Long kept secret

Long kept secret

325 37

I honestly don’t know how to write this. Not once have I told anyone and I just can’t deal with it anymore. I am 27, and I can’t remember exactly how old I was when this happened but I want to say between 6 and 8. My uncle, who is 8 years older than me, used to babysit me a lot. I remember him using fishing lures and seeing “how far in” he could stick them into me. He would touch me inappropriately and tell me it was a secret game. When I was older I tried asking him about it, because I thought maybe it was my imagination, but he shut me down and I’ve never said a word since. My whole family adores him, and they treat me very badly (for dumb reasons I don’t really think are relevant). I get so angry when they talk so highly of him, but I know they would never believe me. I can’t talk to anyone about this, because it all sounds so stupid. But I can’t keep it in my head anymore. 


Join the Conversation

37 comments

  1. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Daisy33,

    I’m so sorry you went through those experiences. We’re here for you. We believe you, and we’re always available to listen. Please feel free to post whenever you need to. Take care.

  2. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing with us , I’m sorry to hear what you’re going but I want you to know you’re not alone and can reach out for help and support anytime you need it, stay strong and keep fighting
    We believe in you and know you can continue your fight. Please come back if you ever need anything else
    -Brianna

  3. Mary Volunteer

    Hi Daisy33,

    Thank you for sharing your story for us. I am so sorry for what happened to you. Your uncle was a trusted adult, and he took advantage of that when he hurt you. It’s understandable how frustrating it is whenever your family speaks highly of him when you have these horrible memories of him. No matter what happens, we believe you, and we are here for you.

    Mary

  4. JProshuto Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story with us at AVFTI. I am sorry that you were sexually assaulted by your uncle. He had no right to do that. He could go to jail. Did you ever call the cops on him? Please come back if you have any questions.

  5. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Hi Daisy33,

    Your feelings of frustration and resentment are valid and you don’t have to repress them. We believe you and you are very strong for sharing this story. I hope that you find comfort in knowing that your story has been acknowledged and the fact that this is not your fault. Perhaps reaching out to a therapist may be of interest to you as they can provide strategies to cope with this experience and some advice as to how you should approach the incident. If you are comfortable with it, feel free to keep us updated on your thoughts and feelings! We are here for you.

    Thanks for sharing

  6. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your story . We believe you and we are all here for you. . Those were so wrong and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that, especially at such a young age. I believe you and so will others . Is there anyone you think you could talk to. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Stay strong. We care about you and are always here for you. Please come back if you need more help

    -Brianna

  7. eagle206

    Hi Daisy33,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. We believe you and we are all here for you. I am so sorry that your Uncle played those horrible games with you. Those were so wrong and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that, especially at such a young age. This definitely isn’t stupid. This is your story and it is really and I think people would believe you. I believe you. Do you think there is one family member you could talk to? Maybe a sibling or a parent? Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Stay strong.

    Tyler

  8. Zoe Volunteer

    Hi, Daisy33.

    I am really sorry that you experienced this when you were younger. What he did to you was wrong. I know how hard this must have been to keep to yourself for so long, and I’m sorry that you feel like you can’t tell anyone. But please know that it doesn’t sound “stupid.” What happened to you matters, and you deserve to have people in your life that you can trust with this and who will support you. I can understand why you’d get upset hearing your family speak highly of him. Is there anyone you feel like you could trust enough to share this with? That is entirely up to you, of course, but it sounds like this has been increasingly difficult to keep to yourself. So if there are any people you’re close to, family or otherwise, that you feel like you could share this with, I’d encourage you to consider that. Therapy could also be a helpful option, if you need to speak about it more extensively and work through it. Please let us know if we can provide you with additional resources.

    I’m glad you were able to trust us and open up to us about these painful memories. Thank you for sharing this with us. Please let us know if there’s any way we can further help you. We’re always here to support you.

    Zoe.

