Jabba was my nightmare in 2020

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My mom owns her business so during 2020 she worked half a day or more almost every day while leaving me and her boyfriend home alone.  Mom’s boyfriend was 450 pounds, hairy, ugly, and always stunk because he didn’t shower.  I’m going to call him Jabba because he was like Jabba the hutt from star wars.

Mom told me that Jabba was in charge when she was gone and that she had better not hear any problems about me from him.  I never had a dad, I didn’t know much about guys, or sex, or had many friends or anything so when it started and he told me that it was normal I didn’t know what to think.  Mom took away my phone and laptop because she caught me looking at a website reading about shaving your pussy which was new to me and she thought the phone and computer were bad influences.

Jabba slept, ate, and played Call of Duty all day.  I was with him all day while he played that.  He would get naked and sit on the couch with his snacks and controller and tell me to get naked for him.  Once I was naked he made me kneel between his thighs and hold his gross penis in my mouth.  Then he’d trap my arms underneath his ass.  With my arms under him I was stuck because he was so fat.  He then hung his legs on my shoulders and trapped my head in his thighs.  While I was stuck like that he’d play the game.

His rule was that I had to keep his penis in my mouth at all times.  If he got hard then I had to suck his penis until he came and got soft again.  Later he made a rule that I had to drink all of his pee because he didn’t want to get up to go to the bathroom while playing.

I feel very stupid because I know he tricked me now.  I didn’t know that wasn’t normal.  He gave me printed pages from a health site to read saying that it was normal for girls to do stuff like that with their dads and other guys and that it was healthy for guys to keep their penises warm and that girls should help them with that for as long as the guys wanted even if the girls hated it.  Later he gave me more pages from the same health site saying that it was healthy and normal for guys to pee in girls mouths and they shouldn’t pee in toilets at all.  Both articles looked very professional so I believed them.  He also showed me texts between him and my mom where she agreed that I should be keeping his penis warm for him and later drink his pee for him.  I was so embarrassed and grossed out that I never talked with my mom about that in person.  I now know all those pages and texts were fake and that I was stupid for believing them.  He always stopped before mom got home.  I didn’t think he was hiding it because I thought that mom was doing it for him when I wasn’t because I heard them have sex a lot and I saw mom giving him a blowjob a few times because they left their door cracked a lot.

I spent most of the year with his penis in my mouth sucking him and drinking his pee for him all because he had fun abusing me.  I hated it so much every second of every day.  He’s been gone for a long time now but I can’t get over what he did to me and I can’t forgive myself for how stupid I was.  I sometimes feel like I deserved all of that for being so dumb.


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38 comments

  1. silverliningsunshine Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for sharing what you’ve gone through to our platform- it takes a lot of bravery and courage to share your story. First, I am beyond sorry that you had to experience that and I truly hope you understand that none of this is your fault and you should not take any blame. You were manipulated by him because he had a position of power which is completely wrong. You did not deserve what happened to you and you are not dumb for being taken advantage of. I hope you are on the path to a better healing journey and don’t take the blame onto yourself. Please feel feel to update on the platform whenever you’d like.

  2. cachonoah Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for sharing with us. I’d like to start off with saying you did not deserve any of what Jabba did to you. Not one bit. And please don’t feel dumb, because you are not. What he did was all entirely his fault and no one else’s. It was wrong of him to take advantage of you. It takes a strong person to share their story with someone else. It is ok if you haven’t shared this story with anyone else, we are all here for you. I encourage you to locate the ‘Find Help’ tab to find further support for yourself. Take as much time as you need. Its completely understandable that you trusted him because you really had no reason not to.

    Just remember that you did not deserve any of that, and you are not stupid. We hope to hear from you again in the near future regarding any updates with how you decided to cope with this experience! Or just simply how you are doing. Thank you, much love from your friend here.

  3. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I am so, so sorry for what you went through. You absolutely, under no condition, deserved that. He was in a position of power and was manipulating you. Please try to be kind to yourself and not to blame yourself – you couldn’t know what you didn’t know. I’m glad to hear that he’s gone now and you’re in a safer place, and I hope that gives you some space to start healing. Feel free to explore our “Find Help” tab for a variety of resources that may help. We are here for you. Feel free to come back if you’d like to share updates on how you’re doing, and let us know if there’s anything we can do to help. Keep your head up.

