Legacy of Stoner Thor

Legacy of Stoner Thor

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I wanted out of this life and family, I needed it. After I had finally graduated highschool, I broke up with my girlfriend (her parents were against same sex relations, it was too difficult to do anything with her because of it.), I got a shit job at a fast food restaurant, and met the lunatic that I thought would save me and take me out of this situation.

We started dating after 2 months of knowing eachother. I was doing drugs and he was my (and the whole towns) supplier. I was drunk daily, walking around chugging literal bottles of wine to myself. Doing LSD, ecstacy, shrooms, whatever I could get my hands on to not be me anymore. I wasn’t dealing with my problems to say the least, just looking for a quick escape.

We had dated 2 years, I had been arrested 4 times for his drug operation, however, he always paid my fines and court fees. And always kept that factor hovering over my head, as if I owed him my relationship for that.

Eventually, someone gave me the low down that he cheated on me, I felt that meant he didn’t like me anymore. After all, he was starting to get really physical with me, making me feel like he honestly did not want me. I felt like I could finally leave the shit show without any set backs, or fear.

Nope.

When I broke up with him he began stalking me. Asking where I was at, asking my friends leaving notes/presents to them to give me or calling/visting my work and local places I had a tendency to visit. He would follow me from afar, and threaten anyone I spoke to, telling them that I was still his. At certain points, even getting physical with some of these people.

When he was really drunk he would drive to my house and break in, i kept asking my mother and step father to change the key code, but they never did. He would break in and steal items, money, and sometimes crawl into bed with me to hold me or see if I had wanted to “fuck one last time.” It was utterly fucking terrifying. I would take videos of him drunkenly crawling on the floor, trying to be sneaky.

At one point he drove into a ditch at the front of my house and had to call a tow truck to get him out before we awoke. He was wasted.

This went on for about 8-9 months as I tried to keep getting a court order of protection which would turn into a 2 year restraining order. My parents did nothing to protect me or make me feel safe. They blamed me for his actions and told me to spend less time at the house because he was ruining the sleep schedule for the younger kids who were still in school.

So I started house hopping. Sleeping at houses of random friends, acquaintances, drinking buddies, druggies, coworkers, fuck buddies. He would ask everyone where I was at, each and every night. Most nights were okay, some were very not. 

During this time period, I had met my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. Some of the, ex fuck buddies hated that I was settling down and trying to clean up my act. They would tell him where I was at, and with who and gave him a direct address, 40 minutes away from where he lived. 

He would sneak up to the house late at night, trying to tear screens off the window as to sneak in, jiggling the door handles to see if they are unlocked, banging on windows and at one point smashing in my current boyfriend’s car window with a hammer. My current boyfriend tried to lighten up the situation by giving him the nickname “Stoner Thor”, but I still feel bad for all that shit happening to this day.

Even when I got the court order, the ex still tried to show his possession over me. Showing up at concerts, shows, etc. I never called the cops because I figured they wouldn’t do anything to help anyways, we would just go to management and have him kicked out.

About 2 months after he decided to respect my court order, he was arrested for having a gun in his car, and apparently started selling and using heroin and more. The friend group I had all new that this kid with 2 felony counts got an illegal gun only a few weeks after our breakup. They gave him my address and my locations daily, while in possession of a fire arm. They all knew he was stalking me as well.

He messaged me around the time the court order finally expired. He sent me a facebook message telling me how his, “timeout is finally over,” and “I see you’re still seeing that guy,” but he “would still like to talk to me about the last 2 years to see how I’ve changed”, etc. That happened about 4 months ago, of course I didn’t reply.

I became, and am still, too nervous to go outside and enjoy myself, or get close people. Essentially everyone who said they would keep me safe, betrayed me. I’m still afraid that I’ll see him randomly one day.


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30 comments

  1. Samantha Harris Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m sorry that you had to go through all of that. None of this is your fault. You deserve to be happy and to feel safe. Have you considered getting a new court order, since he immediately started messaging you again? Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help you. We’re here for you.

  2. Shannon Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,

    Thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry you are living in such fear when you deserve to feel safe and be happy. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help. I hope things start to get better for you and you come back to let us know how you’re doing. Stay strong

    Shannon

  3. Kayla Volunteer

    Hey okey.

    This all sounds very unsettling and I’m sorry you had to go through all of this, and for so long. I’ve been following your posts and it sounds like you’ve survived a lot. I admire your resilience and tenacity. I respect you for sharing your story with us and I’m glad you continue to do so. How are you doing lately? It seems you’re in a safer environment but if there’s anything you need we are here for you.

