Is Therapy For Me?

Is Therapy For Me?

223 26

After posting my story “Why I Wanted To Die At 6” I have
only been able to read the first 10 comments. All of my life, well for the
majority of my life, this has been a secret. Not only a secret but also something
I have dealt with alone. No one I could confide in. even now, though I have a
great support system, great friends, great family, most do not know. So while
reading the comments I feel awkward. I feel ashamed. I feel as though this sympathy
isn’t right. I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m not sure if I should go to
therapy and try to figure out my feelings. I have a lot of friends who always
tell me I can go to them and talk to them about my problems, but I feel as
though my burdens shouldn’t be on anyone else.

 

I’m curious as to what therapy has been like for you all…has
it helped you? Pros? Cons? I tried looking into it but its so expensive…

Thank you so much <3


Join the Conversation

26 comments

  1. eagle206 Volunteer

    Hi warmsoul,

    I am really glad that you now have a great support system and great friends to help you. You do deserve help working through these things. There is no reason to be ashamed, therapy could be a really good way to figure things out and have someone to talk to. You aren’t a burden. No friend or person in your support system would think of you of a burden. I would say try therapy, it can’t hurt to try talking to someone.

    Tyler

  2. Brianna W Volunteer Volunteer

    Thank you so much for coming back and sharing with us. As for feeling ashamed you shouldn’t , sharing with us is strong and brave thing to do. As for therapy from experience it can take a few try’s to find the right one but in the end it will be a good thing talk to someone and be able to freely express everything that’s going on. Please continue to keep coming back and share with us , we are glad to hear from you.

    Brianna

  3. mkyuellig Volunteer

    Warmsoul,

    thanks so much for checking back in with us. I am actually a social worker and offer therapy to my clients, and I also am a survivor of child sexual assault and see a therapist weekly. I want you to know that your feelings of being a burden are very common for survivors, but that is your anxiety talking. Try thinking about the situations as if it were reversed. If one of your close friends was having a hard time dealing with something traumatic, I’m sure you would be supportive and kind to them, and would never think of them as a burden, because that is part of friendship. I would also try thinking of your friends feeling empathy for you, rather than sympathy. They aren’t feeling sorry for you or pitying you, but they share in your pain, and many can probably relate because of similar circumstances in their own lives
    I cannot stress enough how much therapy has helped me and many of the people that I have worked with. I am of the personal opinion that every one would benefit from therapy, regardless of their circumstances. It offers a safe place to discuss your emotions and say anything without judgement. I know that price is sometimes prohibitive, but many therapists are willing to work with their clients, because they are devoted to healing. Try searching for “sliding scale therapists in my area.” Thanks again for coming back and sharing with us

    Stay strong and be gentle with yourself,
    Keight

  4. bjames1121 Volunteer

    Good Evening Warmsoul –

    Attending therapy sessions is a process, no one feels comfortable the first couple of sessions due to the therapist being a complete stranger. I just started therapy and only because I’ve shared my story with others, I’m comfortable talking with my therapist. Telling your story to others is the beginning of the healing process. Trust me when I say that you’ve come to the right place to begin your healing process. No one here will judge you, we’re not here to sympathize, we are here for support and to be a listening ear. You are a strong person and you will get through this.

    God Bless…..

  5. Kailey2298 Volunteer

    Hi Warmsoul,
    We are always here for you! As for therapy when I attended it took me a couple weeks and a few therapist before I felt comfortable. My last therapist really helped me and made me feel really comfortable. It took me about three weeks before I even began to start talking about personal stuff but when I did it honestly made me feel better. When it comes to reading the comments on your post try not to look at it as sympathy but as support. We are here for you and want to help you any way we can! Please feel free to come back and share as much as you want! Remember you are not alone!!
    Kailey

  6. andyspringer Volunteer

    Warmsoul,

    Thank you for following up to your previous post. I understand that the flooding of sympathy and support can feel awkward. If it doesn’t feel right to you then it doesn’t feel right. The healing process is different in every single person and your feelings are valid and okay.

