It got violent

It got violent

177 21

For the first 6 years of my life I didn’t know my uncle. He was in prison for some type of gang violence and when he got out he stayed with my dad, my dads wife and my little brother in an apartment me and my sister would stay at every other week or sometimes just the weekend. Growing up I had A LOT of issues. I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 3, I developed and eating disorder at 8 years old bc of the verbal abuse from my father, I started self harming and cutting myself when I was 10, I started doing crystal meth when I was 15, heroin/ meth when I was 17 and over the years there were multiple suicide attempts and being institutionalized. I am now 21 years old and have over a year of sobriety and am at a point where I feel strong enough to tell my story bc I was silenced for so long. 

It started with when he moved in. My dad told me I was going to meet my uncle and that he was really excited to see us. We met him at my grandparents apartment which was directly below my dads. When we walked in they told us to hug him. In many Mexican families parents force you to hug ALL of your relatives even if you don’t know them. I hugged him and he said something about how pretty I was. I remember that bc from an early age I felt ugly and he made me feel pretty. Over the next few months we became close. He was so nice to me and it was a nice change from my dad who made me feel bad about myself all the time. He would braid my hair for my and tell me how much prettier I was than my sisters. Always putting lotion on my skin for me before so I “stay soft”. It was so nice to feel wanted. To feel pretty. I was about 8 or 9 when my dad left me alone with him for a little while. We were doing my hw for school and he said he’d give me the answers if I didn’t tell my dad. Of course I agreed. After he said it was bath time. He’s NEVER given me a bath before this and I told him it was too early for a bath bc the sun was still out. He turned on the shower and undressed me. I got in and noticed he was taking off his clothes too. Seeing him naked was scary bc he was a tall dude covered in tattoos and just looked intimidating. He was heavily involved in gang life so you can draw a picture. He got in with me and started to wash my hair. I kept looking at his penis bc I was pretty close to it the whole time. He noticed and asked if I wanted to touch it. I didn’t say no but I didn’t say yes either. I didn’t say anything. He put my hand on it and I looked away. He kept telling me I was such a good listener and how pretty I was. He put to finger on the putter of my vagina and I still didn’t say anything. I was pretty much quiet the whole time till he penetrated me. He started rubbing me with his fingers and lifted me up. He said to tell me if it hurts and he slowly put the tip of his penis in me. I said “ouch that hurts” my eyes started watering and he took it out. He washed me up and we both got out. He told me not to tell my dad bc he doesn’t wanna have to tell him about getting the answers for my hw. So I didn’t say anything. It quickly became a routine when he was drunk to come in when everyone was sleeping to touch me. No one fucking paid attention to me at my dads anyway so no one noticed what was going on. 

It quickly got violent. Like holding me down but still saying nice things to me. The last time it happened was the worst. I was sleeping in one bed and my sister in another. I could he him stumbling in drunk and whispering to himself “where is she” he came in and I was just ready to let it happen again bc that’s I’ll I ever did. Was let it fucking happen bc atleast I was wanted. He came in and tugged on my ankles. It was pretty routine but this time my sister woke up. She started crying and he told her if she didn’t shut the fuck up he’d kill me and her. I was still 9 years old at this time. I told her it was going to be okay and that to just let it happen. This time he penetrated me completely and he’d never done that. I started crying but he didn’t stop. It was so painful. He didn’t finish in me but when he was done he threw me back onto the bed. And I cried the whole night till I fell asleep. The next morning my sister didn’t say anything to me. Like it never happened. I went to the bathroom and I could pee from the pain and there’s was drops of blood in my underwear. Me and my sister went back to our moms house and she saw the blood. I told her I think I got my period and she didn’t even think anything of it. 

Soon after my uncle when back to prison for murder. I never told anyone till last year. I learned when I was about 11 that my dads father molested my oldest sister. His brother and his father are monsters. When I came out to my family my dad questioned me and his wife called me a liar even my sister WHO WAS THERE called me a liar. My mom was so supportive and my sister who was a victim of my grandpa supported me too. It still haunts me and sometimes I wake up bc I feel his breath on my neck. I’m still hurting but I’m healing. 


