Random flashbacks, vivid dreams, reminders…it still hurts.

No, not about the rape/molestation, but the ugly breakup from October…begging and pleading for him to give me my space to cool down, being cornered (again) while he’s yelling at me, having his mom hit me and witnessing him and his sister stand by and do nothing and making me out to be some sort of monster? My friends/family know my side, and I’m lucky to have them to tell me it wasn’t my fault, but why did he do that? Was it so he could get together with the girl he got with a few days after me? Did he want to breakup and didn’t want to be the bad guy so he could provoke my dark side on purpose? I need opinions…

Is it too much to ask for personal space? Is that really a lot to ask, guys? Was I overreacting or just asking the wrong person?


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36 comments

  1. smarti14 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    You wanting some space is completely normal. Everyone needs their own privacy and everyone needs to be alone once in a while. You asking for space was no reason to provoke any inappropriate behavior in him. In any relationship, space is much needed. You should not feel like you are doing something wrong for wanting to be alone. Often people do things that we can’t seem to find the reason behind. It is not our job to figure out why they are doing what they are doing, but it is in our control how we allow their behavior to affect us. With whatever you chose to do, that was the right choice for you. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel bad for decisions you’ve made for yourself. Stay strong and be safe.

    Warm Regards,
    Suzy M.

  2. Dayana143 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie
    Space is not too much to ask for, nor does it mean to “overreact”. You are human, and it’s ok to want privacy. Not just okay, I think its a MUST to have space and privacy. It gives you time to relax, and can help prevent someone from saying things they don’t mean. You have no fault in this, and truly did not deserve any of this treatment. I hope you are now in a better place, and hopefully these bad reminders stop. You are not at fault for some one else’s action, so I say no none of this was your fault. Hope you’re doing better now please continue to update us.

  3. pvb Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for confiding in us. I hope to hear soon that you have gotten that personal space that you desired! You deserve it. Everyone deserves the space they want at anytime. You should never feel obligated to give your time to anyone especially when you need to get through some things. I am glad to hear you have that support from the most important people in your life and you will always have support from us! Stay strong! 🙂

  4. Jay Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for continuing to contact us. I want to say no. It is not too much to ask for personal space. Having personal space helps you think and personally calm down in stressful situations. You have every right to want that and no you weren’t overreacting. Breakups are very difficult to deal with and everyone has different reactions to it. Your reaction to it was not wrong and you didn’t deserve any of this. I am happy that you have the support of your family and friends but also us. Please continue to stay strong and live the life you deserve and want.

  5. april-federico Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    You’re right: it is NOT too much to ask for personal space and you were NOT overreacting. There really are two sides to every story. In your case, that’s extremely true. You had every right to react the way you did, as everyone reacts differently to breakups. And breakups really are difficult, I went through one myself a week ago and although I wish I could’ve been calmer, I said everything I needed to say. I agree with you that he should’ve given you space to cool down. It’s hard to tell people’s motives behind a breakup unless they really come through and tell you. You didn’t deserve to get that specific response from his mom or him for that matter. I’m glad that you were able to tell your friends and family, that was a good thing to do. You’re doing everything right, including sharing your story! We’re here if you need us, always.

    Peace, love, and be well,

    April

  6. Jordan Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,

    We could sit here for hours on end trying to speculate why he did the things that he did but at the end of the day- we are never going to truly know what his intentions were. Even if you were to ask him “why?”, this doesn’t seem like someone who would ever be honest or who would never think that what he was doing was wrong. It sounds like he has the type of family that encourages violence (hence his mother hitting you) which is never okay. If his family was going to treat you like that, that gives you a good perspective as to how he would have continued to treat you and the kind of environment that he grew up in. I’m glad that you got out of it while you were able to.
    It is great that you have a good support system because they are right, this was NOT your fault. You deserve personal space and freedom. You deserve someone who is going to respect your boundaries, not invade and break them. You deserve someone so much better, don’t ever forget that.
    Sending love and hugs <3

    – Jordan

  7. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m sorry to hear you’re having flashbacks but it’s normal to have them, I personally have dealt with them and as difficult as they are you need to remember that no matter what happened none of it is your fault and know you’re going to get through this. You’re strong and brave for sharing this with us and know we are always here for you and believe in you. Stay strong you’ve got this!
    -Brianna

  8. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    It’s totally understandable you’re having flashbacks about the breakup. It happened quite recently, and it may take time to heal from completely. It’s good hearing that your family is in your corner. It’s not too much to ask for personal space. You were voicing out what you needed, and it’s never wrong to want to take care of yourself. Stay safe.

