It is time

It is time

167 26

It has been quite awhile since I told my story. It has been rough. My female alter has been trying to make me harm myself for weeks, and to be frank, I have given up fighting her. I have nothing left. I’m sitting in the liquor store parking lot, they open in 5 min. I am going to get a bottle, take some pills, and end it. I am sorry to burden all of you with this, but I have no one else. If you can ask for help, do so. She won’t let me tell anyone who could stop me, so this is my only resort. Have a good day all. And spread love if you can.


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26 comments

  1. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Vadosky,
    I’m so sorry that this feels like she is taking over your life. However I don’t think that you should do what you said you wanted to do. I think you should talk to someone about this and find a way to recover from how you are feeling. I know life gets hard and things sometimes don’t seem like they will get better, but that’s true. Things will get better, you just sometimes have to push or try harder. We are here for you and if you need anything we are just a post away or you can message VOICE to 741-741 for immediate help. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. Continue to stay strong.
    -Alyssa

  2. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I hope you are okay friend. I know it’s been hard man. Please keep fighting your life matters. We love you and care for you!

  3. jcas120 Volunteer

    Vadosky,

    After reading your story I am so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. You’re story doesn’t show weakness, it shows resilience. I hope you know that everyone here is ready to listen and support you. You have been through so much and you made it through, your story is one that is full of hope. Please do not feel sorry for ‘burdening’ us, you are no burden at all! We are always here for you and will do anything we can for you. This is not your only resort, as there are plenty of other options that AVFTI can offer you.

    We are partnered with the Crisis Text Line, which can give you free support as well. I hope that you will use this fabulous resource and text VOICE to 741-741. They can offer you further support and you are also always welcome back here!

  4. Jess Volunteer

    I am so incredibly sorry that you felt this way. But to be able to reach out for help in spite of your alter is so incredibly strong! I hope you’re safe now and getting the help you need. A lot of others have told you, but the next time you are in this headspace, reach out to the Crisis Text Line. They are super helpful and knowledgeable and available at any time you need them. We are also always here if you need us.

    You are so strong and brave for reaching out. I hope you’re safe and you get the assistance you need. Let us know if you need anything else. Stay strong and keep fighting.
    -Jess

  5. mikaylaanne11 Volunteer

    Hi Vadosky,

    I’m so sorry you’ve felt this way. It’s a dark place to be, and I hope you’re safe now. I know a lot of people have encouraged you to send a message to the Crisis Text Line, and I’m going to reiterate that to you. One of my friends helped found the organization, and she trains hundreds of volunteers. They’re all incredible people and super knowledgeable. You can always reach out to them or reach out to us. Text VOICE to 741-741, and they’ll connect you with someone trained in sexual assault-related traumas.

    You are strong and brave for sharing this with us. I think that you have the power to keep fighting on. I’m sending lots of love your way.

  6. Breanna Grunthal Volunteer

    Hi Vadosky,

    I really hope you are okay. We love you and we care about you. You are so strong for fighting her. Please text our crisis line, VOICE to 741 741. We love you, and we are here for you.

    Sending you love and support,
    Bre

  7. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Vadosky,
    You are incredibly strong! To be able to reach out for help in defiance of your alter shows the determination that you have to hold on no matter how hard things get. You are not alone and our community is sending you healing, love, and strength as you recover. You matter. You are important. You are loved. You are enough. No one else can take your place.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  8. Marissa Day Captain

    Hi Vadosky,

    Thanks for coming to us. Please know that you’re not alone in anything. We’re here for you no matter what, and I’m sure there are people in your life you could turn to as well. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to. We are here to support you through anything.

