Is this my fault, cause I got to know.

Is this my fault, cause I got to know.

386 19

When I was originally raped in 1981 and my mother told me not to let anyone in the house, was I at fault for letting them in to watch Rocky 2, while I was raped?

My mother tells me the fault lays with me, I see it differently. I didn’t want to be raped, I was dying for interaction from anyone, not even thinking of such a horrible thing to take place.

She blames me for getting raped, shaming everyone, and says cause I didn’t listen is the reason I’m fucked up.

Tell me the truth please, by not listening to what I was told mean I got what I deserve and should suffer the consequence, cause if that’s true why the hell do I even try, am I destined to forever suffer the guilt and shame of the trauma I’ve experienced, and will into the future.

Or since I didn’t know, ask, and or want what happened to me, make me one of many victims out there in the world.

Please let me know, I have to know.


Join the Conversation

19 comments

  1. gracec Volunteer

    hey focus.1968,
    you DID NOT deserve what happened to you and it most definitely isn’t your fault. you did not ask for this, no one does. i am so sorry that your mother feels that way about what happened to you. just know that we are all here for you, no matter what. if you ever need anything, we will be here to help you. if you want it to be more anonymous, there are resources on our website that can help you, too.

    please stay strong! <3

  2. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you for sharing with us. I am so sorry that this happened to you. Victim’s of rape are NEVER at fault for their attacks. If you did not want to have sex with someone and they did so anyways, it is their fault not yours. Letting someone into your house does not give them the right to your body. I am sorry that your mother feels this way and hopefully she will see that you were not at fault. Please do not feel guilty or ashamed for what happened; you were taken advantage of against your will and are not at fault at all. We are here for you; stay strong <3

  3. chrissy1984

    i understand your feelings of it being your fault i carry the same feelings but even though i have a really hard time excepting it myself it isnt your fault no one should have to feel that way ever

  4. Thomas Volunteer

    Hi focus.1968,
    What happened to you was not your fault at all. The perpetrator is who is at fault. You did nothing wrong. Inviting someone in to watch a movie is NOT an invitation to have sex. I am so sorry that people have blamed you for what happened. Please know that they are wrong. You always deserve to be treated with love and respect, and that does not change regardless of what else happens. I wish your mother was supportive instead of saying these terrible things. But please know that you are not alone! We are here for you. Thank you for sharing your story with us. We at A Voice for the Innocent are here to support you in any way we can. Let us know if there is anything we can do for you.
    -Thomas

  5. rkr18 Volunteer

    focus.1968,

    So sorry you are hearing this from your mom. It was not your fault you did not ask to be raped it was a violation. I experienced the same thing, and some of my family said horrible things and blamed me too and they said I asked for it. I finally, through therapy realized that I was never at fault and I never asked for it. So please don’t ever think it was your fault you were a victim. Continue to you keep us updated and we are here for you!
    -Marie

    1. focus.1968

      That’s the sad part, I know deep down I did nothing to deserve what happened to me.

      But when society puts their input in, you feel like you deserved it, just as guilty as the rapist, or that you going to be punished eternally cause God is mad at you for not fighting, or trying to get away.

      Once a victim hears that over and over they begin to go out of focus and they start believing all these wicked, vile, and disgusting lies they are loaded down with throughout their lives.

  6. Zoe Volunteer

    Everyone has already said it, but I’ll say it again: What happened to you was not your fault. The responsibility is 100% on the perpetrator. Nothing a person says or does or wears will ever warrant being assaulted. You did not deserve that. No one does. So don’t listen to your mother, what she has said is terrible.

    I’m so sorry for what has happened to you, and I’m sorry for the lack of support on your mother’s part. But we are all here for you, if you ever need anything. You’ll always have our support.

    Zoe.