  9. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hi Jamie,
    Thanks for reaching out. Breakups are rough! And I am so sorry for how awful you were treated during yours. You did not deserve to be hit. You are not a monsters. I can not tell you why did that. It seems like he is a coward and can not handle his stuff on his own. It is sick he had his mom involved and again that shows that he is a coward. I dono if he wanted to get together with someone else or if he was pushing your buttons. Either way what he did was wrong and insanely disrespectful and you didn’t deserve it. I hope you are doing ok. I am thinking of you and I wish I had better answers for you

    Kristin

  10. KatherineL Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. I don’t know why he did that, but people react in weird and problematic ways when they are avoiding something or don’t know what to do. I’m not sure you’ll ever know. But you definitely do not deserve to be treated that way. It does not seem that you overreacted; you can react based on how you feel, and that is completely valid. It’s your reaction, so it’s never an overreaction. Like others have said, you have the right to your space. You should be proud of yourself for knowing your needs and enforcing that boundary. If they can’t respect that, it’s their fault. Stay strong and continue advocating for yourself and your needs!

    KatherineL

  11. JWorks Volunteer

    JamieMarie,

    It’s not your fault this happened. Personal space is a right and not a privilege. You shouldn’t have to fight to feel respected and safe. He was wrong to ignore your pleading for a little room. Exes are some of the hardest things to get over. Take your time to heal. We’re here if you ever need to talk.

    -Jay

  12. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hey there Jamie Marie,

    I think that a big part of a healthy relationship is being able to give each other personal space. You aren’t in the wrong for wanting your partner to respect those wishes. I definitely sympathize with you in trying to get over your ex, and we’re always here if you need an extra friend in your corner. You might never know your ex’s motivations for provoking you in the breakup, but know that you are valid and deserve to feel respected in your relationships. Keep trying to be patient with yourself. Healing and grieving from a breakup, especially one as messy as this one, takes time. Reach out to us any time you want to share again! We’ll be listening 🙂

  13. Jess Volunteer

    I am so sorry that you’re experiencing these flashbacks and reminders. You are absolutely not overreacting and it is never bad to ask for the personal space that you need. It is perfectly reasonable to request space, especially when in a heated or disruptive environment. Your needs are valid. What happened after that was absolutely not your fault and you did not deserve what he and his family did to you.

    Thank you for updating us. Your honesty and vulnerability is appreciated and helpful to many others. If you need anything at all, you know we are always here and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  14. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi jamie,
    You’re not overreacting at all, and it is not too much to ask for personal space. That is a completely reasonable request. It’s normal to want personal space, especially in a heated situation. I’m proud of you for stating your needs in that situation, and I wish he had listened to you. It wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t deserve to be treated like this. As SFM said, you might still be processing what happened, and it makes sense that this hurts.
    It’s valid to want some form of closure after what happened. However, sometimes we may never know the answer to the question, “why did he do that?” What we can figure out is how it affected us, and based on that, we can figure out the best ways to heal ourselves.
    Thank you for updating us. We’re here to help you, and please take care of yourself!

  15. Breanna Volunteer

    Hi Jamie,

    No, that is not too much to ask for. You have every right to have personal space! Everyone needs it. I know that when I get very anxious and upset, I need my own space for 10-15 minutes to calm down. It is not ridiculous to ask for this. Your wants, needs, and feelings are completely valid. I’m sorry you’re feeling unsure about these things. I hope you can take the space to relax and take care of yourself. Keep your head up, we’re here for you.

    Sending love and support,
    Bre

  16. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Jamie Marie,
    It is not too much to ask for personal space and being backed into a corner pushes a person into fight or flight which in an automatic response from our body. We really don’t have any control of thoughts or our body when we are in that state. It is awful that you are having flashbacks and dreams about this event. Wanting answers is normal, but sometimes, we will never get them and we have to find a way to move forward without them in order to heal. I hope that you find peace soon.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  17. Starling Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. You don’t deserve this and it isn’t your fault. I’m sorry that you’re struggling with these flashbacks. You’re definitely not overreacting by wanting personal space. It’s a totally normal request, and you should be respected in your wishes. If you ever need anything, let us know. We’re always here for you.

  18. Rustin Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    It’s a horrible experience to have random flashbacks, vivid dreams, and reminders. These make the situation feel so fresh and close. It is never wrong to ask for personal space. Everyone has different limits and when individuals ask for space, this should be respected. I’m sorry that your requests were not taken seriously or respected.

  19. Amel Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I am so sorry you’re having these flashbacks. You definitely were NOT overreacting when asking for personal space, you had every right to both ask for it and receive it. Your emotions were valid. I’m glad that your friends and family are aware of your side of the story and supported you through those times. I’m not really sure why he behaved in such a way, but I can tell you that you are worthy of happiness and being in a loving relationship. Remember we are always here for you.

