Losing My Virginity to Rape

Losing My Virginity to Rape

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I lost my virginity to Justin, he took it while I was extremely high on pills and other medications. This is a man who, on our first and only date, pulled his dick out and made me touch it.

This is a man who has filmed me twice while raping me while I was under the influence, and this is a man who constantly demanded and forced me into taking pics and making vids of me touching and playing with myself. 

I hate him with a passion. Now he has a baby girl, the mother went into labor on my birthday, Dec. 25th. I fear for his daughter, knowing that her daddy is a fucking predator. 

I know we’re not supposed to use our violators real names but I do not care. Justin needs to be exposed for who he truly is. I hope his whole world comes crashing down. I hope he feels pain every single day. I hope one day I do get justice, even though the cops did nothing to help me.

Unlike Justin, I’m a survivor. I have risen above his actions. I’m going back to school; I’m in therapy; I have a supportive partner whom I meet a few weeks ago.

Even though he abused me for months during the 2017 year, I have prevailed. And I’m much stronger now because of it.


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22 comments

  1. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi zelda,
    I’m terribly sorry this happened, and you didn’t deserve to be treated this way. I understand your anger towards Justin, and your fear for his daughter is valid.
    That being said, I’m glad you’re doing so many positive things, such as going to school, going to therapy, and being with a supportive partner. The attitude you have about coping with everything is wonderful, and I think that’s making you stronger. If you ever need anything, please feel free to share with us. You can get through this, and you are resilient.

  2. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hi zelda,

    You are a survivor, and I’m glad you’ve found strength after this experience. You are healing and pressing onward all the time! Healing, of course, isn’t linear and looks different for everyone. I think that all of the good that you have in your life right now can be an anchor for you. Thank you for sharing your experiences, as always! We’re in your corner.

  3. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, zelda. I’m so sorry to hear that’s how your first time was. You didn’t deserve that. You deserve to be treated with care and love. So glad you now have therapy and a supportive partner. You’re absolutely right, you have prevailed. You are strong. Keep at it, I know you can get through this. We’re always here if you need to share.

  4. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you for sharing with us. I am so happy to hear that you are healing and have found a supportive partner; you should be very proud of this! Please let us know if we can do anything to help you further; we are always here for you. Stay strong <3

  5. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear zelda,
    You are right, you are a survivor! You are also on your journey to healing and being happy in your life. I hope that being able to get everything out in a safe place and receiving responses that let you know you are not alone is helpful. We are here for you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  6. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi zelda,
    I’m so sorry this happened to you. You can use his real name, just not his full name or where he lives. You are so strong. I am sorry he put you through all of that. The police should have helped. I hate that they invalidated you when you needed them. You are stronger than Justin though. You are a survivor. You are a warrior. I’m happy you are with someone who you are happy to be with. You don’t need Justin or anyone who is going to hurt you like that. I feel sorry for his daughter, too, but you can only hope she is safe. Maybe he will try to change for her. Even if he changes it doesn’t change the fact that he did what he did to you. I don’t want you to think that I am invalidating you. You have every right to not want him to be happy. If I was you I wouldn’t want him to have a family or be happy. Just remember how far you have come since having him in your life. Continue to be amazing and strong and never stop using your voice.
    -Alyssa

  7. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi zelda,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m sorry that you experienced this. Im glad that you have found a therapist, have a supportive partner, and were able to prevail from your experiences. Please feel free to continue sharing your story and update us. Let us know if you ever need anything. We’re always here for you.

  8. Shannon Volunteer

    Hi Zelda,

    Thank you for coming back and sharing with us. it’s great to hear you are going back to school and in therapy and have a supportive partner! you should be incredibly proud of yourself for coming this far. I hope you continue to update us with how you are doing, be kind to yourself

    Shannon

  9. grothkat8 Volunteer

    Hey Zelda!

    Thank you for sharing your story with us, and you are incredibly brave for doing so! What you have gone through is not your fault, and I am happy that you are prevailing and doing the best you can to better yourself! We are always here to listen whenever you need us.

