Michael raped me

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When I was 17 years old I went to a job interview at Priority Records. Michael was there interviewing me. He took me out that night to a place called Boardners in Hollywood. He gave me a lethal dose of strong Ecstasy. I nearly overdosed as I struggled to dance on the dance floor. I spent the night at his place because I did not want to go home to my mom’s place. As I was sleeping he had sex with me. I did not consent to anything. Pretty sure he was wearing a condom because when I went to get my rape kit it showed no evidence. This event ruined college, my career as my behavior was pretty erratic after this. I have the worst PTSD now. I wish I could have gone to court against him – the detectives and DA threw my case out. Now this motherfucker has kids and a family. I am so grossed out. This stupid idiot makes me feel bad about life. He is the scum of the earth. Pure toilet water.


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52 comments

  1. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Oceans15,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. It takes a lot of courage to share, and we are all here for you. I’m so sorry to hear what happened to you when you were 17. What Michael did was wrong on so many levels. He is truly a horrible human being. It’s so frustrating to hear that the detectives didn’t follow up on your case. We believe you. They should too. We have some amazing resources if you hope to talk to someone about what happened: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/. We will always be here too if you want to talk.

    Stay strong,

    T

  2. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,
    Thank you for sharing your story, I am sure it took a lot of strength. I am glad that you turned to AVFTI to share your experience and I hope it has been beneficial for you. What happened when you were 17 was not your fault. I can’t imagine how scary that must have been at a young age, expecting to have a great job opportunity and then having that happen. I would have done the same thing, deciding to spend the night at his place. Michael took advantage of the situation which was not okay.
    That is so disappointing that you did not get the outcome you were hoping for, and I am sorry that the legal system let you down. Unfortunately, that is way too common and I wish the detectives and the DA would have been able to make a different choice.
    Your feelings about Michael are totally valid. You are right that it is not fair that he gets to live life without consequences while you still feel the pain he caused. However, you should not feel bad because you are a survivor and are strong. Healing is a really long journey, but I hope with time things get better. As others have mentioned, there are a ton of resources that may be helpful for you to continue progressing forward. Please feel free to come back and share with us again! We are always here to offer support.

  3. Caitlin Volunteer

    Sharing your story is such a brave thing to do and I am so happy you felt you could do so here. You did not deserve this. Processing something like this can be difficult, as you mentioned, and we are here to help. Those who should have stood up for you back then are not the representation of everyone. We will and do stand up for you. You are important and brave.

    -Caitlin

  4. AlisonDKaufman

    hello oceans15:

    I applaud you for having the courage to share your story with us and want to ensure you this is a very safe place to come. The person interviewing you had absolutely no right to take advantage of you like that and certainly should have paid for his actions.

    Please take time to look into the Resources we have available on the AVFTI site to find support in your area to work through the PTSD you are experiencing. You will be able to begin processing and hopefully learn great coping skills to help you move forward.
    Remember we are always here to support you.

    Sincerely
    Ali

  5. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. None of this was your fault. No one should treat you that way. It’s unfair that he has been able to go on living his life without having to be accountable for the horrible things that he has done. That is wrong. You deserve justice. It is understandable that you have PTSD. That is a normal response to what happened. Have you considered seeing a therapist? No pressure, of course. Additionally, you can find other resources under our “Find Help” tab. Thank you for sharing your story with us. We are here for you. Please let us know how else we can help you. Stay strong. You are not alone.

  6. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey oceans15,

    Thank you for finding the courage to share this with us. What happened to you was not your fault, and you didn’t deserve for him to hurt you. I work in the music industry, too, and I know so many survivors with similar stories. You aren’t alone.

    I also have PTSD and have found that lots of (hard) work in therapy and medication have helped me quite a bit. I always recommend therapy, if it’s feasible! We have some resources–especially for online counseling services–in our “Find Help” tab. There’s also some legal information in that tab, if you want to give those a look.

    You are always welcome back here when you’d like to share. We’re here to be a support network for you and to help you start to heal.