  9. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Daisy33,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you were/are treated so badly. That’s not fair at all, and you did nothing to deserve that. Please know that just taking this first step of telling us will help you begin to heal. Take your time healing. You’re so brave for speaking out. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We’re here to help. Stay strong<3

    Marissa

  10. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry this happened to you. You were sexually assaulted. No one has a right to invade your space and place any object in you without consent. You have the power to say no and the uncle should known better. I am so sorry this happenned to you but if you like to move forward in anyway we are here for you and can help you through the process. We are listening and we believe you.

  11. la5FTG

    Oh, I am so sorry this happened to you. You were sexually assaulted. No one has the right to put their hands on you, much less put something–themselves or an object– inside of you. It is your body, and only you get to decide who touches it and how. Let me know if you decide you would like to move forward in any way or if you need help doing so. Just saying it out loud, even just once, can help. You deserve more than what he did to you, and it is not your fault. You were a child. Please reach out if you need anything at all. We are all listening, and we all believe you.

  12. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, Daisy33. Thanks for trusting us with your secret. I know how scary it can be to share something like that for the first time, but I believe it helps to get it out. I’m really sorry that happened to you. No little girl deserves to be violated and taken advantage of like that. We believe you, and you are not alone. I’m sorry you can’t get more support from your family. You have every right to be angry. My therapist helped me a lot when I was dealing with anger I couldn’t express to my family. Let us know if you’d like to be put in touch with a counselor or therapist in your area. Your feelings aren’t stupid, your story isn’t stupid and you deserve to be heard. We’re here for you and you’re not alone.

  13. Gamato04 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing this. It is normal to not be able to remember every detail of a trauma. It is important to know that you didn’t deserve it. Would talking to a therapist help? Or a close friend? I’m sorry they speak so highly of him.

  14. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. Your uncle took advantage of you at a young age. The fact that you feel like you can’t talk about it with your family has to hurt so badly, and I’m so sorry that you feel that way. It is not stupid at all to talk about it, especially with people you trust, though. If you don’t want to share this information with your family, maybe you have a friend you could talk to? A therapist may be helpful as well, if you’re okay with going that route. Often, sharing our stories is the first step to healing, but a therapist can be helpful in navigating the remainder of the path. We have lots of resources under our “Find Help” tab if you need some assistance in finding someone to talk to.

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It had to be incredibly hard to put your story out there, and I want to acknowledge the bravery and strength it took to do so. You can do this. Keep fighting. If there is any other way we can help you, please let us know. We are always here and we believe you.
    -Jess

  15. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Daisy33,
    I am so sorry this happened. I don’t think this is stupid at all. I think this is a serious matter, that if you feel is important people should listen, especially your family. If they praise him and think he is so great, you should consider telling them this. I don’t want you to think I am pressuring you, I just was giving you a suggestion. If you don’t want to tell them, that is okay too. Have you thought about maybe seeing a therapist or talking to someone you trust? Therapy might help you recover from this situation. If you don’t want to talk or see anyone, again that is okay. If you feel comfortable talking to us, we are here to help. Is there anything specific you would like us to do for you? Please let us know. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  16. blashea

    Hi, I am so sorry that this happened to you and that you were not able to receive the closure or support that you deserved. You can text VOICE to 741-741 to be connected with a counselor anonymously. I think that is a great way for you to be able to process what you’ve been through. You are so strong and brave. We are all here for you and support you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help!

  17. SAL Volunteer

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that happened to you. None of it was your fault. You were young and he took advantage of you. Its hard to have to hear about your abuser, especially when it’s in a good light. Talking to someone about it could really help you work through the emotions you’re feeling.
    Stay strong,
    Stella

  18. brodie_james

    Hello friend!

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of courage to talk about something as personal and vulnerable as what you’ve gone through. It’s definitely not stupid! You know you experienced it, and everything you feel related to that is legitimate and valid, whether that’s frustration at your family, betrayal at your uncle, or anything else you feel. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your family about what happened (which is perfectly understandable), it’s great that you reached out to us to vent your experience and your feelings about it. I don’t know if you’ve explored this option yet, but talking to a counselor or therapist might be helpful to you as well; they would be able to help you sort through and heal from your experiences as well as helping you to manage your relationships with other family members or, if necessary, to end communication with them if they’re seriously not healthy for you. If that’s not an option for you (which is entirely fine – not everyone is comfortable going to therapy), you are always more than welcome to reach back out to us and vent any other feelings or emotions you may have connected to these experiences with your uncle.

