Apart from missing my ex boyfriend beyond my imagination, I feel incredibly lost…Maybe it’s due to the fact that he was the only one who understood me and saw my demons I’ve hidden from the world, from my family and friends..

Nothing else matters to me than him, and I just don’t know what to do anymore…the love is still there, and I pray my heart out to the point where I break every time for us to get back together, but it hurts so much…I barely sleep, I barely eat, I cry all the time…

All I want is him, and it’s killing me bit by bit…I can’t turn to anyone else ’cause they don’t understand my PTSD nor the feelings I have for him, and for the first time, I just feel so alone…

The more he and I talk, the sadder and more desperate I get…This is more than a heartache, but more of a soul-ache…


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31 comments

  1. lizzi

    Hey Jamie Marie,
    I’m sorry for how hard things are right now regarding your ex. I think regardless of how a relationship goes, it’s always hard to lose someone from your life that actually understood you and what you’ve been through. Especially if they’re the only one that truly got it. Could it be that part of these feelings for him are actually just missing someone that understands your struggles, and not actually missing him? I wonder if you were able to find a similar level of support, it would be easier to let him go. Regardless of what’s causing these feelings, it can be so painful to lose someone from your life that you care about, and I hate that you’re going through this much heartache. I hope that things start to get better for you soon. Remember that we’re always here for you if you need support.

  2. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m sorry that you miss your ex. I know that break ups are hard, but you are strong and you don’t need him to be happy. You have a great support system here and you have friend and family that love you. I think that if you want to try to talk to your friends and family about your demons, that will help you feel like you don’t need him. If you don’t want to talk to them, you can always talk to us. Remember, you are strong and you will get through this.
    -Alyssa

  3. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, and feeling so much pain. Can you remind me if you are seeing a therapist right now? Do you think that would help if you could? I really encourage you to do so if you can-it may help to speak to someone who can talk through your PTSD. Let us know how else we can help.

    Erin

  4. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Jamie,
    I hear you’re feeling hurt and desperate right now, and that is completely understandable. This is a grieving process. It’s not easy to lose someone we trust. If you do decide to turn to anyone, maybe you could specify what you want (such as validation, advice, a hug, or simply listening without saying anything). I know how it feels to isolate yourself because you feel that people won’t understand. It’s not easy to feel this way, and I empathize with you. However, it can help to trust people, and you may find understanding from the most unexpected places. I think it could help to find a community that you feel safe in – this could be an online community, a low cost support group, etc. That being said, you can take this at your own pace.
    Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. It’s not easy to share when we’re not doing well. We’re here whenever you need us, and you can get through this.

  5. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,
    Grief is an overpowering process at times and it is important that you allow yourself to completely feel what you need in the moment. We are here to hold space for you. Take care of yourself as much as possible, and remember that you are not alone in this. There are many people who are able to empathize and connect with your experience. I have found some wonderful healing communities on social media that have propelled my healing journey. Let me know if you would like me to share them with you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  6. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for coming back and checking in with us. I know how you feel in some ways. When my ex broke up with me I felt like I didn’t have anyone to turn to and felt like no one knew me as well as she knew me. However, it would surprise you how many people are there for you and want to help you if you just reach out! Good friends and family don’t disappear even if you isolate yourself in a relationship, reaching out to them could really help you find a support network. It can be so heart wrenching to miss someone and feel like you can’t get them back. It’s so important to find that safety network with some friends or family. You may not think they will understand but they will try to help you!

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  7. Starling Volunteer

    Hi ,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. Dealing with heartbreak is tough. I would suggest spending more time with friends or family to fill your time. Regardless of whether you end up getting back together, make sure to take care of yourself and keep an eye out for any of the negative behavior from last time. Heartbreak hurts, but you don’t want to be back in that toxic situation again. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  8. Rustin Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Losing a significant other in any form can be horrible. I know when I struggled with this experience I thought I would never feel better. The best thing you can do right now is be around people that love and support you. I’m not sure if this will help you, but staying busy helped be keep my mind occupied. We’re always here is you need to talk.

  9. dzreid Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,
    I believe that anytime a relationship has ended closure needs to take place. Leaving a relationship is hard, even harder when there was a strong sense of support. Talking comes easier over time. You may not be with your ex any longer, but, please give yourself credit. You had to make the choice to leave/break up in order to take care of you. That to me shows how much strength you have. I know you may feel lost (which is understandable), but in time if you both are supposed to reunite, it will happen, but please just watch out for you so that you don’t get placed back into a situation that you left from to begin with. As the days go on, you to will continue on. Each day will become brighter & brigther & not leaving you so “lost”. You have the support form all of us. Stay strong.
    Dawn

  10. Stellablue Volunteer

    I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I know it is incredibly hard to open up, but don’t forget your friends and family are meant to be your support system and be there for you. I’m sorry the breakup is so hard. It may take some time for you to feel whole again, just remember you are complete even if he is not in your life. Stay strong!