    Sending you love and strength,
    Bre

  4. noobloop Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,
    You are very brave for sharing your story with us so thank you for that. I can’t imagine what you have been through emotionally or mentally all by yourself but I do hope you reach out to those you feel safe around; and if there isn’t a person close to you like that, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help through AVFTI “Find Help” tab. You are not alone and no one here is judging you. What he did, there is no name for it. I’m sorry you went through that. On the bright side, you mentioned he’s been gone for a long time. Now you can start your healing journey. I hope it all works out for you and if you need to come back and share any updates, you are more than welcome to.
    Best wishes,
    noobloop

  5. sarahj Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us so bravely. AVFTI is a safe space for you to voice your feelings and experiences — we are always here to support you. Please know that what your mom’s boyfriend did to you was 100% wrong and not one bit your fault. I am so sorry this happened to you. Have you told anyone other than us? Your mom? A trusted friend? I might suggest you check out the “Find Help” tab here to view some resources that might be beneficial for you.. but, please also feel free to come back and share with us at any time.
    Take care of yourself,
    Sarahj

  6. kr1510 Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. We are here for you. I’m so sorry for what you have gone through. It was wrong of him to trick you and use you. You didn’t deserve any of that. What he did was awful. Have you talked with your mom about this? Please feel free to use our ‘Find Help’ tab if you want find resources close to you . Come back whenever you’d like if you ever need to share again. We believe you and support you.
    Much love,
    KR1510

  7. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for coming here to share your story. AVFTI is a safe space and we are all here for you. I’m so sorry to hear what Jabba did to you. It was wrong of him especially because you couldn’t have known that what he was doing wasn’t normal. I promise you that none of what happened was your fault. I’m glad that he has been gone out of your life for a very long time now. You weren’t being stupid and you absolutely didn’t deserve what happened. Have you talked to your mom about what happened? It might help to talk to her about out.

    Stay strong,
    T

    1. sarahsays Volunteer

      Hey AngelGirl,

      First of all I just want to commend you for coming here and sharing your story with us. That alone shows how brave you are.

      I want to let you know that you’re not dumb or unintelligent in any way because of what happened to you. You were manipulated and lied to. That is not your fault. Your trust was taken advantage of and what your mom’s boyfriend did is abusive and wrong.

      You had no way of knowing that. I know for giving yourself can feel difficult but it’s important to remind yourself everyday that you had no way of knowing and he took advantage of the position of power over you. You did not deserve what happened to you and you have no reason to feel ashamed. That is all on him, he is a terrible person.

      I know how scary it can feel when you realize what has happened to you and how you were taking advantage of. But this means your healing can begin and I promise you that healing is possible. Do you think your mom would support you if you told her?

      Stay strong and know that we are here for you anytime you need to come back and talk.

      Take care
      Sarah

  8. Lex Volunteer

    Hello AngelGirl,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. You are not stupid at all, you were taken advantage of completely. What Jabba did to you is incredibly disturbing and I am so incredibly sorry that you had to go through that abuse. None of what happened to you was your fault at all and you didn’t deserve any of it! I am so happy to hear that he is out of your life, but I know that although he is gone it is still challenging to process what he did to you. Like others have mentioned, our “Find Help” tab at the top of our website has some great resources that you may find helpful.

    Please share with us again whenever you like. We are always here for you. Stay strong.
    – Lex

  9. musicislove

    Hi AngelGirl,

    I am so sorry for everything you’ve been through. You definitely are not stupid, you were shown information and taken advantage of by someone you were supposed to be able to trust, it makes sense that you believed it at the time. Abusers are really good at manipulation and I’m so sorry he did what he did to you. None of what happened is your fault and you definitely didn’t deserve any of it, you deserve to be safe. I’m glad he’s gone now but I know how hard processing what happened can be, if you’re ever interested in therapy or other resources we have so many connections under our Find Help tab. Please come back anytime you want to share again, we’re always here. We will always believe and support you.

    Delaney

  10. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you endured that horror. What Jabba did to you was wrong on so many levels and you absolutely did not deserve any of it. Even if you WERE stupid (which you definitely are not!!!) no one deserves that kind of treatment. He took advantage of your fear and naivety and that is sick.

    You’re so courageous for speaking up about what happened. I’m sure it wasn’t easy and I’m so proud of you for sharing here. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We are here to help however we can! Stay strong 💗

    Marissa

  11. JudithT Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I am so sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve any of this. This man lied and took advantage of you, knowing full well what he was doing. Like Jabba the Hutt, he was the villain. It was not your fault.

    It sounds so frustrating to realize now what was going on then. To learn and look with hindsight, it makes sense that you feel the way that you do. But none of this was your fault. You didn’t know, and it makes sense that you believed him. You were not stupid and you were not dumb. You did not deserve this; you deserved to be safe in your own home.