    Again, thank you so much for reaching out to us and having the bravery to share your story. You and your emotions are valid in every way!

    Cheers,
    Brodie

  19. MH Volunteer

    Hello Daisy33,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. None of that sounds stupid…i am so sorry that he did that to you. If you do not feel comfortable telling your family members about what happened, then don’t. Wait until the time comes (or doesn’t come) when it feels right. Also feel free to check out of “Find Help” section.
    MH

  20. Shenna2213 Volunteer

    Daisy33,

    I am so sorry that you had to experience this…and it doesn’t sound stupid! You are strong and brave for coming out about this no matter how long it took! It wasn’t right that this happened to you and it wasn’t right that it was someone so close to you. Please feel free to reach out if you need anything else! Stay strong because you have thus far and that’s something to be proud of!

    -Sheena

  21. gracec Volunteer

    Hey Daisy33,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry that you are going through this. Because of the details you shared, I am sure it isn’t just in your head. We are here for you and you are never alone. We have resources on this site ,including us, that can help you work through what you went through. I am sorry this happened to you, and remember you are never alone.

    Stay strong <3

  22. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Daisy33,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It takes a lot of courage to be able to put it down in words for others to see. I am so sorry that this happened to you and that your family is not supportive of you. It is understandable that their support for him causes you to feel anger. We believe you and we are here for you. There are a lot of resources in our Find Help tab and we will help in any way that we can. Please feel free to write to us as often as you want.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  23. Kevin Casey Volunteer

    Thank you for telling us your story. Sorry that you had to go through that hope things get better if you have any other questions you need anything you can talk to anyone of us we are all here to help you

  24. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Daisy33,
    I’m really sorry this happened to you, and what happened does not sound stupid. I believe you and your story. What he did was wrong, it wasn’t your fault, and I’m so sorry that he didn’t acknowledge it. You don’t deserve to be treated badly by your family, yet I can understand why it would be hard to stop speaking to them.
    Maybe you could start talking to a counselor about what happened if you feel comfortable. It could help you process your feelings and deal with your family’s lack of support. I read your comment below, and I hope you’re able to tell the person you want to tell. If you don’t end up telling that person, it’s okay because you can choose who you want to tell your story to.
    It can be so difficult to keep this to yourself, which is why I’m so glad you shared your story with us. We’re happy to support you and help you with what you need, so please feel free to write back. We’re here for you, and continue to stay strong.

  25. rkr18 Volunteer

    Hi Daisy,

    I am truly sorry you had to go through this, you did not deserve it. Also thank you for having the strength and courage to share! You mentioned you haven’t talked to anyone about what happened so if you open to and are looking for someone to you can go to our site for resources. Please let us know if you need anything, we are here for you.
    -Marie

  26. mkyuellig Volunteer

    Daisy,

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you, especially while you were so young and at the hands of someone you loved and trusted. I’m really sorry you feel that your family wouldn’t believe you, but I believe you. I hope you are able to find someone who you can confide in, whether it be a friend or family member. You deserve support and understanding. Please feel free to come speak with us further.

    Keight

  27. Ryan4121 Volunteer

    Daisy,

    This has to be such a challenging situation and thank you for sharing your story with us. We’ve all heard the statistics, but they play out all the time. Often times the most abusive people are closest to us. All I can say is, whoever you decide to tell, we are behind you. We believe and support you as you continue to work through this. And you always have a community hear that has your back, whether it be online or maybe in person even if you ever meet one of us at an event. We are with you. Hang in there!
    Ryan

  28. Jade Volunteer

    Hi Daisy33,

    Thank you for reaching out and telling your story. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. It’s understandable that you get upset when your family talks highly of your Uncle, he had no right to do what he did. You deserve the best support through this difficult time, especially from your family. I want you to know that you matter and your feelings matter and none of it sounds stupid. You are strong and brave. Please know that we are always here for you. Stay strong!