    Stay strong,
    Amel

  20. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,
    I’m so sorry you are having flashbacks. I don’t think you were asking for too much and I don’t think you are over reacting. You are allowed to feel how you want to feel. What he did was not okay. He should not have don’t what he did to you. If he wanted to be with someone else, he should have been open and honest with you. I’m happy you’re safe now. When you get flashbacks just remember that you are safe and he can’t hurt you. Continue to stay strong. We are here for you always.
    -Alyssa

  21. meg Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I am sorry you are experiencing these flashbacks. I am sorry that your ex’s mother put her hands on you. I don’t have an explanation for why he did what he did. But what he did was unacceptable in his reaction toward you asking for space. You did nothing wrong in sharing your feelings and needing time to process. You are not at fault here. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. We love and support you. Be gentle with yourself.
    -Meg

  22. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for coming back with an update. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having such vivid memories associated with all that happened in October. It’s hard to say why people end relationships. Sometimes it’s for an internal reason that we can never really understand. Sometimes they feel like they want something else in life. In the end, you can’t control who loves and supports you but you can choose who you allow in your life. You needed space and that was not too much to ask. That request should be respected. If he wasn’t ready to accept that request then you are better off without him. You are not overreacting, you were simply doing what was healthy for you. In the end, you need to do what’s best for you, even if it means space in a relationship.

    Stay strong,

    Tyler

  23. Amysue43 Volunteer

    We’re happy you posted with us. I’m sorry that those events happened as a reaction to your request for more space. You didn’t deserve it and it’s definitely not your fault. Asking for space is very healthy and normal. Unfortunately, he reacted in a way that was not appropriate and aggressive along with his family. For you to ask for personal space was a very healthy and appropriate request. You knew your limitations and you wanted to create a boundary for yourself and that is normal. You were not overreacting and you didn’t ask the wrong person either. You can ask anyone for person space and that’s very healthy. He reacted inappropriately and unfortunately, we cannot control other peoples responses. You are in the right!
    Stay strong <3

  24. dzreid Volunteer

    Hi there Jamie Marie,
    I think to ask for some personal space, doesn’t make it too much to ask for, but it’s taking the steps to take care of you. I also commend you for speaking up & saying you need some space! That aone is a courageous step. I am glad that your family/friends were there for you. You may never understand the “whys” to everything, but what you do know is you didn’t deserve that! I don’t think you were over reacting by taking care of you. Continue standing up for you & know that you are worth it! wishing you the best.
    Dawn

  25. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Asserting what you need is not asking for too much. I’m sorry you are going through this and reliving these memories. You can post here whenever you need to share-we are here for you.

    Erin

  26. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I am so sorry that you are experiencing flashbacks. That must be so difficult for you to deal with. Please know that you were not asking too much! You endured a lot of emotionally hard times during that relationship, and it is within your right to ask for some personal space. But, what matters the most is how you view the situation. Do you have someone that you are able to talk to about how you are feeling and how these flashbacks are making you feel? Support can be very helpful during these hard times. You are so strong! Keep pushing and moving forward. You are making progress!

    Stay strong! Remember how strong you are! We are here for you anytime!

    -Natalie

  27. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Jamie Marie,

    Break ups can be traumatizing and devastating. It’s understandable that you’re having flashbacks and vivid dreams, and that it hurts to remember it. A lot happened in October, and your brain may still be processing some of it. Asking for personal space is not a lot to ask. You deserve time for yourself, with whatever it may be. You are important and so is the time and space you need to figure whatever it may be out. You are worthy of time for self-love. What happened was not your fault. You did not deserve for this to happen. Please continue taking care of yourself. You are important.

    Sending light,
    SFM

  28. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey Jamie Marie,

    Thanks for sharing with us again. I’m sorry you’re having these flashbacks and dreams. That must be really tough, and I hope they stop for you soon! It’s definitely not too much to ask for personal space. Everyone deserves that. People, animals, everyone! That’s not a ridiculous request and I hope no one ever makes you feel like it is. I can’t tell you why he did what he did, but I really think perhaps finding an outlet to keep your mind off of that might be helpful and healthy. It’s hard being stuck in your head, constantly replaying scenarios and trying to think of different outcomes. It’s important to remember that the past is the past, and you cannot change what happened in that moment. Now, I’m not saying you could/should have done anything differently, nor am I saying your reaction was wrong. You were feeling threatened and it’s completely understandable to protect yourself. I’m so happy you have your family supporting you. Stay strong through all this. You can pull through it!

    Please let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We’re here to help!
    Marissa

  29. Lex Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I am so sorry that you are experiencing these vivid dreams. Breakups alone can be hard but having these flashbacks of the relationship definitely does not help when you are trying to move on from it. I am sorry that you experienced the abuse by both him and his mother, I am glad you are fine now. I am glad that your family and friends support you and remind you that it was not your fault! One thing to always remember is that none of this was your fault! Asking for personal space is not too much to ask for, it is your right to be left alone to cool down and be by yourself. Listening to relaxing music before bed may help eliminate these dreams.