    Kayla

  4. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. We are all here for you. I’m so sorry that your ex began stalking you when you broke up with him. It must have been really hard to not feel any support from your family during this. I’m glad you had friends that allowed you to sleep over to help try and keep you safe. What your ex is doing is wrong and your parents are wrong, none of this is your fault. You didn’t bring any of this on yourself. Are you still with your current boyfriend? He seems to be supportive, and have a desire to keep you safe. Please come back and update us if you want. We are all here for you.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  5. Megan Volunteer

    Hey OkeyDokey,

    I’m very sorry that this happened to you and is continuing to happen. You deserve better. Is there any way you can get another court order? Your safety is important and I feel like there has to be a way to better ensure that. It also might help to block him and anyone that might tell him where you are on social media so there is less of a chance he can find you? I don’t know too much about this kind of thing but if there is anything we can do to help we will try! It sounds like your current boyfriend is trying to help keep you safe too, which is very good of him.

    I hope things start looking up for you soon! You are very strong and you are going to be okay,
    Megan

  6. Graciegrace22

    Hello,

    I am so sorry to hear you has to of through such a heart wrenching and terrifying time. What happened to you was not your fault and you did not deserve this. I hope you are able to keep safe and we are here to support you. If you need resources for the stalking and harassment you can always text VOICE to crisis text line at 741741.

  7. Lizzi Volunteer

    OkeyDokey,
    I’m so sorry that you’ve had to endure this stalking and harassment for so long. It sounds like you’ve done so much work to better yourself and your life and that’s an amazing accomplishment. I hate that your parents failed to protect you, and so many other people in your life have given up your information to him so that he can keep finding you. It’s understandable that you’re nervous and feel unsafe. You deserve to be able to go forward with your life without having to worry about him hurting you or anyone else betraying you. Is it possible to get the court order reinstated? I don’t know if that would make you feel safer but legally you’d be a little more protected.

  8. Jordan Volunteer

    Hi again OkeyDokey,

    I am so sorry that your parents never once tried to help and protect you. The fact that they were more bothered that it was an inconvenience for them when your ex would be breaking in, instead of genuinely being concerned about your safety and everyone else’s safety, is just crazy to me. It sounds like you are in a good relationship now though and trying to be in a better place mentally, and emotionally. You deserve that and so much more. I can only imagine how hard it is though trying to move on from your life when you have this fear in the back of your mind that he could be popping back up somewhere at any time, as he has in the past.

  9. Ashley Day Captain

    OkeyDokey,

    It sounds like you have jumped over several hurdles and it’s not abnormal that you had the desire to escape from reality. Before the relationship ended, I get the impression that he did what he could to get into your head and his behavior escalated from there. From what you described, the way he acted after the breakup definitely sounds terrifying. I’m thinking as time went on, it felt emotionally and physically exhausting to know that he was going out of his way to impede on your life. He was completely out of line and he had no right to make you feel unsafe.
    The fact that you wanted your parents to help you feel safe and protected wasn’t too much to ask for; I’m sorry that they didn’t respond appropriately. Hearing that some people willingly gave him the addresses of where you were, while knowing that he had his hands on a gun and that he was stalking you, is unnerving. You said that these people were your friends and it’s understandable that you’re hesitant to get close to people. I read the comments that you posted below and it’s great that your boyfriend is supportive.

    Thank you for confiding in us! Hang in there.

    Ashley

  10. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry all this has happened to you and know that this is not your fault. I am sorry he didn’t make you feel safe. You are doing everything right to keep you safe. Have you reached out to therapy to talk about it? You can also use support teams as well. We want you to be safe and please let us know how else we can help you.

  11. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,

    I am so sorry you had to go through all of this. You did nothing to deserve this and it is not your fault. I am sorry that you did not have anyone who made you feel safe. You are doing everything right to keep yourself safe. I hope you are able to feel safe soon and work on healing from this. Have you ever talked to a therapist about what happened? This might help you work through some of the feelings of being unsafe. You deserve to enjoy life to the fullest. Check out some of our resources if you would like at the top of this page until FIND HELP. Also, if you ever feel you need to talk to someone text VOICE to 741-741 for a 24/7 text crisis line. We want you to be safe – let us know how we can help! We are on your side. Come back whenever you would like.