    Marissa

  9. dzreid Volunteer

    Vadosky,
    I am truly sorry that you are going through such a difficult time! Please know that there are so many who care about you & what happens to you! You matter to me! You don’t deserve to suffer alone. I am so glad that you reached out on here. Please know that you are never a burden for sharing! I know this sounds easy for me to say , but I know that there will be brighter days ahead. Sometimes, we just need to ride out the storms to discover the rainbow. Going through the storms are the hardest part. I know you will get through this! Stay strong. You can do it! I believe in you! I hope you know that you have a huge support system/family here at AVFTI. Take care of yourself!
    Dawn

  10. Knina7 Volunteer

    Vadosky,
    Please know that you are not alone, and not all hope has been lost. We care about you and we are here for you. There are so many beautiful things life has to offer, and though it may not seem like that right now you can get through this. You are in no way a burden to any of us, in fact we are here for you anytime of day. You have people there for you, text VOICE to 741 741, call 1-800-273-8255, or go to the emergency room. You are worth it and you deserve to live. You can do this. Spread love with us.
    Sending Love and Hope,
    Kelly

  11. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi Vadosky,

    I am so sorry that you have been having a difficult time. We are here for you. You are not a burden, and we want to help in any way that we can. As others have mentioned, please text VOICE to 741741. Stay strong, and know that you are not alone.

    Carmen

  12. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Vadosky,
    I’m really, really sorry that things have been rough and that you’re feeling this way. I promise you – you’re not a burden to any of us. We love and care about you, and we want the best for you. We want you to experience all the wonderful things that life has to offer. You’re not alone, and the world is a better place with you in it. Your life matters, and you matter. Please reach out to us, call 911, and/or text the crisis text line. You can get through this, and we’re rooting for you.

  13. Lizzi

    Vadosky,
    I’m so sorry that things are so rough. I’m sorry that things have gotten so bad that you don’t want to live anymore. You are not a burden in any way, and there is help available. You are worth it. You deserve to get help and to live through this hard time. The world needs you. The people in your life need you. We need you. And as bad as things are right now, they will get better. You deserve to stay alive to see things improve. I hope that you’re able to ignore your female alter and keep fighting. You can get through this and continue on to spread love with the rest of us. We care about you and hope you’re okay. Please reach out to someone – anyone. Call 911, go to an emergency room, text VOICE to 741741. You deserve to live and see tomorrow.

  14. Marcus Aurelius Volunteer

    Hi Vadosky, ok hang in there buddy. I am with you in thought and prayer. Whatever may happen, you will never be alone, even in the darkest valley. Sunlight will come eventually.

  15. Megan Volunteer

    Hi Vadosky,

    I’m sorry that things have been rough. And I’m sorry that your female alter has been so troubled lately, but all hope has not been lost. There are various ways to help treat what you are going through and try to gain some control of your alter. Therapy is a really good way to work on this. If you would like to help finding a therapist, we have many resources in the ‘FIND HELP’ tab at the top of the page. If that page doesn’t work for you, we can also help you individually. For some more immediate help, you can text VOICE to 741 741, call 1-800-273-8255, or you can also check yourself in to the emergency room. You are not alone. We are here for you in whatever you need. I can imagine that what you are going through right now is really hard, but it will not last forever. You can get through this. There is help and there is hope and there is love. Hang on a little longer and give life the opportunity to show you all of the good that it can contain.

    Keep fighting. You are so strong. I believe in you. Please stay,
    Megan

  16. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way-please text our crisis line, VOICE to 741 741. We care about you. We want you here.

    Erin

    1. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

      Hey Vadosky,
      I understand you are hurting right now. I am very sorry for what happened to you and that you are feeling like this. Please know that youre life is important and that you are worth so much. We care about you and in time you can heal from all this pain and we will be here supporting you the whole way. A lot of people below me left the crisis line and they have helped me when I have been in kind of the same place as you. I know its hard but please dont give up on live. You can get through this and you are not alone.

  17. Solongago Volunteer

    Hello Vadosky,

    I am sorry you are feeling this way right now. It sounds like you have gone through a really rough time. Please do not hurt yourself now. You have survived so much already. It doesn’t feel like there is nothing left, but that doesn’t make it so. You have a lot to offer, and life has good stuff for you. And we love you, and do not want to lose you. Please call the hotline at least and talk to someone there.

