Making Progress

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Hi everyone. I’ve been happier for the past few weeks. 
I thought about the guy friend who my parents didn’t approve of. I realized that he is a good person, but he can be kind of pushy. I still wish him the best, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that we stopped talking. I understand why my parents were wary of him, even though the way they showed their disapproval sucked. 
Speaking of my parents, they haven’t talked about the person who assaulted me in a while. I don’t plan on bringing it up either because of their responses in the past. In a way, I’m glad because I’m protecting myself from invalidation and inconsistency. A part of me wants to have a conversation with them about it, but I have a feeling they’ll invalidate me again. 
I’ve talked to my younger sister about how our parents invalidate us. She sees it too. In fact, she gets the brunt of it because she’s more outspoken than I am. As of now, neither of us is sure of what to do. I don’t know if they’re aware of it. Whenever they feel like they’re losing control, they yell to regain that control. They tend to deny their flaws, which puts me in a difficult position. I want to tell them about how this has been affecting us, but I don’t want to run into a brick wall or deal with more invalidation. Maybe when they invalidate us, we could say how we feel without putting the blame on them. For example, we could say, “I feel judged,” or “I feel invalidated.” I want to see if it’ll work. 
I’m glad that I can trust my younger sister with my feelings and vice versa. Even though it sucks that we have to deal with this, I’m happy that we can support each other. 
I also had to go to church (yesterday) for the first time in a few weeks. I was upset on Saturday because I wasn’t sure what my emotional reaction would be and I was nervous. However, I’ve been reading this book about healing, which talked about making yourself feel safe. I think something clicked because I kept telling myself that I was strong and that my feelings were valid. I also thought about the progress I’ve made in the past few weeks in regards to a healthier diet, exercise, and moving on from what happened with my guy friend. I still felt a little paranoid, but I wasn’t extremely upset or drained. Telling myself these things throughout the service helped a lot, and I feel better than I have in a long time. I’m going to keep doing this. 
Thank you for reading this update.


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9 comments

  1. BriGriffith Volunteer

    music2799,

    Thank you so much for this update. AVFTI will always be here to listen to and support you. I’m so sorry your parents invalidate and judge you, but I’m glad you can trust your little sister to understand where you’re coming from. The book you’re reading about healing sounds interesting and helpful. You are so strong. Keep going, and feel free to keep us updated. Sending you all my love.

    – Bri

  2. CarmenR Volunteer

    Thank you so much for coming back and updating us! I am happy to hear that you are feeling better. That book you are reading on healing sounds like it is very helpful. I’m sorry your parents invalidate you. It sounds like you have great support in your sister. Maybe like Erin mentioned, it could help if you talked to your parents with your sister. Please continue to update us! Stay strong!

    Carmen

  3. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I’m glad you are feeling better, and thank you for this update. I’m sorry your parents are still projecting invalidation on yourself and your sister. Maybe it would help if you both talked to them together? Some of your other suggestions sound good. Or speaking to another, more senior family member for support in that as well? Let us know how it goes if you decide to have a conversation, and how else we can help you.

    Erin

  4. blashea Day Captain

    Hi, I am so glad that you are feeling happier!! You are so deserving. I am glad that you have your sister’s support but I hope that things get better with your parents. Thank you so much for updating us! I look forward to hearing more about your journey!

  5. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, music2799. Thanks for the update. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. I would trust that feeling you have about your parents invalidating you. Not everyone knows how to handle things like this. You have to decide for yourself who is a safe person to talk to and who isn’t. I’m glad you have your sister, she sounds like a good supportive person to be around. I think your plan of focusing on your feelings instead of putting the blame on them is great. Just remember you can’t control how they act, and their reaction is not your fault. Do what you can to make yourself happy and surrounded with support. We’re here for you if you need us.

  6. Jamie Marie Volunteer

    It’s great to hear from you again! It’s weird bringing up my case to my mom and sister since they can’t understand fully, but nobody will really know except yourself.
    Keep yourself busy, talk to those you can trust and keep grinding. You’re doing well, and we’re proud of you for coming this far.

  7. Silver Volunteer

    Hey Music! Glad to hear you have been doing better lately. I’m so proud of you for being strong and realizing that your feelings are valid! I would suggest talking to your parents in the manner you suggested, tell them that you feel like they invalidate you and your sisters feelings. If they ask for an example possibly bring up when you tried talking to them about your assult. I’m so glad your sister and you are there for each other. Remember if you ever feel like either of you need immediate help, you can text VOICE to 741-741.

    Wishing you and your sister the best,
    -Jenn

  8. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    music2799
    Thanks so much for the update. Its good hearing from you. I am glad to hear you are happier. That is good news. It is also good that you are recognizing qualities in men that may not be healthy, like pushiness. Parents are hard to deal with in general as you saw with the disapproval with the guy. Talking to them about something so personal can be really hard. I know you feel like they will invalidate you which is a risk. Perhaps talk to them about that before having the conversation. Explain how that makes you feel. They arnt in you and your sister’s shoes so they don’t know how it feels when someone you love doesn’t believe you. It hurts. I am glad you have your sister tho. She sounds like a good support system. I am glad the book you are reading is helping as well. You are very strong and things will get better. Your feelings are valid and we validate you. We are always here. Keep pressing on. Much love,
    Kristin

  9. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi music2799,
    I’m so happy things are going well with you. I’m sorry your parents don’t validate you. You should definitely try to talk to them and tell them exactly how you and your sister feel. It’s great that you care and love each other so much. Thank you for updating us. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa