For the first 6 years of my life I didn’t know my uncle. He was in prison for some type of gang violence and when he got out he stayed with my dad, my dads wife and my little brother in an apartment me and my sister would stay at every other week or sometimes just the weekend. Growing up I had A LOT of issues. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 3, I developed and eating disorder at 8 years old bc of the verbal abuse from my father, I started self harming and cutting myself when I was 10, I started doing crystal meth when I was 15, heroin/ meth when I was 17 and over the years there were multiple suicide attempts and being institutionalized. I am now 21 years old and have over a year of sobriety and am at a point where I feel strong enough to tell my story bc I was silenced for so long.
It started with when he moved in. My dad told me I was going to meet my uncle and that he was really excited to see us. We met him at my grandparents apartment which was directly below my dads. When we walked in they told us to hug him. In many Mexican families parents force you to hug ALL of your relatives even if you don’t know them. I hugged him and he said something about how pretty I was. I remember that bc from an early age I felt ugly and he made me feel pretty. Over the next few months we became close. He was so nice to me and it was a nice change from my dad who made me feel bad about myself all the time. He would braid my hair for my and tell me how much prettier I was than my sisters. Always putting lotion on my skin for me before so I “stay soft”. It was so nice to feel wanted. To feel pretty. I was about 8 or 9 when my dad left me alone with him for a little while. We were doing my hw for school and he said he’d give me the answers if I didn’t tell my dad. Of course I agreed. After he said it was bath time. He’s NEVER given me a bath before this and I told him it was too early for a bath bc the sun was still out. He turned on the shower and undressed me. I got in and noticed he was taking off his clothes too. Seeing him naked was scary bc he was a tall dude covered in tattoos and just looked intimidating. He was heavily involved in gang life so you can draw a picture. He got in with me and started to wash my hair. I kept looking at his penis bc I was pretty close to it the whole time. He noticed and asked if I wanted to touch it. I didn’t say no but I didn’t say yes either. I didn’t say anything. He put my hand on it and I looked away. He kept telling me I was such a good listener and how pretty I was. He put to finger on the putter of my vagina and I still didn’t say anything. I was pretty much quiet the whole time till he penetrated me. He started rubbing me with his fingers and lifted me up. He said to tell me if it hurts and he slowly put the tip of his penis in me. I said “ouch that hurts” my eyes started watering and he took it out. He washed me up and we both got out. He told me not to tell my dad bc he doesn’t wanna have to tell him about getting the answers for my hw. So I didn’t say anything. It quickly became a routine when he was drunk to come in when everyone was sleeping to touch me. No one fucking paid attention to me at my dads anyway so no one noticed what was going on.
It quickly got violent. Like holding me down but still saying nice things to me. The last time it happened was the worst. I was sleeping in one bed and my sister in another. I could he him stumbling in drunk and whispering to himself “where is she” he came in and I was just ready to let it happen again bc that’s I’ll I ever did. Was let it fucking happen bc atleast I was wanted. He came in and tugged on my ankles. It was pretty routine but this time my sister woke up. She started crying and he told her if she didn’t shut the fuck up he’d kill me and her. I was still 9 years old at this time. I told her it was going to be okay and that to just let it happen. This time he penetrated me completely and he’d never done that. I started crying but he didn’t stop. It was so painful. He didn’t finish in me but when he was done he threw me back onto the bed. And I cried the whole night till I fell asleep. The next morning my sister didn’t say anything to me. Like it never happened. I went to the bathroom and I could pee from the pain and there’s was drops of blood in my underwear. Me and my sister went back to our moms house and she saw the blood. I told her I think I got my period and she didn’t even think anything of it.
Soon after my uncle when back to prison for murder. I never told anyone till last year. I learned when I was about 11 that my dads father molested my oldest sister. His brother and his father are monsters. When I came out to my family my dad questioned me and his wife called me a liar even my sister WHO WAS THERE called me a liar. My mom was so supportive and my sister who was a victim of my grandpa supported me too. It still haunts me and sometimes I wake up bc I feel his breath on my neck. I’m still hurting but I’m healing.