  7. jcastle38 Volunteer

    Hi Oceans15,

    First I would like to say that I am deeply sorry that this happened to you. I can imagine how traumatic this event would be in your life and I am so sorry that it ruined your career. You have every right to feel the way you are feeling after having experienced such a thing. It makes me angry that your case was thrown out, he drugged you and raped you and it isn’t right that the law didn’t stand up for you. But talking about it is a great step towards healing, I am glad you have shared this with us. Sending you lots of love.

    -Jocelyne

  8. laurenp34 Volunteer

    Hi,
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you; you didn’t deserve any of it. It is so frustrating how the legal system, which is supposed to protect and help victims, completely failed you. It’s horrible that he has allowed to live his life without repercussions. It is also understandable that you have suffered from PTSD since that night, and I hope that when you are ready you can find support or therapy for what you are dealing with. I’m proud of you for opening up and sharing your story, and we are all here for you.
    – Lauren

  9. alexiswilliams

    Oceans15,

    I am so sorry that you endured this trauma. All of your feelings are so valid, and you have every right to feel the way that you do. It isn’t fair that someone that you trusted took advantage of that. I’m sorry that you feel like the system failed you, you deserve justice, and you deserve peace. Please know that you are not alone, and that PTSD is a very normal response to trauma. You are so safe and welcome here.

    Sending love, hope, and healing,
    Lex

  10. Neesha Volunteer

    You are absolutely right, he is scum. He was willing to nearly kill you to rape you. It makes so much sense that you are enraged. You’re anger speaks well of you, by being pissed off your acknowledging that NO ONE should hurt and violate you. You deserved so much better, and I am frustrated for you that your case was thrown out.

    You are strong and keep feeling the feels. We are here for you as you need.

  11. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi oceans15,
    You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and it was not your fault. You’re right; you couldn’t consent because he drugged you, and he took advantage of you. It is courageous to speak out, and it’s awful that your case was thrown out. After what happened, it’s understandable that this affected your career and education. I echo all the comments when it comes to looking into therapy or exploring the Find Help tab.
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. You’re welcome here, and you can share whenever you feel the need to. We’re here for you, and we’ll support you in any way we can. I believe in you.

  12. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear oceans15,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It took courage to follow through the getting a rape kit done and bringing up a case against him. Our legal system sucks and often lets so many people get away with awful things; then years later they act surprised when the person does something even more horrific because they got a away with it the first time. You have no reason to feel bad about your life, he is the one who did wrong and whom should feel bad. Please check out our Find Help tab, you may find something there that helps you on your healing journey. We are here for you any time you need us.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  13. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for coming and sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you experienced this. You did not deserve what happened to you. And I’m sorry that the detectives and DA threw out your case. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for people to become more erratic after experiencing one of these traumas. Have you been able to confide in anyone and get some support? There are some great resources in our Find Help tab. Let us know how we can support you. We believe you and we care about you. Keep your head up and stay strong.

    Sending love and support,
    Bre

  14. ryannlashea Day Captain

    Hi, I’m so sorry that this happened to you. And I’m so sorry you didn’t get the justice you deserved. We are so proud of you for sharing your story. You are so strong and brave. Have you considered speaking with a counselor? It could help you find healthy coping mechanisms and process what you’re feeling. We are all here for you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if there’s anything we can do to help.

  15. Starling Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to deal with this, and that the legal system didn’t help you. You didn’t deserve this, and it wasn’t your fault. We believe you here. Have you considered talking to a therapist about these events? It may be helpful in unpacking all of the thoughts and emotions you’re dealing with. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  16. rachelb098 Volunteer

    Hi there,

    Thank you for sharing with us today and speaking up about what happened! That takes a lot of courage. We believe you, and I’m sorry for everything you went through. You deserved to have justice, and I’m so sorry the legal system failed you. It must be exhausting to carry this all on your shoulders for so long and you shouldn’t have to go through this alone. We’re always here to lend a listening ear, and you can also text VOICE to 741741 to speak to a trained counselor. You may also find it helpful to check out the resources under the “find help tab.”