  11. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Sorry for the double response – I didn’t see this post before responding to your last one! I’m sorry for the soul-ache you’re feeling. Unfortunately, I can’t provide much advice but I can support you through everything. We’re here for you, no matter what. Let us know if there’s absolutely any way we can help you.

    Marissa

  12. Amysue43 Volunteer

    I’m sorry that you are going through this “soul-ache.” These feelings are hard to surpass and come to terms with, but you have have a strong heart. Even though you might feel lost at the moment, there is always something to look forward to and be grateful for. I think it’s important to recognize the level of intensity this relationship was for you and how it might take a little while before things get better, but there is a “better.” It will come soon.
    Stay strong <3

  13. SydSquid Volunteer

    Hey Jamie,
    I know how hard a break up can be especially when they were your rock through hard times, but it will get better. Time really does heal all wounds and if him talking to you is making you feel even worse maybe tell him that you need some time to be alone before you can talk again. I understand that its hard talking about personal things to people who don’t understand it completely, but just because they don’t understand doesn’t mean they won’t be there for you and listen to your pain. Sometimes it just feels good to be able to talk about things. Isolating yourself in a time like this may make things worse. I really hope things start to turn up for you, stay strong!

  14. myazojo Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,
    I am so sorry you are going through such strong emotions. They can totally rock us. Everything you are feeling is extremely valid, but that doesn’t mean it will go away soon. I am so sorry that touching in with him is making the break up harder, I know that wasn’t your goal with talking to him. Give yourself the time grief and grow through the process. It won’t be easier, especially if you felt like he was the only one to understand you, but maybe talking to someone like a counselor who wants to understand you can help? Please write back if you need to vent or express more, we are here for you.

  15. tbird830 Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for reaching out. How you are feeling is completely real and valid. Unfortunately it can take a long time to heal from a heartbreak, especially when you feel like that person is the only one who understands you. It can be so hard to lose that sense of comfort and support, even if it wasn’t a healthy relationship. Everyone heals at a different pace and I have found its much harder to heal when I’m still in contact with the person I’m trying to heal from. Do you have anyone you can talk to in person about how you’re feeling? It can be really helpful to talk to a therapist/counselor who is unbiased about what you’re going through. I would be happy to connect you with some local resources if you’d like.

    Tori

  16. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m sorry that you’re continuing to struggle this way. It’s okay. Grief takes time, and there is no time limit to how you’re feeling. Sometimes society can place the pressure to move on from toxic and unhealthy relationships faster than others. For some, it works. For others, it doesn’t. Your feelings and experience is uniquely your own. I was in a very similar situation with my ex boyfriend. It took many years and intense therapy to really detach from him in a healthy way. Even now 12 years after the relationship ended, there are days where I miss the parts of him that weren’t so bad. Think of it like any other toxic substance. If you’re bitten by a poisonous snake the poison takes time to drain from the wound or work it’s way through your system. A toxic relationship is very much the same. The damage didn’t happen overnight and the healing won’t either. We’re here for you as long as it takes. Have you looked through our resources tab to see if someone might be available to talk to locally in person? Counseling/therapy was the best thing I did for myself during my healing process. If you’re able, I highly recommend it. Be gentle with yourself.

    All the best,
    Becca

  17. Ashley Day Captain

    Jamie Marie,

    I was in a relationship with someone who was understanding about a personal challenge that only he knew about; the feeling of losing that person and attempting to navigate the world without their support can be overwhelming. Since you’re having trouble eating and sleeping, I can tell how much this loss is affecting you. Have you told him about the emotions that arise when you talk to him?

    Ashley

  18. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for coming by to share more with us. It’s always an honor to hear from you!

    I’m so sorry to hear about the lost feeling you’re having. That’s understandable, you’ve been through a lot. It can be really difficult when a relationship ends. Even if the relationship is bad, it seems like part of who we are can miss somebody who seems to know us. I hope you are able to do what’s best for you! Your feelings are valid.

    The phrase ‘soul-ache’ that you used was very powerful. It must be so hard dealing with such a powerful emotion such as that one. I hope you know that we are here to support you any way we can!

  19. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry you been struggling and that you feel alone. I know it must be difficult and i really feel for you. Just know we are always here for you and care for you!

  20. musicislove

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m really sorry you’re struggling with this and that you feel alone. I know you’ve been having such a hard time and I really feel for you, heartbreak and moving on is so frustrating, just know we’re always here for you and please come back whenever you need to, we’re here to listen and support you.