Join the Conversation

21 comments

  1. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi Sourhyna,
    I’m so sorry this happened. You are so strong. You didn’t deserve what happened and I’m so happy that you made it this far. Getting in and then out of drugs can be very difficult, but because you are strong you were able to get sober. I’m so proud of you. I know that definitely took a lot. If you need anything we are here for you. Don’t ever feel like your alone especially when it sounds like you have a good support system of your mom and sister. Thank you for trusting and sharing your story with AVFTI. If you need anything just let us know.
    -Alyssa

  2. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi Sourhyna,

    Thank you for sharing your story here with AVFTI. This is a safe space. We believe you and we are all here for you. I am so sorry for what your uncle did to you. None of this is your fault. I am glad that your mother and sister have been supportive of you. It’s unfair that your father and your other sister called you a liar. We believe you, we know you are telling the truth. Healing takes time but I am glad that you feel that you are taking steps toward healing. Please continue to update us here if you feel you want to.

    Stay strong
    Tyler

  3. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you , know that absolutely none of it was your fault at all. Thank you for sharing with us it, it takes a lot of strength and courage to do that. text in VOICE to 741741 to be connected to a crisis counselor for immediate help if you would like it. We stand behind you the entire way and believe in you. Stay strong and keep on fighting.

    -Brianna

  4. brodie_james Volunteer

    Hello, friend!

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with us; just from what you wrote, it seems like you are an incredibly strong and courageous young woman. I’m so sorry that this abuse happened to you, and also that multiple family members did not believe or support you when you felt comfortable to report what had happened. I’m so glad that you were able to find support from your mother and your older sister, and that you are coming to a place where you are comfortable sharing your story with us. I’d also like to congratulate you on your sobriety! Healing from trauma like what you’ve experienced can be difficult, and being able to begin your healing journey AND stay sober is an outstanding accomplishment! You are truly inspirational!

    Please continue to be kind to yourself in your healing journey, and know that we are always here for you if you need to process through intense or complicated emotions related to your experiences.

    Cheers,
    Brodie

  5. mkyuellig Volunteer

    Sourhyna,

    Thank you so much for coming and sharing your story with us. It does really sound like you have been through quite a lot in a short amount of time. So let me just that you are AMAZING and incredible for overcoming all that adversity. And your sobriety? CONGRATULATIONS. I know how much commitment that takes, and how much work you’ve had to put in, and that is just awesome. You should be so proud of yourself.

    I am so sorry to hear about the abuse you endured, and at such a young age. Your family should be there to love and protect you, not harm you, and i’m so sorry that your trust was betrayed. I am also so sorry that many of your family members didn’t support you when you shared your truth, I want you to know that we believe you 100% and we are here to support you however you need. It is very difficult to understand sometimes how the cycle of abuse works, how those who were abused choose to abuse themselves, and how those who witnessed abuse refused to admit it because it easier to pretend it didn’t happen. I am glad that you decided to come and share your story, because it can show other survivors that it is possible to endure and heal even after going through hell. I know there are times where you still experience pain and fear, but know that does not negate your progress. Healing takes time and it has its ups and its downs. Progress is not always linear, and sometimes there will be bad days when you feel totally hopeless. On those days remember how strong you are an how much you have over come. Please come back and update us if you need to or want to. We are here to listen and to support you.

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  6. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi Sourhyna,
    I’m really sorry you’ve been through so much and that no one noticed what was happening. I’m so sorry that these people did such terrible things and that some of your family members didn’t believe you. You don’t deserve to be treated this way, and what happened was not your fault.
    However, I’m glad that you feel strong enough to tell your story – it’s not easy to talk about this. Congratulations on being sober for over one year, and I’m so proud of you for telling your family. I’m so happy that your mother and sister supported you when you told them.
    Thank you for telling us your story. You’re so strong and resilient. Please write back if you need anything; we’ll always be here to listen and support you. You can do this!

  7. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey Sourhyna,

    Thanks for trusting us with your story. I’m so sorry that your uncle groomed you like that, and that no one paid attention to you, ESPECIALLY when you finally came forward about what happened. Thank goodness for your mom and your sister! I hope you are able to feel comfortable with them and talk to them if you ever need to. If you aren’t completely okay with that, please don’t hesitate to come back and post here. We are always ready and willing to lend an ear. We support you, no matter what.

    You’re so strong. I admire you so much for being able to share your story and for being able to heal from something like that. You’re awesome, please don’t forget that!!!

