know that this is very traumatic for you and it’s a lot to handle. Please do not be afraid to text VOICE to 741-741 if you feel you need to talk to someone. There are also a lot of other hotlines on our find help tab that may be useful for you. I know it seems like healing is never possible, but it is. You are a survivor, you are strong, and you are worth fighting for! Your life matters. Please don’t hesitate to come back and update us again.

  23. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hello there usehername,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know it probably wasn’t easy to write all of this especially to strangers, but I am glad you found the courage to do so. I hate what your father put you through and that your mother didn’t believe you. None of this was okay. It’s completely understandable that you’re hurting, that you’re angry, that you’re frustrated – all of your feelings are valid no matter what people in your life say to dismiss you or excuse their behaviors. You deserve so much better. And I believe that a better life is possible for you. I know you may feel alone and like nobody understands what you’re feeling, but you’re not alone. We are here for you. Others have recommended some good resources here so I encourage you to check those out and also to come back and post here anytime.

    KatherineL

  24. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Hi usehername,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry your father abused you and your siblings, causing so much trauma and pain since you were little. No one deserves to be treated like that, especially by someone who should be a protector to them. I am sorry that you have deep scars from your experience. I hope you can, or already have, find ways to heal and perhaps therapy or other forms of help. I am rooting for you.

  25. snandi2 Volunteer

    Hi usehername,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It must’ve taken an incredible amount of strength and bravery to write out what you’ve been through, so thank you for trusting us. I’m so sorry that your father caused you so much pain and suffering from such a young age. No one should have to go through what you did, and none of it was your fault. You were never the root cause of the problem at all, it was just something you were led to believe by your family. Please don’t give up, you are worthy of love and happiness, and all of us at AFVTI are here to help you as much as we can. Our “Find Help” tab has some resources that may be useful to you. Additionally, if you want to talk to someone about what you’ve been through, please don’t hesitate to text VOICE to 741-741, where a trained counselor will listen to you. You are not alone, and all of us here are rooting for you!

  26. jcastle38 Volunteer

    Hey there,

    Let me start by saying that you are incredibly strong for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry your father caused you all of that trauma starting at such an early age, I want to assure you that none of that was ever your fault, you didn’t deserve any of what happened to you, neither did your sisters. I hope you know that you are an amazing person and are put in this world for a reason, please don’t give up, it gets better. I would suggest you head over to our “find help” tab to find some resources that would benefit you, or text VOICE to 741-741 to reach a crisis hot line. You are very important, and your life matters so please don’t give up, hang in there. I would love to hear an update from you soon, we are all here for you and want to help in any way possible. Sending you lots of love and strength, you got this!

  27. karinakalke Volunteer

    Hi usehername,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of courage. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced these traumas. You did not deserve this. I understand how overwhelming it can be when these memories start coming back up. We have some resources under the “Find Help” tab that I think would be beneficial. Please know that we are here for you, and we believe you.

    Sending love and strength,
    Karina

  28. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey usehername,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of strength do speak your truth, and I’m glad you found us. What happened to you and your sisters was not your fault. The cycle of abuse is scary, and sometimes it’s easier for our brains to repress those memories and feelings. When they start to come back, they can be so overwhelming. I’m sorry that you’re going through that and have been impacted so deeply. Your pain is real and valid. If you’re ever feeling particularly low or are worried about hurting yourself, you can always reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting VOICE to 741-741. They’ll link you up with some wonderful volunteers who can help–one of my friends is a volunteer, and they are always there to help. You’re also always welcome here! We want to be a community for you and help however we can. You are worthy of love and safety. Thank you for trusting us with your story, and come back to share any time.

  29. Neesha Volunteer

    It is such a natural thing for a child to blame themselves and who they are for their parents’ bad behavior. It’s too difficult to think that our parents, who are supposed to be our loving guardians. And yet could do bad things purely because it is within their character.
    I admire your wisdom in understanding now that your sister hurting you was her repeating what she learned from her father. It’s okay to be angry and sad at her, and at the same time, I see your compassion for her situation clearly written there.
    I related to you for experiencing that no one cares or see and want to end your life as a result. As a way to escape and not be in this body that has and is living through so. much. suffering. I ache for you and the amount of pain you are grappling with. Please check out the resources tab, there is help out there.
    In the meantime, I do hope you feel understood and validated here. Thank you so much for trusting us

  30. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi usehername,

    I can only imagine the pain and trauma you’ve been through. What your dad did was awful, and it’s terrible that your mother didn’t believe you. Not being believed can be so painful, and they should have protected you. You didn’t do anything to ruin the family because what happened was not your fault, and you didn’t deserve it. You also don’t deserve to be treated this way by your girlfriend. The people around you are wrong – you’re not a nonce or anything else that they’ve called you. Given what you’ve been through, it’s understandable that you don’t feel seen or heard. It makes sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed and ready to give up.

    I believe the crisis hotlines provided by the other volunteers could be a good start, and the Find Help tab at the top of the page is another place where you can find resources, hotlines, counseling, etc. You could also reach the Crisis Text Line by texting VOICE to 741741.

    Here’s a website that may be helpful: https://nowmattersnow.org/. There’s an emergency help section, and there are skills you can use as well. The website features people who have had suicidal thoughts and gotten through, and it provides some resources. It may help to hear about people who have had similar thoughts and overcame them. I believe you can make it through this, even though it feels difficult right now.

    Thank you for trusting us with how you’re feeling. We see you, and we believe you. We’re always here to listen and support you whenever you need us. You’re not alone, and you deserve the chance to live your life in a way that fulfills you. Please take care of yourself. I hope you’re doing okay today, and you’ll be in my thoughts.

  31. Starling Volunteer

    Hi usehername,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. Please know that we believe you and support you here. There are resources under the “Find Help” tab that may be helpful to you. Talking to a professional about what happened might be helpful to work through the emotions you’re dealing with. You are so strong for making it this far. Please feel free to continue sharing or keep us updated here. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  32. Brooke Volunteer

    usehername thank you so much for sharing with us. What happened to you was not your fault and you did not deserve any of it. I am so sorry you’ve endured this abuse. Please now we all here believe you and support you. We have a Find Help tab that may be useful for more resources. Please don’t hesitate to come back here and share. Sending lots of love.

  33. nancylog Volunteer

    Hi usehername,

    I’m so sorry that you had such an abusive childhood, but be brave don’t give up. There is always light at the end of the tunnel. You did right thing
    by reaching out. We are here for you and believe in you. Seek all the help by reaching out to crisis line to speak to someone directly. You can always
    count on us. Don’t give up please!

  34. candyappleb Day Captain

    Hi usehername,

    I am so sorry that you had to endure such awful and horrific abuse. You did not deserve what happened to you. We are here for you. We believe you, and you are not alone. I understand how it can feel overwhelming. It is okay to have those thoughts and feelings. I would encourage you to reach out to a crisis line to speak to someone directly as you are having these overwhelming feelings. You can reach a crisis counselor in the US by dialing 1-800-273-8255. In the UK the number is 0800-689-5652 and Australia is 131114. We love you usehername. You deserve to live and you deserve to be safe and happy. Please hang in there. You are always welcome to share with us here. Anytime.

    All the best,
    Becca

    1. usehername

      Thank you I appreciate it I am trying the numbers now.

      1. candyappleb Day Captain

        Please feel free to let us know if you need anything else. I have a list of other crisis numbers if those don’t work. We also have an extensive list of resources that you can look through here: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/ You are important. We’re here for you. You are not alone.