    You’ve shown so much strength and courage by sharing your story here and speaking your truth. Please know that you are always welcome to come back and share any time you want. We believe you, and we will always be here to listen and support you.

    Sending strength and love,
    Judith

  12. brookeA Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that you had to experience that. Please know that Jabba is completely responsible for the horrible things he did- you are not at fault at all! It’s terrible that he manipulated you, and it’s totally understandable that you believed him. You deserve to have loving people around you that you can trust.

    There may be some helpful resources for you under our Find Help tab. Please feel free to come back and share anytime. We are always here for you!

  13. candyappleb Day Captain

    Hi AngelGirl,

    I am so sorry that you endured that awful abuse and circumstances. It was not your fault. Your abuser knew exactly what he was doing. I’m glad to hear that he is no longer in your life. Healing takes a lot of time. Everyone heals at their own pace. You are so courageous for speaking out about your story. We are here for you to provide any support we can. Please feel free to share with us anytime. We believe you. You are not alone.

    All the best,
    Becca

  14. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi AngelGirl,
    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I want to start off by saying you are not dumb. This guy tricked you. You were young and you didn’t know better. He is an adult. He knows what he did was wrong. I’m happy he is out of your life and you are safe now. Have you told anyone else about this? If you haven’t and don’t want to you don’t have to. Sometimes talking about it might help your recovery process. You can also use our resources in the find help tab on on the top right of this page. We are always here for you. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  15. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello AngelGirl,

    We are so glad you found out about us. Thank you for coming here and being so brave and sharing your story with us. Doing this takes a lot of courage. I see this is your first time here, so I wanted to be sure to share our resources link which contain great information if you need any additional assistance: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/

    I am so sorry to hear about what your moms boyfriend did to you. You didn’t deserve any of that and nothing that happened was your fault. I’m glad he’s gone now. I know that it’s difficult dealing with these memories but we are here for you throughout this process. Have you talked to your mom about this yet? I know that sometimes we may need additional assistance from family and if you think she’s a safe person to talk to, she might be able to help.

    Either way we are here for you and you can share with us anytime. Again, nothing that happened was your fault and you didn’t deserve any of it. I hope you feel this to be true soon. Let us know if you need anything!

  16. Erika23 Volunteer

    Hi there,
    It couldn’t have been easy to share everything he did to you and put you through. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now, but just know you didn’t deserve any of it. A parent’s primary duties are to take care of their child and they obviously didn’t do that so none of this is your fault. You were a child and didn’t know that what you were doing was wrong, so don’t feel like you deserved it. Just know I am here for you and that I want to know how you’re doing. Also, are you currently part of any support group because although it’s not always easy to talk about what you’ve experienced, it’s always nice to have a good support system.

  17. Caitlin Volunteer

    Hello Angelgirl,

    I am glad you found this site and shared your story. I just wanted to say that this isn’t your fault. I can’t imagine having that situation happen and have what looked like real evidence to back it up. There wasn’t anyway you could have know that wasn’t true. You have been through a lot and I wonder if you have someone to support you? Jabba, was absolutely in the wrong and manipulated the situation.

    Being rid of him must be a relief and I am glad that you can start healing from this; you deserve to heal!

    -Caitlin

  18. ajklessig Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,
    Thank you for sharing with us! I am so sorry you had to endure all of that from Jabba. You did not deserve to be treated that way. It is even more disheartening to hear about all the texts/articles he would give you to try and manipulate you into thinking it was so normal. Try not to blame yourself, none of this was your fault and you are not stupid. You were just trying to follow what Jabba and your mom told you to do; and you did not know any differently. He took advantage of the fact that your mom was not home, which was not okay. I am glad he is gone now, and hopefully your are in a much safer situation.
    What do you think you need to hep you heal from this? Have you told anyone else about it? Sometimes sharing to a trusted source can really help. We also have a ton of different resources on our find help tab. In general, it can take a long time to heal from things like this, so try to be as kind to yourself as possible. Please feel free to come back and update us again!

  19. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    I am glad you found us and felt comfortable sharing your story. What Jabba did to you was not okay and you did not deserve that. This was not your fault. You were instructed to follow what Jabba said and you had no real reason not to trust him given that your mom left you in his care. This does not make you stupid by any means. I know it can be hard to fight off feeling like you were stupid for believing that or that this was your fault, but it definitely was not your fault. He was the adult and left responsible for you, and he abused that power and took advantage of you. It’s understandable that you may not have known better, but that does not mean you deserved any of this.