  7. Natalie M Day Captain

    hi focus.1968,

    I can tell you 100%, what happened to you that year was NOT your fault. Rape is not a consequence for not listening to you mother. Rape is a crime, and there is nothing that will ever make it okay. I am sorry that your mother does not seem to support you in the way that you need. It must be so difficult to hear her placing the blame on you, but I hope that you know that is not correct. You are a strong person and I know you can get through this. I am sorry for all you have been through, and I encourage you to keep coming back to update us. We love to hear more, and help you through whatever you need.

    Sending hope and strength,
    Natalie

  8. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    Rape is NEVER the victim’s fault. It is always on the perpetrator. Your mother is wrong, and she always has been, it seems. You are not at fault. Never. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But thank you for coming back to share.

    Erin

  9. focus.1968

    Thank you for your support, I am surrounded by people who continue to hurt me by minimizing the rape, blame for the rape, ignore the assault, as it didn’t happen, tell me get over it, and or even tell me that in God’s eyes I’m just as guilty as my rapist cause I didn’t run or fight.

    So yeah, I at times need to be reminded of what the truth is, instead of the evil lies that have plagued the world we live in today.

    So again, thank you for the support, and helping me realize what the truth is versus the evil lies that continue to bring people down to their knees.

    Each day for me is a struggle to continue on, I have to remember to keep moving forward in my life.

    Thank you much again.

  10. Dianne Volunteer

    I agree with the others, your mom needs therapy. I also agree that you are way stronger than you give yourself credit for. Regardless of what inspired you to invite a guest over, your intention was NOT to allow someone to harm you. It makes me so sad that you were blamed and shamed rather than hugged and healed with love & support. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there by sharing, I’m so proud of you!! You are not alone, we are here for you. Stay strong, you got this!!
    Xo-Di

  11. inisfail08

    as someone who is a survivor its never your fault NEVER and your mother needs to get some counseling…i am sorry you were blamed it doesn’t feel good to be made to feel its your fault…bc it isn’t this happens to far too many ppl but its the evil in the heart of the person that did it to you…it is the most awful feeling to have someone take your sense of self away…i hope you can find closure and heal from your experience…if you need to talk im here…its good to have someone who understands what you are feeling…your not bad or guilty of any crime…your not alone

  12. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Hi , I am sorry this happened to you and your mother wasn’t supportive. You didn’t serve any of this and you are brave and stronger then you realize. We are here to support you and keep us posted. We are here for you and believe you.

  13. blashea

    Hi, I am so sorry that your mother isn’t more supportive of you. I want you to know that you did not deserve any of that, at all. It was not your fault. Everyone has issues/things that they struggle with, and dealing with these things doesn’t make you “messed up.” You are doing the best you can and that’s enough. We are all so proud of you. You are braver and stronger than you realize. I hope that they happiness you deserve finds you soon. Please don’t hesitate to update us or let us know if there is anything we can do to help. We are all here for you and we all support you and believe in you.

  14. inisfail08

    it is not your fault and it never will be…i felt the same after my attack like i had brought it on myself but no one asks for that type of thing…

  15. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    I’m really sorry that your mother is blaming you for what happened. This wasn’t your fault at all, and you weren’t asking for this. Inviting them for a movie does not mean that they can assault you. You couldn’t have known about what happened. Also, you didn’t bring shame to anyone because this wasn’t your fault. You deserve to be listened to. We believe you, and we’ll always be here to support you. Continue to stay strong.

  16. Jess Volunteer

    Focus.1968,
    Your trauma is not your fault and it never will be. You were looking for simple companionship. You never could have known what would happen. No one could.
    You should never be told that you deserved what happened to you. You deserve compassion and love. The AVFTI community is always here for you. Please feel free to update us on your story or to chat.
    -Jess

  17. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    This is NOT your fault. You did not ask to get raped. You were looking for someone to watch the movie with you. That is harmless. Don’t let your mom convince you that what happened was your fault because rape is never the survivors fault.
    -Alyssa

  18. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear focus.1968,
    No, absolutely not! It was not your fault and you did not deserve it to happen to you. You do not deserve to be punished for what happened to you. You deserve to be happy and loved. You will always find that support here.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie