Just thought I’d jump on here for an update. Sorry it’s quite a long ramble.
The good news is that I finally got to see a psychologist after waiting 5 months. So far I’ve had 3 sessions and she seems nice. Although it’s hard to get a good feel over zoom calls (and everything being super up in the air because of Covid).
I have to go through quite a thorough assessment soon which will determine which of my mental illnesses can be linked to my abuse, and what treatment I can have funded. I feel very very anxious about this as I have never said my entire story out loud to another person. The most I have shared is here on this website…
It will also determine whether I am eligible for income support (as I haven’t been able to sustain study or work due to my mental health). At the moment my dad is still supporting me financially but since he got remarried at the end of last year he has been hinting at cutting me off (as my step mother doesn’t like how much he supports me financially). I really want to be financially independent and not have to rely on anyone but every time I’ve returned to study or part time work my mental health has taken a nose dive and I’ve ended up in hospital.
I have been working really hard trying to get all of my medical records together, as well as all the paperwork form various therapists and specialists I’ve seen over the past 7 years. + my uni records and medical certificates from when I had to drop out of study for this upcoming assessment.
I know I am in a very fortunate position having had my dad support me this long as I just turned 25. But I’m very anxious about my future and it is hard not to spiral into a depression.
Since everything with Covid starting happening just after my Aunt died I still haven’t had an opportunity to tell my dad about the abuse. I live in NZ and we just moved into level 2 lockdown which means I can finally see him in person.
I want to tell him soon but I am scared. I also feel this weird need to have a set plan so if anything goes wrong I can be self sufficient.
I haven’t really had the chance to talk any of this through with my new psychologist as the assessment has to be completed before I can start any therapeutic work
Does anyone have any advice on how to tell someone you love that you suffered abuse as a child? I have this weird guilt that I’ve kept some sort of a shameful secret from him for the last 14 years. I really have no idea how he will react or whether I will even be able to get the courage to actually say it out loud. So any advice or things you’ve found useful in telling your story would be greatly appreciated.
Anyway, thanks for letting me dump my thoughts here. It feel good to Get my thoughts written out.
Hope you are all keeping safe out there! It’s a scary time at the moment so please remember to be kind to yourself and others xx