    Jade

  29. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Thank you for telling your story. we are glad you found us and feel comfortable enough to tell you story I’m sorry that this happened to you, and that your family isn’t supportive. You didn’t deserve this and it is not your fault. Please know that you are alwasy welcome here.Stay strong

    -Brianna

  30. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi Daisy33,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. We believe you, and we are glad you found us. I’m sorry that this happened to you, and that your family isn’t supportive. You didn’t deserve what happened to you, and it is not your fault. Do you have a close friend or anyone else in your life that you might trust telling this to? Please know that you are alwasy welcome here. We support and believe you. Stay strong.

    Carmen

  31. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Daisy33,

    It’s brave of you to share your story – I’m glad you found this safe place to share. It’s normal to feel like it may have been your imagination – our brains tend to block out trama. I sense it’s infuriating to have your family treat you badly and adore the man who hurt you. We are here for you to share as much or as little as you are ready to share. Keep on fighting.

    Sending positive vibes your way,
    SFM

  32. Solongago

    I am sorry this happened to you. I am sorry that your family was unable or unwilling to protect you then. I am sorry your uncle was a jerk. I am sorry your family is unavailable for you in this at this time. If I had a magic wand, I’d change all of that for you. I’d change it for all of us. Because you didn’t deserve that, no one deserves that. And the fact is, healing from stuff like this isn’t easy.

    A first step is to write that story down. A second step is to share it with others. You’ve done this, which means you are head and shoulders over a lot of folks who haven’t begun to work on what happened to them. Now there are some things you might do. Talking this over with a trained therapist is a really good idea. This can help you understand how this has affected you and how it is affecting your relationships, especially with your family. It can help you process what you want and need from them and whether they can give that to you. It can help in a lot of ways.

    When I was your age, I read a bunch of self-help books on the subject, and frankly, I did not see myself in them. I read those same books recently and I am all over them. It may be easier at 50 to see long-term effects, than it is at 27. But help is available, and I think it is better now than it was then. So, my hope for you is that you can work on this now, for yourself, and for your children if you have any or if you will have any, so that you won’t have to look back when you no longer have some choices, with regret, or so that the cycles of abuse that tend to go from generation to generation can be broken, and your kids and grandchildren can avoid this.

  33. Daisy33

    Thank you all so much. I really needed to get it out. I have someone I think I can tell but I really don’t know. I so badly want to never speak to my family again but I just can’t do it. I really really am so happy I learned of this website.

  34. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    It’s not stupid. What he did to you is not okay. You didn’t deserve any of this, and none of this is your fault. I am sorry that you do not have support from your family-do you have other friends, or different supports you could reach out to? I know that even people outside your family it would be hard to tell. We are here for you to support you. Let us know how else we can help.

    Erin

  35. zoeyb

    Hi Daisy,

    We see you and we believe you. I am glad you found a space to safely unpack the thoughts and feelings you’ve kept inside for so long; we all are here to listen and support you always. I’m so sorry that your uncle chose to take advantage of you like that. It must be so hard to continue seeing him and your family, especially when they all have treated you so badly over the years. It sounds like what you have gone through up to this point has been extremely hard. I hope you continue seeking out resources that allow you to be able to simply let go within a safe space in a healthy way. I hope through sharing your story with us, you feel better than when you were bottling it up for so long.

    You are always welcome here.
    Zoey

  36. Ashley Day Captain

    This is a safe place and you’re always welcome here. Thank you for making the courageous decision to confide in our community.
    Your uncle, someone that should have cared for and protected you, had no right to disrespect your boundaries. When you asked him about what happened and he shut you down, I’m thinking that was painful.

    I believe you, Daisy33.

  37. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there Daisy33,
    I am so sorry that this happened to you. It was not okay. He took advantage of you. But most importantly, you are not to blame. I’m sorry that you do not feel supported by your family and that you feel that they treat you badly. You anger is 100% valid. Do you have anyone outside of your family that you would feel comfortable talking with? It can be so hard to keep a secret like this. We are happy that you found our website and were able to feel comfortable sharing with us. Please come back anytime. We are on your side.
    Sending love and strength,
    -Natalie