    We are here for you, always!
    – Lex

  30. aegardiner Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I am so sorry to hear that you went through this and that you are still trying to process what happened. Sometimes it can be difficult to understand what motivates people to do what they do, but you definitely did not do anything wrong. Everyone deserves to have personal space and for that to be respected when they ask for it. It may take you some time still before you have any answers or feel like you have healed from everything that has happened, but I am glad you have the support of your friends and family to get you through this. You may also want to consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you reason through some of these questions.

  31. Solongago Volunteer

    I am sorry that I have no experience with this and no real advice to give you. But I want you to know that I care about you and understand that you are struggling with this. I wish I could say something that would be helpful, because you do not deserve this. You have friends here. And I am glad that your family and friends are supportive. I think you are a person who is willing to listen to and respond to a friend or family member when they are hurting. Please understand that you can be on the receiving end and that is ok. Take care of yourself, and if you need to lean more heavily on your support network than usual, that is ok.

    Maybe if we change the question a little, “Why did he do that?” to “why am I going through this?” we can maybe find some meaning or purpose. Like with my losing my dog, Quinnie to cancer. looking back on it, it helps me to understand what others go through when their pet is sick, which is helpful for me as a breeder since folks will call me and need to talk. Maybe we can only find meaning in hindsight, and never when we are in the middle of it.

    Why did he do it? I don’t know that even he knows. Knowing why he did that might make you feel less likely to have that happen with someone else. So you can protect yourself in the future. But sometimes we will never know. It sounds like it is not about you, that he has a pretty dysfunctional family and his relationship style is dysfunctional.

    Can you take a little break today, and do something for yourself? Watch a movie you really love, or take a steaming hot bath, or cook your favorite meal? Or maybe all of them? Be gentle with yourself and give yourself the time you need. Treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend or family member.

  32. Ashley Day Captain

    Jamie Marie,

    It’s painful to be reminded of and have vivid dreams about past relationships. He shouldn’t have cornered you or yelled at you; wanting space to calm down isn’t too much to ask for. It seems like emotions were high during that moment and there’s a possibility that he wasn’t thinking straight. I’m uncertain what his motives were or if he had any, but he had no right to act that way towards you. You were not overreacting.

    Ashley

  33. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m sorry that you’re struggling right now with these lingering questions and self doubt. I don’t think you reacted at all unreasonably. Personal boundaries are important for any relationship and should be respected regardless of the circumstances. Remember, healing takes time and that time frame is different for everyone. It’s okay to have these memories come back around. We’re here for you, and we’re happy to support you the best we can.

    All the best,
    Becca

  34. tbird830 Volunteer

    Jamie Marie,

    Thank you for coming back and sharing with us some more. To answer your question, no, you were not asking too much when you wanted space. Everyone deserves to have some space if they feel like it’s needed. You were not overreacting.

    It was wrong for your ex’s mother to get involved in your relationship and to hit you. That is completely unacceptable. You didn’t deserve that. You deserve to be respected and have your wishes and needs met and that is not too much to ask.

    It makes sense why you’re having flashbacks to that moment, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Do you find comfort in talking about it with friends or family? I encourage you to do something relaxing or distracting to try to get your mind off of that when you are experiencing those thoughts or memories. We’re also here to help connect you to any therapists or other resources if you want them.

    We’re here for you and thank you again for trusting us enough to continue sharing with us.

    Tori

  35. musicislove

    Hi Jamie Marie,

    I’m sorry you’re having so many flashbacks and dreams of that situation with your ex. Asking for space is not too much to ask for at all, everyone deserves their personal space especially when feeling overwhelmed. You weren’t overreacting at all, you were telling what you needed and he didn’t respect that. His mom also should not have gotten involved, that whole time must have been nerve wracking, and you are definitely not a monster. I’m glad you have your friends and family on your side but I know it’s still hard. Please be kind to yourself right now and try to focus on some of the things that bring you peace, whether that be writing, music, art, family, or something else. We’re always here for you and thank you for continuing to trust us with your thoughts.

    Delaney

  36. jcas120 Volunteer

    Hello Jamie Marie,

    It’s great to have you here with us again. I’m happy you’re here! I know how much that breakup must have hurt, especially when things ended so suddenly and you don’t fully have closure. Whenever a relationship ends it’s always tough no matter how good or bad the relationship was, it’s like we get used to having certain people in our lives. I’m sorry to hear that you were cornered and hit during that breakup as well, that sounds scary and I’m glad you’re alright. I’m sure there are lots of questions about why he did it but it’s important to know that nothing that happened was your fault.

    Personal space is never too much to ask for. You always have a right to be left alone when you want space to yourself. You were certainly not overreacting. You did what was right. I hope you feel that to be true. We are here for you!