    Personally, I attended therapy and counseling to come to some internal resolutions. It worked wonders for me and I always recommend it with high regard. However, what works for one person may not always work for another. The only person who truly knows what is best for you is you. We are all here with you, not out of sympathy or charity, but standing in solidarity with you. We’ve got your back and we support any decision you make in your journey towards healing.

    Warm regards,
    Andy

  7. Jordan L Volunteer

    Hello!
    You can always confide in us! We are always here for you!

    Some insurances will cover the costs of therapy. I know when I went, my insurance covered so many visits before I had to start paying for some of it.
    Everyone is different though. You may like it and others don’t or vice versa.
    It is a good way to start learning how to cope with the feelings you have and be able to confide in someone trustworthy. A therapist is trained in how to effectively deal with emotional traumas. I overall thought it was beneficial. Depending on how you feel about it, sometimes therapy and antidepressant use together have the best results.

    -Jordan

  8. Amysue43 Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts regarding how you feel after reading some of our comments. I’m sorry you feel awkward when reading our comments. We only mean to support you and be here for you. Your feelings are understandable as what you went through was scary, confusing and frustrating. In terms of your questions regarding therapy and trying to identify your feelings, there are many ways to go about this. Seeking out a therapist or counselor isn’t the only resource to exist Some more inexpensive resources involve hotlines: AVoiceForTheInnocent has a hotline that you can access by texting VOICE to 741-741. It’s free and accessibly 24/7. There are other hotlines out there as well. Perhaps you may be near a facility that offers a couple free sessions to start. You can find more resources under the ‘Find Help’ tab on our website.

    Again, we are always here for you, we will always believe you and support you, your feelings, and decisions. Feel free to keep us updated with your thoughts this time around or any other feelings that come up later.

    Stay strong! <3

  9. Megan Volunteer

    Hey warmsoul,

    I can tell you that therapy has 100% been the best decision I’ve made. I have grown soooo much over the past couple years and that’s all thanks to the work I had been doing in therapy. I went from needing to see a therapist every week and being suicidal to being on my way to not needing therapy at all anymore in the next couple months. One note I would like to make on that though is that what really helped was who my therapist was. We matched really well and worked really well together. I had seen a couple different therapists in the couple years before seeing him and didn’t make very much progress with those ones cause we just didn’t really match well. So the process of finding a therapist that works for you can sometimes be tedious and frustrating and trying different things, but once you get there it is incredibly helpful! Also, therapy can be expensive but typically with insurance it really helps to reduce the cost! I would look into what your insurance covers and if you don’t have any, I would see about medicaid (if you live in the us). If it’s something that you can work out, I would absolutely suggest seeing a therapist. Though talking with friends can be great, it helps to talk with someone who is trained in these types of things and knows different techniques that can help you.

    Hope that helps!
    Megan

  10. Lizzi G Volunteer

    Hi warmsoul,
    I’m so glad to hear that you have a great support system and good people in your life now. That’s so important in life. Even if they don’t know what happened, maybe there will be a day that you feel comfortable confiding it them or even just one person. You never have to share what happened if you don’t feel comfortable but I believe that they would be understanding and supportive if you did decide to tell them. I think most people do truly mean it when they say that you can talk to them about your problems, but I understand not wanting to put that on them. Friends can be great for that, but I do believe in professional counseling to work through traumatic experiences. Your friends can support you but they aren’t professionals and aren’t trained to help you work through all of this. Other people have already posted about the “find help” tab for finding a therapist but I’ve always found therapy to be a really positive thing once I’ve found the right therapist. I think everyone could benefit from therapy because it’s just a good resource to have for getting through life’s challenges. If you have insurance, check through them because it may not cost you much at all. You can always give it a try and that doesn’t mean you have to stick with it forever.

