More updates.

I apologize deeply for all of my recent updates, but I found out some vital information, which I need your opinion on.

This was clearly after being raped, but fast forward to March 2017.
My sister’s ex fiance (we’ll call him Dan) was going back & forth between her and another girl (we’ll call her Sarah), whom we considered a friend. Anyway, that night towards the end of the month, he was drunk and facetiming with Sarah, and somehow in the middle of the conversation, Sarah warned Dan to not “do it.”

I had to find out this information just today from Sarah’s ex (we’ll call him Dan) who I still talk to and think of as a big brother figure.

All of this time, I just thought it was a random drunken mistaken, but he waswarned, and he knew I slept nude, and kept my door closed…
So, could this be considered assault or no? I honestly don’t want to believe he did it on purpose and touched my genitals, but since I was already violated at this time by my ex, I don’t know what to think or feel anymore…


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10 comments

  1. Hannah

    Don’t apologize for updating us, we want to hear from you!
    I can’t exactly confirm what happened was assault, but it’s still not okay. He made a choice and it was not right at all. Your feelings are vaild. I hope you find a healthy way to solve this and just know we’ll always be here to listen to you.
    Please, please never be afraid to come update us.

  2. sickpiecexo

    you never have to apologize for updating. you are welcome to share here anytime you want! we are always here to support you in any way that we can, you are not alone in this and you dont have to be. your feelings are valid whatever they may be. if you feel it was something wrong that you have the right to feel that way. have you spoken to anyone else about this like your therapist? maybe they can help you gain some perspective on the issue. i hope to hear more from you in the future on anything else you wish to share.

  3. Jacqui

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    you never need to apologize for writing here. That’s why we are here.
    I cannot tell you if what happened to you was sexual assault.I know it’s so hard to think that someone would do something like this to you, but just know we are here to help you work through what you are feeling.

  4. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi JamieMarie25,
    You don’t have to apologize for updating. We’re happy to help you and hear about your life.
    I can’t say if it was sexual assault. However, what he did was completely wrong and I’m sorry this happened to you. Your confusion is valid, and finding out this information must be overwhelming. Maybe you could talk to your therapist about what you found out. She could give you a new perspective about the situation and help you understand your emotions. Of course, you can decide whether or not you want to tell her. You can give yourself as much time as you need to process this.
    Thank you for updating us. Please feel free to write back. We’re in your corner.

  5. MinZRivers Volunteer

    I can’t tell you what he did was sexual assault. However; I will tell you, it was totally unacceptable. He was wrong in what he did! Being drunk doesn’t make it ok! Whether he was drunk or not, it wasn’t a mistake, he chose to drink, he chose to do what he did. I suggest you let him know how you feel about it if you feel comfortable enough. And either way, I suggest you find a therapist who can help you. I wish you much succss- Kia

  6. Kristen Eby

    Hey Jamie Marie, please don’t worry about frequent posting! We are here for you, to listen, to give feedback, and to support you. You can post as often as you like, and we will always be on the other side of that screen.

    As for what happened, echoing comments below, I can’t say for certain since I don’t know the scope of the situation. I can say that regardless of whether or not it was premeditated, what “Dan” did was unacceptable. Sexual assault isn’t a mistake; it’s a choice, and he made it. Your feelings here are valid. Do you think talking to Sarah could help (if that’s a possibility)? Or maybe talking it out with a different friend or family member? Regardless of what you decide to do next, we’re here for you.

    Kristen

  7. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,
    We love reading updates and like to know how the people we have connected with are doing; it helps us too:-) I am sorry that new pieces of information keep stirring things up for you, but they may also help you be able to better understand your trauma. I cannot name what happened to you because I was not there, but it is obvious that this bit of news has had quite an impact on you and that is all that really matters. How you are feeling about this piece of information is what is important and what you need to work out. Don’t get stuck in those feelings though; deal with them, hear their message, and let them go. We are here to help you with that process.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  8. Ashley Day Captain

    There’s no need to apologize for providing updates, Jamie <3
    The least Sarah could have done is shared this with you, especially since you and your sister perceived her as a friend. After learning about this new piece of information, it sounds like you feel conflicted. For me, it's tough to pinpoint what you have experienced since I don't know the entire situation. However, there's no doubt that what "Dan" did is 100% unacceptable.
    While attempting to wrap your mind around this, I encourage you to be kind to yourself.

    What do you think might help?

  9. alexcostello Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    Thank you so much for messaging, you don’t have to apologise for updating us, we are always here for you! I am so sorry this happened to you and everything must feel really confusing at the moment I am sure. Would you feel comfortable maybe speaking to him about it? Of course, I wouldn’t if it would make you feel worse or if you think it would be too overwhelmed. I am a little bit concerned by the fact that he did know that you slept nude and did touch your genitals without you requesting him to or consenting to it. I think that definitely seems as though it is breaching a boundary or a line that shouldn’t be. It seems as though from the situation that he did have some intention of approaching you that night which I think definitely isn’t ok, so if you do feel comfortable I would maybe speak to him about it, although I completely understand that this is a big step and can feel quire overwhelming so I wouldn’t if you don’t feel comfortable in doing so. I am of the firm belief that sexual activities shouldn’t ever leave you feeling as though you’ve been violated in some way or that you feel uncomfortable or uneasy about the situation. Do you have someone that you might be able to speak a little bit more about it with? We are certainly always here, I just mean in terms of a support network where you are! Please don’t hesitate to message back!

  10. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I don’t want to tell you yes it was assault or no it wasn’t because I wasn’t there. If you think it was assault then it was. It is all up to your opinion. If you feel like you can talk to him about it, then I would, but only if you are comfortable. I’m sorry this happened. You will be able to figure things out.
    -Alyssa