    Delaney

  21. tayestlack Volunteer

    Hello love, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but maybe you have to feel worse before you can start to feel better. I know this has all been very hard for you and I wish there was a way to help, but I do believe things will get better for you. Keep your head up and keep fighting. Remember, we’re all here for you

  22. Thomas Volunteer

    Hey Jamie Marie,

    Thanks for updating us. I’m sorry that things are so challenging right now. Moving on can often be very difficult and it can take a while. But try to remember that he isn’t the only one who will understand you. You will meet others. And you aren’t alone now. We are here and we believe you. Please let us know how else we can help. Stay strong.

    Thomas

  23. MH Volunteer

    Hello Jamie Marie,
    I am so sorry that you are going through this. It sounds like a very difficult time. Please know that you are not alone- we are all here for you. Perhaps you can try doing things that get your mind off of him- try a new hobby, join a club, read a book- anything to get your mind off of him. I know it can be hard. Know that we are always here to listen and support you!

    MH

  24. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, Jamie. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Heartbreak is painful. You’re not alone. We hear you and see what you’re going through. We understand. And I know there’s others who will understand. You are worthy of love from someone and you’re worthy of self-love. I know it might not seem like it now, but it will get easier with time. Surround yourself with support, if you can’t talk to family or friends there’s always support groups. I’ve made so many close connections with people since I started going to one. There’s hotlines, phone meetings, this site and others like it. Don’t give up, there’s people out there waiting to support you. And we’re always here for you.

  25. colton95 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story on here. I am sorry for what you are experiencing right now. Just remember that you are not alone. Everyone here at AVFTI sincerely cares for your health and well-being. If these feelings of loneliness don’t go away soon, maybe try finding someone to talk to on the FIND HELP tab on this website. Maybe some day there will be someone in your personal life who will care for you unconditionally and who will listen and hopefully understand you. Feel free to share any more thoughts you have if you’re comfortable with that. Stay strong!

  26. rkr18 Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,

    I am so sorry you are hurting. It is so difficult to get over a past love. It feels like someone you loved has passed away. Are you connected to someone that you can talk to about the pain. It’s difficult to go through it alone. Please let us know if there is anything we can do and remember we are always here for you.
    -Marie

  27. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Jamie Marie,

    It’s normal to miss an ex, especially when they were a source of support before. I know the feelings of not being able to eat or sleep can be exhausting. Please take time to care for yourself. If that feels hard, focus on doing one small thing that you enjoy – you deserve it. We are here for you. And our friends at crisis text line are there for you too if you need a more immediate response. You can text VOICE to 741-741 any time to be connected with a live, trained crisis counselor. I know you go this.

    Sending light,
    SFM

  28. Solongago Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    One thing Angela told me, and that is that I haven’t been able to get over or let go of stuff because with the PTSD it makes it really hard. So these are trials that most people go through, but they strike us so much harder, because of what we have been through, how are brain functions now, if that makes sense.

    I am sorry you are feeling so lost, but you are right, not only was he your boy friend, he was your major or even only support for the trauma. It may be really helpful to work with your therapist on this. And maybe even add a few appointments, so you can go a little more frequently right now, because it is so hard when you are feeling unsupported and disconnected. It’s not forever, and it will get better. First it will get less worse. But right now it just seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel — it’s there, it just isn’t visible from where you are.

    Be gentle with yourself, and do what you can do. And there is nothing wrong with leaning a little more on your friends, or asking for help.

  29. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hey jamie Marie,
    You are not alone. Feels can be very complicated and frustrating and you are perfectly find for feeling all of that. Love can hurt a lot and I feel your pain. I am sorry that the last few weeks have been such a hard time for you but I am glad you keep coming back and updating us. Living with PTSD can be very lonely especially when no one gets it or understand it or why you feel the way you do. It is has to let yourself be seen when people don’t understand what you live with on a daily basis and how your brain is working and the emotions and feelings that live inside of you. I get it. I understand you. Please keeps us updated and keep pressing on. We are always here for you.

    Kristin.

  30. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hi again Jamie Marie,

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling all these heavy things this week. I just read your last post, also, and it sounds like this has been a particularly rough patch. Just know there are people out there who care about you, both here and in your real life. It’ll be uncomfortable, but it’s important to let other people in to see your vulnerable side. I’m glad that you feel safe coming back to us! We’re here for you any time you need to talk. Take time to do something fun for yourself this week!

  31. Knina7 Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,
    I am sorry to hear what you are going through, thank you for reaching out to us. I hope that you have found some comfort in us. I just want you to know that you are not alone, you are loved. We are always here to talk.