  17. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,
    I am so glad you went & had a rape kit done! That takes so much strength & courage. It makes me sad thou that you had to get one. No one should have to go through any of what you did! It makes me even more sadder that your case was thrown out or dismissed! The things you’re experiencing are a natural response. Have you considered seeking professional help? On avfti page there’s a “find help” spot. This is packed full of resources. Also, there is a text number which is: text voice to 741741. I am so sorry nothing was done to help you (in the legal system). You didn’t deserve what happened, & I hope you know that it was not your fault! You do deserve to be heard & heal from the damage he caused! Healing takes time. Be kind to you! I am glad you shared with us. I care about you & what you’re going through now. Come back & share any time!
    Dawn

  18. Mahsadib Volunteer

    Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you. Reading your story was really sad and heartbreaking!! What happened was NOT your fault, and he is 100% to blame. Rape is an inhuman and disgusting action. He doesn’t have morals, one day he will come to his senses, but it will be too late. I know it’s really hard to forget about it, but just from how you went after the case, I can tell you are very strong, and you will overcome this. I’m glad you shared your story here. Healing from this trauma will take time, but you are resilient.
    Hang in there and know that you are and will be loved by the people that truly matter.

    Sending you love and positive energy,
    I hope you have a peaceful month,
    Mahsa.

  19. meg Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story and sharing your experience with us. I am so sorry you went through something so traumatic.. I hope you know that what happened to you isn’t your fault. Someone you trusted manipulated and hurt you. I am sorry that you’re experiencing such painful trauma too.. Do you have a therapist that you can talk to? Someone who can be there for you to get out all of the complex feelings and help you process them? If you need help finding one, go to the FIND HELP tab on the top of the page. We will always be here for you. We are here to support you. I believe in you.
    -Meg

  20. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    I want to start by saying I am so sorry for what you have been through. What happened was not your fault, and you are not to blame. I am sorry that the criminal justice system and legal system failed to protect you and allow you to have autonomy in your own case. You deserved better than that. Thank you for being open and sharing your story with us. You are so strong, and I applaud you for your courage. Please let us know what we can do to help. We hear you, we believe you, and you are always welcome here. Stay strong.

    Carmen

  21. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. What happened to you was not fair and was not your fault. That is so frustrating that you weren’t able to have your case move forward in court. You have every right to be angry and upset, but please don’t feel like an idiot or feel bad about yourself. You did not deserve what happened to you and you don’t deserve the continued unhappiness that you are now experiencing in your life. I know that it can be hard when you are experiencing PTSD on top of everything else that you have experienced. Have you had an opportunity to meet with a therapist so that you can start to work through all of your feelings and talk about some of the issues you’ve brought up here? Perhaps the therapist could better explain why your case was thrown out – not that it’s any consolation, but it can sometimes help to understand the reasons for why things happen sometimes. I don’t want you to continue to struggle and be unhappy so I think it could be a really helpful for you. We have resources on our Find Help tab that you could look through to provide you with some possibilities if you’re not sure where to start. You are always welcome here as often as you need as well. Some days are going to be harder than others, but you can get through this because you’ve already proven to yourself that your resilient each and every day. Please take care!

  22. timms_andrew Volunteer

    Hey Oceans15,
    I am sure the experience of Michael giving you a lethal dose of ecstacy, having sex with you without your consent, and the legal system not believing you must be frustrating for you. I know that can be a scary thing to do, so I applaud you for having the courage to share your story. I encourage you to find a therapist to help you work through your PTSD and work towards a path of healing. Additionally, I hope some of the resources at the find help tab can be useful to you! We all want you to live a happy life and we want to be here for you however we can.

    Andrew Timms

  23. jao1820 Volunteer

    Hey Oceans15,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry you had to experience this traumatic event, no one deserves to be taken advantage of like that. Staying at his place that night should not have led to such events, it doesn’t give consent in any way. I understand how frustrating and disappointing is it that you’re not able to take legal action against him, and how frustrating it may be to see him carrying out his life unaffected by the event. Have you considered talking to a therapist to work through your PTSD? If you’re looking for other resources please dont hesitate to look at our FIND HELP page. We are always here to listen and support you. You are incredibly strong and brave.