    Much hope,
    Lizzi

  11. candyappleb Volunteer

    Hi Warmsoul,

    Thanks for the update! What happened to you is not your fault. As you begin your healing journey it’s important to remember that feelings of shame and anxiety are all part of the process. Therapy can be a wonderful tool to unlock understanding regarding emotional baggage often associated with trauma. It’s a bit scary at first, and often times quite difficult to work through what happened, but the end results are worth it in my opinion. It takes some time to get started with the process. Finding a therapist, the initial evaluations, insurance, costs etc can take several months. In the end it’s entirly up to you. Our resources tab is a good place to start, or often times insurance companies will have a list of preapproved providers to look through. Even without insurance coverage it’s possible to find affordable care. Sometimes it just takes a while. My personal therapist operates her own private practice and was willing to set up a payment plan for me right off the bat. It may take a bit of time to find one, but there are mental health professionals out there willing to work with budgets. Best of luck to you! Please feel free to keep us updated. We’re always here to help.

  12. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi warmsoul,
    Thank you for updating us. There is nothing for you to feel ashamed of. This is not your fault and you have nothing to feel awkward about. You are a strong person and shouldn’t have to feel scared to feel how you feel.
    If you want to go to therapy, then I think you should go. There is nothing wrong with talking to a therapist. I go and I know many who do see a therapist. Some pros are that you get a third party point of view from someone who is trained to listen and help you with these problems. Con’s sometimes it takes a while to find the right therapist. If you need help finding a therapist you can use our “find help”tab on the top right of this page. If you need anything else just let us know.
    -Alyssa

  13. Northlane1991 Volunteer

    Therapy is a senstive topic in my culture but it has helped me get through times when i flet that i needed someone to cry two. I felt like therapy opened my mind to knowing they are people who validate your feelings and gives you words of encouragement. It teaches to how to live with trauma but also find it east to talk about how your feelings.

    The only con i would say is the culture around it because its looked as the invidiual is looked differently because he is seeking help.

    You deserve the peace of mind and do whats best for yourself!

  14. Sweetny Volunteer

    Therapy is hard. It can take time to find the right therapist, and even still it can take time to see progress. But the rewards are so worth it! Therapy cannot erase what happened. But it can teach you how to live with trauma, how to cope day to day, how to have normal relationships with the people in your life, how to find ease and comfort where there used to be pain and sadness. And so much more. The reason so many people here, and everywhere, will advocate that you should seek therapy is because it works! It will only help. You deserve the peace of mind that a trained medical professional can help you achieve.

  15. rkr18 Volunteer

    Warmsoul,

    Therapy for me was a long process. I started going when I was 15 and continued till I was 40. I had several counselors and some helped and some didn’t. But One thing I can tell you is that I started getting better over time. I found that I got out of it what I put into it. So if I can recommend anything is that you just try it and see. They are trained to care, ask the right questions and give you helpful input and help. I hope this helps and please keep us posted. You are worth it.
    -Marie

  16. Jess Volunteer

    Thank you for coming back and updating us! It is so incredibly hard to share our stories, especially when we’ve kept them hidden for so long. Those feelings you’re having are completely normal. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a friend, please continue to reach out to us or seek therapy. Therapy is an incredible resource. A therapist is able to assist you in process your feelings and what happened to you and how to live with it. It is a difficult process, though. You may need to try a therapist or two before you find the one that works the best for you. There’s also going to be challenging sessions and processes that you’ll have to work through. BUT it’s completely worth it. Therapy gives you the tools you need in order to continue down your path to healing.

    If there’s anything else we can do to help you, please let us know. We are always here and we believe you. Stay strong and keep fighting. <3
    -Jess

  17. CarmenR Volunteer

    Warmsoul,

    You are deserving of love and support. I understand how difficult it can be to share with othes, but you are not burdening them. Sometimes we need to lean on others and thats okay. I think therapy is an amazing oppurutnity to share with someone who is there to support and listen to you. I personally have found it to be very helpful in my healing process, along with journaling my feelings. Stay strong, and know that you are always welcome here for support. We are here for you.

    Carmen

  18. Gamato04 Volunteer

    Therapy can be really beneficial for some people while not always working for others. It can be a great way to let out emotions or feelings that have been repressed to someone in a safe place. It is also a great place to get advice for certain scenarios that happen or may happen. One of the biggest cons is expense but, it can definitely be worth the money. I would experiment with it and see if it helps.