    Katie

  10. Knina7 Volunteer

    Hey Zelda!
    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us, you are so strong! We believe you, and what he did to you was in no way your fault. I am so happy for you that you are able to keep pushing forward. We are always here to listen to you should you ever need to talk more. Thank you for being so strong!
    Sending Love and Hope,
    Kelly

  11. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi zelda,

    I am so sorry for what you went through. You are right though, you are a survivor. You are so strong, and you are an inspiration to others. Thank you for trusting us with your story. We are here for you. We believe you, and you are always welcome here.

    Carmen

  12. Amysue43 Volunteer

    You are strong. You are a survivor and you have risen above his actions. You are prevailing. In the matter of doing such, perhaps eliminating all contact with this guy would benefit you in zoning in on your personal journey. For example: being Facebook friends might not be the best option as the pictures or posts he makes might bring up extra feelings of resentment and anger. You can only hope for he best and pray that this guy recognizes his wrongs and finds himself a better life. This doesn’t mean you need to forgive or forget but you can definitely take steps forward rather than backwards.

    Keep pushing!

  13. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there zelda,

    You are strong for pushing through and finding the support you deserve. You are a survivor – please remember that. You are doing great things by going back to school and working through therapy – truly an inspiration! We are here if you need us moving forward. I know you got this.

    Keeping fighting,
    SFM

  14. Lizzi Volunteer

    You ARE a survivor. You’ve been through such unimaginable horrible things and you’re still here talking about it today. I’m so glad to hear that you’re moving on with your life… going back to school, seeing a therapist, and have met someone that is supportive of you. Those are all huge steps in creating a great life that you deserve.

  15. Harton.13 Volunteer

    hi zelda,

    Your anger is totally valid, but it sounds like you’re not allowing it to take over your life, which is so impressive considering what you’ve been through. You’ve already taken so many great steps toward healing, which is a testament to how strong you’ve been through the whole experience. Stay strong and powerful! We believe you and are here if you need us again.

    sam

  16. Solongago

    The best revenge is to live a good life and if he sees anything concerning you, it is you being happy, successful, and enjoying life with him out of it. I am glad you are pursuing your education, and in therapy. And I am glad you have a partner who supports you. You ARE a survivor, and by doing these things, you have taken control of your life and are not allowing what has happened to you define you. That is huge. Keep working your program and keep acknowledging the positive things you are doing to make your life better, and your future better. I’m proud of you. I don’t think what he did to you made you stronger. Who knows what you could be without stuff like this effecting your self image and so much of your life. But taking the bull by the horns and dealing with it head on IS making you stronger.

  17. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi zelda,

    Thanks for sharing more with us. What Justin did was absolutely wrong, hating him is a totally valid feeling to have. It’s good to hear that you are taking various steps for yourself such as going back to school and going to therapy. You absolutely are a strong person. Take care.

  18. musicislove Volunteer

    Thank you so much for trusting us with your story and I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through. Any sexual assault is really hard to get through in life and it’s great that you’re doing better and working on yourself. Therapy and school are great accomplishments!

    Delaney

  19. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    hey zelda

    Thank you for sharing your story. It truly takes a-lot of courage and strength not just for sharing but also getting better. I am so sorry this happened to you and your inspiration is declaration is a strength. What is important is to give yourself the space to feel and keep growing. You doing great. Please let us know how else we can help you.

  20. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi Zelda,

    Thank you for sharing this story with us. You have shown so much courage and strength, not just for persevering, but also for getting better. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, but it is inspiring to see the strength in your declaration. You are much stronger. It’s okay to feel the way you do. Your feelings are valid and it is perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do towards him. It’s also okay if those feelings change or stay the same overtime. What’s important is you give yourself the space to feel and keep growing. You’re doing great. Please let us know how else we can help.

    Thomas

  21. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi again!

    Thank you for coming back to share more with us! I am so sorry that you have been through this. This was not your fault. As terrible as it may have been, I want to focus on how amazing you are doing now! You are a survivor! This was one event in your life, it does not define who you are. You are stronger now, you have gotten though! Healing is a journey, so please remember to put yourself and your needs first! Keep staying strong! We are here to support you!

    -Natalie

  22. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Thank you for coming back to share. You are a survivor. I am sorry for everything you have had to go through. But I’m glad you found this place and that it has been cathartic for you.

    Erin