    – J.A.O.

  24. Lex Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! I am so incredibly sorry for what happened to you. You did not deserve it. Michael completely took advantage of you. I understand how frustrating you must feel to see him continue to live his life unaffected, while you are carrying heaving pain from what he did to you. Have you thought of talking with a therapist who specializes in PTSD? It may help you work through your emotions and help you on your journey of healing. In addition to this, the “FIND HELP” tab at the top of our website has lots of helpful resources that may help as well.

    Stay strong! We are here for you, always!
    – Lex

  25. sarahj Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,
    Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story with us. I am sorry that Michael took advantage of you and you experience PTSD because of the events that took place. Please know you did nothing to deserve such treatment. I understand what you mean about seeing him live out his life without another thought of the night that continues to weigh heavy on you. I wonder if working with someone professionally might help you to overcome some of your trauma? If you would be interested, you can find some resources under the “Find Help” tab of this site. If you would like to keep us updated here or share anything else… know that we are always available to listen and support you. You are so strong.
    Sending you positive and healing thoughts,
    sarahj

  26. Mary Ella Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. You did not deserve what happened and, I understand how disappointing and painful to see that the man who assaulted you is walking around without any consequences. I can also see that you tried to take action on what happened, and I am sorry that the DA threw the case out. I can see that you are in a lot of pain from what happened so I am glad that you found AVFTI and shared your experience – this is a good step towards your healing! We are here for you and you deserve to feel heard and supported. Feel free to come back and share anything that is on your mind. We are here to listen, and if you’d like, we have a very informative “Find Help” page that could lead you to a lot of helpful resources. I admire your strength and resiliency. Thank you for sharing, and I am sending you all the love and support!

    Mary

  27. adrian Volunteer

    Hey, oceans15-

    Thank you for sharing your post about this painful event in your life. It is strong of you to reach out and identify this as part of your book of life. It sounds like you’ve had a difficult time since the event and it’s positive that you found this website to unload a little burden from your shoulders. You did not deserve that to happen to you then and ever again. What he did to you was not right. It’s tough to see those people continue on with life, even though you are left with issues like erratic behavior and PTSD. Every step you take toward healing is a step in the right direction and we are here to offer a space for you to heal. While you are healing, if you feel you need someone to reach out to, check out the “Find Help” link up top of this website or you can text Help to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor via text. We’re here for you! Keep fighting the good fight.

    Take care,
    Adrian

  28. lizzi

    Hi oceans15,
    I am so sorry for what happened to you. I hear the pain in your writing, and I hope you know that none of this was your fault. You should have been able to go out that night and have fun without being drugged or assaulted. I’m glad that you survived the incident. It sounds like what happened to you has really affected your life, and I strongly recommend seeking out a therapist that can help you work through what happened to you. He’s been able to move on with his life, and you should be able to as well. You deserve to be free from this pain and be able to do whatever you want with your life. Thank you for trusting us with this part of your story, and please know that we believe you and we’re here for you. You can share more if you want, and we’ll always support you.

  29. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey oceans15,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. It makes sense that you spent the night at his house instead of going home to your mom’s place. You staying there is not the same thing as you giving consent to having sex with him. He took advantage of you, plain and simple, and you didn’t deserve that at all. I totally understand why you would have PTSD and why your behavior changed afterwards and I don’t blame you at all. You went through significant trauma! He is a terrible person but that shouldn’t have any impact on how you view yourself. You did nothing wrong. Have you considered speaking to a professional about everything – the assault, your case being thrown out, his new family? They might be able to help you unpack everything you’re feeling and give you advice on how to deal with the PTSD.

    Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you! Feel free to check out our “Find Help” tab. Stay strong. We’re here for you!
    Marissa

  30. t3nnis_player18 Volunteer

    Hey Oceans15,
    You are so incredibly strong, thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry this happened to you, you have every right to feel everything and anything. Not many girls in your situation would have sought help from the police which proves your strength and determination despite the case being thrown out which was the wrong move on their part. And after all of that you still have the power and strength to share your story with us. We will not overlook you or not let you speak like they did, you are welcome here and admired. I am sorry this experience is taking a toll on your mental health and that you have been carrying this for so long. We are here to help you so if there is anything we can do to help you to not be weighed down by something that should have never happened in the first place please let us know. I know how strong you are and I hope you continue to be string through your continual healing. Thank you again for sharing your story.

  31. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi oceans15,
    I’m so sorry that this happened. This isn’t your fault. What he did was horrible and you didn’t deserve it. Have you talked to anyone about what happened? Sometimes talking can help you recover faster. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay too. Everyone has different comfort levels. The DA and detectives should have never thrown out your case. They are supposed to help everyone. They should be ashamed for not helping you. Is there anything we can do to help you? If you need anything we are here for you. You can also use the find help tab on the top right of this page. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  32. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi oceans15. I am so sorry this happened. It never should have. And to go through the process of getting a rape-kit and reporting it to the police only to have them not willing to prosecute had to be frustrating. I think that they did that because they were uncertain that they (you) would prevail in court without the evidence, and that may have hurt you even more.

    I agree though, that it is terrible to see these scumbags resuming life and appearing to be blessed with money, jobs, kids and family, while we struggle with the emotional pain and long-term effects of what happened. One thing that my therapist told me was that I should get to the point where “I wish him well” which is kind of like someone from the south saying, “Bless your soul.” It does not mean that we want good things to happen to them, but that we aren’t going to let them take up space in our heads. The best revenge is to live well. To heal from this, and to not let it define our life. To thrive in spite of what happened to us.

    I hope that you can work through the PTSD and come to the place where this man no longer takes up space in your thoughts. It can be done, but almost always needs a guide, someone who can help you through it, probably therapy, though there may be other paths. When you are ready, you can go back to school and start that again, nothing wrong with that. You can reclaim the things that you used to enjoy in life, and find other things that you enjoy. You deserve to take good care of yourself and to give yourself things that make you feel content and happy. We are here for you, and want you to feel free to come and update or just vent if that helps. You’ve taken a great step in healing already from this, we are honored that you have trusted us with your story.

  33. pinksky92 Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. This person is clearly a predator and took complete advantage over you. It seems as though they have done this before as they knew not to wear a condom so there would be no evidence. I am sorry that you have had to live with this experience and that it continues to impact you. It makes things even more challenging for women to come forward since most men end up getting away with their crime.

    You should not feel bad about your life; it is HIS shame, not yours. You did nothing wrong in this situation and should not feel ashamed in any way. I am hoping that you can begin to heal from this experience. I recommend speaking to a licensed therapist who specializes in PTSD as this will make such as huge difference in being able to move on with your life and process all of the difficult emotions that you have to undoubtedly deal with each and every day.

    Take care, I wish you all the best in your healing journey.

  34. brookeallnutt Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for taking the time and courage to share your story with us. What Michael did was terrible, and you have every right to feel grossed out and angry. I’m so sorry that you have had to suffer as a consequence of his actions, while he hasn’t been brought to justice yet. You deserve to be happy. I hope Michael gets what he deserves and that you are able to heal and find peace and happiness. Feel free to check out the resources under our Find Help tab, and please feel free to come back and share any time. We are here for you and wish you the best!

  35. haesol Volunteer

    Hello oceans15,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that man didn’t respect you and your boundaries; you didn’t deserve to go through that experience, it was none of your fault. It’s not your fault that the authorities couldn’t do anything about the case; it doesn’t make your story and experience any less real, and your feelings any less valid. That man deserves to be punished for what he did, and you deserve to find peace and healing.

    You’re welcome to check the Find Help tab on this site if you’d like to know about some resources that can offer you further support. We’re here for you.

    Stay safe.