  19. Solongago

    In order to survive, because our brains were not ready for what they had to manage, they did something weird to protect us. I was used sexually by my oldest brother from about age four to age 13. And I was raped when I was 11 by my other brother, who had done some minor stuff prior, but the rape happened in a pond, and I nearly drowned. I blacked out, and came to on the bank. My brother was begging me not to tell. I had to walk home with him. I had to live with him until he went into the service when he was 20. I was four years younger, so that would have been 5 years I lived with him after the rape.

    To survive, my brain distorted my thinking. Things like who was at fault. I believed for decades that it was all my fault. That if I hadn’t gone swimming with my older brother, it would not have happened. That I had power over the situation. There were many things that I distort in order to make living bearable. And these things suited me when I was a child. I survived. They are not so helpful now. For 30 years I would not swim. because swimming is an invitation for bad things happening. I believed if I was smarter, it would not have happened. I let some of the cognitive distortions follow me into adulthood and they have affected choices I’ve made, jobs I had, and so forth.

    The thing about cognitive distortions, are that you don’t realize that they are, that you are functioning and sometimes sabotaging yourself because of them. And a good listener, who is not wrapped up in the story themselves, who does not have a dog in the fight so to speak, can really help sort things out, and point out the distorted thinking, and help to replace negative self-talk with life-affirming statements. Like, if you are quick to say to yourself, “Look at how you ruined that, you are no good at anything.” You have to kind stop that kind of negative crap in its tracks. And replace it with something like, “Well, that was a trial run, I can change a few things, and the next run will be a lot better.”

    The thing about a therapist, is they are trained to find distorted thinking, thinking that is all or nothing, thinking that is blown out of proportion, — there are several types of cognitive distortions, that they are trained to recognize. And they are trained not to freak out at what we say. So, you can tell them something totally out there, and they are going to tell you that you’ve lost your mind. They are safe in a sense. Because they have heard horror stories from folks that have had it worse than we have, and they are not connected to our family, so they are not invested in making us believe we are wrong or to blame, etc. So, running these things by a therapist first, before we start talking with friends and then family members about our experience, can be really helpful.

    I mean, you go in there (sometimes I still do) thinking that they are going to think you are gross or filthy, disgusting, repulsive, when you tell them about this or that concerning this stuff. And when are not repulsed, the are perhaps sad for what happened, or maybe model some anger at the perpetrator or the situation for us, it can be really powerful. It can free us to start thinking about what happened to us in a different light.

    Therapy isn’t easy. The work of therapy has to be done by us. Our therapist cheer-lead, but they really cannot do the actual work. They can point out distorted thinking, and they can teach us why it wasn’t our fault, which goes beyond just saying it. And a lot of other things. But we have to experience and manage the feelings, and make decisions, and work through the process. Sometimes we can become really frustrated, or really depressed, angry at what we are trying to do, how long it is taking, etc. Sometimes we can become really angry at our therapist.

    When that happens, they have the opportunity to model for us an adult response to having someone angry and not just absorbing it and owning it as though we are the cause. I think most of us have an incredible amount of anger within us, and sometimes our therapist is a safe person to be angry at. Not that we think that in the moment. But I am sure that most therapists receive some misdirected anger at one point or another through the course of this.

    I think talking it over with a therapist is really helpful for most folks who have had this happen. I was going to say for folks that have had it start when they were really young, (before the brain is fully developed), and for folks who have sustained a long haul, months or years of repeated abuse, and for folks who have experienced a violent abuser, or for folks whose abuser was a family member, and so forth. But the fact is, each of us is so fundamentally different that there is no comparison that we can make. We are all effected individually, dependent on our temperament and experience, as well as what support system we have in place. So, you really cannot make a list that qualifies your situation as worthy of therapy or not.

    I think, if you find a decent therapist, ANYONE with a history of sexual abuse/incest, can be helped by therapy. And, until you are ready to actually do the work, all the therapy in the world won’t help you at all.