    I’m relieved that he is no longer in your life and you’ve taken a really important step by sharing what he did to you with us. Have you told anyone else? Is there anyone you may want to share this with? If not, that’s okay. We are here for you. If you feel like you may want some added support though, we can help you prepare to share with someone in your life or you can check out our Find Help tab. Hope to hear from you again.

    KatherineL

  20. chompyapple1 Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am so sorry to hear about Jabba and all of the horrible things he did to you. He abused you and none of it was your fault. No one deserves to be treated like that I hope you never have to go through anything like that and it’s good to hear that he isn’t in your life anymore. I may recommend you seek therapy, or just find ways to cope and heal like knitting or reading. I’m rooting for you, you will overcome this. Stay strong.

  21. snandi2 Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. Please don’t feel like you deserved Jabba’s abuse, he tricked you and took advantage of the fact that you didn’t know if what he was doing was normal or not. I hope you never go through anything like that ever again. All of us at AVFTI are here to support you in any way we can, and no one here thinks that you deserved to be abused. Our “Find Help” tab has some resources that could be useful to you. Additionally, if you feel like you need to talk to someone about what you went through, please don’t hesitate to text VOICE to 741-741, where a trained counselor will listen to what you have to say. Feel free to share more updates with us, and may the Force be with you 🙂 .

  22. jcastle38 Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    I am incredibly sorry to hear that he made you do those awful things. You didn’t deserve any of it, nobody deserves to be tricked into being treated that way. I’m glad he is gone and has been gone for a while now and I hope you never encounter anything like that again. You are not at fault for any of it, he should not have taken advantage of you like that. I hope you are able to heal from this and recover, it is never easy but talking about it really helps. We are here for you always, if you ever need to talk. We also have a lot of resources under the “find help” tab that you might find helpful. Stay strong, I am sending you lots of love and positivity.

  23. semperfi Volunteer

    AngelGirl, this is so horrendous for anyone to experience, I’m beside myself to find a way that this person could be accountable for these acts. I don’t believe you would have done any of these acts had you known it wasn’t normal. Don’t carry this experience or let it control you. There can be so much good out there, I wish you the best to grow from this and seek any and all the help you need. Remember, that this was then and it wasn’t your fault

  24. karinakalke Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so sorry you experienced this trauma. I know that you feel to blame because you believed him, but please know that this was not your fault. He took advantage of you, and you were denied access to resources that could’ve helped. We have some resources under the “Find Help” tab that I think could be beneficial. We are always here for you. Please feel free to share again at any time.

    Sending love and support,
    Karina

  25. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey AngelGirl,

    I’m glad that you found us and had the courage to share your story. What happened to you was absolutely not your fault, and he shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. You aren’t at fault for not understanding that what was happening was wrong. You deserved to feel safe in your own home.

    We’re here for you any time you want to talk. We also have some good resources in our “Find Help” tab that might resonate with you on your healing journey. Sending lots of love and light your way.

  26. Neesha Volunteer

    I understand that you feel as though you deserved this because you believed him. It is normal to blame ourselves for situation that were outside of our control. I assure you that him choosing to violate and abuse you was his choice and he also chose to lie to you about men’s bodies. Oh my dear you were deprived of self education [loss of connection to internet]. You naturally believed that the adults in your life knew best.

    You were a victim of manipulation and abuse, that is not your fault. No one deserves to have their arms forced down and forced to drink pee as you were. You are experiencing shame and that is normal. I hope you find warmth and care here at AVFTI, and perhaps speak to a professional? Check out the resources tab and see if something there resonates.
    Thank you for trusting us, it is not easy to share.

  27. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi AngelGirl,

    What he did was not okay, and you didn’t deserve it. You couldn’t have known what his intentions were. I promise you, you’re not dumb. He was the adult in the situation. He had the power, and he shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. You’re also not alone. It’s common for survivors to blame themselves for what happened, but with that being said, you were not at fault.

    I’m glad he’s out of your life, and I hope you feel safer now. As the other volunteers suggested, it might be helpful to talk to a professional (if you can, and if you want to). Maybe it could help you work through the self blame and the other emotions you’re experiencing. The Find Help tab is also at the top of the page if you would like resources, hotlines, books, counseling, etc.

    Thank you for trusting us with your story. Sharing your story is a brave act, and it takes strength. If you need anything at all, please write back to us. We’re happy to support you throughout your journey, and we’re rooting for you.