  36. Rustin Day Captain

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. This had to be a horrible experience and I can understand how this experience would change your behavior and cause symptoms of PTSD. If you are interested, you are welcome to check out the resources under the “Find Help” tab. I know that PTSD can be very difficult to deal with and maybe talking to someone like a counselor or therapist may help with this. Keep us updated and we are always here to listen!

    Rustin

  37. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Oceans15,

    I am so sorry about what happened to you. You did not deserve to be treated that way. I’m sorry that the authorities didn’t help you. It took a lot of courage to come forward. We are here for you! We believe you and we support you. Please feel free to share with us again anytime you need too. I would also encourage you to look through our resource section. There are many wonderful organizations that may be local and offer additional support beyond what we can. Regardless, you always have a safe space here with us.

    All the best,
    Becca

  38. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. What Michael did was inexcusable. He was absolutely wrong with drugging you and then proceeding to take advantage of you. It’s horrible that the detectives and the DA threw your case out and Michael was never brought to justice. It definitely is sickening that he’s able to walk and be free. Hoping that he gets brought to justice in the future. Take care.

  39. Chloe-Barnett Volunteer

    Hey Oceans 15,

    Thank you very much for coming forward and sharing your story. I am sorry to hear about what took place that night and the aftermath of what you are having to deal with. I want you to know that none of this was your fault and that you did not deserve to be treated in this way nor does anybody deserve to be treated this way. I am saddened by the thought of the detectives and the DA to throw out your case. Although this happens to many of rape cases, we can still try to advocate for justice. PTSD is a serious condition following such a traumatic incident and makes you feel hate and anger towards the world for what happened. I want you to know that WE are here for YOU and that you are not going through this alone, although it may feel as if you are. There are many resources that you can take part in to help. Also, just wanted to let you know that stepping out and sharing your story is going to help you come to realize what has happened but it will also help others feel that they are not alone. If you need anything or would like to talk to me or get help with receiving resources I would be glad to talk with and help you however that may look.

  40. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello oceans15,

    I am so sorry to hear about what happened to you. I hope you know that you didn’t deserve this and none of what happened was your fault. He had no right to give you the drugs like that and do what he did. I am really sad to hear that the DA threw out your case. Sadly this happens too often with rape cases but I still hope justice is served one day. I know you are going through so much, and PTSD can make it feel worse, but you are going to make it through this and come out stronger than ever. We are here for you!

  41. DY17654 Volunteer

    I see you, hear you, and I appreciate your bravery in sharing your story.

    What happened to you on this night was not okay and I am sorry you had to experience what you did. This in no way should reflect who you see in the mirror. It is understandable to feel the way you are feeling–the rape kit was supposed to validate what had happened to you, and with it showing no evidence, it’s as if it never happened, but it did! I am sorry that this experience has leaked into other aspects of your life with college, your career, and your behavior. It is not right for a person to have done what they did, and just go about there days as if nothing happened and live in another world with his kids and family. I believe you and you sharing this story shows a strength in yourself that I hope you see.

    Dustin

  42. Ashley Day Captain

    oceans15,

    Thank you for taking the time to come forward with your story.

    Michael had no right to give you a dose of anything. Since you were sleeping, you weren’t in a position to consent to sexual acts. Even if you hadn’t been sleeping, you wouldn’t have been able to provide consent since you were under the influence.
    After finding out that the rape kit didn’t have evidence, I’m thinking you felt hopeless and infuriated. Since this was a traumatic experience, it’s understandable that it had an impact on your career and education. I wish that the detectives and the DA wouldn’t have thrown your case out; you deserve to receive justice. It’s unnerving to think about how someone can harm another human being so badly but continue to live their life scot-free.

    I believe you.

    Ashley

  43. musicislove

    Hi oceans15,

    I am so sorry for what you went through when you were younger and the PTSD you suffer from as a result. You didn’t deserve any of the pain you were put through and none of what happened was your fault. I can’t imagine how hard it is to know he has a family and to have your case thrown out of court, that’s beyond unfair. We have many resources in our Find Help tab that can connect you to a lot of support, we’re also always here for you. Thank you for trusting us with your experience, it takes a lot of strength to share your story. We’re here.