  20. Kevin Casey Volunteer

    Sorry that this happened to you it’s not your fault thank you for sharing your story with us here happy can really help you open up if you need anything or have any questions you always here for you at avfti

  21. Marissa Day Captain

    Hey warmsoul,

    I want to start by saying that I do kind of understand where you’re coming from – not wanting to dump your problems on your friends. Although I’m sure that’s not the actual case, it’s a reasonable reaction, and a lot of people feel the same way.

    I haven’t personally gone to therapy, but it seems like it helps a lot of people. From what I’ve gathered, therapy only doesn’t work if you don’t feel comfortable with the therapist. Sometimes it takes a few different people to find someone you are able to open up to, and that’s totally okay. You should just do your best to feel comfortable. You’ve got all the time in the world to figure it out – just go at your own pace! No rush 🙂

    Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you. We support you, no matter what!

    Marissa

  22. SAL Volunteer

    Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. Therapy can be really helpful to open up and work through a lot of emotions surrounding what happened and help identify self destructive behaviors and thoughts and help you work on getting rid of them. Remember everyone works at their own pace and if you’re not ready to talk to your friends or family, that’s okay. Whatever path is best for you is the path to take.
    Stay Strong,
    Stella

  23. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi warmsoul,
    I understand why it’s difficult to tell your friends what you’ve been through. It’s so hard to feel like you’re a burden to other people. But you’re not a burden. You deserve to be loved and supported, and you deserve to have a safe space. If you don’t feel ready to tell your friends, that’s okay. You can tell your story at your own pace. We’re here to provide comfort and support, and you are definitely worthy of that.
    I went for an evaluation session at my college’s counseling center recently, and I think it has helped me, which is why I’m starting counseling soon.
    I think it can help to tell someone who isn’t involved in certain parts of your life. They can provide a different perspective and figure out coping mechanisms that work for you. If it’s too expensive, maybe you could find a local support group or check out the resources we have in the Find Help tab. There are also a few online therapy options.
    Thank you for updating us. We’re grateful that you’re sharing how you feel with us – that takes strength. We’re always here to help if you need anything from us. You can get through this.

  24. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear warmsoul,
    The decision about whether to go to therapy or not is completely up to you. I, personally, only went to therapy for a very short time as a child because it was court-ordered. I don’t remember a lot of it….mostly, sitting in the waiting room. I do read a lot and I focus on social-emotional skills/trauma informed care in my work, so, for me, I heal in that manner. It is always a personal choice and right for you no matter what you decide.
    However, you do deserve to feel validated, heard, and to heal. We are not offering you sympathy, we are providing empathy and that is a lot different. We all know what it feels like to be affected by sexual assault or sexual abuse in some way and we are giving you a safe place to tell your story. Everyone deserves to have a safe place to tell their story. There is no judgement, we offer ideas for help if you want it, and we just want to hold space for those whom are hurting. You are not burdening us, we just want to let you know you are not alone, you are worthy of happiness and empathy, and we are here for you.
    Sending you love and strength,
    Roxie

  25. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    You do deserve the support. Every victim does, always. No matter what. I know therapy can be expensive-you might try looking at rape crisis centers in your area, and seeing if they can direct you with something less expensive, or maybe even free group therapy (groups are usually cheaper/free). Therapy for me has been invaluable. I’ve been in and out of it since I was 16. Not every therapist I had gave me everything I needed to heal, but they gave me a piece-I’d go back out into the world, and need another piece, so I go back. You can check our “Find Help” tab for more information, also. Thanks for coming back to share more with us.

    Erin

  26. Julia Mandel Day Captain

    Thank you for reaching out to us. I currently go to therapy nd have been in and out since I was 11 and always found it to be very helpful. They are there to listen ad help you without judgement. They are purely a support system that helps you cope and someone you can trust. I would definitely recommend it! It can be a bit awkward at first, but don’t feel you need to rush into anything; talk about what you are comfortable with until you are ready to go into more. You are not a burden; you deserve to be helped and listened to. We are always here for you; stay strong <3