Sometimes I never know where to begin my story. It is ongoing and will never fully come to an end. I will be turning 23 later this month. I was molested by my step father from 4th grade to the summer before my freshman year of high school. It has been something I have been dealing with everyday. I am most definitely in a better place than back then, but some days are still a fight. I suffer from PTSD, depression, and anxiety as the aftermath. There are days I cannot get out of bed. There are other days where I feel like I am kicking ass at life. The first incident happened when I was in 4th grade and I came home to him wanting to show me a pornography magazine. I knew what he was doing was not right and remember my mom always telling me to come to her. So I did. And it resulted in me getting kicked out of the house. I of course recanted. I was 8 years old and I just wanted to go home. The next incident I remember is when I was in 6th grade. This is when it became physical. Some things are blurry for as I have tried to not remember them. I can remember a few distinct incidences, but sometimes I would wake up and my pants would be to my ankles. During high school I acted out a lot sexually because I thought thats the only way I could feel loved. I have struggled since then with bringing my self worth back up and trying to be kind and forgive myself. I struggle with always telling myself I shouldn’t have these problems because technically he never penetrated me so I didn’t really have it all that bad. I am still in counseling. I am still healing and processing all that has happened, but that is okay. These things change a person. They alter you. It is okay to be where you are. I am thankful that I am now getting my masters for Social Work and that I currently work as a sexual assault legal advocate. I am the person for others that I never had and I cannot express in words how healing that is for me personally. Sometimes I am still really down and hard on myself, but I try to love where I am at. It could be worse. With out what happened to me, I would not be the person I am today. I would not be helping the people I am. Thank you for allowing me a safe place to share my stories and my thoughts.