I’m loved, as I love

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The other day I had a panic attack and was vomiting all day, of course Crystal was right there, just as I was when she was sick over 20 years ago.

It felt so good to have someone with compassion and knowing how to comfort and love me at all times.

Up to this point every time I’d get sick I felt ashamed, vulnerable as my mother would push my head in the toilet bowl, leave me by myself for hours, or take hours and hours to take me to the hospital, as I thought this was normal behavior, that is until I was truly loved.

Please know that I would never stop loving her, cause not only does she love me, but shows me that everyone should be loved, if nothing else please know to never give up, don’t ever give up.

Join the Conversation


  1. Musical_Alix

    Hey Focus thank you for keeping us updated. I am so happy Crystal is there for you. <3

  2. CarmenR Volunteer

    Hi Focus.1968,

    It’s great to hear from you again. I am so happy that you have found crystal. She seems to love you very much! Keep being positive!


  3. Briann Volunteer

    Focus! We dearly appreciate your updates. Although it sounds like such a difficult and exhausting experience, I am so glad to hear that Crystal was there for you the other day. It is refreshing and amazing to hear about you learning what love and care look like. You deserve and good and true love. Wishing you the best; keep rocking this life thing.

  4. alexcostello Volunteer

    Hi there focus.1968,
    thank you for updating us as always, it was so wonderful to hear from you. I am sorry to hear that the last few days have been quite difficult but am so proud of the way you have handled it and the way you embrace Crystal’s love everyday. You are incredibly brave and courageous and I can’t wait to hear more about the successes of your journey in the future.

  5. Jordan L

    Thanks for the update! I’m so glad you have someone as loving and supportive as she is! You deserve it, you both do. Hope all is well! Take care!
    We are always here for you!


  6. Ash Volunteer

    Hey Focus!
    It’s so good to hear an update from you! I’m glad you have someone who supports you so much. You truly deserve that.


  7. Edjay Volunteer

    Hey focus.1968,

    It sounds like you were going through something stressful that caused a panic attack. It’s great that you have someone like Crystal who is extremely compassionate and caring towards you. Take care.


  8. Natalie M Day Captain

    Hi! Thank you for giving us an update! I enjoy hearing how you and Crystal are doing. I’m glad you have someone who can understand, show empathy, and love you that way. You deserve this.

  9. rkr18 Volunteer


    I am so glad that you have someone that truly loves and is compassionate. You deserve it and yes we should never give up. Please keep us posted we love to hear from you.

  10. Megan Volunteer


    I’m sorry you’re having panic attacks and getting sick, but I’m very glad that you have someone like Crystal to help you get through it! It’s SO important to have a support system through rough times, , and it will definitely help you on your road to getting better. Everyone does deserve to be loved<3

    I hope you can find something to relieve your panic attacks,

  11. Hannah

    Hey there,
    I’m glad Crystal was there to comfort you. Never feel ashamed for being sick. We all have to remember that they are just bad days, not a bad life. You’re right, don’t ever give up.
    Keep us updated!

  12. brittneyhahn


    I am so sorry you have been experiencing panic attacks and getting sick. These make days linger and feel hopeless. I am thankful that Crystal was there to be there and love you, just as you love because as you said, you are loved. Experiencing unconditional love, giving and taking, is pure and a remarkable feeling. Thanks for sharing and may you always feel loved.

    Brittney 🙂

  13. blashea Volunteer

    I am so glad that you have each other! It is so important to have someone to lean on when you need to. It fills my heart with such joy every time I see read one of these updates and see how you two have grown both together and individually. I am so happy for you both. You’re completely right, never give up!

  14. music2799 Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    It’s so great to hear from you again! I’m sorry you were feeling sick, and I hope you feel better soon. I am so happy to hear that Crystal is supporting you and being compassionate. You deserve to be treated with compassion and nothing less. Thank you for updating us.

  15. haleymorecraft Volunteer

    It’s unfortunate you are sick and I hope you start to feel better soon. I’m really happy to hear about you having someone so supportive and loving of you during difficult times. Panic attacks can be scary, and having someone there to comfort and reassure you is a great feeling. Don’t ever feel ashamed of being sick, it’s a normal experience. Here’s to hoping the rest of the week is great for you!


  16. MinZRivers Volunteer

    Hello again William! I’m sorry to hear you got sick, but it warms my heart to hear that you are receiving the love you deserve. You and Crystal are both amazing people and I only wish the best for you guys ?-Kia

  17. shann246


    I am so happy you have a supportive person to be with you in tough times. Panic attacks suck but they are so much more bearable when you have someone there who understands and who is comforting. Thank you for sharing.


  18. Alyssa Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    I’m so happy that she was able to help you. I’m sorry you got sick. Are you feeling better now?
    You should never feel ashamed for being sick because everyone gets like this. It is natural. What your mom did is horrible and should never happen to you.
    It’s good to hear from you. I’m happy to see all the progress your making.

  19. MH Volunteer

    Hello focus.1968,
    I am sorry to hear that you had another panic attack but am glad that you had Crystal there to support you through it. The relationship that the two of you have is beautiful. It always makes me happy to hear your updates and learn that things are still going great. I hope that you and Crystal have an excellent week.

  20. kelly Day Captain

    Hi, focus.1968. I’m sorry to hear you were so sick, but glad to know that you were supported through it. It can be rough at times, but we can get through it. Thanks for keeping us updated.

  21. Jamie Marie Volunteer

    Thank you for the updates, and I’m grateful you & Crystal are doing well.
    Take care of yourself, okay?

  22. Kristen Eby

    Hey there, I’m so glad you’ve come to this realization – that it is okay to feel the way we do, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone deserves compassion in these moments, and I’m so glad you’ve found it 🙂

  23. CarmenR Volunteer

    It’s so great getting updates on you and Crystal. I am so glad you have someone in life that loves you so much! Keep being positive!


  24. himynameisamos

    Being known and loved is such an amazing feeling. I’m glad someone was there for you and you have that support in your life. Hopefully, you get to feeling better soon!!


  25. kendracasperr Volunteer

    Thank you for sharing and I am sorry you are feeling sick. Panic attacks are the worsttt!!! I am so glad crystal is there to take care of you and give you the love you deserve!!! Hoping you are feeling better and just know it is not your fault you feel sick or have an attack!!

  26. Jacqui

    I love hearing this. You shouldn’t be ashamed for getting sit. You deserve the love Crystal has given you.

  27. Bluebell13 Volunteer

    Dear focus.1968,
    I am sorry to hear that you had a rough day, but I am so glad that you had Crystal and that she showed you what it is like to be loved and to be taken care of in a loving way. I hope that you are feeling better now.
    Sending love and well-wishes,

  28. Erin O'Callaghan Day Captain

    I’m glad she was there to help you through your rough patch. Thanks for coming back to share more with us.


  29. Turnschaosintoart Day Captain

    Hi focus.1968,
    Panic attacks suck. I hate them. Its good Crystal was there for you. I am glad you are happy. I hope you aren’t puking any more. That is never any fun. Thanks for the update. Keep hanging in there. Much love