  28. nancylog Volunteer

    Hi Angelgirl,

    Thank you for gathering the strength to share your story with us, It’s never easy to talk and share such things. But sharing is the only way to seek help. I’m glad that he is gone and you can start healing. You can’t change the past but you can build a better future, by looking into list of resources
    near you on the Find Help tab. And we are always here for you.Please take care!

  29. aegardiner Day Captain

    Hi AngelGirl,

    I know that sharing your story wasn’t easy, so thank you for trusting us with it. You are not dumb and you didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. I am so sorry that he took advantage of your innocence and that you had to experience everything that you went through. It is good to hear that he is gone now and I hope that you feel safe in your environment at home. You are never alone as you work through everything that happened, we are here for you. In addition, we also have a list of resources near you on the Find Help tab that may be of benefit to you. Please take care!

  30. Starling Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. It takes a lot of strength to share your experiences here. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. You didn’t deserve it, and it wasn’t your fault. Have you considered talking to a professional about what happened? A therapist might be able to help you work through the thoughts and emotions you’re struggling with. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  31. Brooke Volunteer

    AngieGirl you are so brave for sharing with us. Please know what he did is abuse and you absolutely did not deserve any of it. What happened to you is horrific and not your fault. Like I mentioned you are very brave in sharing with us. Have you spoken to a therapist. That can really help process the trauma and heal. We also have a Find help tab with more additional resources. Everyone here believes you and supports you. We all have your back and you can come back here to share at any time. Sending lots of love.

  32. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for what happened. You did not deserve any of this, and this wasn’t your fault. He harmed and manipulated you. He had the power and control over you. That isn’t your fault. I am glad he is gone from you now. Is there anything more we can do to help? We are here for you.

    Erin

  33. tolleytn Volunteer

    AngelGirl,

    I want to start off by saying how brave and admirable it is to have the strength to share your story with us. I’m so sorry you had to live through this incredibly demeaning and traumatizing experience. No one should have to go through something like that and it was not your fault. If you ever need to talk to someone or give us an update on your healing journey, you’re more than welcome to come back and post whenever you need. We’re all rooting for you! <3

    – Tiff

  34. morganndelacruz Volunteer

    Hi AngelGirl,

    You are already brave, strong, and amazing. It is brave of you to share your story with us, and you should feel so proud. Your vulnerability as a human was apparent. There was nothing you deserved and it was none of your faults. Your safety was supposed to be assured by him. I am so relieved that your abuser is no longer there and I would encourage you to look into the resources that AVFI has, they are amazing in helping whenever you are ready and feel comfortable.

  35. Charlotte Volunteer

    Dear AngelGirl,
    Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story. This took alot of strength and you should feel very proud. You are a valuable human being and did not deserve the treatment you received. Those that are chosen to watch over others should care for us, not tear us down physically, sexually or emotionally. Nothing that happened was your fault. I am glad your abuser is no longer in your life and would encourage you, if you would like, to access some of the helpful resources on our website. I have the link for you here: https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/help/

    Remember AngelGirl, you are brave, you are strong, you are valued.

  36. adrian Volunteer

    Hey, AngelGirl-

    It was strong of you to reach out to this community and share your story. Sharing is tough and you showed great bravery to write it out. You did not deserve to be treated like this. While your mom was away, he was supposed to protect you and support you. That is not what happened it sounds like, which can be difficult to manage. Know that this is not normal and that what he did to you was not okay. This past year was tough for a lot of people, but this past year for you is not a defining moment. You are not this experience. You are resilient and strong. It sounds like Jabba is no longer in your life, which is positive. Just know we are here for you and that will not change. There are also other great resources for you in the Find Help tab, if you choose to seek assistance in your healing journey. Keep fighting the good fight.

    Take care,
    Adrian

  37. t3nnis_player18 Volunteer

    Hey AngelGirl.
    Thank you for opening up and sharing a sensitive part of your life with us. I want you to know that none of this is your fault and you did not deserve anything like this to happen to you. He was supposed to be your guardian while your mom worked to provide for your family, but instead he took advantage of you and hurt you while you were vulnerable. You are not stupid and you did not deserve that to happen to you. He is completely in the wrong for doing such terrible things to you and convincing you it was normal. I am so sorry you had to go through this and I’m sorry it is still causing you pain, but I want you to know that this does not define you and you are strong. We are here to help you in anyway we can, but if this experience gets too much to handle on your own please reach out for help. We have a find help tab on this site to connect you to resources or finding a good therapist to talk to and vent would also be beneficial in helping you continue your journey to healing. Please stay strong and know you are not alone!