Just another day Pt. 2

Just another day Pt. 2

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I had a terrible night in the first time for nearly 2-3 weeks (I know how awful that sounds).
This is a reminder that I have to be more careful who I open up to regarding the rape & my PTSD diagnosis, but i was venting to a “friend” about things, and was being 100% honest about everything, including my suicidal thoughts that pop up when my episodes get bad.
He called me selfish for having those thoughts, then proceeded I’m not “sick enough” to voluntarily admitt myself into a hospital if I needed to.
His reasoning for me not wanting to harm/kill myself: “Because I like you and you’re attractive.” Why would anyone say that when I’m in a fragile state of mind?
Has anyone else dealt with these ignorant “friends” when trying to talk about this?


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20 comments

  1. Marissa Day Captain

    Jamie Marie,

    I didn’t realize that you posted twice or I would have condensed everything into one response, but I’m happy to see you’re posting often to get support!

    I can’t believe someone would say something like that. That is so disrespectful to how you’re feeling…sure, it’s nice to be told you’re attractive, but that doesn’t help your state of mind at all. I’m sorry that he treated you so badly. You’re not selfish. You’re entitled to how you’re feeling, and don’t let anyone try to tell you not to seek the help you think you need. You know what your thoughts are better than anyone else.

    Keep your head up and stay strong <3

  2. MinZRivers Volunteer

    Unfortunately; there are some people out there who can be extremely insensitive. They just don’t get it! That was very selfish of him. Sometime in life we experience things like this. They are pretty awful. But we must learn from them. I’m sure all your friends are not like him. But this does show you how much of a friend he really is or shall I say, isn’t. I’m sorry this happened to you. I wish you all the best in the future. ?-Kia

  3. blashea Volunteer

    Hi. I’m sorry to hear that your friend wasn’t more sensitive and understanding of your feelings. I have definitely experienced people saying ignorant things like those. Its hard for people who haven’t been there or felt that way to understand sometimes. I would like to say that I am proud of you for attempting to open up and talk about your feelings. I hope you know that you matter and are important to all of us. We are all always here for you! I hope things get better for you!!

  4. MH Volunteer

    Hello Jamie Marie,
    I am sorry that you had to deal with your “friends” ignorance. At times, people do not know how to react to topics like rape and PTSD. Often, they do not mean harm yet they say something that can be very harmful- they may think they are being helpful by stating you are “attractive” when really, attractiveness has nothing to do with how you are feeling inside. I’m sorry you had to go through this. Know that we are always here for you though- to support you through these difficult times.
    It is so important that we try and educate others about how these responses can have an effect!
    MH

  5. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I agree with you – what he said was ignorant. What you’re going through is already difficult, and someone responding that way can make you feel worse. I don’t think he can make a judgment about how you’re not sick enough to admit yourself. It’s your mental state and your decision to admit yourself.
    You’re not selfish for how you’re feeling or thinking. Having suicidal thoughts is not selfish. Being vulnerable is so hard, especially because there are people who won’t respond appropriately. I understand how you feel, and this is the reason why trusting people has been hard for me. I’m proud of you for being honest. I hope that whoever you talk to in the future will be more supportive.
    Thank you for updating us. We’re here to support you. I hope you feel better soon!

  6. Ashley Day Captain

    Jamie Marie,

    I agree that this person is ignorant; they don’t seem to have a basic understanding of mental illness or suicide.
    It’s wonderful how you were being honest and open. Experiencing suicidal thoughts doesn’t make anyone selfish. I’m sorry that this person didn’t respond appropriately.
    Unfortunately, there are people in my life who don’t take these topics seriously. Similar to you, I’m careful about who I confide in.

    I hope you have a better week 🙂

  7. Ash Volunteer

    You’re life is important and people do care about you. What your friend said was incredibly selfish and I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. Sometimes people don’t realize that their words can do damage. How are you feeling now? Are you safe? Is there anything we can do? If you need someone to talk to you can always text VOICE to 741741 that’s the number for the crisis text line.

  8. WarriorGirl

    Hello,

    First of all, I would like to say that your life is precious, your life is something wonderful. We all have bad days, and we all need a friend. Venting to someone and them telling you something like that can be discouraging, and make you feel like you can’t trust anyone. But, not everyone is the same, and not everyone is conceited.

    I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you are able to find some help. If you need help finding resources, please let us know.

  9. Edjay Volunteer

    What your friend said was extremely insensitive and selfish. It’s disturbing that instead of supporting you when you opened up about your experiences, he decided to say insensitive things like that instead. You deserve better friends than him, and I hope you feel better soon.