    -Natalie

  12. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,

    I’m so sorry that you’ve been dealing with this stalking and harassment. I’m glad you got the protection order. Even though it’s expired could you return to the police and show them the messages he’s sent you? Maybe get an extension? I understand how law enforcement can often times be less than helpful in stalking/harassment cases. It’s so frustrating that often they do nothing until it’s too late. Maybe there is something they can do this time that’s a bit more effective. I really hope that Stoner Thor leaves you alone all together. We’re here for you! Please feel free to post as much as you need to.

    All the best,
    Becca

  13. Leximcclelland Volunteer

    Hey again OkeyDokey,

    Wow, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. It’s absolutely terrifying what another human can do to someone. I don’t think there are adequate words, but you didn’t deserve this at all and none of this is your fault. No one should have to live in fear everyday, I can’t imagine and I hope you find some peace.
    I’m sorry your parents wouldn’t even help you even when he would break into what’s supposed to be a safe place.
    I’m glad though, that you have gotten to a place where you have a boyfriend who sounds supportive and where you aren’t using drugs like when you were with your ex.
    Things will hopefully get better and we are always here to listen to you when you need it. Please stay safe and I look forward to seeing another update from you.
    – Lexi

  14. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi OkeyDokey,
    I’m so sorry that this happened. You don’t deserve to live in fear. If he isn’t following court orders, I would tell the police. He could go to jail for that too. I’m sorry he’s putting you through this. Your new boyfriend sounds like he wants to help you which is good. I know trust is hard when things like this happen, but things will get better. We are here for you.
    Your parents not helping you is not okay either. They should have wanted to keep you just as safe as your younger siblings. You should have changed the key code if they didn’t. I know it’s too late now to do that, but if you get the chance I would.
    Things will get better. We are here for you and we won’t let anything bad happen. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI.
    -Alyssa

  15. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi OkeyDokey,

    I am so sorry that this has happened to you, it’s terrifying. But please understand, none of this is your fault. You’ve got nothing to be blamed for. This is all on him. I’m also sorry that your parents have failed to be supportive or very helpful. I agree with others that an extended court order or restraining order may be worth pursuing. You’re safety is the most important thing. But you can get through this! You’ve shown so much strength already and you do have your boyfriend to help as well. You are not alone, we believe you and we are here for you. Please let us know how else we can help. Stay strong,

    Thomas

  16. rkr18 Volunteer

    OkeyDokey,

    I am so sorry that your parents weren’t there to keep you safe. And that you have to live in fear. Can you file another restraining order since he is still harassing you? I hope you can and that he leaves you alone so you can start working towards a more tranquil life. We are here for you if you need us.

    -Marie

  17. grothkat8 Volunteer

    I am so sorry you’ve been going through all of this. It is so brave of you to take action and get the police involved, especially since he had a gun. It can be very difficult to move past these situations, but I am glad you have a boyfriend to be there and support you. It can be tough learning to trust people again, but I do hope you find peace and healing over time. You can always come to us to talk. We are always here for you and will always support you.

    Katie

  18. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hi okeydokey,

    I’m so sorry to hear about what this ex has put you through. The progress that you have made to improve yourself and your situation is remarkable, and it’s disappointing and scary to still have him lingering around. I agree with the previous comments on potentially extending your court order so he has a legal incentive to stay away. I also agree that seeking a therapist or counselor might help you work through this trauma. Even just getting to talk to a third-party person who isn’t close to the situation can be helpful. Make sure to continue to be gentle with yourself. Your mental health is just as important as your physical safety.

    Be sure to continue to reach out to us if you need any help!

  19. Jennifer Suhr Volunteer

    Okey,
    I can’t imagine how terrifying that all must have been for you. I’m so sorry your parents invalidated you and blamed you. It wasn’t your fault at all. Have you thought about renewing your protect order? It seems like he’s not willing to let go even after two years. Try to avoid responding to him if you can. Living in fear isn’t fun at all and it will definitely take time to heal from all that he put you through.