    Delaney

  44. palltaruo Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. I’m sorry you had to go through this experience, it sounds extremely distressing. Someone like a manager shouldn’t have taken advantage of you and abused his power in that way. It’s understandable that you feel angry and grossed out by him. Your strength in sharing your experience is very admiring. We’re here to listen and tell you that it’s not your fault and you didn’t deserve this at all. Like others have said, we have resources if you feel ready and would like that.

    Best,
    palltaruo

  45. AlisonDKaufman

    Hello oceans15:

    I am so sorry you went through this experience and this manager took advantage of you in such a way and he has been able to move on with his life. It is especially hard when you are unable to do anything to ensure he is punished for his actions. I would like to encourage you to utilize the resources we have available to find support to work through your PTSD. The FIND HELP in the top banner will allow you to locate organizations within your city for support.

    Please know we are here to listen and support you.
    Alison

  46. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Thanks for sharing your story. You didn’t deserve this and I’m disgusted by Michael’s actions. I feel your anger and I’m sorry the authorities didn’t bring him to justice. Are there other ways for you to bring him to justice? You can use Find Help to find resources to heal. We’re here for you and you’re welcome to share again.

  47. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. What Michael did is not ok and I am sorry you had to go through that. It is disappointing that the detectives were not able to help you more; it’s horrible that he was not punished for his actions. Is there something we can do to help support you further, especially with your PTSD? Please look through our resources to see if anything there can help you. We are always here for you; stay strong <3

  48. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi oceans15,

    Thanks for trusting us with your story. What Michael did to you was not okay, and a huge violation. I can certainly see how frustrating and upsetting it can be to have no opportunity for legal justice. Unfortunately, this is a very common outcome for rape cases. Is there something else you can think of that can help to bring you peace and a sense of justice? Something like writing a letter (you don’t have to send it) to the person who harmed you can be helpful, or speaking to a therapist. We’re also here for you anytime you want to share or vent.

    KatherineL

  49. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for what happened. You didn’t deserve this, and this wasn’t your fault. I’m also sorry that the police did nothing to help you. Would it be helpful to talk with a therapist about what happened? You can look for other resources in our “Find Help” tab if you would like some more resources. You can also always come back here to share. You are not alone.

    Erin

  50. colton95 Volunteer

    I’m sorry that you went through all this and I hope that Michael will face judgment for his horrific actions one day and that his family won’t end up being a-holes like he is. I hope that things will be better for you and that you’re staying safe. Feel free to share again whenever you want to!

  51. zelda Volunteer

    Welcome to AVFTI, Oceans. I’m sorry you have to be here. Even though this is a place of healing, I wish nobody would ever have to come. Abuse, rape and trauma messes people up for life. No one is the same after such violence, and I feel your pain and anger. It’s not fair he has kids and a family; that grosses me out, too. He should have been charged and put in prison. And I’m sorry he wasn’t. I’m sorry you didn’t get the justice you deserve.

    Whatever we can do for you, let us know. Whether it’s to get in touch with a hotline, a support group, or other resources, we can try our best to point you in the right direction.

    My best (albeit unsolicited) advice is this: Don’t let that a-hole win.

    It’s the advice my mom gave me awhile back, when I was upset about one of my rapists doing the same thing. Michael might look like he has it all on Facebook or Instagram, but I promise you, karma doesn’t forget or forgive. He will have to face judgment one day. In the meantime, you just focus on your own health and healing. You work on taking back the life he tried to steal from you.

    Do whatever it takes to just be happy and at peace. You deserve that. As a community, we’ll all be here for you. And we’ll help you with whatever you need. Take care, and come back soon.

  52. tania Volunteer

    Hello oceans15,

    Thank you for sharing! I just want to start off by saying you are so strong and did nothing to deserve this! We are all here to support you through it all and are always willing to listen and help in anyway needed. I am so sorry this happened to you and that you struggle with PTSD now. Our Find Help tab has some great resources that could help you in your process of healing. You are not alone and if we can do anything for you please reach out!

    Tania