    Edjay

  10. Megan Volunteer

    Hi again Jamie,

    UGHHHHH. I HATE when people do that. I totally understand what you’re going through. The first person (other than my therapist) that I opened up to about my experiences when I was having a rough night was drunk and tried to get me to have sex with him later because “it would make us both feel better.” Some people are just super insensitive and don’t know how to respond to people and be empathetic. I don’t really know why they do that or what else to say about it other than it just sucks and I’m sorry. I hope you’re feeling better now; and if not I hope you feel better soon!

    Thinking of you,
    Megan <3

  11. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there Jaime Marie,
    That is so tough and really not okay for him to do. I am so sorry he didn’t validate your feelings and acknowledge that you are in a fragile place. I have dealt with ignorant “friends” as well. My sister went through a time of depression where she attempted suicide and was sent to the hospital. This didn’t go well with me and I was having a tough time dealing with this. I had a few friends at the time not only tell me I was being selfish for being upset about it but that my sister was also selfish for doing this and that she did not actually need help. It is not okay ever for someone to say those things. Some friends will not understand what you are going through simply because they may not have experienced something similar or they have never talked about it with someone before. I know before I saw what happened to my sister years ago I was pretty ignorant on mental health I know it is hard but if this person means a lot to you, it might be worth it to explain a bit more if you are able, but that is totally your decision. You know that the whole AVFTI family is here for you, and we will always validate and accept you no matter how you are feeling. Sending hope your way. Keep us updated!

  12. zboone29 Volunteer

    Unfortunately, friends don’t always know what is best to say to us when we level with them about our experiences, and some don’t know how to form a response that is about you, not them. Sometimes, even more unfortunately, these aren’t truly friends, but someone looking to take advantage of vulnerability. If you’re feeling suicidal, you are always free to voluntarily admit yourself to the hospital, if that is what you decide is best for your health and safety. It is incredibly difficult for anyone else to see the internal struggle being faced, and no one can truly diminish what you are experiencing. If you want to, give 1-800-273-8255 a call, they’re the national suicide helpline and can give you some additional help for what you are feeling. It can be hard to keep hold of hope, but it’s there for you.

  13. alexcostello Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I cannot begin to tell you how sorry i am to hear that this is how a friend approached your honesty. I can imagine it was incredibly difficult to open up to them and to receive this kind of response would’ve been incredibly disheartening. I want you to know I hear you. I have felt with a number of friends that they have responded somewhat apathetically when I have opened up about things that I have gone through in the past and my goodness I honestly felt like it did set me back quite a lot at times because I felt like i didn’t have anyone that i could relate to or any one that understood me in a way but i promise that isn’t the case. i think the way i could reconcile this in my mind is that it means something, it highlights to us the people we need in our lives and the other people that maybe aren’t the best for us in the long run. you deserve to be surrounded by people that understand you and handle your feelings with respect and care and love. I would like to rewrite his comments and say that i don’t want you to harm or kill yourself because you have a number of idiosyncratic talents and experiences and wonderfulness to offer the world. you were put here for a number of reasons even if it may not see that way at the moment. we are here for you and want to help you in every way that we can. please message us whenever you need to
    sending love and strength your way,
    Alex

  14. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,
    I am really sorry that you had to deal with this on top of everything else. Unfortunately, mental health has such a stigmata around it that most people are extremely uncomfortable when faced with it. Most try to do their best to comfort those they care about, but they are put on the spot and don’t know what to do or say. They are taken off-guard and not able to disguise their instinctive reactions. Hopefully, we are making some progress by spreading awareness so that peoples’ first reaction is one of compassion and understanding, not anger and a complete lack of social skills. Solongago had some great tips and everyone here is ready to listen, comfort, and support you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  15. Solongago

    I’m sorry about your friend. Probably better to know that he isn’t someone you can rely upon for support. I have found that I have to have different friends for different things. Like some of my non-dog friends would be totally over-whelmed by the amount of time I can spend talking about my critters. So I keep critter-talking to those folks to a minimum. Others I don’t trust with anything to do with therapy, and those that I do, I am careful, because people have limits. Some will not let you know when they are unable to hear any more. They just drift away. So, the friends that I have that know about that part of my life, well, I try not to over-whelm them. I do this by breaking things up. I talk to Karen, I write here, I will talk to those friends who are open to it, but by spreading it around, I don’t have to put too much on any individual (either in time or in content). Except Karen. I try to keep that within the bounds of the hour per week, but that is a super-concentrated hour.