    Marissa

  8. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear Sourhyna,
    Thank you for trusting us with your story. It takes a lot of courage to tell about something so painful that you have kept inside for so long. You are strong and resilient to have been through everything you told us, to pull yourself out of it, and to be sober for over a year!! You are an inspiration!! I am so sorry that this happened to you and that important people in your life did not help you or support you when you needed it. We are here for you and we believe you. Please let us know if there is anything we can help you with…others have given the number for the Crisis Text Line and our Find Help tab has a variety of resources. Please feel free to come back and write to us as often as you would like.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  9. Lizzi G Volunteer

    Hi Sourhyna,
    I’m so sorry for what happened to you and that some of your family hasn’t been supportive of you telling them what happened. I believe you and I hate that you’re still haunted by this. It was wrong what happened to you and your uncle shouldn’t have taken advantage of you. He found your vulnerabilities and used that to make you trust him, and then he broke that trust. I wish someone had noticed what was going on so that this didn’t have to keep happening. Even more, I wish this monster had never even been released from prison and given the chance to hurt someone. I’m glad to see that you say you’re healing and I hope that things continue to get better for you. I’m thankful that you have your mom and sister to help you through this.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  10. Megan Volunteer

    Hey Sourhyna,

    I’m so sorry that this happened to you. You deserve to be treated so much better than that. I’m also sorry that some of your family didn’t believe you. The important thing to remember is that you know your own truth and only you get to say what happened. It’s good that your mom and other sister support you though! Also it’s absolutely incredible that you are over a year sober!! You should be so proud of yourself! Despite everything you have been through, you are still here and you are still strong. The resilience of people, like you, is truly amazing.

    Keep being strong. I believe in you. If you ever need anything, we are always here,
    Megan

  11. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    I am so glad to hear that you are over a year sober; you should be so proud of yourself for that! What happened to you is terrible and no one, especially a child, should be treated that way. It’s good that you had your mother and sister’s support through things as well once you felt comfortable to tell what happened. We are always here to support you. Keep on healing and let us know if we can connect you to any resources to help further <3

  12. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    I’m so sorry to hear about what happened to you , know that absolutely none of it was your fault at all. Thank you for sharing with us it, it takes a lot of strength and courage to do that. text in VOICE to 741741 to be connected to a crisis counselor for immediate help if you would like it. We stand behind you the entire way and believe in you. Stay strong and keep on fighting.

    -Brianna

  13. Edjay Volunteer

    Hi Sourhyna,

    I appreciate you sharing your story with us–it definitely takes a lot of strength to do that. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. It’s heartbreaking to hear that this happened for such a long time without any adult noticing. It’s awful that when you did tell others what happened, you weren’t believed by your family. It is great to hear that your mother was supportive of you after you told her. Please know that we are here for you, and that we believe you. Please let us know if there’s anything that we can do for you. Take care.

  14. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Sourhyna,

    I’m so sorry that you experienced those things. What happened to you was never your fault. You are so very brave to share your story. Congratulations on your sobriety. You’re an incredibly strong person. We believe you, and we’re always here for you! Please feel free to post again anytime you need support.

    All the best,
    Becca

  15. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    I am so sorry this happened to you. I am glad you were able to get support from your mom and sister and the support they gave you. I hope sharing this feels some relief and you are not alone.

  16. Graciegrace22 Volunteer

    I am so sorry that you went through this. It is a terrible thing to go through and it is rough to hear your family didn’t believe you. We thank you for your bravery to share your story with us. You went through a lot as a young child and I hope you continue you to heal from this. I hope sharing this help to take the weight off a bit and remember you are not alone.

  17. Solongago

    I’m sorry that happened. I am sorry that your dad does not believe you, but I am glad that your mother and sister does and that they are good support for you. I am glad that you are facing this and your children will probably not have to go through what you did because you are willing to face and deal with this now, because so often this sort of thing is multi-generational. Thank you for sharing your story, I know that wasn’t easy. I hope that by sharing you can feel some relief and know that you are believed and not alone.

  18. colton95 Volunteer

    What happened to you is truly horrific and No One deserves to go through all that trauma and pain. I do Hope that you will continue to heal and persevere and remember that those things that happened to you do not define who you are and that you still have people in your life who care about you such as your mom and sister.

  19. rkr18 Volunteer

    Sourhyna,

    I am so sad and sorry you had to go through this traumatic experience. You did nothing to deserve it and it was not your fault. Congratulations on being sober that is a big deal. You are truly a strong and brave person. I am so proud of you for sharing this with us and that you are healing. Please let us know if you need anything, we are always here for you.
    -God bless Marie

  20. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, Sourhyna. I’m so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for trusting us with your story. I believe you and I don’t think you’re a liar. I’m sorry your family said those things to you. You didn’t deserve any of that. They should have protected you and supported you. It’s great that you have your mom and your sister on your side. And congratulations on your sobriety! I think that it’s incredible. You’re a very strong person. Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help. We’re here for you.

  21. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I am so sorry for what happened to you. You didn’t deserve this, and this wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry not everyone in your family was supportive either, but glad your mom and sister were. Are you safe now? Is there anything more we can do to help you? Let us know-we are here for you.

    Erin