    Here’s to hoping he’ll leave you alone,
    Jenn

  20. mkyuellig Volunteer

    Hey Okey,

    That is absolutely terrifying, I’m so sorry that you had to deal with that. Make sure you continue to save any messages that he sends you, in case you want to renew that order of protection. I can completely understand not feeling safe – that’s so hard. Is there anything you can do to make yourself feel safer? I know this sounds super corny, but just bare with me on this for a second. I took a self-defense class not long after I was assaulted and it was immensely empowering and made me feel a lot safer being out in public. I know that a lot of YMCAs or women’s shelters offer classes that are free or super affordable. Stay safe. We are thinking of you and are here to support you.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  21. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi OkeyDokey,
    I’m really sorry about how you were treated during and after that relationship, and it’s terrible that your parents and friends didn’t protect you. They knew he was stalking and terrifying you, and they should have worried about your safety instead of putting you in danger. You’re not at fault for his actions. He was the one who decided to act the way he did, and that’s on him.
    It’s understandable that you’re worried about seeing him and that you’re nervous about getting close to people. I agree with the people who asked if there was an option to extend the court order. That could help you feel safer.
    I’m so glad that your boyfriend is supporting you through this and that he’s being wonderful. That support can really help a lot.
    Thank you for updating us! I hope you’re doing okay and feeling safe. If you need resources/support, please write back to us. We’re glad to help you, and you are strong!

  22. colton95 Volunteer

    I am really sorry that your family was not there for you. I really hope that things between them and you will be resolved and that everything involving the court order will be resolved. Stay strong and persevere!

  23. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, OkeyDokey. I’m so sorry that happened to you. It does sound terrifying. I’m sorry your family wasn’t there to protect you. They should have never made you leave and put your safety at risk. It is not your fault at all that this guy is stalking you. Is there anything you can do to get the court order back? Let us know if you need help finding resources in your area. We’re here for you.

  24. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that this happened. You absolutely didn’t deserve for him to do any of this to you and it is not your fault in any way. I read your responses below and I’m so glad to hear that you have that support from your boyfriend. I’m sorry that the people you trusted before violated that trust, and it’s great to know that you have found people you trust. It is totally understandable to have some of that anxiety there about seeing him. Have you seen a therapist? That might be helpful for you to process everything you’ve been through. If that’s not something you’re interested in, there are other resources under our “Find Help” tab that might be beneficial. Let us know if there is absolutely anything else we can help you with. We are always here and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  25. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry. This is terrifying, and you do not deserve any of this, and no, this is NOT your fault. Has he tried to reach back out to you since that message? Is it possible to get your court ordered restraining order extended? You can try looking for resources related to that in our “Find Help” tab. Let us know how else we can support you-we are here for you.

    Erin

  26. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey OkeyDokey,

    Thanks for updating us on everything that’s happened. I’m really sorry you’re going through that, and it’s really discouraging that your friends and family didn’t try to keep you safe. Have you tried extending the court order? Is that an option? I don’t know a whole lot about that, but maybe it would help you to feel safe. Are you still seeing the guy that coined “Stoner Thor” ? It sounds like he was helping, and I’m sorry if there was some fallout there. Either way, we are here to help you however we can. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need anything. We’re here for you, always. Stay strong!

    Marissa

  27. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hey there OkeyDokey,

    Thanks for coming back to us. I hope you had a nice week. I’m so sorry that people failed to protect you and keep you safe again and betrayed your trust. I wish your mom and stepdad did more to protect you from him and understand the dangerous situation you were in. You are incredibly strong for continuing to fight on and trying to make positive changes. I understand how scary it must be now that the court order expired. If you are comfortable, you should consider talking to your current boyfriend about this. I hope he can be a good source of social and emotional support. Is there anything we can do to help? If you want to check out some resources, I suggest browsing the Find Help tab.

    All love and support,
    Breanna

    1. OkeyDokey

      The week is another week.
      My current boyfriend is great, he understands everything I’m going through. He’s had family members with somewhat serious experiences. We’ve spoken more about it than I’ve even done with therapists about it, he’s even been there to see some shenanigans.
      I’m currently as stable as I’ve ever been, although, that’s not much to say, haha.
      Thanks for checking in.
      (Finally realized how to reply)

  28. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear OkeyDokey,
    Thank you for coming back to share more with us. You are incredibly strong to have overcome so much. It is understandable that you are nervous and have difficulty trusting others to keep you safe. Is there anything we can to help you? Does your boyfriend know that your ex has contacted you? We are here for you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

    1. OkeyDokey

      Not strong, just a resilient bitch.
      I’m fine though, just ranting and sending this into the endless void that is internet.
      Me boyfriend does know about the recent contact of my ex. And actually my biological father too this week. It’s been an iffy life.
      Thanks for the love and strength, send daiquiri’s if possible as well☆
      (Sorry, I’m sassy. I do appreciate your comment though. Thank you, kindly)