    As for talk about suicide. That’s really hard for me. The stuff with my mom always talking about it, threatening, has made me want to be the complete opposite. I don’t want to talk at all about it, but it doesn’t take away the thoughts. So it is very hard for me to bring those up to anyone. And, I am afraid they will shove me in a hospital, for an eval, and who will take care of my dogs? And too many people do not know what to say, and how to handle those thoughts. What should they do? Are you want them to talk you down, or should they call someone, or … My biggest fear is that I say something, do something, or don’t do something and someone takes their life because I maybe didn’t take what they said with the right amount of seriousness.

    It is a tough topic, and some people try to fix things, even though they haven’t a clue how to, and others try to minimize things, because otherwise they might have to do something. Others like to tell you something they heard once that spoke to them, like, “don’t solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution,” which may have spoken to them, but might not speak to you at all.

    I almost think your best bet is to talk to someone trained to talk to people having this issue. Suicide hot lines, therapists, pastors-maybe. I think there are a lot of people here that can give you support and will probably not say anything way out in left field (except me, I’m always out in left field). Maybe you have to have been close to there to really understand what is helpful and what is not.

    Maybe your friend has been suicidal, and when he is in his deep dark place, he feels no one likes him or cares about him. Maybe that is why he said what he said. I dunno.

    Anyhow, I am sorry you have a bad night. It might be a good idea, when you aren’t feeling bad — because these things come and go — to right yourself a plan for when you are feeling bad. Something like,
    1. Make a cup of coffee.
    2. Call Jodi.
    3. Take a walk around the block.
    4. Take a shower, and put on something comfortable.
    5. Call an aunt or cousin or friend and see if you can come over or they can come over.
    6. Watch a movie you really like.
    7. Wash the dishes — it is amazing to me how much better I feel after I forced myself to get something done that I have been putting off. Washing the floor or washing the dishes just seems to make a huge difference for me anyway.
    8. Call the hotline at 333-333-3333 (I do not have a real number, but if this is on your list, have a real number there so you do not have to find it.

    Your list will be totally different. But if you can have a plan, you can skip over things depending on the circumstances, but it can give you a starting place.

  16. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I hate to say this but people suck and most don’t know how to respond to someone when mental health is brought up. It is like the forget how to be a person and just start being ignorant and thinking everything the person is saying is wrong or made up because that is how society has shown mental illness for so many year. Hopefully the stigma is changing. I am sorry your friend was not understanding and receptive to what you were telling him but instead acted like an ignorant jerk. I don’t understand people who can hear someone tell them and open up them about what has happened to them and they just turn it around and throw it in the other persons face. I too have had this happen and it hurts. You think you can trust someone and then they let you down and you are right you become more careful who you share things with sometimes even shutting down. He has no right to call you selfish because you are not, you are going through a hard time right now and need to take care of you. Also who is he to judge how sick you are, I don’t think he is qualified to make those observations, and only you know how sick you are to admit yourself. Im sorry this guy is a moron. I hope you are finding much better support in others and hopefully in us. We are here for you and just want you to be happy and have the best life possible. Keep staying strong.
    Kristin

  17. Kailey2298 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m so sorry he said that to you. It’s obvious he doesn’t understand anything regarding the issue and responded very selfish. I know it hurts and it’s not easy but you have to try to ignore those bad responses and remember the people who love and support you. We understand and we are here for you always. You are strong and remember you are never alone.
    Kailey

  18. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    A lot of people do not understand mental health issues, because our society stigmatizes it so much, and because our society frowns upon getting help. I’m sorry that your friend responded this way. You deserved support. You were trying to get that support-which shows how strong you are. You are still here, still fighting. We are here for you to support you. Please text VOICE to 741 741 if you need more support.

    Erin

  19. kelly Day Captain

    Hey, Jamie Marie. Wow that guy really seems like the selfish one. I’m so sorry he said that to you. Definitely not an appropriate thing to tell someone who just opened up about some serious issues. Know you did nothing wrong here, it’s completely healthy to want to open up to someone you’re close to. Unfortunately not everyone handles that well. I’ve gotten some bad responses when I’ve tried disclosing some of my personal stuff, and it really, really hurts. It makes me never want to open up to anyone again. But getting those bad responses has at least helped me figure out the warning signs of someone who is not safe to talk to about these things. Sorry you had to go through that, but like everything else you’ve survived, it will make you stronger and better at identifying what kind of people to surround yourself with. As much as I wish it was okay to be open and honest with everyone, sometimes the walls we put up are necessary when it comes to protecting ourselves.

  20. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m so sorry things were not good yesterday. There are always going to be ignorant people, which is why it is so hard to open up. What he said is not what anyone would want to hear when you are in that kind of place. You just have to ignore it; I know that can be hard. You just can’t let it get to you. Things will get better. Are you feeling better today?
    -Alyssa