  18. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi there,

    I am so so sorry that you are feeling this way. You are not alone! We are here for you! We want you to live and to be happy. The path to recover from such a traumatic event can be very long and very hard. But you can do it! I believe in you. So please consider fighting this fight and staying here with us. AVFTI can support you in any way that we can. You are so strong. You are worthy of life and so much more. You are so loved. You are not alone.

    We are here for you anytime! Our site is always open for you. We also have a 24/7 crisis text line that I would encourage you to use. All you have to do is text VOICE to 741-741 to get immediate help from a trained counselor.

    You can do this! Please consider staying with us. You are so loved. You are so worthy.

  19. sam Volunteer

    Hey there Valdosky,

    I am so sorry you’re going through such a rough time. You are not alone. We are here for you and love you. I understand how helpless and overwhelmed you are feeling right now, but I hope you reconsider staying with us. Please keep sharing with us or text our crisis line, VOICE at 741741, so that you can get free, confidential support from a counselor when you are feeling this defeated. We are always here for you and will provide all the love and support that we have. You deserve kindness, hope, and love and I promise it is out there. We are always here for you.

    Sam

    1. Vadosky

      To all those who have reached out with a message of support, THANK YOU! Through the dogged efforts of my new friend Jamie and my wife, it is my pleasure to inform you all that I am still among the land of the living. 10 days in a psych hospital, and some minor electrocution of my brain later, I feel better today than I have in decades. If you are struggling, reach out for help. There will always be someone who will reach back. Just because you have not met them yet doesn’t meant they are not there. This community is amazing, and everyone needs a help hand once in awhile. Again, thank you all for being the amazing people you all are!

  20. musicislove

    Hi Vadosky,

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this and are having such a rough time. I know how it feels to think you have nothing left but please just stay with us, keep talking here or text VOICE to our crisis line at 741741 to talk with someone there. We’re all here for you and love you and just want you to be okay. I know it’s scary to feel so defeated but you can get through this. We’re all sending so much love and hope your way, I hope you’ll reconsider.

    Delaney

  21. candyappleb Volunteer

    Oh Vadosky,

    I’m so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much right now and feel so defeated. I understand. I’ve been there myself. Please keep talking either to us or by texting our crisis help line. VOICE to 741741. I understand you are overwhelmed right now, but you are not alone in this fight. We’re here for you. We love you. It’s okay to feel defeated, but please don’t give up. We’re all standing by for you.

    Becca

  22. sfmbelle413 Day Captain

    Hey there Vadosky,

    You’re brave for reaching out for support. I sense this is a difficult time for you. It sounds like your female alter is taking a lot out of you. Please know you’re not alone and we are still here with you. Help is possible. Hope is possible. If you’re in immediate danger, please consider reaching out to our friends at crisis text line. When you text VOICE to 741-741, you can be connected with a live, trained crisis counselor. There are people who can help you through this. You’re not alone.

    Sending light your way,
    SFM

  23. Ashley Day Captain

    Hello Vadosky,

    It sounds like your female alter has caused you to feel defeated. Since you reached out to us, I’m thinking there’s a part of you that wants to keep fighting and receive help. This world can be a cruel place and I appreciate how you’re encouraging us to spread love. It would be wonderful if you continued to live to spread love to other people too. We are here for you. Please consider texting VOICE to 741741 to talk to a Crisis Counselor; it’s free, confidential, and available 24/7.

    Ashley

  24. Jamie Sivrais

    Hi Vadosky. I am so sorry that the pain feels so intense. I want you to know that you are loved and that this does not have to be how things go. I want to ask you to reconsider. If you don’t feel like you can make a call to stop or get help, please know that I am happy to. I can send help your way. I’d need to communicate with you off of this storytelling platform, but if you’re willing, we can work that out. My email is [email protected] and I want to help.

    I want you to know that even if you don’t know and even if you don’t feel it, you are loved. I love you. The other story responders here love you. I don’t have to know you to know that you are a human worthy of love, kindness, peace, and respect.

    Please reconsider. If talking here doesn’t feel helpful, you can text VOICE to 741741. It’s a free service that can help if call feels like too much.